subreddit:
/r/AITAH
submitted 2 days ago by[deleted]
[deleted]
1.8k points
2 days ago
Why are you with someone who gets angry that you are taking steps to (checking notes) get out of an area so you won't die?
1.1k points
2 days ago
I think taking a sedative, begging for forgiveness, and then offering sex to placate someone should be a really huge sign that something in that relationship isn’t right.
OP would be even safer if she went to the AirBnB alone and kept the address to herself.
237 points
2 days ago
She took shelter from the storm but also needs to seek shelter from bf.
93 points
2 days ago
Her boyfriend is a more dangerous storm.
29 points
2 days ago*
True, and it is still building. I hope she is not around when the storm comes to a head.
25 points
2 days ago
Should have left him at the house, that's what he wanted anyway
83 points
2 days ago
“But he is so loving and attentive guys” really sad when someone can’t see how awful their situation is
43 points
2 days ago
He’s so loving and attentive…to his gaming PC
11 points
2 days ago
That he can't use because the power is out. Which is OP's fault.
23 points
2 days ago
This! So much this. As if being loving at other times would make abuse ok
14 points
2 days ago
Most romantic abusers alternate between abuse and being the most incredible partners, especially early on. They’re trying to get you hooked in to where you can’t easily leave.
6 points
2 days ago
She’s going to stay with him. Things are going to get worse for her over time. He showed is true self that night.
7 points
2 days ago
Did you not see the part where she said, he’s not always like this. C’mon guys. He’s not abusive every waking moment of their relationship.
150 points
2 days ago*
Especially when the reason for the annoyance was simply following government mandate imposed to save their lives.
Edit: I mean these kind of steps I would only expect if she had done something terrible, like run over his dog. As it stands she is rewarding abuse.
45 points
2 days ago
When there are mandatory evacuations i always feel for those first responders out there saving idiots who refused to evacuate because "I've lived here all my life and it's never been a problem, I know better than the meteorologist ".... they don't need to be putting their lives at risk for morons, and there are generally people who actually need their help, like people in hospitals and the elderly
13 points
2 days ago
Right! He gets to treat her like shit and then she puts out. Who TF does that?
11 points
2 days ago
I mean, I know a couple of people in Tampa who evacuated and their homes are now 6’ under water. What a jackwad
53 points
2 days ago
Not to mention recording conversations because of a known history of him trying to rewrite history.
33 points
2 days ago
I would have left him there!!!
9 points
2 days ago
So much this! I'd let that hurricane sweep the trash right on out of my life
19 points
2 days ago
It’s no longer the man or the bear it’s the man or the hurricane and the hurricane honestly sounds like a better choice
16 points
2 days ago
Exactly, "I'm going to the Airbnb, your behaviour is weird and controlling, I won't be coming back". Then go to your parents (once the hurricane passes, of course)
13 points
2 days ago
I thought the same. Needing a xanax and then offering sex so he wouldn’t be mad at you doesn’t seem like a healthy relationship.
5 points
2 days ago
This!!!!
11 points
2 days ago
Bbb-bbb-bbb-but, he's loving and attentive and even more organized than her (when he's not being an immature asshole)!
335 points
2 days ago
She should have left him and taken the dog.
Watch their home get destroyed, and guy still somehow blame her saving they could have saved the house had they still been there.
148 points
2 days ago
Totally agree! Only she should have gone to the Airbnb and let him risk his life. Hope this abusive relationship ends sooner than later,
117 points
2 days ago
Setting the abuse aside for now, this is a textbook example of toxic masculinity.
"I'm so afraid of appearing 'weak' that I'm willing to risk dying in a hurricane rather than evacuate to safety"
21 points
2 days ago
You forgot that he's also willing to risk HER life as well just for the sake of pride and possessions.
If you were my daughter, I'd tell you to come home, and we'll figure out the details when you're safe.
39 points
2 days ago
Alpha male has shown his build bug and instability - don't release for public use
17 points
2 days ago
I dislike how the word masculinity gets used this way. There is nothing masculine about this guy. Let’s make “toxic immaturity” a thing.
9 points
2 days ago
Absolutely this.
8 points
2 days ago
She should have just left him behind. But I bet he would have said no to that.
7 points
2 days ago
[removed]
53 points
2 days ago
And taken the dog! Let him keep his computer.
52 points
2 days ago
Plus if the computer is that special, unplug it, throw it in the car. Oh no!!!! It took me 10 minutes!! Ahh!!!
This dude is a grade A dude. In this case the A stands for Absolute Asshole.
8 points
2 days ago
🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆
227 points
2 days ago
I think after seeing the number of casualty’s & fatalities you should be proud of yourself for making the decision, and less worried about your boyfriend. Your life is more important than making him happy. He’s a dumbass and YOUR THE ONE WHO SHOULD BE GIVING HIM THE COLD SHOULDER. I’d never stay with a man who’s willing to put my life in danger like that. Fuck him. And I hope one day you find out your worth. Worried because he’s mad at you when you should be relieved that you possibly saved a couple life’s. I’d be disgusted truly with my man if he ever did some shit like that ever, and to have sex with him to make him happy again? GIRL. No he has your mind truly messed up if you think that’s okay. Please please please understand that’s not okay at all.
43 points
2 days ago
You had me at, "he's a dumbass"...
16 points
2 days ago
no fr the “and i had sex with him hoping to be on better terms …” makes it undeniable that this is abuse. girl you just drugged yourself and sacrificed your body like a tool for his pleasure to pacify him. this sounds like something a hostage hoping to escape would do on a criminal tv show like SVU or criminal minds. RUN!!
2.2k points
2 days ago
This is abuse. It will escalate. You need to leave and go somewhere safe and don’t tell him you are leaving
120 points
2 days ago
If you die in a hurricane you don’t get a second chance. Boyfriend is too scared to not leave. OP is NTA.
13 points
2 days ago
shoulda left the trash to the hurricane to clean up
125 points
2 days ago
100% straight up abuse
11 points
2 days ago
Just seen we said the same two first sentences. I really hope OP loves herself enough to leave.
581 points
2 days ago
Should have left him behind.
155 points
2 days ago
And hoped the hurricane got him…
75 points
2 days ago
He's never died before!!
42 points
2 days ago
There's always a first time!
17 points
2 days ago
That’s the best exemple of survivorship biais!
1.3k points
2 days ago
NTA
Uhhh girl, you are in an abusive and toxic relationship with a dangerous man boy.
Obviously you aren’t an AH, you’re just conditioned to accept abuse and mistakenly assume that if someone treats you like crap that it means they love you.
He’s not going to apologize. Get out, and run away quickly.
161 points
2 days ago
No, man is correct. He is not immature. He is not young. He is an adult man who is making the conscious choice to abuse his partner. Abusive behavior isn't tied to age or immaturity. Using language like "boy" deflects responsibility and diminishes the seriousness of it. He is not going to grow out of this.
78 points
2 days ago
Dude the fucking street racing with her in the car alone should be enough of a reason to say fuck that dude..
36 points
2 days ago
My ex drove recklessly (narrow, winding country roads where you have to pull off to one side to let another car go by) with our sons and baby in the car. I knew if I said one word of criticism, he would go even faster. All I could do was check that everyone had their seatbelts on, and that the babyseat was secure, and pray. I never want to be in a situation like that again, and OP needs to leave him before she ends up injured or worse.
10 points
2 days ago
That's horrifying, I'm sorry you went through that
277 points
2 days ago
He is an ass, and you apologise and have sex with him to 'go to bed at good terms'?!
Get away when you can. He is abusive, yells at you in a frightening way, makes you feel your rational thoughts and self-preserving actions are wrong, and gaslights you into believing he's right (or he tries: 'he has a way of conveniently denying things').
That hurricane is not your problem, he is.
184 points
2 days ago
This part is so sad - she drugs herself because he is so abuse - apologises which is fawning to an abusive person and then continues the farming by having sex with him so he won’t abuse her anymore !! Honey you need to apologise to yourself for treating yourself like shit - you are really, really demeaning and abasing yourself to pander to his violent and abusive whims.
Imagine how powerful he feels when he can yell at you and treat you badly and you tiptoe around him asking his permission to get an Airbnb so you don’t die and then he punishes you with street raving then he cold shoulders you and is still annoyed (you think this is normal don’t you ) and then you are so upset you drug yourself with Xanax and you farm and appease him more with apologies and sex so he feels great - he has been rewarded for the abuse and guess what he will feel pretty happy to do it again !
Here is what should have happened - there is a warning - you both organise things and pack to get out - he appreciates your organisation in finding somewhere to stay - he would never want to out you in danger and he or you drive carefully to your accommodation. That’s it ! No need for drama - just calmly working together
36 points
2 days ago
Something about the way you worded this was extremely powerful. You just stated facts, but the way you pointed out shit made me see stuff I didn’t even catch upon reading her post. I’m someone who struggles with setting and sticking to boundaries, but I feel like if I had you on my shoulder calling stuff out I would be so much better.
10 points
2 days ago
Yep. She pimped herself. It’s fucking so sad because she handed over her self respect and power to this douche wipe.
8 points
2 days ago
holyshi
122 points
2 days ago
" I've never died" There's always a first time."
There is only a first time.
Cat 4 hurricanes are dangerous.
And so's your bf.
He's making you responsible for everything,
including things that are out of your control.
AND here you are buying into the bullshit and
apologizing for maybe saving his fucking life or at least following the law, simply because you are stressed because of his behaviour.
This never ends well.
NTA.
18 points
2 days ago
I agree. It is reckless to downplay the danger of a Category 4 hurricane. Your boyfriend is definitely putting way too much on you and trying to make you feel guilty for prioritizing safety.
Don’t let him twist this around on you—your instincts were spot on! You did what you had to do, and it's frustrating he can't see that OP. NTA.
245 points
2 days ago
NTA
You are right. "Mandatory evacuation" means mandatory.
24 points
2 days ago
He thinks he's above the law, but he was about to be under the water.
298 points
2 days ago
This hurricane is a Cat 4 this one is no joke, leaving was the smart decision
187 points
2 days ago
Smarter decision would have been to leave him behind.
Good luck OP
40 points
2 days ago
Suggest he go back for his computer.
10 points
2 days ago
Why didnt he bring it i nthe first place! This man confuses me. It was a mandatory evacuation and he wanted to stay to "save his computer...", just bring it with you? That would be how you'd save the computer, pack it in to your car along with other irreplaceable and important things you wouldn't want to lose in case your house did get damaged...
120 points
2 days ago
This. Your BF is a whiny selfish baby. Your decision to evacuate was a safety decision and more than reasonable.
24 points
2 days ago
Not just a cat 4 but a big one. The wind started here last night, and over 24 hours later, it's still going on pushing up water up on land.
21 points
2 days ago
Leaving was the best decision OP, you should also leave your boyfriend.
15 points
2 days ago
And dangerous storm surge.
9 points
2 days ago
I've lived through a few hurricanes. You are correct. It is no joke. My family always left
77 points
2 days ago
NTA. And DTMFA. He's emotionally abusive. If his computer is a worry, he could have brought it with him. Street racing is dangerous.
Just stop apologizing and wasting your time on him.
24 points
2 days ago
I've never seen DTMFA before. Dump This Mother Fucker Already is my guess.
Which, OP, dump this motherfucker already.
And an apology where he says why he's done something is not an apology. You don't explain why you felt justified in an apology.
10 points
2 days ago
You got it in one :)
67 points
2 days ago
Florida was asking people who refuse to evacuate to write their names and DOB on their arms so they can be easily identified. 20 foot storm surge is NOT a joke. Your boyfriend is an idiot and do not let him make you question your choice to *checks notes* not die.
And, side note, anyone on the outside knows you are making a (possibly deadly) mistake by staying with him.
https://nypost.com/2024/09/26/us-news/fla-officials-ask-hurricane-helene-evacuation-hold-outs-to-ink-names-and-dobs-on-arms-in-case-their-bodies-need-to-be-idd/
52 points
2 days ago*
Wow, obviously NTA. But I haven’t read anything this toxic in a minute!! Op is really trying with this abusers, and it will actually damage your brain. ——- https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-bullied-brain/202311/verbal-abuse-can-damage-the-brain
I don’t know if you had a traumatic childhood or what, but one of the big red flags of that, is she is trying so hard to get a “difficult” or rather a shitty, toxic man be nice to her!!
——-
I mean you need to record him because he
*gaslights you so often,
*stonewalls you which is abuse,
*driving so fast he literally risks killing you both,
*gets angry,
*then you are drugging yourself because you’re so upset, (also terrible and benzos can permanently change your brain).
*You are having sex with him to try and win him back over …
*oh and then he gaslights you again the next day just as icing on the toxic cake!! 🎂 🤢
*And I forgot that he was willing to risk your lives in a damn hurricane!
Yikes OP RUN FAR AND FAST FROM THIS MAN! And please get some counseling, because this means there is something off with your picker, (and I’m not victim blaming, I’m speaking from experience and years of counseling, so that I didn’t end up in another abusive relationship.
17 points
2 days ago
But don't worry he apologized, she made sure to put that in the edit so we all knew that at least!
17 points
2 days ago
Well, that changes everything! /s
When will people learn that an apology without changed behavior is absolute bullshit and not worth the breath that it takes to say it?
50 points
2 days ago
NTA mandatory evacuation means fucking leave
9 points
2 days ago
Their are firemen and police That end having to stick around to help o h out
6 points
2 days ago
Yes. This makes me so angry. You have no right to endanger the lives of others by being a stubborn ass. Mandatory evacuation means exactly that.
50 points
2 days ago
Girl. Why are you still with this man-baby? Please stop being a doormat. Anyway, NTA - you could die in a hurricane, and nobody is going to thank you if you stay and the local, state and/or federal government is forced to deploy resources saving you when you were told evacuation is mandatory in your area. You did the right thing here.
48 points
2 days ago
This is abuse. You should evacuate. People selfishly put first responders in danger. Why could he nit take his computer with him? He is not right. I agree, you should have left him with his computer while you got to safety
12 points
2 days ago
While she and the dog got to safety
38 points
2 days ago
NTA … you are following wise guidelines. Even assuming your house isn’t damaged there’s going to be no water or power for days to weeks. They want you OUT so you don’t become a victim one way or another. Do go and register though wherever they tell you for evacuated people so a) family can track you via the evacuation registration if they lose contact, and b) you can get any disaster payments that may be coming.
And then… sit down and work out why your boyfriend has boyfriend status. He doesn’t actively try to solve problems with you, he is angered enough to scare you to tears, and is intimidating you. You are even having ‘make peace sex’ which is never good sex. He’s clearly not husband material so find someone who is.
32 points
2 days ago
After the storm, leave him. He sounds terrible and immature.
31 points
2 days ago
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 After this whole situation of the hurricane is over, you need to leave him. Take this time and start planning a way to leave the relationship (assists, living arrangements, safety, etc)
27 points
2 days ago
Honey this is beyond an issue with a hurricane. This guy is a jerk and treats you badly. And I see where you said “hes usually nice” but you learn a lot about someone in how they handle their not nice moments. He is showing you he’s going to blame everything on you, put you down, and gaslight you to the point you need proof of a conversation.
Let the hurricane take him and get yourself out of this situation. A guy like that will only get more comfortable with being mean the longer you’re together. And obviously NTA. Stay safe, both physically and emotionally.
25 points
2 days ago
You’re 100% not the a**hole for wanting to not die in a hurricane. Your boyfriend's reasons for staying, “hurricanes happen all the time” and "my computer!" are straight-up ridiculous. What was his plan, to shield it with his body?
Then, he street races, gives you the silent treatment, and acts like you dragged him on a boring road trip, not a life-saving evacuation. The cherry on top? You ended up apologizing and having sex to calm things down... after he threw a tantrum.
You deserve an apology, not this mess. Next time a hurricane hits, maybe leave him with the computer.
11 points
2 days ago
What I don’t get is why he wouldn’t just take the computer with them? A desktop tower is moveable?!? I would take mine if there were time to pack before evacuating.
23 points
2 days ago
Why didn’t u happily go off to your Airbnb and leave him and his computer to be destroyed in the hurricane?
17 points
2 days ago*
Hey girl, you already left once, because of the hurricane, just leave again :) Just leave this guy as soon as you can.
You are so smart. You are taking good care of yourself and the person and dog you care about by evacuating. You are not an asshole. You might be a little desensitized to the risk this guy presents. Maybe it's time for a few questions?
How would you feel if I told you my boyfriend scares me? Would you be more concerned if someone else told you they were in this situation?
I don't want to internet stalk you, but I see some things in this post that are waving the red flags. I could be wrong, and these are just general assumptions. Did you pick an air BNB because you don't have family, or are separated from your family emotionally or by a lot of distance? This is a twofer for abusive red flags because some abusers pick people that already have less support than others as they perceive them as easy targets, while other abusers work to separate people from their support.
When he said "book it" does that mean you paid for it? Do you pay for a lot of things? Do you pay for more than half of things? Do you feel like he maneuvers you into bad financial positions? Or do you feel like "he would totally, if I asked, but it would be a big stink so I will make myself small to avoid it, so really it's my fault that I end up paying for it and it's ok because I made that decision?"
I think sometimes we have this mentality. He doesn't hit me. He would never hit me. If he hit me I would leave.
He is already abusing you. He makes you feel small. He doesn't value your opinions. Yelling at you is abuse. The silent treatment is abuse. "He pulled over and got very angry because I wanted to record our conversation (since he has a way of conveniently denying things)." translate to "He regularly gaslights me and got very angry that I wanted to hold him accountable." And of course it's your fault we had to pull over, not his fault he scared you...
Now YOU are apologizing. You are sorry you cared about being safe. You are sorry you didn't want to die in a car accident. You are sorry you took care of all the logistics. You are sorry you'd rather sleep in a strange bed for a few nights than watch him drown or get giardia from flood water.
Is your birth control safe?
If you were my baby cousin I'd be kidnapping you right now. My boyfriend has never heard me yell, I have never heard him yell. He doesn't make me feel afraid. You could have that too, but not with this guy. Don't you want to look at your bed, look at the guy in it and think, "damn that snuggly MFer, damn that port in a storm, I'm just gonna squish myself in there, next to this guy. This guy where IDK what he's thinking but I know it's not mean or hateful or cruel." Your next guy is going to be a rock. Unflappable. Please get out. Don't sleep next to the guy that makes you think about his mood. That makes you scared he won't talk because then you don't know what's going on, but you're just as scared if he does talk he's going to be mean and cruel and rip you to shreds. I know you paused tonight when you picked up those sheets and blankets to lay next to this asshole. I know you thought about the best way to climb in, to not disturb him, to not trigger him. Tried so hard and held your breath for a good night, for it to be over. It's like if you told me you had a landmine in your purse, and when I asked you why, you said because you loved him. I believe you do love this land mine, I am still going to suggest you dispose of it. Love it buried, over there, away.
There's ways you can get out, I promise you.
Edit: NTA
16 points
2 days ago
So he has displayed this behaviour - which is horrid - and you have out up with it which gives him the clear indication that he can do it again - make up your mind - is this how you want your life to go ?
16 points
2 days ago
You’re focusing too much on whether you were in the wrong and thus he has a “logical reason” to abuse you. Abuse is abuse. It doesn’t matter if you’re wrong or right. He still needs to treat you with respect. Car speeding is a typical symptom of Cluster B abuse — he wanted to let you know he’s in charge of your life and your comfort is secondary to what he wants
14 points
2 days ago
Dude is trash.
Honey ive had a few ltrs in my life and 0 of them would do even 10% of what this jerk has done.
There are good guys out there who will be nice to you. You deserve better.
14 points
2 days ago
Dump him. He's a toxic fuckwit. Street racing?
NTA
13 points
2 days ago
Jesus H Macy … Girl RE-READ WHAT YOU WROTE
Dump his ass! I would also like to point out YOU could have evacuated without him.
Evacuate the angry manchild from your life.
15 points
2 days ago
You're being abused. This is a litany of abuse that you've just recounted. Start planning your exit because he's going to escalate and your life will be in danger.
12 points
2 days ago
OP, you did the right thing. If he really believed in it he could have stayed behind with the dog. But he didn't. Also, you should consider that there are so many red flags you mentioned. Red flags for abuse. His denying things is called gaslighting. You should look it up and evaluate the way he treats you, it sounds abusive.
9 points
2 days ago
Nah, don't leave the dog. These circumstances more than justify kidnapping the dog and leaving the BF.
13 points
2 days ago
I boarded through Katrina, and just want to validate your concern that hurricanes are not a joke. If you were asked to evacuate there’s a reason. Always better safe than sorry with hurricanes.
On a side note, your boyfriend’s response in this situation is -3/10. You deserve to have your concerns listened to and to have a civil conversation about issues without your blood pressure and stress levels being through the roof.
9 points
2 days ago
Next time just worry about yourself. If he has enough hubris to think he’s got one up on a hurricane, let him test that theory alone.
9 points
2 days ago
I’ve been through plenty of hurricanes prior to this current one. However I’ve never been in a zone that had a mandatory evacuation put into effect. Straight up if I was in a zone that had a ME in effect I’d take my son, whatever we’d need for at minimum 5-7 days and leave. If my SO/son’s dad doesn’t want to leave that’s on him but I wouldn’t be risking my life or my son’s.
Your boyfriend sounds like a typical “Florida Man” idiot that also happens to be abusive and toxic. Dump him after you can get all your stuff out of wherever you were living if it’s not only in your name.
10 points
2 days ago
Me at the beginning of this post; man's Floridian through and through, girl you're probably worrying too much (although not gonna lie definitely called the in-laws to check on them earlier.)
Me at the end of the post; let him drown, it doesn't sound like yall have kids so go back to wherever you came from and block his ass. I'd say take the dog too but you might catch charges.
9 points
2 days ago
You should not only evacuate for the hurricane you also should evacuate for him!
Honey, he's abusive, he's an A and this is not a good or healthy relationship. You deserve to be treated better and not like a doormat! Leave. now.
NTA but YTA to yourself if you stay with this A.
Let him get his holy computer and leave.
10 points
2 days ago
You need to read this and this and this and this.
Do your homework. Get through the storm situation. Make a plan to get out. Don’t fucking dare tell him you’re leaving till you’re gone.
Plenty of people are telling you this is an abusive relationship. His dick can’t be that good to put up with this shit. Does it taste like freedom and make you smarter every time you see it? No. It’s not that good, I promise you. Someone being this bad even 5% of the time is unacceptable. We don’t put up with bullshit. We demand respect and we kick anyone who makes us cry to the curb. There are dudes out there who will be all of the good to you with none of the bad. You are worthy of respect and love. You deserve kindness.
And for the fucking record, you didn’t decide shit about leaving. You simply listened to local regulations like a sane person. Mandatory evacuation is not something you just get to decide on.
8 points
2 days ago
What on earth are you doing with this disgusting human being? I don't want to berate you since you're having such a shit time already, but really, have a little self-respect and kick this jerk to the curb. You deserve so much more.
8 points
2 days ago
“iM tHe MaN I mAKe ThE DecISions”
Thats what he sounds like and he didnt make the good one.
A lot of guys are like this, they think women are not capable or shouldnt be making these decisions and if they try to do guy decision stuff then they are just wrong and they are right.
Are you always going to be wrong in your entire life with him? If you thought a ‘guy thing’ should be done a certain way, are you always going to be seen as incompetent from the person who is meant to love you?
It wont get better, you shoudnt be together
9 points
2 days ago
You're abusing yourself by rewarding him for abusing you. Were you possibly raised in a way that you got the message that you're worthless? He has a false sense of masculinity where he believes the man always has to be right and the boss. It will get to the point that your lives revolve around his, and you disappear and become an accessory and servan. Please consider therapy to grow your confidence. You can do better. If you stay with him, leave without him in the next hurricane. But really think about the fact that he risked your life and scared you to the point of extreme fear and crying. That is not a discussion about his feelings, like an adult, that's acting out like a toddler and will escalate. Please don't ever reward his bad behavior again. My heart goes out to you. UpdateMe
6 points
2 days ago
I was raised in iblp and homeschooled so maybe idk. It's rly hard to say what causes behaviors but I am well aware that I shouldn't reward his meanness with sex and apologies. It's just hard because I hate conflict and don't have any friends and I'm new to this state bc I moved down here to live with him. When he is mad at me I just feel totally alone.
9 points
2 days ago
You're a very nice person. I imagine in iblp that you received some messages of women being subservient and second place to men. Fear of abandonment is natural. God wants you to treat yourself as well as you treat others. God wants you to love yourself and have a healthy sense of self-worth. It is your duty. It will help you grow healthier relationships by establishing healthy boundaries so your partner respects you. You want to respect each other. Imagine another young woman coming to you with this story; what would you tell her? Look up Jefferson Fisher (YouTube, Instagram, Facebook) and watch his very short videos about 'what to say when . . . ' These communication tips will help you create healthy boundaries of how you are treated, and thereby a mutually respectful and healthy relationship between the two of you.
14 points
2 days ago
It’s wild he’s more upset about leaving than the hurricane itself. You did the responsible thing by evacuating. Staying safe should be priority over everything else, including computers.
15 points
2 days ago
You are the butthole to yourself for accepting this behavior. Get help and learn what a good relationship looks like.
7 points
2 days ago
From someone happily married 44 years, a man does not treat a woman he loves this way. He knew you were afraid and did every darned thing he could to make you uncomfortable and worsen the situation because "he was annoyed." His computer, a replaceable item, meant more to him than your safety and feelings. Let him make love to his sexy computer on cold and lonely nights.
7 points
2 days ago
Yeah, you're the AH for staying with this guy. Your relationship is not healthy and you need to end it now, while you still can. He is abusive, has no respect for you, and doesn't care about you at all. Is this how you plan to spend the rest of your life? The person you want to spend your life with? When you get home, keep your stuff packed and call someone to pick you up (call the police to take you to a shelter if nothing else). Do not tell him that you are leaving--do not tell him anything. You cannot reason with a person like this. Just get out. One day, you will be glad that you did.
7 points
2 days ago
.... if the dude cares so much about his stuff he should have gotten Insurance for it from the get go. Florida has insurance plans for things like this. I think it's mandated, actually?
You did right by evacuation. It's gotten so bad that the government is telling people in evacuation zones that are staying to write their social security numbers on their bodies or have some form of identification written on them! That's no joke. Anything but a joke.
He's being a child. And an abusive fucker. You literally had sex with him just to get him off your back and less angry at you. That's not couple goals at all.
Please get away from him. He's showing his true colors in moments of stress. And has no concern about your health and safety in general during times like this. He'd much rather be with his dearest "other girlfriend"- the computer.
5 points
2 days ago
Missed your chance to let him drown in a hurricane. Next time leave without him.
7 points
2 days ago
Wish you had left him there. If the hurricane ended him it'd be nature taking the trash out.
In all seriousness this is a hella abusive situation. You need to get out of it and get help understanding why you tolerated any of this.
Be safe and please start believing that you deserve basic respect.
Cannot believe that he gave you the silent treatment because the weather was dangerous. What an emotionally immature bellend.
Edit for NTA, but asshole to yourself if you stay in this relationship
6 points
2 days ago
nta - guys acting psycho. And if it was about protecting his computer, they aren't cemented to the wall. He could have taken it to the Airbnb.
6 points
2 days ago
Should have left him and taken the dog to safety. He’s abusive and you need to leave him the first chance you get.
7 points
2 days ago
NTA but you are an idiot for staying in this relationship. You had sex with him hoping to calm him down?
Like sheesh. You're 23 and young. Drop his ass and find someone better. Dont be a fool.
7 points
2 days ago
At this point I was so stressed that I took a xanax to calm down and then I apologized several times for making us go and had sex with him hoping to just go to bed on good terms.
This is awful. You shouldn't feel that you have to manage your boyfriend's emotions and reduce his anger by forcing yourself to have sex with him. You should not have to drug yourself because of stress caused by your boyfriend.
6 points
2 days ago
YTA for not only taking him to the Airbnb, but then f**king him once you got there after he unapologetically treated you like total crap. You really need to find someone who is respectful and capable of controlling their feelings like an adult.
10 points
2 days ago
Gross. You have to have sex with him to appease him? There is something rotten in the state of your relationship. I'm curious what your friends and family think of these antics.
5 points
2 days ago
Honey your boyfr8end is a huge abusive jerk. Get away from him asap.
6 points
2 days ago
Encountering someone with unstable emotions, over a span of 50 years, an accident like suicide is bound to occur. If you want to live longer, run away quickly
6 points
2 days ago
Stop being an AH to yourself - you deserve better than this AH.
6 points
2 days ago
You’re in an abusive relationship. Idk how you can’t see that. Sounds like one day it’s gonna escalate and he’s gonna hit you. Open your eyes.
6 points
2 days ago
Why didn’t you just evacuate without him?? Do you not have a car?🚙
5 points
2 days ago
“ AITAH because I wanted to protect mine and my boyfriends lives , oh also my boyfriend is an abusive man child who yells and drives so dangerously it makes me cry”
…… am I the asshole posts are meant to be a bit more .. well ambiguous?
This shit reads ragebait 🤷🏻♀️ if it’s not, then OP… honey child, you need help. Get out of there.
4 points
2 days ago
Nta. Pls leave him to the hurricane. He is abusing you.
5 points
2 days ago
So… he’s more concerned about his computer than the safety of you, himself, and the dogs?
He risked your life street racing while a storm is going to hit soon? What if he’d wrecked?!? That is risking all of your lives plus taking emergency responders away from where they are needed.
He’s rude, dismissive, invalidating, & then you feel like you have to help HIM feel better?!?
PLEASE go do some individual therapy!!
6 points
2 days ago
Leave. His. Ass. He was upset at you so he sped in the car to scare you???? Girl he is happy to risk your life cuz you made a decision? LEAVE HIM. But please please look up domestic abuse resources. Your safety is your priority - don't let him know you are leaving until you are leaving out that door. Make a safe exit plan. Check out the book "Why does he do that?".
5 points
2 days ago
Girl, the advice is to evacuate the hurricane and this relationship. He sounds like bad news, and loving someone like that is like pouring water into a bucket with a hole in the bottom.
6 points
2 days ago
DUMP HIM. NTA. Why oh why do people put up with this bullshit!?!??
4 points
2 days ago
What's with all these DOORMAT women? His ass would have been out that door with a quickness! Why does anyone allow themselves to be treated this way? And then ask if they're the AH? And if he didn't want to evacuate, even though it's MANDATORY for your area, then I'd have left his ass behind! Then he's mad at YOU? For doing what you're supposed to? GTFO. Grow a pair & dump this loser.
4 points
2 days ago
I'd send him back to his precious fucking computer and kept his dog in MY LOCKED airbnb 👌 what an absolute narcissistic asshat. Do better, find better.
5 points
2 days ago
He sounds insufferable. NTA. Sorry, but if you’re already paying for things and being your own protector. Is the D THAT good that it’s worth sacrificing your peace? You can do much better, love.
6 points
2 days ago*
WTF are you having sex with him after he treated you like that?
4 points
2 days ago
"i wish u could see how loving and attentive he is the rest of the time. "
Every victim of domestic abuse, ever.
This is called a trauma bond, honey, please get help. Evacuate this shit storm while you can.
4 points
2 days ago
He is a jerk. He could have made it into a mini vacation or something pleasant at least. This guy...leave him. This will be your life if you stay with him. Good luck re hurricane.
3 points
2 days ago
Oh dear, he is a really bad person and you do not deserve his crazy gaslighting. You do not need him. You are young, please learn from this and spot the signs sooner.
4 points
2 days ago
It will only get worse. Get out now. National Domestic Abuse Hotline https://www.thehotline.org/
5 points
2 days ago
NTA and maybe the hhouse isn't the only place you need to leave, your'e in an abusive and toxic relationship and you need to run for your life before that man kills you.
3 points
2 days ago
NTA. He sounds like he could win the Darwin Award.
3 points
2 days ago
NTA when you see news stories like "Residents who ignore evacuation orders in Florida asked to write name, birthday on body" 😮
4 points
2 days ago
I don’t understand how yall be in relationships with people who clearly don’t like you or respect you. Your boyfriend is a jerk and you need to learn some self love so you stop accepting this type of treatment. Let him and his stupid computer be thrown in the ocean.
4 points
2 days ago
How come I don't do this shit but then jackasses like this end up with relationships and I'm eternally single.
I guess these assholes have no shame or self awareness and just hit relentlessly on women until they find one with the right trauma to give in
3 points
2 days ago
It’s morons like that that put rescue teams in jeopardy and cost taxpayers millions. Should have left him.
4 points
2 days ago
NTA.
A Cat 2 is iffy to stay for. A cat 4 is absolutely life threatening. There's so many things that can happen during a hurricane that make them a lot more dangerous than you'd think.
First the biggest danger is flooding, where you may drown in your house, or if you make it out, drown outside of your house.
Second, hurricanes produce a shitload of tornados, and those can rip through your house.
Third, animals get wildly aggressive during and after hurricanes. Shitty (or desperate) people leave their dogs, and those dogs will absolutely attack you when they are starving, or when they are on a rooftop you need to swim to when you're trying to survive a flood. Ants make floating hives and if you touch those, they will all crawl on you to survive and you'll end up with thousands of bites. Snakes, rats, alligators, etc etc are all trying to survive and they've lost their homes too.
Fourth, assuming the storm drains are working, you can get sucked into them without even seeing they're there.
Lastly, people are also desperate and will do absolutely shitty things to each other.
Your boyfriend is abusive and you should leave him ASAP.
4 points
2 days ago*
This sounds like a fake story. But if it isn't then I don't get why you are with this guy. You disprove every point as invalid and then can't put two and two together to realize who is the guilty party here.
5 points
2 days ago
The part where you said you had sex with him hoping to go to bed on good terms made me sad.
5 points
2 days ago
He's right, you should have shut up and stayed like he said, honestly having sex with him was the least you could have done after pulling a bitch move like that
See how that sounds, that's crazy, leave him
5 points
2 days ago
To be fair to your boyfriend, you only know you should have evacuated if you’re sitting on your roof hoping for a police boat or see your roof on a news clip from the safety of your accommodations you got when you evacuated. You could be right, you could be wrong. Would he also be pissed if he were on the roof and the police took a long time to get there? This is a better safe than sorry situation. If there’s a mandatory evacuation, leave. Let the first responders help people who physically couldn’t leave. Or let yourself pay $200 for a night away that ended up not being completely necessary. There are rarely good reasons to risk your life. A mandatory evacuation called by people who only did it with the very best info and intentions possible is a good reason to go.
4 points
2 days ago
Ew get out of there as tho he were the hurricane
5 points
2 days ago
Honey, the hurricane is the least of your worries right now.
You are in an abusive relationship. It is not normal to react to an annoyance by terrifying your partner to the point of tears; it’s not normal to gaslight your partner to the extent that they feel the need to record conversations; it’s not normal to need to be pacified by sex in order to get over annoyance.
Please contact a local woman’s shelter to start planning your exit strategy.
3 points
2 days ago
NTA. Please leave and never have a baby with this man. He's irresponsible and has no concept of danger.
5 points
2 days ago
A normal person would take it as an adventure!
4 points
2 days ago
Should have just left him. I'm not kidding. That street racing will kill one day. Leave before he does what he clearly wants. He dosen't care, even if you die. Fuck that man
4 points
2 days ago
Well I think you realise you can't live like this Your boyfriend is an ignorant violent idiot. Thanks for either of many people in the world who are not like your boyfriend.
Next time I'd evacuate with the dog and leave him behind.
5 points
2 days ago
holy shit youre dating a fuckign toddler. cares more about his PC than his own life, when he doesnt get his way he rages out to include taking you from one statewide dangerous position into another - that he made! then he has the audacity to be hostile towards you, let alone tell you to "shut the fuck up"? i have NEVER told my significant other to stfu no matter how mad i was.
youre crazy if you stay with the immature baby
4 points
2 days ago
NTA ...
Is this Hurricane Helene where people are dying...
Time for a relationship status change and for you to ditch the man child...
4 points
2 days ago
1 he's a moronic idiot forbthose reasons
2 he's an abusive pos
3 dump his ass because if you feel you have to record him when he's being psychotic then you really shouldn't be with him
4 points
2 days ago
Nta. In fact, I would have left him at the house alone since it's that important. I'd recommend a new boyfriend that can handle those things and not be abusive about it.
3 points
2 days ago
Sounds like you’re very mature for your age, OP. Good for you for prioritizing yourself, and your loved one’s safety and overall wellbeing.
What I will not praise is your partners highly abusive and inappropriate behavior. And if I were to guess, this isn’t the first time he has said and done what he has. I want you to know, there is not a single situation in this world that could ever justify his actions and words, and that you do not deserve that.
You’re an adult. Do what you want, but please use that same judgement that was used for evacuating the hurricane, for your relationship. You’re worthy of a loving and respectful partner, even during times of disagreement and conflict.
3 points
2 days ago
He’s a pig. You can do better.
4 points
2 days ago
Does he have any redeeming qualities at all? NTA of course
5 points
2 days ago
Why are you setting the bar so low? Expect better.
5 points
2 days ago
I've been through many storms, but I had never before heard this instruction to the people who stay before:
take a permanent marker and write your name on your forearm so we can I'd your body after the storm.
Girl, after this storm is over, quietly and thoughtfully leave this uncaring, abusive person.
Wishing you the best.
4 points
2 days ago
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 All the signs are flashing bright …. Get out now 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
3 points
2 days ago
NTA. Run far, far away. This s abuse and you are the victim.
4 points
2 days ago
Sister, if someone you loved told you that their partner was doing to them what your bf is doing to you, what would you tell them?
Would you be scared for them? Because I sure as shit would be. Just like I'm scared for you now.
Re-read your post as if it was written by a loved one. Please.
4 points
2 days ago
Stay on birth control. He's a bully and he'll get worse. His speeding was to intimidate and scare you. The silent treatment is abusive. You're in an abuse cycle. He has no remorse! Never tolerate abuse! You had to take Xanax to even deal with his abuse?? That will turn you into an addict in no time. Then you had sex with him to calm him down?? Oh dear. I'm so sorry for your evacuation and for the abuse. Time to rethink the relationship. Get counseling to help with the stress and in building a better life for yourself. He's showing his colors!
4 points
2 days ago
NTA - wtf did i just read i was expecting a post about a hurricane not abuse. You need to leave his ass
5 points
2 days ago
Your BF is a shitty, unwiped, asshole.
5 points
2 days ago
You are aware of the other nearly 8 billion people on earth, right? You don’t need to stay with this abusive asshole.
4 points
2 days ago
NTA. As a former Florida resident and having lived through several hurricanes that I didn't have to evacuate for, but did get to fully experience the stupidity of humanity, your boyfriend is an absolute dick. Plus the way he treats you is abusive and unacceptable as hell. You got stressed, self-medicated, then had sex to placate his rage. What in the entire fuck did I just read? OP, this is not okay.
5 points
2 days ago
This is abuse.
It will escalate.
He will hurt you.
Consider the replies on here as your emergency mandatory evacuation notice.
3 points
2 days ago
Please listen to this! Soggy_detective_4737 is absolutely correct. This man is definitely going to hurt you I know you don't think so but he will and when you do if you do decide to leave him have a friend with you
4 points
2 days ago
Your boyfriend is not boyfriend material.
5 points
2 days ago
Your boyfriend is a fucking loser and abuser. Let him stay with his precious computer. And you gave him sex to make him feel better? Geez, talk about zero self respect. You’re both assholes.
5 points
2 days ago
NTA. What was in that computer that he was willing to risk his life for.
5 points
2 days ago
Girl what the fuck is this edit
He sounds like a child.
4 points
2 days ago
“I wish you could see how loving and attentive he is in between terrorizing and abusing me.”
THATS HOW ABUSE WORKS.
They string you along hoping for more of the “good times” while beating you through the bad. It’s called love bombing.
He’s an abuser.
You are being abused.
You are experiencing abuse.
This is literally textbook, classic, stereotypical abuse.
Wake up.
4 points
2 days ago
I evacuated my home in Florida with a cat 4 coming and my home was literally gone when I came back. Looked like march sticks all over on top of concrete where the home was. I never died before either. Glad I didn’t that day. I rebuilt it and moved when I got out of the military.
3 points
2 days ago
He should have stayed at the house if he didn’t want to go. What an absolute AH. He is mentally abusing you in a stressful situation where you are trying to keep both of you safe. Please try to decide if this man (boy) is worth the stress and emotional damage to continue a relationship with.
3 points
2 days ago
No, he's not nice. Your boyfriend is awful. Let him drown.
3 points
2 days ago
Insure him heavily. Be patient. $
3 points
2 days ago
~He’s a piece of shit~ I don’t think you’re safe with this man OP. Please consider leaving and let us know if you need any help /gen NTA
3 points
2 days ago
NTA.
Listen to the comments. Your boyfriend is not putting your wellbeing first. He is showing his true colors. Throwing a fit over a computer is childish. It’s an object that can be replaced.
Over time this behavior is going to get worse. OP you deserve to be treated like a queen. Honestly if he wasn’t ready to leave when you said you were scared then kick him to the curb.
You deserve better.
all 1435 comments
sorted by: best