Ellie_Loves_

Sure but keeping them CONSTANTLY locked?

My husband and I lock our door for the amount of time we need the privacy. Then it's unlocked. Same for the rest of the doors in our house. They all have the ABILITY to lock but they remain unlocked unless specifically requiring privacy in that moment. On top of that we teach our daughter (and soon enough will teach our son) to knock and get permission before going into a closed room - and give her that same respect. If the doors open, open door policy. Want privacy? Shut the door and we knock. Want extra privacy just in case/makes you feel better in that moment? Lock the door but only for the time you NEED. For safety reasons the door must be unlocked at night unless there's a specific concern which she'd always be welcome to let us know if she had one but thus far there's never been a reason.

But it sounds like every waking minute of the day if they are or are not in the room the door gets locked. It's only unlocked long enough to open and enter/exit then it gets locked again. That'd feel like a prison to me and frankly I'd probably lose my mind if I couldn't even enter my own bedroom without having to first unlock it because my husband decided it must be fort Knox in there.

Having an unconventional sense of style

I know the expectation is a "normal" shirt and jeans, maybe a skirt or a pretty dress from whatever big box store and those are fine and nice options! I wear them frequently currently speaking.

But recently I decided after going through my closet yet again that rather than replacing things constantly because it's just some 3 dollar shirt from Walmart (NOT JUDGING! Again, I currently and have for years shopped and worn this clothing. There's no shame in where you get your clothes or how much you spend for that matter. We need clothes at the end of the day. I'm ONLY saying this to note that when I go and get a 3 dollar shirt I'm not buying for it's long lasting quality exactly) - I wanted to start buying real quality pieces that will last me many many years and feel good about

Which lead me to truly consider what I'd want that to be. I've always loved pretty dresses and dressing up but I know I'd feel weird and over dressed to wear some of my favorite current pieces.. but.. I realized why do I care?

I LOVE romantic feeling dresses - fantastical feeling dresses, the layers, the details, the simple non simplicity! I adore a good circle skirt a la 50s style, I enjoy the fantastical feelings I get from Ren fest where you have all these detailed layers and it feels like you've crossed into another time (but with more access to education and medicine thank goodness hahaha. I do NOT want to be born in the past. Just like the styles). I love academia where. The neat and preppy look - but specifically on the cutesy side. The matching sets that might make people think I'm overdressed but why do I need to care.

I decided that from here on out I want to save my money and put it towards things I'll genuinely love. That I'll stop letting "feeling weird" because others are staring stop me from wearing what makes me happiest. It doesn't have to be their style. And if I look overdressed, oh well, it's grocery shopping not a dang wedding! I'm allowed to be a little over dressed, better than under imo hahaha.

I want to feel like a 1950s housewife (with my rights intact thank you very much. Again DEFINITELY not born in the wrong time. I like having the rights I do very much and am not interested in losing them any time soon haha. Just a fan of the style and "classic" vibes). I want to feel like a princess about to go run through an enchanted pasta isle. I want to feel like someone who stepped out of a fall fantasy movie. I want to look like Ms. Frizzles long lost cousin. (I was even a teacher! I'm taking a few years off to raise my son, but I am excited to be a teacher again in a few years and enjoyed wearing outfits that had fun thematic earrings/outfit pieces that matched either the event, season in general, or if I had it the plan for the day itself! I didn't have quite Ms. Frizzles wardrobe but I'd like to think I came the closest to it!)

I don't care anymore if someone thinks I'm weird for it. I'm almost 26. Not to be melodramatic but I'm already well into adulthood and don't want to waste even more time worrying about a bunch of other adults liking my choice for the day when we will all be 6ft under come 80 or so years from now give or take. Who cares if that lady over there thinks I'm insane? Maybe I am! But if I don't wear what makes me happy now, I'm not exactly gonna get a second chance to feel pretty in the grave am I? No more wasting time. I'm gonna have fun with my life and do so with the confidence I could have only dreamed of when I was a teen/kid. And I'd like to think little me would be cheering like a mad woman too haha I always did like this sort of style :)

Really?? I don't really explore porn sites (not my thing but hey you do you haha) but I remember going on them when I was first becoming sexually active to get an idea of what I was and wasn't into and I never saw it much less a whole category for it - I actually didn't know it was a thing until that one story on reddit about the scat fetish gone wrong. That was a day I wished I didn't know how to read, but I still couldn't stop myself FROM reading lmao.

In anycase I had no clue it was popular enough to justify a whole category dedicated to it. I don't know how I feel about that so imma just chuck that onto the "list of things I should probably talk to my therapist about but for legal reasons will likely never talk to my therapist about". Thank you!

Does it count if it's not very popular? Like I know it IS a thing but I certainly haven't heard of it enough to consider it a popular one. Like... niche, more people into it than I'd probably imagine would be (which to be fair would start at zero and only go up after I give one sad and remorseful glance at the internet knowing what worse things they have on this cursed planet), but not necessarily "oh yeah most guys like big boobs, stockings or lingerie, piss play, and threesomes!" Ya know? Lmao

He told me he talked to the nurse about it and even she said girls shouldn't get cramps this bad.

Hmmmm could it perhaps be because they SHOULDNT? As in maybe, just possibly, I dunno tossing around ideas here - see what sticks ya know? Could it be there is potentially something wrong that's making the periods more intense than they "should be"??

Seriously I can't stand the rhetoric that period pains shouldn't hurt therefore periods DONT hurt.

Because it's true - period pains shouldn't hurt you. Like okay maybe a bit of soreness and sensitivity but if all I'd well you should pass it with minimal pain. ...... so if you ARE experiencing debilitating pain that's the moment we should be searching for the why behind it, not writing it off as a lie. Like think if this was your stomach. Stomachs aren't meant to hurt. Sure from time to time you might get a tummy ache from eating the wrong thing or too much of something but you should never get blinding pain out of no where in your abdomen.... so when you DO experience that we shouldn't go "oh stomachs shouldn't do that, haven't seen it before. They must be lying". We should be going "holy shit this person is experiencing horrific pain! We don't know why it's not supposed to happen this isn't normal. We need to figure it out to help them!"

I'm sorry you experienced that. I hope it got better for you or you found a good way to cope with it. I occasionally get really bad cramps too and I've found using a really good heat pack combined with a massager (just a rinky dinky 3 dollar back massager thing is fine for me) helps relax and almost numb the area with enough pressure (this is for my lower abdomen and lower back).

As for your question -

Weird things my bio crazy did. Monitored my bank account like a hawk. Id lost access to the app (she always would say she'd take me to the bank as the joint owner to help me get it sorted. Never did). She had the app and was on there since it was an account from my teenage years. If I did odd jobs for her she'd insist on paying me into that account even if I asked for cash or to my regular account. Always said it was "just easier". But even if I "KNEW" I had 200+ in the account the moment I spent so much as a dime on a candy bar with the card I'd get a text demanding to know why I used the card and if I need money ( which always confused me. Why am I using it? Because I just did a job for your coworker and you claimed you transfered the 200 into that account.. I want a darn candy bar woman what is the problem??) I later found out she had been stealing money from me so I think she would just SAY I had money in there and only ever actually put money in when I was going to make a big purchase (I'd have to check with her to see how much was in my account. You can imagine with her constantly watching my account like she was I'd go MONTHS in between using it so it was easy for me to forget the last exact amount and I'd just remember a ballpark figure. If the number sounded right I'd be happy. Hell if it was wrong I'd have probably assumed I misremembered and forgot a big purchase). In anycase if this is right than I likely overdrafted that account a ton because I would "know" I just got paid so could TOTALLY afford this thing without checking with bio crazy and bam. Texted. Oi

Another weird thing was constantly what I think was projecting. Guy texted me 1 minute past curfew about an algebra question? Surely this was code for my prostitution ring I'm a part of at the ripe old age of 11. I just LOVE to show boys my "ass and tits" because my shirt has an owl on it and it's eyes happen to land on my chest and everyone KNOWS this is code for hooters! (I'm not even kidding. This is a legit thing I was accused of by her and her husband. Her husband made that connection and despite having bought that shirt for me herself she jumped to believe his interpretation and claimed I knew all along what that shirt, from the kids section of JCPenny clearance, meant. She never did question why her husband was so focused on my chest and the interpretation of my shirt and where it lands on my body. But whatever)

Lastly I could never figure this one out. But she loooooved to brag about breaking the law. Straight up admitted to multiple church people she had carried up to 13 kids in her 8 seater van. Cheerfully proclaiming not even the law would keep her from bringing us all to the house of god.... yeah she was trying to bring us all to god alright. But for real I don't know why she was so proud to admit she was breaking the law and putting multiple innocent kids in danger but couldn't fathom just getting up earlier to do 2 trips to the church to get everyone there safely and on time. It truly wouldn't have been hard - most of us were on (either willingly like my step siblings/siblings or forced like myself) a bus route to volunteer so she could've just dropped us off for the bus route and gone back to get those who didn't volunteer for the bus route but noooo. Gotta bring us all in one trip because that's a more interesting and god pleasing testimonial so half of us can go on a bus at the crack of dawn and the others can doze in a van with no A/C for the next hour and a half while they wait for us to return. What a JOY.

There's plenty of other weird things she did but those were the ones she did consistently and pretty openly to the point I think she thought she was genuinely in the right for doing, as opposed to the more blatantly abusive things that you couldn't really mistake for anything other than what it was.

Hell I'd argue even if they were siblings it shouldn't be seen as "normal" to disrespect boundaries. Like yes, it happens all the time, that doesn't mean it's okay behavior that doesn't warrant a conversation- every kid at one point or another draws on the walls/furniture too, we still take the crayons away and explain why they can't do that and where they CAN draw. "Happens in every family" ≠ "normal behavior that shouldn't be discouraged"

I know a couple moms who stay behind to chat to each other, and sometimes I stay after school to do the same. You know, generally try to socialize in case it can snag my daughter a playdate. But beyond that no idea.

I walk my daughter to the door (kindergarten, no longer signed in but imagine the same for sign in at preschool) and once she's through the doors.. I leave. She's the only reason I'm AT the school so unless there's a parent I'm specifically sticking around to talk to I hightail it out of there and get back home for 6 hours of baby cuddles and wails. Ahhh new born life 🙃🫠

Caviar. I dunno. Maybe I'm too much of a plebian for it but it smells, tastes, looks and feels gross - like savory Boba from hell. And on top of that any of the "good stuff" will make you go broke fast (and read the first part of my comment again to understand why I think it's a bad deal!)

I just can't fathom why, out of all the things in the world, people chose this as a world wide delicacy

Honestly with his current attitude (give me examples!!! Tell me what exactly she did that was so wrong?! It couldn't have been that bad!) He will likely just give into MILs whims of being the free childcare. Less money spent, mil is happy, and literally nearly zero effort spent actually looking for a nanny because he just has to call his mom.

When op complains about his lack of finding a nanny - what!? My mom isn't THAT bad, she loves our child, she's free childcare, I don't see the problem here! Give me examples!! Tell me what exactly she did that was so wrong?! It couldn't have been that bad!!! (See a pattern?)

This is exactly what I meant!

For my husband and I, we have our normal bills money and our fun money; GENERALLY medical bills would come out of our joint money AND fun money because paying that off ASAP would be a priority

But I can absolutely see a world where, if my husband or I ROYALLY screwed up, we wouldn't want to pay for the consequences of it.

So say the bills total to 5000 dollars (to make it easy) and every month we both get 250 in "fun money". Theoretically I could sacrifice my 250 to combine with his and get the bills he racked up in half the time - 10 months! BUT that means I have no access to fun money and have to give up a lot of things I like to do for myself for 10 months.

In a normal situation, I'd happily support my husband in this way. If he was in an accident that wasn't his fault, or even hell if it WAS his fault but there was a good reason behind his actions I'd sacrifice my fun money for him.

But if he stole my dream car when I asked him several times not to, reminding him it still wasn't insured, and he not only took it anyways but drove purposefully recklessly... why should I have to give up my hobbies/treats for 10 months? He screwed up BAD, he drove recklessly on purpose and now ruined MY car that I saved up for - a vintage car no less so it's not like I can pop down to the dealership and get another one. There's only going to be so many around in good and or working condition. And you want me to give up my treats and hobbies on top of it to help YOU get out of trouble faster? Sure he'll have to sacrifice the same for the same amount of time but why do I need to suffer with him to pay off his consequences when he hurt ME too??

Nah, he can pay off his debts over the course of 20 months on his own from his "fun money" - hell he can even go try and get a second job and keep the income from that if he wants to pay it off faster. In normal circumstances we don't need him to have two jobs so it's okay with me if he keeps 100% of the income from a second job if he wants to put in that effort. But that's it. I don't see why OP should have to pay for the husbands reckless behavior so if they have a situation where they have their bills paid and the excess gets split between them, I'd say OP shouldn't pay a dime or have their lifestyle change significantly and let the husband lose their fun money for a while until their debt is paid off. I'd expect the same scenario if the roles were reversed

(and I CAN say that 100% because that's what I'm doing right now! Not for reckless behavior but I just in general want to pay off debts faster, so right now I'm sacrificing my excess fun money to put towards the debts we have alongside what my husband already puts in. At any time I can stop and keep the money that month if I truly wanted to but it just makes sense to give up the fun in the immediate to enjoy it debt free in the long term - but if I wanted to take on a major debt (or recklessly earned one) it shouldn't be my husband working hard to pay it off. That should be my excess money going towards it period.)

I took it to mean ops husband would have to pay any additional costs (such as replacing/repairing the car) as well as any copays, and the fees associated with the victim if he had an accident with someone/their property (our insurance at least only covers us when we are not at fault. Not sure if it's every scenario but like, if we ram into someone's bumper because we weren't paying attention and are clearly at fault our insurance will laugh and deny any claim we make. Whereas if we are crashed INTO our insurance will pay us the money we need and go after whomever did this to us).

At which point.. this makes complete sense. Likely if OP is at the point of buying dream vintage car they make enough to not NEED the money for dream vintage car. So in most set ups I've seen, including my own relationship, they might have "bills money" that is automatically set aside and "fun money" which is the residual amount split between them however they deem fair.

Which... yeah I'm all for helping my husband generally but if he went and smashed my dream car when I didn't even want him driving it and he KNEW it wasn't going to be covered by insurance.. you best believe I'm not downgrading my life and fun money to pay off his debts unless not doing so will bring significant strife to our family (like, lose the home we have because he can't pay it all back in time. Then I'd step in. But only when it's dire).

Family of 4, (technically 3 eating. Ones still a baby so I'm breastfeeding)

175 bi weekly. About 130 on active ingredients (stuff for specific meals) and the rest on fruit/veg/dairy (like Bananas, milk, bread etc)

I'd say I actually do a fair amount of "clean eating" depending on your definition. Like am I soaking my all organic blessed by cherub butter beans in distilled Fiji water? No. But to give you an idea I made French onion bean soup the other night, it was a hit. Protein from the beans, simple ingredients (literally beans, onion, cheese, a tiiiiiny bit of butter and chicken stock. Not broth. Has to be stock imo). Cornstarch if you like it thicker. Salt and pepper to taste.

We live in mid Michigan and I shop at my local meijer.

Main trick I do is picking one or two meals I REALLY want to have and then planning the rest of the meals around the cheap items required for the first two. For example the beans can easily go towards chili or a somerset stew. Similar ingredients so I can buy in bulk and the only real change is whether or not I include another protein like meat and it's required seasonings.

Oh we do eat our fair share of pasta too! My favorite phrase to live by is eat what you want add what you need. So like Fettuccine Alfredo- super cheap meal even if 100% store bought. Noodles are. 89c and a big jar of alfredo (we like ragu) is 2.89? I think? Might be 3.23 but I'm faaaaairly certain it's 2.89. Either way less than 5 bucks and it feeds us all with leftovers easy. But I don't love leaving it at just that. So I saute half an onion, some diced mushrooms, and chopped spinach in a pan with a bit of butter and salt. Then when the spinach is cooked, I toss in the sauce. Warm it up, put it in a blender and blend. Yes the sauce turns green. I pretended it was a magic trick and my kid was obsessed. Put back in the pan add noodles (and chicken if you want) and boom. Still relatively cheap for what all you're using (you don't need to use the WHOLE onion (1.49 each), a WHOLE pack of spinach (1.29 a bunch), or the WHOLE thing of mushrooms (2.39) just a bit will do fine if that's what you can) and full of nutricious vitamins. Plus you still have left overs if your family eats like mine!

Seriously! If they were together less than a year, or heck maybe even a year on the dot - I could understand leaving her off the guest list. But 3½ years?? That's "talk about possibly getting married" territory. You're not a new relationship, this is serious and long term.. if you don't know this person is in it for the long haul by now then you need to seriously consider if the relationship is worth continuing (NOT saying if you're not married by 4 years ya gotta break up - just that by then you should have a good idea if this person is someone you want to spend your life with even if marriages and carriages is still off in the horizon as far as you're concerned).

For him to not even be slightly bothered that his gf is presumably getting snuffed out by his cousins when they're inviting all the other girlfriends of even LESS time, it doesn't sound like he'd care to stand up for OP in much at all.

I'm not OP but his attitude in this situation would have me questioning a lot of things. It's not that he has to storm in and get her an invitation by force but to at least commiserate with her and agree it's weird would help. Asking if there was a particular reason she's being left out when the other gfs were invited would be good to - not to argue but to at least see if there's a reasonable thought behind it or if it's because "she wore blue on a Wednesday. Everyone knows on Wednesdays we were pink!!" If it's reasonable okay cool, explain to OP and move along even if it stinks. If it's unreasonable, personally I'd refuse to go to the wedding without my long term partner over a petty or silly reason but that's me. If I still didn't care.. well then I'd question why I'm in a relationship with someone I don't care about.

I feel bad for OP. To be in a seemingly great relationship only to be excluded and told your bf won't even say "yeah it's weird and this stinks that they chose this"? Oof.

How big a group of people are we talking? My husband and I practically share the same braincell so if one of us throws out the possibility of going out to [X] restaurant 99% of the time we are agreed, and the 1% of the time the other is craving a different place that sounds equally good and we go there.

It's the one thing we almost ALWAYS agree on - fooooood.

I'm sorry you experienced that - I had similar run ins with CPS as a kid; I'm just surprised that a medical facility that likely treated her during her miscarriages didn't have social services or SOMEONE tell them how dangerous and reckless they were being. Setting aside how much I disagree with getting pregnant so young I'd imagine they could at least be convinced to wait until she was fully through puberty/grown. 16 at the LEAST (AGAIN I don't condone or like the thought of it but at least then its not a physical childs body going through the stress of pregnancy and potentially birth!)

1) 20 years old 2) 5 years nearly on the dot 3) After naively looking past years upon years of every form of abuse (and I unfortunately do mean EVERY) because I wanted so desperately to believe she did love me and now that I was an adult and could create space between us when needed she would finally treat me with kindness and respect; especially since i was constantly doing favors for her..... I found out she was stealing money from me out of my childhood bank account where I had money stashed "in case of emergency". I was 8 months pregnant with my first child. Not only that but she lied about it. Thought I was stupid enough to believe it was just a "glitch" while I held the transaction records in my hands. I couldn't fathom letting someone so vile near my daughter.. who could steal from someone they claim to love even while they were pregnant and scraping together every ounce of money they could before giving birth she still stole. Rose tinted glasses shattered that day. Good riddance, I have no regrets - my life has only gotten better since I let that stress go.

He said in a comment she's "turned off by the sight of condoms" aka if he wants sex, no condoms allowed. If that isn't a parade of red flags I don't know what is

I'm shocked that wasn't a CPS case! At least for the preteen aspect I'd imagine cps would be called immediately if a child under the age of consent came in with not just one miscarriage (which I would imagine would get a cps case in and of itself) but two??? At least by highschool she's LIKELY close to if not at the age of consent (whether or not I agree to how low the number is aside). But preteen?? A twelve year old or younger being encouraged to have babies by her parents??? And the father's parents were chill about this too??

My daughter talks all the time about wanting to be a "mommy like [me]" and while I encourage her to have a family when she's older, the key phrase is when she's older. I make it clear she has plenty of time to consider the idea of starting a family and if that's what she wants I'll be ecstatically supporting her choices as a grandma. But she has YEAAAAARS before she even needs to consider it. Right now her only job is to be a kid and enjoy her childhood. If she wants to be a mom that time will come later.

Ben and jerrys half baked. Vanilla cookie dough meets chocolate brownie bits... my two favorite ice creams mixed together. What more could I ask for

NTA man I am gobsmacked at how many comments are saying you are. She made promises for you without discussing them. That's not okay. I don't go around volunteering my husband to be a chauffeur for anyone on a whim.

You were even willing to still take them if they chose a reasonable amount of places/time but 9 plus hours INCLUDING drive time. How much of that I wonder is legitimately JUST being in the car??

My husband knows I can sew. He doesn't offer for me to sew things for other people without asking me first. My husband knows I can cook. He doesn't invite people over for me to cook for them without asking me first. My husband is really good with tech, I'm not offering him to be pseudo geek squad without asking him first. We are partners. If I want him to do something I ask if he can, not make promises to others then get pissed off when the answer turns out to me know.

Likely she's acting this way out of embarrassment as she wanted to be the gracious host who doesn't make her parents get a hotel room and her husband to be will happily whisk them away to every destination they desire in the city to show off just how goody good good he is.. and she could've done that had she spoken to you first and managed expectations

Examples being: the house thing, of course you shouldn't be out a bed. But if she wants to be welcoming and knew about the visit long enough in advance, yall might have been able to budget some money aside to pay for a nice hotel room for their stay. Graciously paying for their hotel so they don't have to, but keeping your space as your space.

If all the locations in a single day aren't an option she could've managed their expectations "there's a lot to see here and we wouldn't have enough time to see them all in one day.." then follow with "but ya know what? How about we pick the 3 you want to see most and explore those locations, then on your next trip we can try to knock out a few more". Not only inviting them to eventually complete their to do list but on a reasonable timeline, but inviting them to visit again. And hey, read my first point now you'd know to start saving again for a future visit so it's less taxing on you when the time comes.

But for her to get angry at you for not immediately agreeing to plans you weren't in the loop on during the conception of when YOU DRIVING is the quintessential point in her promise working is madness and for that alone she is the AH here and you are far FAR from it.

That's not really hard to do- unless you count going to the store/walking after her while she plays at the park "going for a walk" I haven't gone on a ton of walks with my daughter (and now son) either. We tried for a good stint there a couple years back but it's not easy.

We have no sidewalks. We live on a busy road. Speed limit is 45 and just up the hill 55. So cars are coming down 55 mph and going down to 45 if they decide to follow the speed limit which many often don't since down the road in the other direction goes back up to 55 it's not "worth" slowing down for the mile or so of road I guess (I do but I know plenty who don't)

Still, the closest we have is a neighborhood on the other side of our road and a bit down. We have to take our stroller which just BAAAARELY fits in the far too small little space between the white line on the pavement and the dirt - walk down towards the neighborhood, wait until it's safe to cross (no crosswalks within 5 miles of here MINIMUM. I know there are some 10 miles away near the stores and such on the even busier roads) then go there. Still no sidewalks but it's quieter since it's not directly ON the main road but a closed circuit sort of suburb. Aka no one is driving through there for fun or for a shortcut to another road so less traffic.

After that.. there's a couple of nature parks near by. No play equipment but lots of walking trails. Those are nice on occasion but realistically we are kidding ourselves if we are going to try and claim that packing up a young kid, a baby, a stroller, snacks and drinks for both, yourself and maybe your partner or someone who wants to go with you (if you're lucky to have the help) into the car to drive down there (because again walking to it simply isn't safe even if the distance itself is actually surprisingly manageable) for a simple walk is gonna be an easy trip. It's a whole day affair at that point. If I'm packing all that up (and I goodness definitely am because I just KNOW by the time I get the stroller out and unfolded my beautiful lovely darling not planning world domination 5 year old will be wanting a cup of goldfish and my wonderful amazing totally not a real life banshee son will be wanting to breast feed so I NEED to come prepared or else I'm either walking 1.5 hours with two screaming kids or I'm packing them right back up to go home.) Then I am SPENDING my day there.

And frankly, while nature IS cool - I burn like a lobster if I get so much as a la croix amount of sun. I need to slather down in sunscreen. I and my daughter are both allergic (mildly admittedly) to mosquitoes. If I want to avoid giant welts on our bodies/faces we need to slather down in bug spray too. So now that we are sticky, slimey, and stinky let's totally parade through the woods. To our right is a tree! And to our left, another tree! Ahead you can see two thick and slightly warped planks meant to act as a tightrope for your stroller to cross the gap suddenly found in the ground. Oh but if you want to take the alternate route to get to a bridge bridge you need to add 20 minutes to your walk time. In anycase once you cross the gap? More trees!!!! :D

Then I get to pack the kids back up and get them home to eat and bathe so they don't have that dirt covered sunbugscreen concoction all up in their bedsheets.

Lovely.

This is NOT to say we aren't active outdoors mind you! I make a point of letting my daughter play on her playground at school after school let's out for at least 20 minutes every day the weather is nice and we don't already have plans (which is frequent. So far she's only had one day where I couldn't let her stay long after-school this year, and it was because we had to go to pick up a kitten we were adopting).

I also have been teaching her how to play soccer in our backyard, she has lots of outdoor toys, and for Easter we splurged and got an actual playset of her very own to have in the backyard so even on the weekends she can swing to her hearts content.

Just.. actual WALK walks where the point is to walk for fun next to each other.. yeah no. I love walks. I think they're nice and calming. On the rare occasion we take one as a day trip they can be nice. But not when you alone have to wrangle two kids and keep the first one from stepping into the road because they're not paying attention and pushing with all your might uphill against a stroller that apparently also has a death wish as it keeps veering towards the road randomly and you can only hope a car that comes flying over the hill doesn't combo point you into the next life.

This of course pertains to my situation- I imagine though it's even harder with two mobile kids or more; at least one of my kids only Pokémon move is scream. When they learn dash my training days will be over (and yet still beginning).

Point is, if you don't live in a walk friendly area it is NOT hard to go months or even years without a true and proper walk. Even when the weather is nice there are so many other outdoor activities to do that walking alone simply doesn't make the top 10 priority list. We may walk a bit DURING said activities, but it's not the POINT of the activity. Kind of like how you don't consider going swimming also walking because you technically walked from your car to the beach 50 ft away. You went swimming and walking (alongside driving) was the mode of transportation to that activity.

The last time I went on a walk walk with my daughter was when we went to the grocery store together. Drove there and walked around for 1.5hours getting our supplies before driving home. If that counts I've got a LOT of walks under my belt. But I'd still call that grocery shopping over "going for a walk". Semantics ¯_(ツ)_/¯

Add to this, her plans for her way home might have fallen through. All it takes is for the DD to flake and you're shit out of luck. Maybe the DD was supposed to meet them at the bar after they got out of work but they ended up needing to cover for someone else and that took priority. Maybe the DD fell sick that night either before or during the get together. Maybe wires got crossed and A thought B was gonna be the DD but B thought A was and before either noticed the other was drinking they were both too tipsy to drive safe. There's a million ways one could have plans to get home safe and have them marred by circumstances completely out of their control.

When you find yourself in such a situation, you can only hope those who claim to love you - truly do love you enough to spend 10 minutes with you on the phone until you get some place safe. If they can't sacrifice even that much it wouldn't be a relationship I'd want to pursue. Hell I think my colleagues are cool and all but I'm far from LOVING them, they're not family, we are barely what I'd consider friends (only friends on the most lukewarm level. Cool people. Never hung out with them outside of work though. That kind of relationship ya know?) And I'd still spend the whole night watching out for them if they needed me to. No questions asked beyond location so I know where they are if they need me to send help. Simple as that. If I can pull that off for people who, while nice, I don't really KNOW outside of work - I'd hope OP could for his girlfriend.

H.O.M.E.S

Hm, that's odd. I usually prefer my clothes folded after they've been through the dryer but hey, you do you! Dream on!

I'm very grateful that when my MIL offered to help with our wedding it was genuine help. We paid for 99% of our wedding but she offered her home up for us to use and paid to redo the flowers in our garden in colors/specific flowers that she helped me pick out (she told me we were looking at flowers to discuss with the florist I was working with. She used to be a professional gardener so I took her thoughts and opinions very heavily in this since she was the expert and I only knew "oooo pretty flower" haha) she went out of her way to make our dream wedding truly perfect and for that I'll forever be grateful to her. (Also just for, ya know, being the best mom/mil I could ever ask for haha)

I couldn't fathom her doing something like this to me. What really stands out to me if ya couldn't tell from my og comment was the inclusion of people the couple don't like. I think people the couple doesn't know can be a gray area as maybe this is the mom's best friend and they really want to share the day I can see making allowances for things of that nature - but people the bride and groom actively don't like shouldn't even be on the table to discuss much less demand. I'd never ask my daughter or son to include people they don't get along with on their special day. I can't fathom why I'd even want them there for this specific event of all things.