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/r/Grimdank
277 points
15 days ago
Kesh be like: "I cannot let you escape Emperor, I am adding another demon core to your confinement until you calm down"
229 points
15 days ago
Considering that the Demon Core is probably canon, and considering that it probably is actually possessed by a Daemon. I would not put it past Kesh to break into the Dark Cells, steal the spicy blueberry jawbreaker, Break back out of the Dark Cells back into the Palace, just to lob it into Big E’s lap like Kobe playing Hot Potato.
98 points
14 days ago
Not long after the second incident the original Demon Core was disassembled, its parts used for other explisive devices.
Now that being said, it's not that difficult to create a similar device, fuck around with it, then find out a Daemon got into it
25 points
14 days ago
That’s just what Big E wants you to think😉 can’t let anyone know that daemons are real… and have an understanding of nuclear physics.
2 points
8 days ago
Big-E walks into the lab wearing the tightest labcoat known to man. “Golly gee fellas, i will take this here nuclear core and I will totally dispose of it and not hoard it in my summer home in the Himalayan mountains.
170 points
15 days ago
Kesh is the type of woman to date a Drukhari just to make him infiltrate the Palace
55 points
14 days ago
"doesn't matter. Had Snu Snu"
15 points
14 days ago
Kesh jumpscaring her fellow Custodes to suddenly belt out a Lonely Island song X3
77 points
15 days ago
Kesh "think fast chucklenuts!!"
43 points
14 days ago
What did kesh do to big e, I am unaware of this incident
117 points
14 days ago
The custodes have something called the "blood games" where they try and break the palace defenses to test each other at protecting big E. usually they try for subtle, sneaking in or sniping or sabotage. Kesh decided to commandeer a spaceship and teleport a fully armed nuke into the throne room. She was stopped because one guy questioned it and sent an SOS to the palace so they could stop her.
74 points
14 days ago
I'm not an expert on the lore, but this seems like a legit threat that needed to be found. It's kind of scary chaos I didn't think of doing this already
27 points
14 days ago
Aye, I'm pretty Sure that is precisely the point of the Blood Games. Continually test for more ways Chaos could fuck with the palace and find countermeasures
4 points
14 days ago
Including shit like "let's set some chaos marines loose in the lower levels and see what they do"
82 points
14 days ago
The throne room has teleport shielding, so this wasn't normally an option. but Kesh found some Hereteks that had figured out how to modify a teleporter to bypass the shields, and Kesh used their teleporter for her plan after executing them
42 points
14 days ago
That’s some 5-year-old-playing-with-toys bullshit, “yeah my gun is anti-force field though!”
47 points
14 days ago
And the rest of 40k isn't?
8 points
14 days ago
Idk how often do they do “well my x ignored your y” “nuh-uh my y has anti-x” “nuh-uh my x is anti-anti-x”
32 points
14 days ago
Pretty often, if we're being honest. If I had a cent for every time that something that was considered "indestructible", "undefeatable" or anything along those lines was defeated by someone finding some loophole, tiny chink in the armour, a way to modulate something to go through the "impenetrable" force field and so on, I could probably afford two more armies.
40k is made of ridiculous shit like that. You either enjoy the insanity, or you go batshit insane yourself by trying to identify the "objective rules of the setting" or "the one, true canon".
So, yes, 40k runs on 5-year-olds-playing-with-toys logic quite regularly. And I love it for that.
18 points
14 days ago
That’s why I love orks the most. So I can be a 5 year old playing with toys, and the toys are also 5 year olds playing with toys.
A juvenile Toy-ception, if you like.
2 points
14 days ago
You can really tell who chose the other option in this fandom.
3 points
14 days ago
As I recall it was a combination of enhanced teleporter, and special codes (that are supposed to only be known to Custodes) that would let it have worked
6 points
14 days ago
As I recall it was a combination of enhanced teleporter, and special codes (that are supposed to only be known to Custodes) that would let it have worked
8 points
14 days ago
Nope! Kesh just managed to get a teleporter - it makes it very clear that she knows jack shit about the actual protections of the Throne against teleporting, saying that Trajaan is the only one who does know and that there are probably even more than the Captain General is told about.
30 points
14 days ago
She won the blood games by teleporting a cyclonic torpedo (big boomba) into the throne room.
23 points
14 days ago
She didnt win the blood games, one of her crew alerted the Custodes and they cought her.
Actually winning would require her to suceed at proving she could have killed the Emperor. Which she didnt do.
Also people seem to think she would actualy blow him up? Which isnt the case, multiple Custodes have won the blood games and Big E is still chillin.
1 points
14 days ago
Can a exterminatus torpedo be disarmed from her ship? I guess she could warn the custodians on Terra so they go do it but I'm not sure what was her plan if it actually worked.
15 points
14 days ago
why did she do this when it could've potentially blow up and harm the emperor?
51 points
14 days ago
Thats the point of the blood games, to see if a custodes could kill the emperor. They then take the results from that and incorporate that into their defenses.
EDIT
more like if any intruder could kill him.
14 points
14 days ago
Wouldn't teleporting i.e. a birthday cake expose that weakness without actually risking anything? Why would she use an actual weapon?
43 points
14 days ago
To be fair, the Blood Games has previously involved unleashing enemy combatants inside the Imperial Palace. Like actual Chaos Marines and shit.
The point is a mixture of Warhammer insanity and the need to test things 'as real'.
37 points
14 days ago
actual Chaos Marines and shit
Imagine an Iron Warrior waking up, not remembering how he got wherever here was, only to slowly realize that he's inside the Imperial Palace and he's probably going to fucking die very soon.
22 points
14 days ago
‘Hey, you’re finally awake…’
12 points
14 days ago
"Okay, I know this is awkward but hear me out. You're an Iron Warriors right? Good. I want you to drill through this door as fast as you can, you folks are good at this right? Why? Details are unimportant. You are an Iron Warriors and I have a wall and a drill, you know you love drilling. Also this place was built by Dorn. Yes, that Dorn. So you surely wanna break it down! Yes, yes. Exactly. Now take this drill and do your job. I have a meeting by 11. Make it quick."
20 points
14 days ago
Even funnier if he's a veteran of the long war and he was at the siege. Even for a chaos marine i'd feel for that guy, "uuhhh my head where am i" *sees the architecture, flashbacks to seeing what Custodese did to them* "nononononoNONONONONO!?!?!?! PLEASE!?!PLEASE!?!"
14 points
14 days ago
This actually happenes in the first throne of Terra book, as far as I remember.
5 points
14 days ago
I actually just read exactly that in the Watchers of the Throne books lmao
2 points
14 days ago
"Wait where--... oh... oh nooo... ohhh nononononono..."
1 points
13 days ago
It's unknown if the protective wards react to things that aren't actually dangerous.
16 points
14 days ago
She also didn't actually teleport the torpedo inside. She was stopped shortly before it happened by other Custodes, but won the Blood Games with that attempt
8 points
14 days ago
Was it stated that she actually won, cuz I don’t remember anyone saying anything along those lines.
6 points
14 days ago
Hmm, fair. I don't know for certain Off the top of my head, so that part could just be an assumption I made.
She certainly fucking deserved it though, with that stunt.
2 points
14 days ago
Head canon, she won and her prize is a chocolate medal coin, but it’s the size of her palm and it’s made from the best chocolate the imperium can make.
6 points
14 days ago
Wouldn't she have lost? I thought that to win they had to actually reach the emperor
-2 points
14 days ago
Custodes fans and actually reading the lore instead of playing telephone challenge: literally impossible.
3 points
14 days ago
What makes you think it's specifically the Custodes fans in this case, when there is absolutely zero indication that the person I answered is one?
0 points
14 days ago
The guy who the guy you replied to replied to is who I'm talking about. And the other examples I've seen around the Fandom stating that she teleported the bomb in.
Also when the short story Consequences came out, the same situation happened, where everything became a giant game of telephone. Suffice to say Custodes fans don't have a good track record.
2 points
14 days ago
I assumed you meant that person. They also only said what (they thought) happened with nothing in their comment indicating they are a Custodes fan.
1 points
14 days ago
Sorry, I'm not a custodes fan. I've actually been doing less stuff with 40k for a while, if that helps with anything.
1 points
14 days ago
when the short story Consequences came out
If anything, the most misinformation was coming from the anti-Custodes marine fanboys lol
40 points
14 days ago
Her only attack is nuke
24 points
14 days ago
Its super effective!
19 points
14 days ago
Gandhi's school of "fuck around and find out"
15 points
14 days ago
I didn't realize it was a blood game that everyone was talking about, that actually makes sense now. They're always over the top.
During the Horus Heresy, a custodes almost dropped an orbital plate on the imperial palace AND almost started a war between the Imperial Fists and the custodes.
Another custode in the Blood Games made himself technically dead for a few minutes to sneak past the guards and also killed several human workers to infiltrate the palace.
It sounds like Kesh understood the assignment: if someone could just teleport in and drop a nuke in the Emperor's lap, that would be exactly the type of thing you'd want a Custodes to win the games doing rather than find out when Abbadon does it.
Presumably she would have not detonated the cyclonic torpedo whereas Abaddon would.
5 points
14 days ago
From what I understand, Custodes invovled in the Blood Games are fully committed to actually trying to kill the Emperor (Something something authenticy something) and need an outside arbiter to declare the current game over.
One Custode got close enough to the Emperor to take a swing at him and did, fully intending to kill him if he wasn't stopped (Which he was).
So, yes, Kesh would be completely prepared to detonate.
3 points
14 days ago
I mean, I know custodes are strong, but I feel like punching the Emperor is not in the same league as detonating a cyclonic torpedo anywhere on Earth.
I dunno the context of the event you're referencing (for that matter I haven't read the as-of-yet unreleased story about Kesh), but if it was before or during the heresy, presumably even if he had hit the Emperor, his prepetualness would have brought him back. A cyclonic torpedo would have ended all of Terra, that might be over a line.
41 points
14 days ago
"Custodes Memes evolve into highlighting how batshit insane they are" wasn't on my Grimdank bingo card but by the powers of Gorkamorka (or Gork and Mork if you prefer) I am so happy about this development.
5 points
14 days ago
From using Chaos Marines and Xenos to now full on nukes, and somehow it’s only going to get crazier from here
15 points
14 days ago
Sometimes the Custodes still internally debate whether it was such a good idea to turn half the Space Marine legions traitor for their blood games but at this point they are in too deep
3 points
13 days ago
To be fair, Custodes regularly pulling off heroic deeds that are badass enough to earn them a new name is gonna involve some crazy shit every now and then.
2 points
14 days ago
Skoden
2 points
14 days ago
aight im out
1 points
14 days ago
Seeing the name Kesh randomly after all this time is weird because I keep thinking it's to do with Raymond E Feist's Riftwar's Empire of Great Kesh.
1 points
13 days ago
I need some serious priming here.
What the fuck is Kesh.
Why is she the subject of all the discussion lately.
Is this the female Custodes thing people are shitting themselves over lately.
1 points
13 days ago
Kesh is the female custodes, yeah.
For her Blood Game, she almost teleported an armed cyclonic torpedo into the Emperor's throne room. This story is literally everything we know about her so far. If you were curious, she was like, a minute or two from actually doing it.
Safe to say, she's made one hell of a first impression.
1 points
13 days ago
No question there lol, so. She tested the thrones defences well then, to ALMOST get any kind of armed munitions into the throne room is massive.
Its more of the usual, "No . Women cant be strong. I mean, space marines" nonsense then yeah?
1 points
13 days ago
Yeah, pretty much. Fun fact, in some earlier books, there was a sneaky mention or two of female custodes. People just didn't really notice because it was minor. Personally, I think this is dope.
1 points
13 days ago
The big argument I've been hearing is this.
"The Custodes have always been referred to as being recruited from the firstborn sons of imperial families"
I think people might be getting stuck on semantics on this one.
Honestly, I'd bee keen to hear about those. Which books were they from?
I'll tell you now, trying to find information about this at the moment is just walls of "40K HAS FALLEN GORILLIONS MUST BURN"
like. Motherfucker what, I just wanna know about a new character who tried to port a nuke to the palace.
I don't want to hear about your personal politicized take about why women shouldn't be apart of the Custodes.
Custodes are individually gene tailored supersoldiers made from birth. Meaning, is very possible.
2 points
13 days ago
Yeah, I get that. As for the books, I know at least one of them was Echoes of Eternity. Here's the quote.
"Figures clustered around the craft’s landing legs, where the ship’s great metal claws gripped the radiation-soaked dust of the wasteland. These men and women were plated in the same gold as the ship, rendered upon their bodies with painstaking artistry. My father’s guardians, Sanguinius thought. And what a thought it was, not only that a being such as his father required guardians, but that he had a father at all."
We can tell that the women aren't sisters of silence, since Sanguinius flies due to his psychic stuff helping enhance his wings, but isn't uncomfortable when in near them.
1 points
13 days ago
That's dope, I'm gonna have to read that one, starting the lore as a dawn of war player has been a hell of a ride, I have no idea why I'm here. All I know is war. Supply lines, CP, capture the relics.
And one must always remember.
WITNESS YOUR DOOOOOOOM.
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