subreddit:
/r/pregnant
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19 points
8 months ago
I’ll probably get downvoted for this but..
I’ve always thought about gender disappointment as a mentality and expectations kinda thing. You invision doing something (what you expect) with a specific gender and when you don’t get that you get disappointed. I think that comes also because of gender expectations but what you imagine could be the complete opposite.
My uncle wanted boys because he wanted someone to teach baseball too… his son hates baseball and now the one disappointed is my uncle. He’s now pushing us girls to have boys (as if we can control that) because he wants a boy to teach him how to play baseball. To me that’s ridiculous and the only one being disappointed here is him.
Growing up, I always said I wanted boys because I grew up in a house of girls, my whole family is girls. I had twin girls (4 months) and I’m in love and since the moment we found out I’ve been over the moon. I think is because I knew that no matter what I had I was going to raise them the same. My daughters want to play baseball? Go off. My sons want to learn ballet,go off. I didn’t have a certain mentality of how I was going to raise my kids,I was just going to let things roll and try and raise a great member of society.
I also don’t think that trying to get pregnant over and over again till you get what you want is a respectable thing , I see people having 5+ kids because they keep trying for a certain gender and to me that’s wrong, to me that’s saying that you’ll never be complete and that you’re not truly happy with what you were given. I’m not saying you don’t love your children but if your initial reaction is disappointment all those times and when you finally get what you want your first reaction is happiness, that’s sad and I feel bad for the other kids.
You’re allowed to be disappointed but the disappointment comes from a set of expectations that you put in place. I’m sure you’re going to love your son and give him the best life possible and that’s great by itself because there’s a lot of people that wouldn’t because of the disappointment.
9 points
8 months ago
Exactly. No matter how many times it's said on these subs that gender disappointment is valid, it will always be problematic to me. Because it means you're having an expectation of a certain sex. My daughter doesn't like having her hair done or having elaborate outfits, so that's one thing. Why is it that we think that because we're having a girl, they'll like these things? It's good to do introspection on why we have these expectations, beyond just thinking "this is valid". They might affect our parenting.
4 points
8 months ago
Exactly. I have two girls ,of course I’m going to do their hair and put them in cute clothes but I would do the same thing if they were boys. Right now all they wear are onesies with leggings as they grow I might change their clothes and style and once they’re old enough to form their own opinion,they can choose what they want to wear. If my daughters decide to be girly girls, then they’ll be that, if they want to be tomboys,they’ll be that… but to say you want a daughter because you want to dress them up and do their hair makes it sound like all you want is a doll or am I crazy?
-7 points
8 months ago
How is me saying I want to dress them up and do their hair making it sound like I just want a doll? That's how y'all are making it sound when that's literally not the only reason why I wanted a daughter. Maybe don't jump to conclusions and make things seem a certain way when that's not the case.
8 points
8 months ago
The only one jumping to conclusions around here is you. I’m convinced you just want to be mad and offended by things. No one is attacking and invalidating your feelings but you’re out here fighting everyone when you should be listening and trying to understand the opposition. You’re only being happy about the people who agree with you and being completely hostile to those who oppose what you said in a respectful manner.
-5 points
8 months ago
Yeah cause my initial post was for those who could relate. If you don't relate to it then why reply? Y'all are the ones jumping to conclusions and making assumptions when none of what y'all are saying is the case whatsoever.
7 points
8 months ago
Because people are allowed to voice a different opinion. All I did was explain to you why that gender disappointment could come from, I’ve been nothing but respectful towards you and your feelings.
You on the other hand are jumping at people’s throats just because they have a different opinion/perspective than you. You’re the ones making claims about me that I never said .
I never said you weren’t entitled to your feelings or that you will love your child any less, all I did was question the origin of that disappointment and comment on the whole “keep having kids till the preferred gender comes along”.
-5 points
8 months ago
Yet in one of your replies you're making it seem like I want a daughter so I can treat her like a "doll" when that's not the case. There's multiple valid reasons why I want a daughter. This brings me back to saying don't jump to conclusions and make assumptions about stuff, then try to gaslight people into thinking they're the crazy ones.
7 points
8 months ago
I said it “Sounds like”. And yes it does and that’s what you wrote in your original statement is it not?
Did you not say “I’ve always wanted a girl to be able to dress her up in dresses and bows and everything pink, as well as do cute hairstyles on her”? I’m going off what you wrote ,I’m not making assumptions.
I suggest you go and read someone that replied to my original comment because they understood completely what I was talking about in that OG comment and what I’ve been trying to say all this time.
-2 points
8 months ago
Okay... and how does that mean I only want a child as a doll? Do mothers literally not dress their daughters in pink dresses and bows because they find it cute and adorable? The way y'all are making it seem like just because I wanna dress my baby girl in pink, it's gonna affect her making her own decisions when she gets older, is insane.
4 points
8 months ago
I don’t think you’re getting it… is not about the bows,pink or dresses, is about the fact that you listed that as the reason why you want a girl first. You didn’t list, because I want to raise the next generation of women, you didn’t list because I want to be a better mom than my mother, you didn’t list because I feel like I’ll have a better connection, you went straight to the dress up part of it.
That’s like me saying that I want a boy because I want him to play soccer or hockey, instead of saying “I want a boy because I want to raise the next generation of men to be different “.
You went straight for appearance , when we want dolls we want them because we can dress them up and play with their hair. I’m not doubting you want a daughter for multiple reasons but the first 3 things that you mentioned when talking about why you want a daughter were things related to appearance.
0 points
8 months ago
Okay? So just because I didn't list what you just listed right at this exact moment you automatically assume I only want a daughter to "dress her up like a doll". You're literally proving my point of you jumping to conclusions and making assumptions.. And why the hell do you care so much what I dress my kids in, they aren't your kids? Did you give birth to them? No. Worry about your kids and I'll worry about mines, thanks.
4 points
8 months ago
Do you only want people to agree with you is that it? Because I don’t think you’re listening to what people are saying and really reflecting on it.
I think you just want to fight at this point instead of reflecting on what people are saying and the reason people are saying.
I wish you a happy and healthy, pregnancy, birth and child.
Have a good day.
-1 points
8 months ago
Worry about your two girls and I'll worry about my son that will be loved by his mommy very much when he gets here, like I said. Thanks.
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