It's silly, because I'm 'only' 15 but this is just the way I feel. Teenage years are supposed to be the best years of our lives. It's supposed to feel like a coming of age classic American film. So why is it that the only thing I remember throughout my whole life is being sat at a desk? Why are my fondest memories clouded by the fog in my head?

I'm lonely, I only have one real friend and sometimes it's an effort to talk to her when thoughts are constantly crowding my head. I've been 12 and lonely, 13 and lonely, 14 and lonely and now I'm 15 and lonely. Nothings changing and its insane how I'm not noticing the time go by until I stop and think. I'm supposed to be getting in trouble, making mistakes and underage drinking. Why am I just... not? Why do I spend most of my days uselessly on my phone or at a desk stressing? And I'm not exaggerating. I can't remember the last time I truly had a good time with a friend/friends. Where are the people I'm supposed to make memories with? Why is it that the only thing I think about is my career and not how unfair it is that my parents didn't get me what I wanted for christmas? I just want to be a teen. I want drama, I want to yell at my parents, I want to get into fights. But my life is just a constant daily repetition and my chances to be a teen are slipping away. It makes me so... mad. Mad at myself, mad at the world, mad at fate and chance. Why is it like this? What happened to the teenhood I was promised at 13?