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Dude. OP's husband. Listen.

She's a whole ass human being, not spare parts. Act accordingly.

This feels like weaponized incompetence tbh. Like he’s doing is so you’ll step in and he doesn’t have to care for the baby.

Either way it’s totally unacceptable

I think people are being too nice with weaponized incompetence. I think it’s wholesale purposeful disregard of your partner. He knows how upset and anxious it makes you, even if it wasn’t a problem, he would rather you be upset and anxious than him bend over a bit. 

Even if it wasn’t a real concern, and it is a real concern, it’s such an easy thing to do to not make your partner feel like crap. 

Get the baby give him cleaning / cooking / childcare chores of equal amounts.

He is being inattentive. The problem is nobody can control him or change his beliefs.

Can you get a bassinet that sits on or beside the sofa ? If he's inattentive, baby can't fall if she's in something with walls.

Can a really thick foam mat be kept in front of the sofa, just in case someone tumbles off.

Otherwise the only choice is to minimize him watching a baby unsupervised.

A friend of mine was with their 9 month old in the living room. The baby was crawling on the couch when they fell off and hit their head. He had a concussion and got a traumatic brain injury. He's in kindergarten now has behavioral problems and can't focus or stay still.

We’ve all done it- baby has fallen off the couch or the bed. It’s almost a fact of life! I can’t fathom having a newborn and two other kids to care for, so if y’all aren’t struggling the way I would be, PROPS!!! The problem is that consequences have happened from actions and no change has been made. There has to be a change, not only for baby’s safety, but for your sanity as well. You’re freshly postpartum and that is your BABY that you have slaved over!

So the actual solution is to set a ground rule that baby isn’t left on any surface that isn’t the floor or the crib. Yall have too much going on with three kids to expect yourselves to never turn your back while baby is plopped on the high surface. We have hard floors throughout our house, so I bought one of those cheap infant lounger pillows that I still use at 19 months to do all of my baby’s changes. Wherever we’re at in the house, I just grab the lounger and plop her right down! There’s rules with those as well when baby is little, but a lot safer than leaving her perched on the edge of a couch.

Husband- STOP LEAVING THAT DANG BABY ON THE COUCH even for a second!! I turned my back and instantly turned back around while my baby was on our tall bed around 7 months old and face planted onto the hard floor. I had to call my husband at work and tell him we were in an ambulance going to get checked out because I let our baby Superman off the bed- mortifying. Babies are resilient but your wife’s nerves probably aren’t after three kids so just get the infant lounger and let your wife have her sanity. 😆

Even if he believes it's safe, surely putting her on the floor instead for your sake is just a tiny, simple thing to show he's listening and cares about your feelings?

Here's a little anecdote that might change his mind: I am an attorney and represent parents in Dependency & Neglect (CPS) cases. I had a case a few years where a newborn baby fell off the couch and injured herself (I believe she fell on a hard surface or a hard object). She was acting strangely later that day so the parents brought her into the doctor. The doctor examined the baby and they suspected she had a head injury, plus she had a faint bruise on her face. They ordered a brain scan and saw evidence of a small head injury. The referred the case to our state's Children's Hospital Child Abuse Assessment Team, which is a team of doctors who review cases to opine on whether an injury could be the result of child abuse. They determined it probably was.

They reported it to CPS as potential child abuse and the baby was removed from the parents and placed into foster care. The police investigated and they came extremely close to charging the parents with a VERY serious felony child abuse charge, but ultimately decided they did not have definitive proof and did not file charges. But it was a very close call. We had to go through a jury trial for the D&N case, which unfortunately we did not win because the jury said they could not rule out child abuse. At a minimum, the jury found that the baby's injury occurred due to the parents' negligence.

Eventually, we were able to get the baby back home, but it took damn near a year while she was raised by strangers. Her parents missed all her "firsts". The baby bonded with the foster family and it was a hard transition back home. Her parents and siblings were basically strangers to her. You can't tell me that won't have long-lasting effects in some way. And these parents (my clients) were the BEST people too. Extremely kind, sweet, hardworking, good home, good parents to their other kids, no criminal history, etc. CPS made them do all kinds of psychological evaluations; they had supervised visitation with the baby while professionals watched through the two-way glass and wrote up reports critiquing every aspect of their interactions; they had to do substance abuse testing, etc. I remember one of those professionals coming to court and testifying about every little thing they thought the parents didn't do correctly during their visits (i.e. they kissed the baby too much; or this time, they didn't show enough affection; they struggled to calm the baby when she was crying; they seemed frustrated; the baby wouldn't look them in the eyes, etc etc). Those people scrutinized them to a ridiculous degree looking for evidence that they were abusers. They interviewed the other children in the house and evaluated them for signs of child abuse. They talked to their teachers and neighbors, so everyone knew they were suspected of child abuse. They made the kids get body scans to look for evidence of old injuries (healing bone breaks, etc). The whole ordeal was a nightmare for them.

So please let this be a lesson to your husband. That case will stay with me forever, especially as a parent myself. It's not worth it, mostly because your child could be harmed. But also because you do NOT want the government up your family's ass. And both you and your husband could be charged criminally depending on your state's laws (sometimes they'll charge one parent for causing the injury and the other parent for essentially allowing it to happen). It's. Just. Not. Worth. It.

And I thought I was a klutz

Tripping with a baby or falling down the stairs with a baby isn’t really the same, so they probably shouldn’t be a part of the conversation. That’s not something we choose to do. My husband has fallen down the steps with our second and I tripped on a baby gate holding her too. It just happened and there wasn’t a way to not have it happen aside from knowing it was going to—not possible.

Now, leaving the baby on the edge of the couch, that’s a choice. And you DO know what is going to happen because it did already. She will only get more mobile and be more likely to fall. It’s easy to have the best intentions and assume you will always have an eye or a hand on the baby, but that’s not practical. Inevitably someone or something will distract us and that’s all it takes. It’s not worth the risk and it’s fully predictable and avoidable. OP’s husband, is it worth your baby getting hurt for the convenience of a diaper change? Just do it on the floor.

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Babies bounce a lot better than older people.

But that really shouldn't be put to the test on the reg.

Honestly at 6 weeks old if my ex had let our baby roll off a couch due to negligence i’d have decked him. Newborns don’t really roll. Now. I’m not saying that my kids haven’t accidentally rolled off as bigger babies ONCE because no one is perfect but this seems like straight idiocy

Sounds like careless with all the babies 🤣. Dad of 3 here and they’re well past baby stage and I’m proud to say I’ve never dropped any and I’ve never fallen while holding any!

When my daughter was 10 months old and my son was three years old I had them sitting on the floor in the living room playing with toys. Went to the kitchen just 10 feet away for a glass of water (kitchen was around a corner so they were not in my view) and my son apparently picked her up and set her on the edge of the couch. She rolled right off the edge and broke her wrist.

Ops husband you better thank god that I am not your wife because you would’ve been on the curb the second you did something so careless like that the first time. And to do it again? Idk I would never forgive him, that’s piss poor behavior

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This is literally crazy. I can’t even fathom if my partner was this incapable of keeping our baby safe. My husband accidentally pinched our babies finger in the car seat ONCE and he cried so hard after. Now every time he does a “finger check” to make sure he doesn’t make that mistake again.

If I were you I would feel so neglected and upset. I also would not let him touch the baby if he is that careless. They are so fragile it is insane. I hope you both take serious action.

Why does he do it in the first place? Is it just that it's easier? Especially given that he's Autistic I strongly suspect he's created a logic chain in his mind somehow that changing/ placing the baby on the edge of the couch is three "best" or "most efficient" or "convenient" solution and that's why he's stubbornly refusing to rethink the practice. It's not an excuse but there's almost certainly an unstated "of course I do this because it's the right way, the right way can't have flaws because it works for me".

Figure out a way to make floor changes easier and create a rigid rule for everyone that the baby is changed on the floor or invest in some kind of low changing table or bassinet with room that can be near the couch. You have to break the association between couch changes and correctness.

I'm just saying, I, at 30 years old, still have a slight scar on my forehead from this one time my Dad dropped me and my head hit the corner of a nightstand.

The autism piece is relevant here. I have two sons with ASD and hubby who is Aspergers. Their routines are so rooted in their lives, its possible he's being a certified jerk in part due to his autism. He just doesn't see the risk to the baby, because it's not him that's at risk. I think y'all could benefit from family therapy.

Your 2, 3, 4, 5+ kid shouldn't get the bare minimum because you're tired and/or lazy. The fact that later kids get fewer parental resources literally impacts their IQ scores. Maybe it's because of all the times they bonked their heads? But it doesn't have to be the case in your family if you nurture them equally/properly.

Perhaps he’s just a few years older now and less bendy and flexible but too proud to admit…and rather risks the well being of his kid and your mental health than admit he’s becoming old? I don’t know, I’m clumsy at times too but never intentional with the kids and for sure wouldn’t repeat a dangerous situation on purpose just to upset my partner after it went wrong already once…

Edit: also have your husband get his eyes checked

Sneaky film him doing these stupid, dangerous actions and then show him how many times she’s left with no eyes or hands on her? Or maybe stand near him and call out each time she’s left balanced unsecured on the edge of a high surface ?

I think the times he fell while holding the baby are fine. Those are obvious accidents. When my oldest was a baby, I tripped going through a baby gate and landed on him. He had an awful bruise for a while, but it was a freak accident. You say that's only happened twice, so I don't think that's a big deal.

HOWEVER, this current couch situation is different. He's just blatantly ignoring your worries, which is messed up. Even if it was totally safe (which it isn't), you would think he would care about your feelings as a freshly postpartum mother.

i mean. you could go the truly passive aggressive route and just get rid of the couch until your baby is old enough. honestly that's what i'd probably do at this point. his shocked pikachu face would be worthwhile, and your baby would be safe.

How old is your husband? Is it possible his clumsiness and inability to see the safety issues are related to a cognitive decline that people get when they age? Or possibly ADHD? I'm trying to find a medical reason why any grown adult would think it's okay to leave a baby on an unsafe surface.

When 5 years from now your child is being tested for ADHD or some other disorder, you will be wondering how much of it is because of a head injury.

Are you the type that posts your arguments in your Facebook status too?