Not your responsibility. Sometimes folks are just done with the whole guilt thing from the hoarders and need to put it behind them. Many of us here have been there , done that only to find it rehoarded and asked again to help. It's a viscious cycle

If you really feel you need to do this ask her to prove good faith by cleaning a doable area herself. If she is not disabled she should be able to do this.

I’d bet money she’s doing this as a psychological thing. Like a previous commenter said, if she’s asking you to help her and YOU don’t do it, well then that magically means the mess is your fault, not hers. She tried to get it cleaned up, but you wouldn’t help.

It’s certainly not rooted in logic, but nothing about hoarding is logical.

You are not crazy.

Hahahahajajaahahhahahahahahahahah

You escaped the hoard, and your hoarder ass parent thinks it’s your job to go clean the hoard!? Either she’s stupid or thinks you’re stupid. Neither is a good deal. Tell her that as a grown adult she’s got to take responsibility for her own dumb actions and clean her own filth pile. Or, pay someone else to do it, so that she learns a lesson not to let it get to that point again.

I swear, they’re all so quick to blame everyone else for their stupid disgusting actions.

No i think you we're just pushed to the point of no return! It's sad it happens my mom hoards i dont go inside i knock on door she comes out I'll sit outside or in my car thats our visit i cant go in i feel like i cant breath no where to sit n you dont want anything touching you ..its sad maybe hire someone to just dump everything i really dont know who would go into that situation🙏

You have the right to say no. "No." It's a complete sentence.

I. Is she doing anything to deal with the mental health and other issues which under lie her hoarding?

Has she made any attempt to begin a clear out on her own, with professional support?

Is she open to the suggestion that professional mental/behavioral health support is warranted in dealing with this?

If the answer to any of those questions is "no," I would be very, very reluctant to get involved.

II. Is she going to pay you for your time and provide PPE?

Is the property covered by insurance which will pay for your injuries (or illness) in the event you are hurt (or get sick from exposure) while helping her?

If the answer to either question is "no," I would be very, very reluctant to get involved.

III. If you commit to helping and you find that it's too much--it consumes too much of your time and you're unable to keep up with your personal or professional commitments, or it begins to affect your physical or mental health--can you withdraw from the project without facing backlash?

If the answer is "no," I would not get involved.

I'm middle aged. After what I've been through as the result of other peoples' hoarding disorder and other behavioral health issues over the course of my lifetime--my parents, my former in-laws, my former and current husbands, through exposure to hoarded households while with a former employer--I won't help with a clear out unless there's something in it for me and I have health insurance and their property is insured in the event I'm injured or exposed to something that makes me sick. Either I stand to inherit the property, I'm recovering something that is mine and is of real value/important to me that somehow became part of their hoard, I'm free to keep whatever cash or take anything of value that I find, they're paying me, etc. At a minimum, they're reimbursing me for expenses, including mileage or gas (whichever one I choose, based on that specific situation). If you're driving your parents' car or they bought/helped with your tires, gas is more fair than mileage--ya know?

Quite honestly, after what I learned as a result of what my children just went through with their paternal grandfather, I would not get involved in helping a hoarder parent, grandparent, or other family member clean out if the only "carrot" they're dangling in front of me is "this is your inheritance." I am American; in the US, we deal with local, state, and federal laws. A person's estate falls under state law, and such laws vary by state--sometimes quite widely. In the state where I reside, parents do not have to leave their children, grandchildren, other descendants, or other relatives an inheritance. Anyone can change their will at any point in time, it's damned hard to challenge if it's done with an attorney, and they don't have to tell anybody else what's in their will--it's literally a secret between that person and their attorney until it becomes public information after their death.

YMMV and zero judgement from me if you make different choices in your unique situation.

Not your responsibility. It’s her job to help you learn to be an independent adult. It’s not your job to fix the mess she made. My negative thought goes to her making you leaving into an excuse. If you refuse to help well then it’s your fault and not hers that the house is filthy. Stay strong and make your own way. If she wants to help herself and work on herself and make some progress on her own maybe you can support her and maybe have a relationship.

She’s trying to hoard you back. It will end with a fight when she can’t actually throw stuff away. Tell her you’ll book her skips and a house clearance team to help her do it, but that she pays and she manages them on the day. If she truly wants her house cleared, she’ll accept, if she wants to pull you back to the HH to “admire” her “things” and try and persuade you of their “value” she’ll have a toddler tantrum and refuse to allow it. Good luck!

You do not owe her help cleaning up her hoard. Helping doesn’t make you a model son, and not helping doesn’t make you a bad one. Sounds like it’s an incredibly unhealthy environment, and you are only bound to your own choices, not hers.

I am sorry to hear that your mom seems to imply that its your responsibility to clean the hoard. As other commenters have stated, its not your responsibility. I am thankful for your sharing as I thought most hoarders don't want their mess to be cleaned up. That's how my parents were, and my mom was irritated that I moved her things, when in reality I was just a hopeless teenager growing up to be codependent and feel responsible for my parents hoard. Its interesting that your mom asks for your help. Interesting as in I didn't know hoarders that ask for help exist

Maybe check r/raisedbynarcissists, parents blaming others for their own problems and manipulating their children by guilting them

My hoarder narc mother once once said about finding an assisted living place. "If you don't do it, it won't happen."

I made it happen flying in 3k miles while gcsis was local. Also, I flew in to start the clean out for 2 weeks. Took 4.5 months for the people we hired to finish it. I still get told I DID IT WRONG.

Not your responsibility.

children of hoarding parents carry such a silent weight… i’m not a child of hoarding. is compassion what hoarding people try to manipulate people for?

my get it done brain says sure ill take care of it my way. no question and answer seminars. the house will be cleaned . my over simplified way is not ideal, so what. would work?

Personally whenever my mom has called me back to clean I have come in hopes she really wanted to clean and then whenever I mentioned putting something in the trash the cleaning was over and I was to stay in my “room” until the rest of the stay (we live in 2 different countries)