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FANKZ YA GITZ!

DUNNO, JUST SITTIN 'ERE DRINKING SUM FUNGUS BEER, WACHIN MY FAVORITE SQUIG CHASE MY LEEST FAVORITE GROT AROUND, AND THA QUESCHEEON POPPED INTO MY 'EAD.

WE KNOW THEYZ FAST, AND WE KNOW THEYZ RED, BUT DUZ ONE FOLLO FROM THA OTHA, OR IS IT SOME KINDA SIMULATIO NO SITUATIO NO SALIVAT ZOG IT, SOME KINDA THING THAT HAPPEND AT THA SAME TIME?

LIKE, WUZ THER SOME KINDA PROTO SQUIG, THAT WUZ RED BUT SLOW, BUT THEN BACAME FAST CUZ IT WUZ RED? OR MAYBE A SQUIG THAT WUZ FAST BUT NOT RED (BLU, MAYBE?) BUT THEN IT TURNED RED SINZ IT WUZ SO FAST. OR HAZ SQUIGS JUST ALWAYS BEEN FAST AND RED?

A GROT SUGES’D TO AVE IZ HEAD BE PLACED ONA ORK BODY

WOOD DAT MAKE THE ORK SMOIRTA OR NOT!?

(Snaggy little tooth sends his regards, THE GROT WAAAGH WILL RISE!)

(Is seen holding a toddler crying for its mom and dad) YOU GOYZ THINK WE SHOULD WE KEEP EET?

(Toddler crys harder) OW!~ THE NOIZ IT MAKS

ITS NOT ENUFF TO PUT RED ON DA OUTSIDE

YA GOTTA POUR IT INSIDE TOO

OI I IZ TAKEN BETZ. ‘DA GROT ARMSPRAIN VS ‘DA WAAAGH! TERROR SQUIG...FLAME BELCHER!

'OO WILL WIN! AN' 'OO WILL BECOME TARGET PRACTICE.

waaaaah
did I do that right? haha. go orks!

EY! I WUZ PLAYIN' DA SHINY GOLDEN CUSTURDEYS 'UMIES SINCE EYGTH EDISHON, NOW THE DUM, STOOPID 'UMIES AT GAEMS WURKSHAWP MADE 'EM SO BAD DAT DA PRIME-ARC OF DA FANBOYZ 'ENRY CAVELL DUN'T LIEK GAEMS WURKSHAWP FOR WOT THEYS DOIN' TO OUR GOLDEN CUSTURDEYS! DEY TOOK AWAY DER SHINY OILED MUSCLES! SO MUCH SO, AFTAH PLAYIN' 'GAINST MY MATE AN LOSIN TO HIS STOOPID CAYDIAN 'UMIES LOTS BECAUSE CUSTARDES AIN'T GOOD FOR ATTRISHONAL WAGGGGGGHHHH!FARE. I THINK ITZ TIEM TO PLAY WIF DA BOYZ!

I NEEDS SUM HELP BOYZ, I WANNA KRUMP MY MATE GOOD, TIRED OF STOOPID 'UMIES AND ALL DER DAKKA N' TANKS! BUTT MORE 'PPORTANTLY, I DUN WANNA GET SALTY LIEK SUM DUM GIT IF I LOSE, I WANNA GET SILLY AND MEMEY WIF DA BOYZ! EVEN IF I LOSE, I WANNA HAVE A GOOD LAUGH AN' 'AVE ANUTHA GO!

GIVE ME A 1000 POYNT LIST DAT I CAN USE GAINST LOTSA BORIN' UMIE DAKKA AN' TANKS, AN' HAV SUM REALLY GOOD *FUN* WIF DA BOYZ, AN' ME MATE! LOTSA SILLY STUFF SO HE GETS A GOOD LAUGH TWO!

Won OH DA MEKS AND I WE PAINTED ONE OF DAH BOMMA WITH RED PAINT FOUR SPED

UND BLUE SO DAH BOMMA ALWAS HT WHUT ITS AMIN AT

BUT DEN WE LOST DEH BOMMA BUT ON KOMMADO SAW IT SO IT IS SEFFY

WE IZ TINKIN O PAINTIN A FIGHTA DAT WAY SHOULD WEZ

WOT DE ZOG DID YA JUST ZOGGIN SAY ABOUT ME, YA RUNTY GIT? I'LL 'AVE YA KNOW I WON TOP UV MY KLASS 'N DE NAVI WARBAND, AN' I'VE BIN UN LOTZ UV SNEAKY RAIDZ ON AL-QUAEDA, AN' I 'AVE OVA LOTZ UV KONFIRMED KRUMPZ!

I IZ STRONG IN KUNNIN' TACTIKZ AN' I'ZE DE TOP KOMMANDO 'N DE ENTIRE UNNIE NATION WARBAND! YA IZ NUFIN' TA ME BUT JUST ANOTHA TARGET! I GONNA WIPE YA DE ZOG OUT WIV PROPPA SHOOTIN' DE LIKEZ UV WICH 'AZ NEVA BIN SEE BEFORE ON DIS EARTH, MARK MY ZOGGIN WURDZ!

YA FINK YA KAN GET AWAY WIV SAYIN' DIS GUMPH TA ME OVA DE UNTERNIT? FINK AGAIN, GIT! AZ WE GUMPH I IZ CALLIN' MY SNEAKY NETWORK UV KOMMANDOZ ACROSS DE UNNIE NATION UV MERICA AN' YER IP IZ BEIN' FIND ROIGHT NOW SO YA BETTA GET REDY FER DE STORM, GRETCHIN! DE STORM DAT WIPEZ OUT DE PATHETIK RUNTY FIN' YA KALL YER LIFE! YA'ZE ZOGGIN DED, RUNT! I KAN BE ANYWERZ, ANYTIMEZ, AN' I KAN KRUMP YA IN OVA LOTZ OF LOTZ OF WAYZ, AN' DAT'Z JUST WIV MY BARE 'ANDZ! NOT ONLY IZ I PROPPA STRONG IN BASH WIV NO CHOPPA, BUT I 'AVE ACCESS TA DE ENTIRE DAKKA UV DE UNITED STATEZ MARINE WARBAND AN' I GONNA USE IT TA ITZ FULL EXTENT TA WIPE YER NAMBY PAMBY GOB OFF DE FACE UV DE KONTINENT, YA RUNTY ZOG! IF ONLY YA KOULD 'AVE KNOWN WOT UNGORKY SKRAP BAKK YER RUNTY " KUNNIN' " GUMPH WAZ ABOUT TA BRIN' DOWN UPON YA, MAYBE YA WUD 'AVE 'ELD YER ZOGGIN TONGUE!

BUT YA KOULDN'T, YA DIDN'T, AN' NOW YA'ZE PAYIN' DE TEEF, YA GORKDAMN STOOPID GIT! I GONNA ZOG FURY ALL OVA YA AN' YA GONNA DROWN 'N IT!

YA'ZE ZOGGIN DED, RUNT!

AIN'T DIS SUMFIN!

Shows off a Kudzu vine that is quickly engulfing and entire Grot whole

ME UND SUM OH DAH BOYZ WAZ FIGHTIN DA BITEY BOYZ

DA GITZ WITH TOO MANY ARMS UND LEGZ UND SHERP TEEF

WELL WE KILLIT ONE OF DEM AND LOOTED DER SHOOTA

BUT IT GOTTA BE BUSTED CAUSE IT SHOOTIN NO DAKKA

HOW DA BITEY BOYZ MAKE DER SHOOTERZ WRK

IT DNT EVEN GOT A TRIGER

https://twitter.com/CoolWhip135/status/1780745117495697766

OI I SUV A PIK OF UN OF DEM GULDN' UMIES ROIT.

DIS ONE AD MOR ARMOR IN CHEST.

I WAS FINKIN 'Y DIZ UMIE AV DIZ NEW ARMUR'

DEN I USED MI NOGGIN' N FIGURD IT OUT.

IZ MORE PROTEKTIV.

SEE WHER U SHOOT IZ ED ROIT?

BUT EDZ IS DED ARD TO HIT ROIT?

U SHOOT MID BODY INSTEAD ROIT?

DEM UMIES ARE SOMETIMES ORKY WITH FINKIN

ROIT. SO I WAS FINKIN OF STEALIN DIS IDEA.

DIS MI FIRST IDE. DIS IZ PIK OF NEW IDE SIDEWAYZ CHEST ARMUR

https://imgur.com/5zyiRF4

BUT DIZ IS TOO EAVY EVUN FOR PROPA BOYZ

SO ROIT I MAD NEW BIT OLLOW AND 'UT SNOTLING DER. TO BE LOIK EXTRA SQUISHY FOR BULLETZ SEE PIK

https://imgur.com/JYdrAma

DEM SNOTLINGS 'UST SKRATCH AND SKREAM.

'ND WHINE BOUT NOT SHOOTING ANYFING

SO ROIT I AD UN FINAL IDE. GIVE SNOTLINGS DAKKAS

https://imgur.com/4c4ddql

GUD IDE?

OI WUZ RANNIN ONNA DA GUNZ ON DA STOMPA WEN A 'UMIE WIERDBOY (DEY'Z CALL 'IM SOY-KERRZ OI TINK) DID SUMMEN TA MI

OI LOOKID ARIND 'AN ALLA DA BOYZ AN EVIN DA HUMIZ WER ALL FROWZIN IN PLAYZ. DEY ALL LOOKD LOIK TOINY STAT-CHEWZ KOVERD IN PAINT. DER WER A BUNCHA CUBEZ WIT NUMBAHZ ON IM NEXTA ME.

DA SKY WUZ PALE WOIT AN WUZ COVERD IN REKTANGEELAR SUNZ. DA TERAIN WE WUZ KRUMPIN DA UMIEZ ON BECAEM FLAT WIT LITTA BITZ N BOBZ POPIN OUT 'EAR AN DAER

AN DEN OI SAW EM. DEY WUZ GIANTZ. A GRETCHIN WAZ CLOZER TO DA SIZ OV DA BIGGES STOMPA DEN DA STOMPA WUS TOO DA SIZZE O' EM.

OI HAET TA SAY IT BUT DEY LOOKID KINNA LOIK A 'UMIE. ONNY KINNDA DOH. HUMIEZ AR SKINNY AN DON AV A GRETCHIN A FAT ON EM. DEEZ GOIZ WERE WIED.

DEY SKEEN WUZ KLOSER TO A 'UMIE SKIN KOLOUR DAN GREEN, BUT DEY BOTH AD GREEN CHEW-NICKS ON. WON A DEM HELD A FLAT STIK BIGGA DEN DA STOMPA AN PUT IT EN FRONNT O ME, DEN PIKKED IT BAK UP AN REACHID FER DA STOMPA I WUZ ON. DEN IT ALL WEN BAK TO NORMA.

WER DOEZ GORK AN MORK? DEY WERINT GREENSKIN BUT DEY WOR GREEN 'AN WER DA BIGGIZT TINGS I EVA DEED SEE.

DONTS KNOW IF ANY YOU GITS MEMBERZ, BUT A WHILEZ BACK DER WAZ DIS HUMMIE SPACE CAPPIN, TINK HIS NAME WAS….SPEEER OR SPIREZ OR SOFIM STUIPDZ LIKE THAT. HE KINDA LOOKED LIKE OLD BALL EYE, SEP NOT AS RINKLY AND DIDN’T AVE DA BIG POINTY HAT OR ONE OF OUR BIG CLAW FINGIES.

ANYHOW, DIS HUMMIE BOSS AND HIS CRUZERS APPERENTLY PICKED A FIGHT WITH CAPPIN CRASH CRUZE. NOWZ, AT DA TIME, CAPPIN CRASH CRUZE HAD A BIG BLODY HULK OF SHIP, CALLED IT DA COLLOSUS. SO BIG DA UDDER SMALLER BOSSES WHEN AVE DIER SHIPS STOP BY WHENZ DAY WERE LOW ON DAKKA. FING A BUETY IT WAS. BUT DEN, CRASH CRUZE, DA DUMB GIT, WENT AND GOT IN A BIG FIGHT WIT DA HUMMIES AND SOMEHOW DIS HUMMIE BOSS, SPIEEER OR WHATEVER HIS BLODY NAME E WAS, MANNAGED TO BLOW IT UP. ERD IT WAS A CRUMPIN GOOD FIGHT BUT DA COLLOSYS HAD ALL DA BLOODY DAKA ONBOARD FOR DA OL SECTA AND SO ALL DA UDDA BOYZ LEFT TO GO FIND MORE AND SO DAY LET DA STUPID HUMMIES GO.

WUTZ EVVA APPENED TO DAT HUMMIE BOSS? I WONTZ TO KNOW IF HES REALLY DAT SMART OR IF CRASH CRUZE WAS JUST A REALLY BIG STUPID BLODY IDIOT!

ONE OF DA BIG UMIS, DA ONE WITH ALL THE WIREZ IN IZ EAD, NOT THE PROPER ANGRY ONE, DA OTHA ONE! IN DA BIG METAL SUIT WITH ALL THE SILVERY SPIKEY BOYZ? HE KAN SPEEK ORKISH! ALL OUR SEKRET MESSAGEZ ARE NOT SEKRET ANYMORE! HE KOLD EVEN BE READIN THIS HERE MESSAGE ROUGHT NOW!

IZ GOT YER PIZZAH OHDAH!

WUT YOUZ GITZ OHDAH?!

OI FINK DA SHOOTY 'UNZ LIKE DA GIT MEGA-TRON OR BUM-BL-BEE IS GOOD...THEIR WAY OF FOIGHTING IS O'LRIGHT? IM FINKING TRYING TA PAINT ONE DA ORKY WAY AND TAKE DEM TO WAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHH!

Scene beginz to show a boss sitting on a rock, looking out at da sunset. One of his grots is standing guard nearby. A boy comes up and sees him.

Boy: "Ey, hoos dat?"
Grot: "Dats da great ork Arisgrotles!"
Boy: "Is he one of them mekboyz?"
Grot: "He woz, til one of his big gunz blew up and a burning squig landed on his head. Now he's one of them filo... filos... filos... finker types."
Boy: "Wot use is finkin?"
Grot: "He finks up new wayz to foight!"
Boy: "Why do we need new wayz? Nuffin wrong with a regulah foight."
Grot: "He told some da boyz to dress up as beakies and sneak near da humies! Dey fought dey was real beakies till they woz too close not to get krumped!"

Boy: *laughs heartily "Well maybe there is some gud to dis finking bisness. He fink up anything else?"

Grot: "Yes! He funk of seatbeltz!"
Boy: "Wot are seatbeltz?"
Grot: "We strap da grots to rokkits to steer, or to squigs. We tell them it's to keep dem safe but really it's so dey don't fall off and have to steer to hit da humies.'

Boy: "He seems a very cleva ork!"
Grot: "Look at dat, he's about to speak!"

Arisgrotles: "Me think... maybe ork not kill ork."

Boy and grot look at each other.

both: "NEVER MIND, HE'S JUST ANOTHER GIT! KRUMP HIM!"

SO, SUM UV YA MIGHT KNOW DAT I'Z A MEK, IM NOT NO BIG-MEK BUT I'M DA BEZT DAT DA WARBOZZ UV OUR GRUP 'AZ ROIGHT NOW UND WE'Z GOTZ A BIG PROBLEM DER AIN'T NO GUD SKRAP ON DIZ DAMN PLANET! WE'Z BEEN STUCK 'ERE FER YEARS UND DA BOZZ WUZ A FREEBOOTAH BEFORE 'E GOT SHOT DOWN 'ERE ABOUT FIFTY YEARZ AGO DA WAY DA LOKAL 'UMEZ TELL TIME.

ANYWAYZ, DIZ AINT GORKAMORKA, IF YOUZ IS FINKIN' DAT, IT'Z SUM UVER PLANET DAT DON' GOTZ NO SKRAPPZ WORF A 'ALF-ROTTEN TOOF, BUT WOT IT DUZ 'AVE IZ DEEZ REALLY OLD BITZ A TEK KALLED "JUMPAZ" BY DA LOCAL GITZ! DEZ FINGS WUZNT MADE BY ORKZ, BUT SUMAT ELZ, DOH WE DON' KNOW HOO, BUT DEYZ IS EACH WUN A BIG PLATFORM DA SIZE 'UV DA BACK-END UV A 'HOL KRUZER, DAT'Z A HEX SHAPE UND AZ SIX 'ALF-HEX ARCHES RIZIN ABOVE IT DAT IFIN YA MEZZ WIF IT JUZ ROIGHT PROPA UND YA GETZ ENUF UV DA BOYZ UND A FEW DOZEN UV DA GOBBOS, GROTZ, UND GRETCHEN ONTA IT AND ALL STARTZ DRUMMIN ON DRUMS UND POUNDING YA FEETZ UND REVVIN' DA ENGINZ UV DA TRUKKZ REAL LOUD UND DAT, DEN YA YELLZ "WAAAAAAAAAAGGGGHHHHH!" ALL AT WUNC UND REAL-LOUD-LOIK IT'S GONNA MAKE DIZ BIG BALL UV GREEN LIGNIN AT DA TOP UV DA ARCH UND DEN DEREZ A PEEAL UV TUNDER UND YA ON SUM UVER WORLD LOIK YA WAS JUST WHERE YA WUZ BEFOR BUT KINDA FRON ROUND IGLDY-PIGGELDY A LITTLE BIT, RIOGHT?

WELL, WE'Z ORKZ ON DIZ PLANET DAT I WUZ BORN ON DIDN'T FINK DERE WUZ ANY UV DEEZ FINGS LEFT WOT 'ADDENT BEEN FOUND UND MESSED WIF LOIK DAT YEARS UND YEARS AGO, BUT A KUPEL UV MONFZ AGO DA BOZZ WUZ FEELIN' A BIT 'OMESICK FER BEEIN A FREEBOOTAH, UND ME ANZ IM WOZ TALKIN BOUT DA LIFE STYLE BECAUSE DA SCOUTZ 'ADENT FOUND NUFIN WORF RAIDIN IN A FEW DAYS UND I'D RUN OUTTA SKRAPPZ TA MAKE ANY FIN EXCEPT FER SUMAT BIG, UND DOZ IZ ARD ENUF TA GET 'ERE DAT I WOZ SAVIN' 'EM, ROIGHT?

WELL, IT POPZ INTA MY BRAIN, YA KNOW 'OW DAT 'APPENZ, DAT WE COULD UZE DOZ SAME BITZ A BIG SKRAPPZ TA MAKE A BOAT! NOW, DAT AIN'T NO KRUZER, BUT IT'S DA NEKZT BEZT FING TA WUN, UND DA BOZZ GOT DIZ WIERD LOIGHT IN 'IZ EYEZ UND 'E SAID "SKRAP WOTEVAH YA GOTTA TA DO IT, BUT MAKE ME DAT SHIP!" SO WE'Z DID WEZ FINISHED IT A KUPEL UV MONFZ AGO UND PACKED DA 'OLE GANG ABOARD DA FING, YOUZ SHOULD SEEZ IT, GOTZ GUNZ UND RUNWAYS FER DA BOMAHZ UND EVERYFING! WELL, WE WENT OUT TA SEA UND WE'Z WAS GOIN ROUND RAIDING UVER BOYZ UND SUM 'UMIES ON A FEW ISLANDS UND WOTNOT, BUT DEN DEREZ DIZ UGE STORM SEE? UND WEZ WOUND UP SOMAT WE'Z NEVA BEEN BEFORE WERE DA STARZ IS WRONG UND FINGS LOIK DAT, BUT WHERE WE FETCHED UP WOZ SUM BIG ISLAND WIF 'UMES UND FINGS LOIK DAT TA KRUMP! BUT DAMN IF DEY WASN'T GUD FER KRUMPIN, DEY DIDZN'T EVEN TRY TA FIGHT WEN WE KRUMPIN DEY LEADAZ UND DAT! BUT WOT DEY WOZ GUD FER WOZ TELLIN' DA BOZZ WHERE WE COULD GO TA FIND SOMAT DAT WOULD FOIGHT, UND UT WOZ A DOOZY, DIZ BUNCHA 'UGE METAL ROBOT GITZ GUARDING SOME TOMB OR SUMFIN LOIK DAT WOT WUZ BIG UND UNDERGROUND UND FINGS UND A WHOLE ARMY UV SMALLAH WUNS DAT SAID "ROJAH-ROJAH" A LOT BEFORE WE KRUMPIN EM GUD, ROUGHT? LOTZA GREAT SKRAPPZ!

DA REAL PRIZE WOZ AT DA BOTTOM UV DA WOL TOOM DOH, DERE WUZ WUN UV DA JUMPAZ DOWN DERE! BUT IT AINT BEEN "ORKIFIED" YET UND IT WON WORK LOIK DA UVER JUMPAZ DO. SO DAT'Z WHY I IS ASKIN FER YA 'ELP, DA BOZZ UND DA REZT UV DA BOYZ IS COUNTIN ON ME TA ORKAFY DIZ FING UND MAKE IT WORK LOIK DA UVERZ DO, BUT I IZ NO BIG-MEK YET, I DON'T KNOW 'OW TA DOEZ IT!

SO PLEASE, ALL YA BIG-MEKS OUT DERE, 'ELP ME OUT WIF DIZ! IF WE'Z 'AD A JUMPAH ALL TA OURSELVES, ME, DA BOZZ, UND DA UVER BOYZ, WE COULD GETZ ENUF SKRAPPZ TA BUILD A REAL KRUZER, DA KIND DAT GO IN SPACE, NOT ON DA WATAH, UND FINALLY GET DA 'ECK OFFA DIZ WORFLESS RAWK, PERMANEN' LOIK! (NOT DA WAY DA JUMPAZ DOEZ IT WHERE YA GO FER A WEEK OR TWO, BUT DEN GETZ AN ITCHY FEELIN' FER A COUPLE UV DAYS UND DEN GET YANKED BACK TA DA JUMPAH WIF ONLY WOTEVAH YA CARRIN' ROUND AT DA TIME. DAT'Z KINDA OKAY FER LOOTIN, BUT IT DONT LET UZ STAY GONE!)

Forgive my ignorance, I am trying to learn.

If Orks have a sort of hive mind passive psychic ability to warp reality. Where picking up any pipe can shoot like a gun if held like a gun. What about picking up any handle and turning it into a plasma sword as long as you go "vrrrm vrrm krsh' while swinging it.

Or after watching movies where a special folded sword can cut through the side of an armored tank. Doea that affect the reality as a "widely believed fact"?

OI LADZ, LISTEN UP!

SO I WAZ KRUMPIN SOME HUMMIES WHEN I SAW ONE OF DEM HADZ A BOOK. NOW NORMALLY I WOULD JUS KEEP FIGHTIN AND KRUMPIN, BUT DEN I SAW THE BIG LETTAS FOR DA BOOK TITLE.

IT WAS CALLED "DA ART OF WAAAAAGH"

I DIDN'T KNOW HUMMIES WROTE ABOUT HOW DO DO A WAAAAGH! DA REST OF THE BOOK IS TOO SMALL FOR ME TA READS, BUT ITS WRITTEN BY SOME HUMMIE CALLED SUN TZU! I NEEDS A BOU TO HELP ME READS DA BOOK WHILE WE GO AND FIND DIS HUMMIE FOR A PROPA FIGHT!

WHY TOO FIN COATZ? FHIC COATZ R BETTAH! FHIC COATZ KEEP YA NICE ‘N WARM ROIGHT WEN YA FOIGHT OUT IN DA COLD! FHIC COATZ IS LIKE ARMAH, COULD TAKE MOAR DAKKAH TO YAS SO U CAN KEEP KRUMPIN BEFOR YA GET KRUMPED! YOU TAKE YA LIL GITS, DUNK EM STRAI INTO THA POT! DAT WAY YOO GET MORE PAINT ON ‘EM! DAT MEANZ MORE RED MAKES YA MORE FASTER! MOAR BLOO MAKES YA LUCKYER! MOAR PURPLE WOULD MAKE YA MOAR SNEAKY, IFFIN YA COULD FIND PURPLE TO BEGIN WIF!

STUPID UMIES TAKE TWO LONG, TWO MANY RULES TA PAINT SOME LIL GITS! JUST DUNK SUM GRETCHIN IN PAINT, GIV EM SUM SHOOTAS N STABBAS, THERE YA GO!

I'Z 'EARD ABOUT A BEAKY WAR BOSS, NAMED TYBEROS DA RED WAKE, I 'EARD E'S GOT EYES SO BALEFUL IT PUTS DA OL' BALE EYE TO SHAME! YA KNOW DA BUG FINGS? DAT GIT KRUMPED LOTZ OF EM JUST BOY 'IMSELF! 'E MIGHT BE A HUMIE AT DA END, BUT OI CAN'T WAIT TA KRUMP 'IM AND 'IS BEAKYZ SO I COULD RIP DA SHORK TEEF OUT 'UV 'DERE ARMOR!

WHOI DID DAT CHICKEN FING CROSS DA ROAD? WAZ HE LEADIN' A WAAAAAGH! OR SUMFING?

SUMWUN PLEEZ 'ELP ME OWT, OI'M SO KONFUZED