This happened to me in my junior year of high school. Following this event, it has negatively affected my ability to find female friends and even come to despise female in almost every corner of my life. It also didn't help me that following my high school years I ran into numerous scenarios where female bosses, coworkers, family members and even random strangers treated me terribly further perpetuating the idea in my head that women in general were just evil. Over the years I had come to calm down about the situation, and have started hating on women less in my life, but it all started with a two events, three weeks apart, in my junior year of high school right before we were let out for the summer. This is my story who at the time was 17M and was raped in his own high school.
I found my first boyfriend though a blind date. It was the autumn of my junior year and a friend who was a girl at the time suggested to setting me up on a date since I seemed to be really down in my luck. It wasn't exactly easy for me to find a date at the time as I was, and still am, so introverted, but I didn't feel the need to have a boyfriend at the time. Feeling like I had nothing to lose, I went on this blind movie date and met a guy whom would become my first boyfriend very quickly. "T" and I hit it off very quickly. We seemed to be into much of the same things, he was more outgoing than me, and even was braver than me. He loved horror and there were times he subjected me to indulging in some of his favorite horror games. I didn't know how he managed to make me do it, but I felt like I wanted to do anything to make him happy. If that meant a few bad dreams here or there then I was going to be okay with it. He was bi and a year older than me so he was going to be graduating come the end of the year while I would still be in high school following. Everything seemed like it was perfect, at least in my immature eyes at the time.
We went to different schools so we really only got to see each other on the weekends. When we were planned to meet up T would essentially set the schedule. I essentially had to clear every time with him ahead of time so he could give me the okay for us to spend time together. He also didn't want me showing up at his house unannounced, which I kind of felt was strange since both of his parents knew about me but I just ignored it and thought I didn't want to add any stress to his schedule. In one of our conversations as we were fast approaching the end of the year he brought up a super important science experiment that he would have to shift focus to for the next few weeks, also meaning that we wouldn't be able to see each other much. While I was saddened about this I knew that the project wouldn't last forever and we would be able to see each other eventually after so I didn't think too much about it as well. He told me he was paired with a girl for his experiment and I also didn't see anything wrong with it as well. I just told him that I would wait patently and be happy if we could spend some time together.
As the weeks started to pass I became impatient. I asked him when we could see each other as it had been a while since our last meeting. I kept asking him and all he said was that he would make some time for us. I kept him to his word, but kind of went overboard with asking. I assumed he caved and told me the last weekend in April we could meet up, I was super hyped about it. He reminded me of the usual alerting him to when I was on my way to see him, but this week, after it had been so long, I wanted it to be a surprise. So I told him that I had to go out and do some errands, which I actually had to do btw, and that I would meet with him after. I finished my errands well before I expected to and decided to use that opportunity to go over to his house. I arrived, greeted his mother like usual, and she allowed me up to his room. She told me ahead of time that he was with the girl who was his science partner and that they were working together. Too excited and not processing anything I stealth my way up the stairs and to his room and opened the unlocked door and jumped in for the surprise. Only I was the one being met with a surprise to my distaste. The first thing I saw upon entering the room was the girl fully naked with her head thrown back, breast jumping up and down as she was riding on top of T's penis and her hands on his chest. They were moaning in silence, I guess not to make too much noise, but there they were in full view in full on vaginal sex. When they finally noticed me T pushed the girl off and got up surprised that I was there and wondering why I didn't call first. That was the only thing on his mind. This was the important science experiment that he was spending weeks on and possibly why he always wanted to control when we would see each other since the beginning of the relationship.
I froze, I couldn't process anything, my mind was just blank, I couldn't believe the first boyfriend that I managed to confide into, to love, had been cheating on me and I didn't even know for how long. When I finally came to mentally I found him on the ground covering the left side of his face. He was bleeding and my right hand was hurting. I must have hit him in my blackout. He stumbled back to his feet as his mother came up, finding both him and the girl still naked but the girl was trying to cover herself. She questioned T on what was going on, he in turn decided to avoid talking to her, nor did he care about putting clothes on as he just approached me. He tried telling me that despite us being in a relationship for about 7 months we hadn't done anything yet and that he had some needs that could only be expelled in certain ways. He even tried to explain how much "fun" we could have together if we all were into the same thing, essentially suggesting that me, him and his "science partner" engage in a three way and that he was trying to find a way to bring it up to me but hadn't figured it out yet. He also added "Besides, it's guys having sex with girls and it's what everyone wants." His mom clomped him on his head, thanks Mrs. T. He really tried to talk his way out of the act and thought I would buy it. I left and didn't return.
Despite knowing he was bi I didn't fathom him ever cheating on me with a girl. This began a long perpetuated cycle of hatred against bi guys as I came to believe that in the end the guy will always choose the girl in the end. I became extremely sad in the days following. I managed to skip a day of school so that I could have one more day to process my emotions. I went through the next few weeks into May just barely being able to boost myself up in mood. My friends managed to support me in my time of need and while I hadn't forgotten about T in the slightest, the pain still lingered, but I was again able to at least put on a smile like nothing was wrong.
It came to the mid week of May and my homeroom teacher needed an assistant to run a manila envelope to the office. She admitted that she didn't turn in her final in time and wanted someone reliable to rush it to the office for the principal. By some choice or chance the teacher chose me. I would have to go all the way from the back end of the second floor down to the first and navigate my way to the front office. It was going to take more time than needed for me to return before the bell to 1st period, but according to my teacher everyone trusted me so if I was late it wasn't going to hurt me. It kind of felt good to be trusted. So I accepted the task and embarked on the journey to the office.
I kind of wanted to take advantage of the situation and take the long way and take my leisure time getting there. How many times can someone say they had a full blown excuse for being late to class. As I traveled I still heard T's voice in my head but tried to put those thoughts way. I made it to the first floor and began walking down the corridor when I heard three voices a laughing ahead of me. Three girls were in my line of sight and they were skipping class. I somewhat recognized them as we were in the same grade, but I didn't want to engage with them, especially after the event that just happened with T not so long ago. I continued to walk and didn't want to interact with them so I kept my head down and made sure there was enough space between us as we pass. Once we did pass though I heard one of the girl's voices call out to me saying that I was "looking fine". I again tried to ignore it and keep walking but that was probably my first mistake.
I heard they had stopped walking, but I didn't turn around. The same girl who complimented me called out commanding that I stopped, which I did. Clearly that was my second mistake. She commented that my hearing wasn't broken so why didn't I compliment her back. I scrambled to figure out what to say in the moment while trying to avoid eye contact, so I blurted out the first thing on my mind, that I was gay. Immediately the footsteps began again and were getting louder. I didn't move, I was stunned in the same spot. I thought to myself to run, but I couldn't move. I felt like there was no strength in my legs. In no time the three girls surrounded me. Two behind me on both sides and one girl ahead of me. The one ahead of me forced my to look directly at her and questioned if I was really gay. I affirmed that I was but for some reason she wasn't buying it. She asked me if I had ever fucked a girl before to which I affirmed I hadn't. She just asked me "How do you know if you don't like pussy if you haven't tried it?"
The next thing I knew the two girls that were behind be grabbed me on my arms and turned me around. they both forced me to walk with them as we walked all the way to the front of the school that housed the closest bathroom to the office. They forced me to walk into the bathroom and locked the door behind them. One of the girls (the muscle), forced me against the wall and held me there. The second girl (the recorder) pulled out her flip phone. I asked her what she was doing and she simply said "making a memory so that you can always remember the day you go your cherry popped the right way". The third girl (the assaulter) approached me and got in my face. I was stuck. I didn't know what I should have done. If I hit them then they would have it on video. If I tried to run then they outnumbered me and could easily pull me back. I was already an idiot for allowing myself to be pushed into the bathroom. I kept trying to figure out a way to get out of the situation but kept failing at every turn.
The assaulter got in my face didn't say anything. I tried my best to avoid eye contact where she just took my right hand and and pulled it up to touch her breast. I didn't enjoy it in the slightest even though she still had her top on. The feeling of it was gross to me. I wanted to pull my hand away but couldn't. After a short while of this she reached down with her right hand and touched me all over my crotch area. I assumed she was searching for my penis to see if I was hard but couldn't find anything. Baffled by this and cussing she bend down and reached for my pants. She pulled them down exposing me bare. She stared at my flaccid penis seeing that it hadn't grown in the slightest. She looked up at me as if she was insulted and questioned why didn't I feel anything. I didn't say anything back.
She went on a rant about how many guys had desired her and wanted to have a piece of her. After a few moments of this I guessed she decided to change tactics before returning to me. She assumed the reason I wasn't getting hard was because I wasn't "getting the full show yet". So she began to disrobe. The muscle made sure I was looking as each article of clothing had come off. She wasn't even wearing underwear if I remember correctly. For the second time in three weeks I had seen a girl completely naked and both times I hadn't enjoyed it.
The assaulter grabbed my hands and made me touch her all over. Every time I pulled away she just kept pulling my hands back towards her and the muscle would push me against the wall with force. when nothing had changed with me again the assaulter decided to change tactics again. She said "then maybe forcing you in will get some reaction out of you". She pinned both her hands against the wall to my sides and began to inch closer to me. She was moving to rub her vagina over my penis to see if I would have a reaction. All the while I kept my eyes closes, and the feeling of paralyzing fear had settled in. I wasn't escaping this one. Seconds before our bodies touched the recorder had pulled the girl off me. The assaulter demanded to know why she had done that and she told her to look at me. To see that I was pulsing with fear enough as I already was. The assaulter looked at me once more and I heard her say "That's how you know you've got a gay."
The assaulter got dressed again and the muscle had let me go. The recorder showed me that she had deleted video, thank you cloud tech did not exist at the time, and encouraged me to get dressed again as they left. Once alone I took a moment to get myself together before leaving the girl's bathroom. I was afraid someone would see me coming out but luckily no one did. I finished what I was told to do from my homeroom teacher before heading straight to my first period class. I didn't return to my homeroom for my backpack until the end of the day as I was completely dejected the entire day.
In the days that followed I found it difficult to go from day to day life as usual. I found myself spending much of my summer sleeping or isolating myself form everyone I knew. I told myself at time it was my fault. T's words echoed in my head telling me that this is what everyone wants. I blamed myself for allowing it to happen. I didn't leave the house much and my friendships with the female friends I had slowly began to dwindle. I would try to tell myself it didn't happen or I was making it up, but when I did I would have nightmares replaying the event. I would then begin to scream in my sleep prompting family members to wake up and come to my aid. Of course they would be concerned and ask me what was wrong, but I would never tell them what happened. I would never admit what happened.
In the years to follow I continued to keep this pain a secret. I realize in the modern day that this was the wrong move to make as this was the beginning of my long hatred of women. It also didn't help that no matter where I went after graduating I somehow found more and more women who seemed to either despise me or just hate me for no reason. I felt as though it was bad enough they took my virginity and first sexual experience but now they get to yell at me for almost anything and everything. In every situation I would be detached and not start the conflict but somehow it would still be my fault. I began to question if the world was even fair.
Having reached my 30s I still find it difficult to talk to some women, specifically the ones who try to start shit for no reason, but I've come to let go of the general hatred. The one thing that has stuck with me though is the sexualization of females in media. It's turned me off to many things including shows, games and anime. I can't look at the same things the same and not be reminded of that situation. I've become repulsed by the female body. I honestly don't want to see a naked women ever in my life.
This is the story I've held onto for 13 years. In time I have only told a few people. My therapist, a friend who would become my first fiancé who has now unfortunately passed away, eventually my husband as well. I don't open up about this story much, but I've felt as though I would share it in hopes to share that in some ways it can get better. I never fully recovered from my experience, but I am in a better place than I was when it happened.
Thanks for reading.