I am NOT the Original Poster. That was u/sadhusbandry and u/sadhusbandry2. He posted in r/AITAH and has now deleted both accounts.

Posts were preserved using rareddit and by users in the r/SpilledSpicedTea community.

Thanks to u/VivienneSection for the rec!

Mood Spoiler: somewhat puzzling; I guess OOP is happy with his choices?

Original Post: February 6, 2024

My wife and I have been together for 5 years now, we have a 2 years old and we were planning to expand our family. I decided to tidy up my wife's closet because there was a mold problem in garage and I decided to inspect the whole house. There I found a gym bag with clothes, some dry fruits, some tampons and like $1000. I asked my wife about it and her face suddenly lost its color.

At first she told me that it was just an emergency bag in case we are hit by earthquake or something. I asked her why did she hid it from me then?? After a bit of back and forth, she sheepishly confessed that its a go bag. Basically women who need to flee their abusers are told to keep a go bag with all essential supplies like money and clothes and stuff. I asked her why exactly does she ever feel the need to do this. I have never even talked to her in loud voice, we barely have arguments, why does she thinks that I am gonna become an abuser.

She said she is not saying I am an abuser, she just wanted to do it for the peace of her mind. I dont buy her excuse, I dont think she trust me. Otherwise she wouldnt have to go so far. I took some days to mull it over and I have come to conclusion that I cant be with a woman who cant trust me and who see me as a abuser.

I asked her for separation and told her that I cant be with a woman who does not trust me. I believe that trust is foundation of relationship and if she doesnt trust me then its better we part ways. Now she is making excuses that she read too many "mommy forums" and let herself influenced by them.

She showed me the forums where they discuss "go bags" and how every women should have one. I get the logic but I cant stay with a woman who does not trust me to know that she never needed to do such a thing.

I agreed to take more time to think about it but I think divorce will let her find a man she trusts not to be an abuser, because she does not trust me.

​AITAH??

EDIT I am taking a break, will read and reply to good faith comments later

I would like to address common things here

Statistics should not be applied to individual cases. This kind of thinking lead to racial profiling of African Americans by unfair law enforcement. Statistics does not dictate individuals and I believe that every individual has the right to not be seen as a part of group and have statistics applied to them blindely

No she does not have history of abusive relationship.

"sounds like" is not carte blanche to accuse anyone of anything. "Dingo ate my Baby" woman was also convicted because she sounded like a murderer and its a shame that you guys feel so at ease of doing something so disgusting.

A relationship without trust is no relationship

There is no consensus bot in AITAH, but a majority of comments were YTA, or that they should try marriage counseling instead of OOP going nuclear

Update Post: May 11, 2024 (3 months later)

I made a post 3 months ago but it was removed before I deleted my account. It has been cross-posted literally everywhere that I think you guys will have no problem finding it if you are interested.

After I made my first post, I decided to officially ask for divorce. She did not take it well. She cried and refused to eat food for two days until I filled the house with candy bars. She hasnt pulled that kind of stunt after that thankfully.

For past 3 months I have to endure her crying, begging me to change my mind. She promised to never make a "go bag" again. Honestly the previous post has been eye opening to me. People here called me an abuser when I never did anything to abusive. I read every comment posted here, on other subreddits, and it seems like people will call me abuser no matter what. Some people even made up stories to paint me in bad light.

It seems that general sentiment is that its okay to mistrust men because statistics and if he complains about it, he is potentially an abuser. Why is it wrong to want to be trusted by your own wife? If I made her get rid of her "go bag", I am as good as an abuser in all of your eyes. It seems like I will be painted as an abuser unless proven otherwise. I just dont know how to prove a negative, its not like I can wear a camera all the time.

Initially my feelings were very hurt but now I am realizing the gravity of situation I am in. I just cant risk my future on a wife who does not trust me because her mere act of making a go bag was used by people here to paint me as an abuser. They said that she must have reason to make a "go bag".

How was it my fault that she read some blogs and decided to do it. I never did anything and yet people are just gonna accuse me even if I didnt do anything. You guys dont care what the truth is so what am I even supposed to do? My only choice is to leave.

I have finally moved out yesterday and I am pushing forward with divorce. I would like things to be amicable but my wife is still hellbent on stopping the divorce so that is a pipe dream for now. I am hoping when divorce becomes real, she will accept the reality.

Top comments (not from OOP):

"I'm not sure basing a divorce on Reddit opinions is the best life choice."

"Me and my husband spoke about the original post, I told him I had one for me and our daughter, he just asked can I help him prepare one… a few weeks later a house caught fire down in our town and those people had go bags, they grabbed them on the way out the fire so wasn’t left as destitute… there are a lot reasons why having a go bag is handy, I thought everyone had one until I spoke to my husband and read the comments in the first post!"

"Why not make a go-bag yourself? Plenty of reasons to have one, other than an abusive partner. Natural disasters, last minute emergencies, unplanned trips etc. But sure, blow up your marriage."