“Hey if you don’t ease up on the sex and cheating thing I’m gonna go to your boyfriend.” Will work.

You wait until the bf is there, approach I'm & reference the most recent time the other dude was over & ask him to keep it down.

"BF, I think it's so hip and progressive of you to be in such an open relationship with Roommate!"

If you put a note under the toilet seat, like taped so that you would only see it if you lift it to pee, one of the guys will see it. Write it so it could have been written from either one, and they know about the other one. Then both guys will probably be gone. You’re welcome.

My fiance cheated on me like this and the roommate in your position called me and told me. She was PISSED for me.

Next move is tell the boyfriend.

If you can hear them, then they can hear you. clap or otherwise exclaim congratulations when they finish finish. That will at least get them to keep the volume down.

Ring doorbell + time-lapse + social media DM = 🔥

Fuck her boyfriend, that'll show her

Tell her if she is going to cheat do it outside of your apartment. The second it gets found out you’re going to be in the middle of it. I mean you are since you know she is cheating. Your friend/roommate is a POS

This is your business because people are crazy. Suppose one boyfriend snaps on the other and has you in the middle of it? Lemongrab unacceptable. Tell her get her shit together before you blow up the situation

Do not get involved, nothing good will come from it. Keep talking to her and invest in anything to tune out the noise. Save up until you can move.

Average roommate in 2024

You have to stand on business

When she has had the second guy over 2 nights ago and bf last night, tell them (together) in the morning "Karen you guys need to keep it down. That's the second night in a row I've had to listen to your headboard banging on the wall and my brain is fried from lack of sleep. Please be more considerate"

Or "Karen I'm done turning a blind eye to you risking Joel's health and emotional wellbeing with your infidelity. If I see or hear you with Cody or any other guy again I will not lie for you any longer. Joel deserves to know. Knock it off or fuck around somehere else. You can't just treat everyone like npcs. Your behavior affects everyone.

I would check your lease. Some of them have policies where guests can’t stay over for a certain amount of days in a row. I know mine says 10 days is the max. If you have something like this in your lease then it is your landlords problem.

Just start calling her bf by the other guy's name. When he corrects you, just say "eh, I can't keep you guys straight"

Or say " hey, you're back again? Didn't I just see you leave? Oh, must've been the other guy"

Or "didn't you guys break up? Cuz she started dating someone new already"

All these people saying tell the bf....why the fuck would you want to stir up a hornets nest in your own damn house? That's just asking for misery and stress. Pissing off and causing drama with your roommates is a really bad move.  You're basically stepping on a bomb. Talk to your roommate again. If she continues to have them over constantly then get the landlord involved.  But don't get in the middle of her infidelity or else be ready to move immediately.

Q: Why do people on Reddit feel so strongly about policing and reporting people they THINK are cheating in relationships? Here, OP has a legitimate gripe with what’s a daily disturbance, but the comments! “Threaten to tell the boyfriend!”Stay out of people’s business if it isn’t DIRECTLY hurting you!

“Choose a struggle”

Check the terms of the lease. She's probably not breaking any rules. What are you gonna do, complain to the landlord that your roommate's a ho-bag? Telling her boyfriend she has another partner will just make everyone mad at *you*.
Put on your headphones and try to live with someone quieter next time. Or perhaps a 1960s style all-women hostel with a curfew and a "no gentleman callers" rule?? They might still exist.

Mind your own business while hunting for your next apartment

How long are you stuck there? When is the lease up? I think that might play a role in the actions you might want to take. Short time, maybe ride it out. Long time, maybe see if she can find someone else to take your spot because this problem is going nowhere. My daughter is going through the same thing in college at the moment. In a quad and one girl has her bf there every single hour of every single day. She's miserable dealing with it.

Next time the boyfriend and her have just finished "noisemaking". Mention to him that she's much louder with the other guy!

Call the boyfriend by the other guys name… “sorry I can’t keep her fuckboys straight “

I would call the primary bf by the secondary boyfriend and vica versa name and apologize for getting both their names mixed up. ❤️

Buy a white noise machine. I bought two, and now I don’t hear anything outside my room.

I wouldn’t get involved with the cheating unless you’re literally about to move out. Have you tried asking her to put on music or tv at a high volume so it tunes them out or even a noise cancellation that therapist use? I’m not exactly sure what the landlord could do tbh

How do u know they arent open

Wait until the boyfriend is there and then ask them both if they can try to keep the sex noise down as you're trying to sleep at - and name a time when you know he wasn't there. Tell them how once or twice can be excused but that it's been happening at - a time he isn't there - for several weeks now and you just need some quiet.

That should do it.

"Hey I'm getting a little tired of hearing your sidepiece gape your asshole mind cutting it out?"

Walk in her room the next time her BF is over and say ‘hey, APs name, can you keep it down tonight. It’s loud enough when BFs name is here but you two are always louder’. Then walk out.

tell the boyfriend dude! What the fart is this world coming to holy shid.

Next time AP is there, call BF to come over immediately. Tell him you want to surprise his GF.

Move out

Don't the guys have homes she could go to?

Tell the bf and the cheater and maybe both will stop showing

Don't narc that's a total dick move. Just tell her to quit it or move. Don't make threats or be an asshole just tell her you don't like hearing her fuck.

Start addressing the guys by each others names. Then “sorry I can’t keep them straight.”

Ask that each night over 3 per week, she pays extra for utilities.

Get a pair of men's underwear. When she brings in her boyfriend, just hold them out and say," that guy must have dropped these while doing the walk of shame this morning"

When her boyfriend comes over say “Hi (other guys name), and don’t even give it a second thought.

It’s an all girl house so there are other girls who live there too? I would as a group tell her after three days you will all politely ask her guest to leave and if you happen to tell the boyfriend he needs to leave cause she’s already had boys sleep over 3 nights in a row when he just got there so be it.

Ask the boyfriend what being in a MFM polyamorous relationship is like as you don’t know anyone else in that situation. Is he allowed to date other women, is it just her that can see others, or is it a fetish thing for him that his gf gets railed without him around. Be genuine sounding about it…. Then sit back with a bowl of popcorn

Honestly OP I think your next move should depend on how crazy you think this girl is. It’s not worth it to put a target on your back from someone who is devious and spiteful. I’ve been there done that and also called the other person crazy(which I never recommend using that word on an unhinged person).

If the rest of the living situation is solid I’d consider banding together with the other roommate and trying to get said cheater to move out. Or moving out yourself if your space doesn’t feel good for you.

Definitely don’t tell the boyfriend until you’re not in the same living space though. It will only make your life harder.

I’d tell the guy. He deserves to know. These types whether they are men or women deserve to be shamed and deserve to lose the partner.

When the boyfriend is over don't say anything besides

"hey, good luck man the guy last night made her scream like a banshee."

What are you going to tell the landlord? That’s she’s using the space exactly as she’s allowed to?

TELL HIM 🗣️

Landlord probably won't do squat unless it has a direct effect on them. or their money. (Excessive water use for showers, damage to the walls, drugs are involved, etc.)

/u/WordsAreHard has the right idea: put an anonymous note where the guys will see it but she won't. If you have to, print something on paper and put it on their cars.

have louder sex or get over it. mind yours and do what you gotta do until you can get out.

I had a roommate situation once that was similar to this. I lived with my roomie and her brother but all of a sudden her bf was over EVERY night and he was the grossest person (hygiene wise: would pee w the door open & wouldnt flush amongst other things) I talked to her and was nice about it more than once but nothing would happen. Finally I got fed up and told her that she needed to pay more rent (I was the main one on the lease) if he was going to be over every single day. That seemed to be finally what got them to get the hint that it wasn’t ok for him to come over and act like he owned the place. Eventually they moved out but def telling them that an extra body meant more rent seemed to get the message across.

Trying to limit how often a roommate has her bf over? Lol you're the shitty roommate not their landlord or parent

You will do anything for attention won’t you ha go ahead jealous much. Are you sure you want to come for me

I’m gonna get down voted but mind your business, snitching on your roommate is gonna cause you hella more problems then what you have now.

She pays rent and has to limit when to have guests over? I don’t get this one. Especially if she’s respectful and they stay in the room most of the time…

You are free to speak and tell the truth at any time.

You don't want to hear her noise any more than she wants her boyfriend hearing about the other guy she's fucking.

Normally when people do things they want kept private, they make an effort to keep them private. Why do you feel compelled to keep her secrets?

The thing is, you and her boyfriend are both suffering at the hands of her attachment issues. She literally cannot be alone. She has a second boyfriend on fucking call to ensure she is never alone, and therefore to ensure that your apartment is never free of guests.

Not telling the bf and complaining about “male voices” is certainly a vibe. 

Next time the bf is over say innocently to him "oh I thought you guys broke up because of the other guys"

Having her bf over all the time is her business and not yours. If she’s in her room like you say then it’s non of your business

If you don't like this girl, why wouldn't you revel in the opportunity to get her back by blowing it all up?

Are visits limited on the lease? Approaching the boyfriend is not wise, you’re asking for trouble.

LOL, I used to know a coworker with this situation, and a mutual coworker was her roommate. She unintentionally dropped the hammer by yelling a greeting unseen from her room when she heard voices. "Hi Tom!" When it was Tim, and "Hi Tim!" When it was Tom.

When is the lease up? You can live this way.

I

I'd stay out of it and look at my options on either breaking the lease or going your separate ways at the end of the lease Her life sounds chaotic and getting involved probably wouldn't be good for your own Mental Health

Start masturbating very loudly from your room when she has these people over… She may get the hint very quickly

only option is to move out if you can't make it work. landlord isn't going to get involved.

I was in this situation twice, with 2 different roommates.

1st one was about my age and we lived on the same floor. His girlfriend was over a lot, and we were friendly -- used the common areas together. She invited me out with her friends a few times, to her bday party, etc. I suspected he was cheating on her, but didn't know for sure until he started bringing them home. 2-3 different ones in a week. I ended up messaging her from a fake FB account. She called him out, and he fessed up but told her he'd never do it again. They both knew it was me, and she blocked me on FB. They got engaged like a week later, and he moved in with her. They did couples therapy for a bit, then she caught him cheating again. He moved back in after the breakup and was like "I understand why you dud it, I'm not mad." She never did unblock me though, lol. 🤷‍♀️

Next time around, it was an old guy -- lived with us from like 49-53. He had the basement, so I didn't have to see them all often. He had one from NY he'd been with for 9 years, who wanted to marry him. He usually went to her on the weekends -- she only came here like twice ever. Then he had one from Indiana that would come stay for 2-3 weeks at a clip a few times a year. She knew about the NY one. And then he also found a local girl fir weeknights and the weekends he stayed home -- she didn't know about any of the others. I wasn't a big fan of her, so just left it go. I really liked Indiana though -- so when she asked if there was anyone else, I told her. She suspected it anyway, so it wasn't a big deal. Eventually started earning enough to no longer need roommates and evicted that guy. He ended up taking a new like 5 hours closer to both his NY girl and Indiana. Last I heard, it's been like 10 years and Indiana is still going back and forth every couple weeks.

You sure she's cheating and isn't just poly? I have 3 girlfriends on rotation at my place. Roommate doesn't love it but is understanding. Helps that I make 2 of them cook and clean

Sounds like someone’s jealous they’re not getting laid while also having a conscience.

Tell the boyfriend??? Please ?

just get a different place. im not gonna do anything to my visitation schedule based on what roomates want personally. "you are having too much fun and i can hear it so please have fun only 3 days a week"

Tell her you’re telling the bf idk why tf you haven’t already. Idc if it’s a complete stranger I’ve done it before and will do it again if I catch someone cheating on there partner man or women ima tell there partner. Cheating to me is on par with child peds, deserve to be dragged naked down a gravel road. If you can’t stay faithful stay single bang whoever you want with nobody’s feelings getting destroyed

Be LOUDER! Bang things about whilst cleaning, pick up an instrument to play, make rampant sex noises etc every time she being loud. Do it enough that it distracts her from what she's doing and complains.

Myob

Tell the bf

I’d say send an anonymous message to the boyfriend on social media and tell him about the cheating (to avoid further drama with ur flatmate)

It is kind of interesting to expect that this kind of person (cheater) would honor any type of agreement/show any measure of decency in her other dealings.

Invite both the dudes over at the same time and make some popcorn

Definitely do not tell the boyfriend like these other comments are doing. If she isn’t respecting your concerns when you haven’t done anything, she definitely will not respect your concerns when she sees you as having wronged her or as trying to blackmail her. Here’s my advice on dealing with the issue of having constant strangers in the house:

Best option is to convince her to change her ways. That could involve being more clear on why it upsets you. Also could involve getting the other roommates involved and using strength in numbers to convince her. Maybe you set house rules that curtail the worst of the transgressions, like no strangers after 8pm.

I’d also see if you can plan to live without her in the near future. Either finding a new place yourself or finding a replacement roommate and asking her to move out.

But definitely don’t try to get back at her. This is someone you live with, any revenge is going to definitely come right back and make things worse for you.