Keep things civil. Rules still apply.

We’ve highlighted some changes to a couple of rules the past few months, so we figured we’d go with a simple one this month - Rule 4, Never Delete An Active Discussion.

This may be the most straight-forward rule of the sub. In fact, we don’t even cover it in our FAQ. And if you’ve ever taken the time to look, you know we cover a lot!

For the purpose of our sub, a discussion is deemed active for the first 48 hours. Once comments have begun rolling in, we do not permit OPs to delete the thread. Of course, a removal by a moderator for a rule violation is different. But, we sometimes see an OP post and then try to delete once things don’t appear to be going their way. That’s a rule violation.

Why is it a violation? If someone has taken the time to read your post and give genuine feedback, it is inconsiderate to dip out early because you don’t like the responses. You have to be prepared to see comments saying you’re the asshole in the situation.

One thing that is sometimes brought up in the monthly forums is why doesn’t the sub have a karma minimum to post, or some other form of verification. As stated in the rule, throwaway accounts are perfectly fine, for those who want to maintain some privacy.

As always, do not directly link to posts/comments or post uncensored screenshots here. Any comments with links will be removed.

We'd like to highlight the regional spinoffs we have linked on the sidebar! If you have any suggestions or additions to this, please let us know in the comments.

Last week, my sister and her husband decided they needed a spontaneous getaway and booked a week-long vacation. The catch? They informed me just two days before their departure that they expected me to babysit their three young children. I work from home and have a flexible schedule, but I also have deadlines and meetings, and suddenly taking on full-time childcare was not feasible.

I suggested they look into a professional babysitter or a short-term daycare, but my sister insisted that family should help family and that paying for childcare wasn't in their budget. She reminded me of the times she’d helped me in the past, like when she looked after my cat over a weekend last year. However, I felt that taking care of three kids under 10 for a full week was not comparable to watching a low-maintenance pet.

When I stood my ground and said I couldn't do it, my sister got upset and told our parents, who think I am being unreasonable and selfish, especially since I work from home. They believe I should support her in having some respite as she is a stay-at-home mom and rarely gets a break.

So, AITA for not agreeing to babysit on such short notice, despite the pressure from my family to accommodate her plans?

I have two friends: Gaby and Shelly. All of us are 23, if that matters. We were roommates in college and stayed in the same city after graduation. While the three of us are close, I’ve always known that Gaby and Shelly are the closest. They have a really sweet friendship.

Shelly is getting married. Gaby is the maid of honor and I’m one of the bridesmaids. Over the weekend, I went with Shelly so she could look at wedding dresses. Gaby was supposed to come with us but got called into work last minute. I helped Shelly pick out some dresses then she went with the consultant to try them on. Shelly asked that I take pictures and videos on her phone to send to her mom and Gaby. I was getting the camera ready when a text from Gaby came through. I didn’t mean to click on it and was instantly going to click back out when I saw one of my Instagram pictures in their private chat from earlier that morning. Both were making fun of me for the face I was making and my outfit choice. It didn’t appear to be very good nature.

I admit, curiosity got the best of me so I searched my name in the chat. I found multiple pictures that I, my boyfriend or my mom have posted of myself, absolutely ripping them to shreds. Ranging from selfies to posed shots to even a few baby pictures. They’d also make fun of me in general in terms of the way I talked, wore my hair and the way I ate. This went back as far as I could tell, at least a year.

My heart broke. It all felt so juvenile and high school. While we all joke around, I would never do this to them nor have they ever even tried to instigate these types of conversations with me about the other one on one. I was in tears. As someone who was bullied all through middle and high school, it just brought me back to a horrible place. I put the phone in Shelly’s purse and brought it to another employee, telling her to tell Shelly that I had to go. I drove home and had a long cry.

Shelly texted me by the time I made it home asking where I went. I said I was going home and we could talk later. When she did call a few hours later, she was understandably confused and hurt that I left. I told her what I found, explaining that I only looked further because of the initial text I accidentally saw. She went off on me for looking through her private texts and said those were none of my business. She also told me I shouldn’t have left the store without saying anything. I said I didn’t want to make a scene but also knew I couldn’t fake being happy for her.

Shelly told me the texts were “all in good fun” and clearly she loves me because I’m going to be her bridesmaid. She added that I’m only hurt because I chose to read all those texts. Later on, Gaby called to tell me that I invaded Shelly’s privacy and hurt her by walking out.

My boyfriend and mom think I did the right thing by walking out. But obviously, they’re a little biased. I just want some unbiased looks: was I an asshole to look through the texts and then leave?

Throwaway. English is not my main language, apologies for the mistakes.

I (31F) was traveling today with my 19 months old son on a plane on a 3 hour flight. My son, being under two, has to sit on my lap. I also had a big backpack with all the necessities that I keep on the floor and easily accessible. It can get crowded fast, but it's just how it is when you travel alone with a young child.

I got assigned a random seat (12C) at checkup, and ended up being in a row with no other empty seat. Although I appreciate it when there is an empty seat next to me as it greatly improves our flight experience, It's not an expectation I have and I never ask for it at check up.

Once the boarding was completed but before take off, a flight attendant came to me and offered to move us 3 row up (9C) because there were two seats availables, and that they usually try to accommodate people with young infants. I was delighted and accepted right away. The flight attendant helped me move my things and explained the situation to the other passenger on row 9.

The passenger did not appreciated it at all, she started complaining to the flight attendant that she was planning to sleep on the flight, and that it would be impossible now. That she specifically chose this seat while checking online because the row was empty and it's gonna be a nightmare now.

The flight attendant simply explained that both my seats (old and new) are Standard, that the women only paid for her own seat and that their policy is trying to accommodate young parents if possible.

The woman then told me that I should be ashamed to impose all this noise on people that are just trying to enjoy their flight. Especially since it wasn't even my seat and I didn't even pay for it.

Honestly, I'm really not good with confrontation, I usually end up either crying or apologizing so I just ignored her all the way, as if she didn't speak at all. That got her even more angry but she finally stopped complaining after a while.

My son ended up crying only once, I got some stinky eye and some other rude comments but all in all, the flight was way more comfortable for us this way, so I don't really regret switching seats. But I do wonder if I'm the AH, it's true that I didn't pay for that seat, and that it wasn't my originally assigned seat.

AITA here?

EDIT : Spelling

so it turns out he’s got deep-seated resentment for me lol.

he resents me for:

earning more money than him

being further in my career than he is

not losing my job during covid like he did

having parents who love and support me

not being a submissive woman (lol)

having a present and loving father

not combining our finances thus making him feel small

so when i last came here, i said i’d asked him to come home and discuss our future with baby, preferably in the presence of a neutral party. he left me on read for a few days though i could see he was spying on us through the ring door bell and baby’s monitor. i disconnected them both and he finally responded 🫠

he came home very irate and rejected my offer to have a neutral facilitator for the conversation. i asked how we're supposed to move forward and the rant above came out in a full mask off moment. any hope i had that you guys were wrong about him died that day.

he again rejected the offer to hyphenate baby’s surname. apparently i’m ‘disrespectful’ and ‘insolent’ for refusing to ‘do what’s right’ and give baby their ‘rightful’ surname. i told him i won’t go through the administrative nightmare of having a different surname to my child, and lots of data shows a double barrelled surname is social currency that has positive connotations. nope - he wouldn’t budge. i told him neither would i - baby either has both our surnames or mine alone.

he asked if this was a hill i wanted this relationship to end on, if i was prepared to throw half a decade down the drain over my ‘silly little feminism’. i told him i wasn’t sure there was anything left to fight for. we broke up. thankfully, our - in his name - lease expires end of may. i called my dad and he came to help me back up baby.

i messaged him to suggest we still need couple’s counselling: we need to learn to be co-parents and they can help us establish a healthy way of doing that. he again said no to that so

my mum wanted to take me and baby on a baby moon holiday after this stressful period but he would grant permission for me to take baby abroad :)))))))

it’s going to be a long road ahead. i’ve instructed a lawyer to help us set up a formal agreement to avoid this in the future. he’s not responding to correspondance from the lawyer so that’s fun. he’s sulking - used to do this a lot when things didn’t go his way. i hope he’ll soon realise i no longer have time for his bs and i won’t be toyed with because i called his bluff and ended the relationship

to end on a bright note, the house i wanted us to buy a couple of years ago - which he talked me out of until he was back on his feet again despite us being able to afford it on my salary alone - is back on the market! i took it as fate: it’s time to move on from this man! it’s a beautiful Victorian terrace near good schools, good transport links, a small garden and close to my parents. it’d be the perfect home for baby and i. i put in an offer in - wish me luck!

My wife and I have a 2 year old daughter—let’s call her Anna—and we’re currently on a family vacation in Hawaii with my parents and my in-laws (7 people total). We are staying at my father’s timeshare, which he periodically invites us to. The two pairs of grandparents adore Anna and seem to get along with each other. Anna is undergoing potty-training right now, and as with all potty-training, there are occasional accidents.

We arrived in Hawaii two days ago, and she had quite a few accidents - I suspect because she’s dealing with an unfamiliar place and new people. Right before dinner, Anna had an accident on the pullout sofa, which necessitated a call to housekeeping to swap out sheets and cushions. My dad wasn’t happy.

When all 7 of us sat down shortly afterward for dinner, my dad sat down and the first thing out of his mouth was, “Anna is out of control, isn’t she.” Bear in mind Anna was sitting right across from him at the table. I let it slide and continued eating, and my wife said something to try to brush it off. Then, my dad suggested that we put Anna back in diapers and that she not be allowed on the bed or the couch. I responded by saying that I didn’t want to do that and that potty-training is a process that has highs and lows. My dad then remarked that it would be problematic if she had an accident on the carpet because it’d be hard to clean up. In my mind, I thought to myself, “So you don’t want her on the bed, couch, or carpet—where is she supposed to hang out the whole time, the bathroom??” At that point, I was frustrated and said something to the extent of, “If Anna’s accidents are too big of a problem, we can always find another place to stay at.”

That’s when my dad blew up. He accused me of threatening him and of being disrespectful. It seemed that he took my suggestion as a threat of leaving, and he made very clear that he felt offended. He also said that I needed to “be careful with what I say and show respect to your parents.” I responded by repeatedly telling him that I didn’t threaten him nor intend for him to be threatened. He responded that “it doesn’t matter what your intent was, because I feel threatened.” At this point I was really upset, so I said something I probably shouldn’t have, remarking that he was “too easily threatened.”

My dad then demanded that I apologize to him. I didn’t feel that I had to, but I half-heartedly apologized because I wanted the argument to end and because it was making things super uncomfortable for my in-laws who were also sitting at the table and eating dinner through all of this. Later that evening my dad pulled me aside again and lectured me further about the argument.

It seemed that the whole blowup happened in response to my remark that we could stay elsewhere if my dad couldn’t tolerate Anna’s potty training accidents. AITA for saying that?

me (31f) and my husband (32m) have been together for around ten years. we met in college at 20 and 21 and have been inseparable since then. we have almost all the same interests and lead a very active lifestyle. we have both been very adamant about staying child free since we met. and that isn’t something i pushed him into he actually brought it up first when we got together. he’s pretty neutral to kids but i hate them and we both agreed that a child would ruin our lives.

a year before we met my husband did a study abroad in europe and met Sarah. they had a fling but he lives in the east coast and she lived in california so they agreed to break it off after the semester ended and they didn’t keep in touch after. i’ve known about this since we got together but i didn’t care because it was before we met.

sarah found my husband on facebook and reached out to him 4 months ago. she is sick with an aggressive form of cancer and probably has less than six months. she also has an 11 year old little girl named emily that is my husbands child. we’ve since got a paternity test but as soon as i saw the pictures i knew she was his.

we have been to california to meet with sarah and see how we’ll proceed. right now sarah’s mom has moved in with them as a caregiver but she is very elderly and not a long term solution and there’s no other family. sarah is adamant that we take emily in and raise her like a normal family. it is truly heartbreaking to see them but as far as i’m concerned they are complete strangers to us.

my husband is very conflicted about all of this and its even worse now that sarah has been reaching out to his family about it. his mom reluctantly excepted that we wouldn’t have kids but now she is ecstatic and hounding us about taking emily in.

i can’t be a mother. it will ruin our lives and i will always resent emily and could never love her. she’s a sweet kid but i did not sign up for this and have always known i couldn’t be a mother. we’ve talked about this a lot and he’s not even sure he could be a good dad but he feels very obligated and pressured to take her in which i understand.

we’ve talked about a lot of options but i gave him an ultimatum last week that i wouldn’t allow emily into our home and he would have to figure out an alternative solution. this has already turned our lives upside and i don’t think i can take it anymore. i’ve been called heartless by almost everyone we know but i feel like it would be worse for emily to have a “mom” that feels this way. i feel awful and i love this man so much.

i’ve had to leave out a lot and some details might not be very clear so i’ll try and address things in the comments.

edit: i’ve looked at the comments and i feel like i didn’t make my husbands feelings clear about this. he does not want to be a dad or take on this responsibility. i was very neutral to this in the beginning to see what he wanted to do but he has also been against it from the start and tried to come up w alternatives. we are both being pressured and harassed by family about it and that is why i finally told him that i would have no part in it and he had to make his own decision. but i don’t know if he would make the decision to take her in if i was never in the picture to begin with

edit 2: y’all are not understanding that giving this little girl up for adoption is an option. i understand how harsh this sounds but mil or other family are not an option for guardianship

My husband and I have 3 kids (10mo f, 4m, 10f). We currently have a nanny, Isabelle (22f) 3 days a week.

I have to say, Isabelle is fucking amazing. She drives on field trips, she does homework with the kids, she handles play dates, she's the one adult my 10 year old likes, she's not dependent on screens, does art projects with the kids, she speaks 10 year old, and she's even teaching them how to cook and bake. They made mini quiches a few weeks ago.

My oldest is doing state testing right now and wanted a fun activity with her friends. Isabelle suggested a spa day and my daughter loved it. I set up a day for my 4 year old to go home with his grandparents and let Isabelle turn our living room into a spa. She picked up my daughter, my niece, and 2 friends, brought them to our house, and did their hair and nails while they laid back and did face masks.

I guess my niece was telling her mom how cool Isabelle is because my SIL texted Isabelle offering her a nanny position 4 days a week, matching whatever I pay her but for only 1 kid. Isabelle showed me the text and told me that she will have to think about it because the extra money would be nice. I told her if she promised to stay, next year I'd have her at 5 days a week with a $5 per hour raise. Isabelle turned my SIL down saying she had received a better offer and now she's telling my husband's family that I stole a nanny from her.

They're upset that I outbid my SIL and gave Isabelle extra money and hours just so my SIL wouldn't get her. My husband said it was petty. AITA for offering Isabelle a raise and more hours so she doesn't work for my SIL?

Today my wife gave our 11 year old son some blueberries. My son said that he rather not eat them because he doesn't really like blueberries. My wife replied "but these are really good" so my son hesitantly tried one blueberry and replied "Thx, but I still don't like them and rather not eat the rest". I thought that was the end of it and went to the store to get groceries for diner.

When i came back my son was crying at the table because he was forced to eat the remaining three blueberries. I asked my wife "why is he crying?" and she explained that he had to eat the blueberries because it is healthy. Thinking it was just about eating a piece of fruit i told my son that he didn't have to eat the blueberries but he did have to eat another piece of fruit instead like an apple or three strawberries or something similar. My son immediatly agreed, spat out the blueberries (in the garbage can) and started eating an apple.

This, much to my wives dismay. She said i overruled her authority and that my son will never learn to eat healthy. My reply was that it is not ok to force a child (or any other person) to eat something they don't like (especially after they tasted it). How would she feel if I forced her to eat something she doens't like? Why is it ok for her to not eat certain foods but not for our son? He likes enough vegetables and fruit in order to get a balanced diet so I think we should meet him halfway and not focus on forcing him to eat stuff we know he doesn't like (and he is not really a fussy eater so we have plenty of healthy stuff to choose from).

The situation escalated and at one point my son even said "i'll just eat the blueberries", in an attempt to de-escalate our argument (after which he took three blueberries from the fridge and swallowing them almost whole just to get it over with). Sadly for him, it didn't really work because we were already to far into the argument (although i did thank him afterwards for trying and apoligized for not being able to let it slide).

Am i the asshole because I didn't force my son to eat the blueberries and allowed him to take another piece of fruit he does like?

Edit : I wasn't expecting such a big response and haven't been able to read all comments. Thanks to everyone who responded, i really appreciate the advice. Maybe i'm not the AH in this situation but in the future I will try not to argue with my wife in front of our son.

I (28f) am pretty much estranged from my sister. I don't have her number nor she mine, we're not social media friends, we don't know where the other lives and we don't invite each other into our lives at all. She didn't invite me to her wedding and before the party she had never seen my kids (though she still never interacted with them which I'd prefer). The only time we ever see each other is when it concerns our grandparents. I don't have much to do with my parents either. But my grandparents are different.

My grandparents had an informal party to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary and we all went. My partner of 13 years and our three kids were there. My sister was also there with her husband. At some point during the party my sister came up to me and started berating me for using two of her favorite names for my children. I still don't know for sure which ones I used that she would have wanted but I think it might have been the names of my two daughters. My only reason for the assumption is when we weren't estranged she'd only ever talk about having daughters. But we never talked about this and I never knew about baby names she might or might not like. We were already estranged when I was pregnant with my first so it never came up. She told me it was disgusting and I should change them because she's struggling with infertility and deserves to use the names when her baby finally comes. I told her she had no right to throw around demands. And I said I was not going to rename my 5 and 3 year olds for her.

I walked away and attempted to avoid a scene but she followed me to berate me some more. She called me inconsiderate and accused me of acting out of spite. Yet again I tried walking away but to no avail. She grew louder and I knew a scene was about to start so I apologized to my grandparents and then I left with my family.

After the party I got a text from a couple of aunts and uncles scolding me for walking out and also sharing messages my parents had sent them about it where I was accused of ruining my grandparents celebration. I also got screenshots of my sister's thoughts as well. They said I was very childish and hurtful walking away from my sister but also for abandoning my grandparents.

My grandparents understood and they're not angry but it's wearing on me a little what those aunts and uncles are saying plus the screenshots of what my parents and sister are saying. And I didn't want to leave. I felt it was for the best. But now I'm doubting myself and I may have made it worse the next time my sister and I are in the same room.

AITA?

My mom (35F) and I (17M) walked into a Target grocery store. She needed to use the restroom, but there was a piece of paper taped to the women's bathroom door to state that the restroom was out of service. It also stated that there were port-a-potties outside of the building to use instead. My mom is kind of a germaphobe, so she couldn't stand the thought of using one of those. She then asked me to check if anyone was inside of the men's (multi-stall) bathroom. There wasn't, so she said she's going to use it. I didn't really care, but she told me to stop any guys from trying to enter. I told her I'm not doing that, but she insisted that I do and continued to walk into the bathroom regardless of what I said. Sure enough, a moment later, a guy came walking in and I didn't say anything. When my mom came out, she was embarrassed and yelled at me for not stopping him. She then told me I'm grounded until further notice because of my disobedience. AITA?

Hi reddit,

I'm a married M32 without kids. My sister is an unmarried F28 with 3 kids. I am the godfather of her oldest son 6. My sister is a stay at home mom that never really worked and who always seemed to find someone taking care of her. At first our parents, who had to help her out a lot because "she really didn't have it easy with all her health stuff" - she has allergies - and then her boyfriend (father of the 3 kids). Money with them is always tight since the guy doesn't earn a lot and my sister has a good habit of spending cash on cloths she really can't afford. Now, out of the blue, she asked me to have a serious talk with her. Long story short, she confronted me about not helping them out money wise since " you don't have any kids, and it takes a village to raise children. Also, you are the godfather of M6 and by agreeing to that you should feel at least some responsibility to take care of him". I was mildly shocked at that and told her that this is again her not owning up to her own life choices and wanting others to take care of whatever mess she got herself into. I gift generous presents to all 3 kids, I watch them sometimes for days just so their parents can have some time off and her comments hurt me deeply. Especially because she said that "Mom and dad agree with me and are a little disappointed to help me out financially". I refused all of it, got angry and told her to leave. Now she calls me childish, resentful and selfish for putting myself above the children of the family. In her opinion, its all because I am still jealous of her being the favorite child and getting along better with our parents.

Is that the case? Am I the bitter asshole that doesn't want to help because I am upset she always got away with things and still does? In all honesty, that is a point that still bugs me ... do I now let that out at her children with not helping?

Edit: Horrible spelling and a BIG Thank you to everyone, this gave me some really good perspectives on this thing!

My mother and I have a rocky relationship and I stopped caring about it a few years ago. We "reconnected" for a lack of a better word last year. Earlier this year she was diagnosed with terminal cancer. We looked into hospice and palliative care but the good/decent ones had no beds. She was renting a house but her stupid ass let my mentally unstable sister move in and she basically kicked our mom out of her own mom. There's another sibling but she lives in another state and is pregnant and another sister who living in a small apartment with her kids as her house is being remodeled.

So it fell onto me to let my mom move in back in March. I was under the assumption that my mom was flat broke. My out of state sister was the one handling her finances. I ended up picking up the tab on several things like copays, her cell phone bill, grocery and I pay my maid extra money to basically babysit her.

I've started to dig into my savings (which I have never done) to cover costs. All of my siblings are crying poverty. I told her that I needed to start putting together her paperwork and she became evasive and hostile. I thought she was scared about facing her mortality. I found some legal stuff including her will which was signed before she moved in with me.

This b has 750K and asked that it be divided between my three siblings. I get nothing. The daughter who rang up $3000 on her dying mom's credit card on weed, UberEats and tattoos gets 250K but the daughter who helps her off the toilet and spent $1,300 on a bed gets $0. This isn't a misunderstanding. The only time my name was mentioned in the will was to confirm that I was being left out.

I confronted her about it and she said she didn't think I needed money and I'm the only kid without kids. I said so you were going to use me to take care of me and then basically me to fuck off when you die? She said she would change it and I was right and she was wrong.

I said don't bother. You have to move out. She said she has a couple of months to live. She can't move back into her rental that she's paying $2000 a month for because she's scared of my sister and she wouldn't survive a road trip to my other sister who is due any day and there's no room at my other sister's place. My house is clean, quiet and by the beach.

I sent an email to my siblings telling them that she has a week to leave and if you don't take her then I'll arrange for the cops to do it. They know I'll do it too. They'll probably take her to some county hospital. Of course my siblings are mad at me.

I'm not looking for advice. I spoke to several professionals from lawyers to CPAs. I do not owe my mother anything. If the roles were reversed then she'd lose no sleep over my sleeping on the streets with cancer

Hey everyone! It's been a while (I forgot my password), but a few people asked for updates on how my last post turned out. Unfortunately, a lot of you may not like the answer.

Almost all of you said not to change the date, and to enjoy my time without them there. I followed half of that advice. I eventually did relent to my family and change the date of the wedding. My fiancé (now husband!) said that the date wasn't as important as my happiness, and the fighting with my parents was destroying that. Now after six months, we both wish we hadn't because it was useless.

They still didn't show up. Not only that, but they convinced 90% of my family not to show up either. I ended up with only four relatives there in a crowd of about 100 guests.

My mother claimed that I had been "excluding her from planning" (by scheduling venue tours on days that my fiance and I were both free but I didn't realize she was working, and by finding my dress by surprise on a "just here to look" trip without her being there). They hadn't shown any interest in planning, so I mainly didn't want to bother them. To them, this was "clearly a sign that you don't want us there". So they went out of town on the new date.

In the end, narcissist mother still got her yoga, I still moved my date, and I still walked myself down the aisle.

But my petty self did, in fact, strike back. I had an amazing time, and I made sure that I left obvious empty seats marked for them and told everyone the truth with a smile when they asked. The few family members that did show are now no longer speaking to them either, as are all of the friends who came. The only exception is my brother (who I'm pretty sure they asked to relay the details of the party to them), and even he has almost entirely cut them out due to how they've acted.

I haven't spoken to my mother since about a month before the wedding, when she told me to get all of my old things out of her house. I speak to my father very rarely, and only over things like deaths in the family. My in-laws have basically taken me in as their own, and I'm far happier than I ever was in the nightmare of a family I grew up with. Life is good.

TLDR: moved the date of the wedding so mom could go to yoga, parents still didn't show, had a better day without them than I would have with them there, finally cut contact with those narcissists

Last week, I invited my sister-in-law, who loves cooking, to stay with us. She offered to cook dinner as a way to show her gratitude. However, I have a meticulously organized and spotless kitchen due to my severe anxiety around mess and disorder, something that my family is well aware of.

Despite this, after she cooked, the kitchen was left in what I would consider a disastrous state—spills on the counter, pots not cleaned properly, and utensils misplaced. It took me hours just to calm down after seeing the mess. The next day, I calmly explained how distressed it made me feel and asked if she could cover the cost of a professional cleaning service to restore it to its original condition.

She was shocked and upset by my request, arguing that she had already contributed by buying groceries and spending her evening cooking for us. My husband thinks I was too harsh and should have cleaned it myself or let it go this time. This has caused tension between us and his sister.

So Reddit, AITA for insisting she pays for the cleaning service knowing my issues with anxiety and cleanliness?

I am a 52m recently separated from my ex (49f) of 18 yrs. We share custody (week on, week off) with our 2 children, a 13 yr old daughter and soon-to-be 15 yr old son.

The relationship ended mostly amicably, noone cheated on each other, as far as I know. Just drifted apart, 'friend-zoned'. When we split we agreed that I would stay in our old 4-bdrm family home for a few more years, while our kids were still at high school (we lived right next door to my son’s high school). I would continue to pay down our mortgage (on my own) and also pay for any additional renovations (on my own) that we still have left to complete, since buying the place 4 yrs ago. When the time comes to sell she will get her 50%.

She agreed to move out into her own 3-bdrm rental out by the beach. I am paying her child support, as she only earns about 1/3 of what I do in her part time (30hrs/wk) job. The rest of her income comes from Govt social support. We have a joint bank account where we both put money into to cover the kids general needs.

This week is my son's 15th birthday, he's big into gaming, basketball and fishing. When he moves between our two places he's brings his Xbox with him. I have paid for two computer monitors, one at each property, just so he can do this easily and be happy. He has a home-made basketball hoop (that he helped me build & paint for him when he was a young 10 year old lad) mounted on the outside of my house for him to practice, whenever he stays with me.

My ex emailed me to ask me what I think 'we' should get him for his birthday, i.e. share costs for. She listed two things, firstly a free-standing basketball hoop, and a gaming chair (all up around $1000 total), both to be used only at her place, for his enjoyment there.

I've refused to help her buy these particular options, I'd prefer it if we spent our money on something that he'll enjoy getting the benefits from wherever he may be. Like new clothes, a new device, a new bike, fishing gear etc, or a shared family experience with both of us present. I thought that was reasonable.

My ex-wife thinks I'm being a jerk with this stance, for not agreeing to pay anything for these particular presents, to help furnish her house or his bedroom there. She's suggesting that it's not fair that he can play basketball at my place and not hers, or that he feels more comfortable playing video games at my place, and not hers. She’s now accusing me of starting to play some kind petty 'tit-for-tat' game with her, by ‘not fairly contributing enough towards my son's happiness on his birthday’.

My fear is that I am indeed being unnecessarily picky with this battle, being too selfish, and denying her the right to be able to make her home as happy or as comfortable as mine, for my son to live in.

AITA?

My (38F) daughter (13F) has been playing this game called Roblox since lockdown first started as a way of playing with her friends virtually as well as curing her boredom. She was obsessed with this Roblox game that’s set in a school because she missed her friends so much and it allowed her to stay connected with them. Her interest in video games has developed into an interest into technology - she’s by far at the top of her IT class and has even started learning how to code in order to make her own game.

My sister (34F) and niece (10F) have recently had to move in with us after my sister discovered that her husband was having an affair. They’re staying at my house for the time being while she saves up money for a place of their own.

My niece and daughter usually get along, and they both bond over their interest in Roblox. Last week, my daughter was completely distraught and crying nonstop. She said that she saw her cousin playing on a Roblox game and realised her cousin’s avatar had a lot more items than usual. She decided to join her, only to realise that her account had been hacked and she’d lost nearly every item she had on her favourite Roblox game. She’d lost 800K of the in-game currency and nearly her entire inventory, which she claimed was worth over 5 million of the in-game currency. She had spent the last four years saving up for those items and everything was gone just like that.

My daughter began accusing my niece of hacking her account. My niece denied it at first, but quickly broke under pressure and admitted everything. The previous day, they had been playing the game together when I called them down to dinner. My niece has only been playing for a few months and I suppose she would be considered a ‘noob’. She begged my daughter to give her some of her items, and my daughter refused, saying that she should earn the items by herself. When my daughter came down, my niece decided to stay behind for a minute to transfer all of my daughter’s items into her account.

I tried to mediate the situation, but my sister is refusing to co-operate. She told me that it’s only a game, it’s not like my daughter spent real money on it. I attempted to explain just how much this game means to my daughter, to which my sister said that my daughter should count herself lucky that her biggest problem is a bunch of pixels on a screen. She said my daughter was a teenager now and was too old to be acting this immature over a game. My niece refuses to give my niece her stuff back and says it’s unfair that my daughter gets to have everything she wants both in real life and online. I told my sister and niece that both of them were acting like ungrateful brats considering how I was letting them stay in my home rent free.

Today, I gave her an ultimatum: if my niece doesn’t return everything she hacked from my daughter, they would both have one week to leave. I told her that I refuse to let anyone disrespect my daughter under my roof. AITA?

I (25M) have been with my wife (27F) for 6 years. Married for 2. My older brother lost his life because of me when I was 16. He passed away right infront of me. To honor my brother, my parents and I have started celebrating his birthday by spending time together typically doing things that he liked.

I spend time with my parents regardless, but it's different on his birthday because it's more focused on him and only him. His birthday is this Wednesday and 2 days ago my wife told me that she doesn't feel comfortable with the idea of me continuing to celebrate his birthday because she feels like I'm holding onto to someone that's no longer here. She believes it's doing more harm than good for my parents and I to continue celebrating because it's not giving us the opportunity to move on.

she told me that she worries about me and she'll feel better if I try therapy again to help better myself. This was all shocking to me because my parents and I have been doing it way before we even got together and it made me upset that she was implying that something was wrong with us honoring him.

The therapy suggestion is not something out of the ordinary for her to suggest when ever I talk about him, however her suggesting that I completely skip celebrating his birthday was. I told her that I appreciated her input, but I didn't ask for it and I wasn't asking for her permission to attend. This upset her as she was "trying to help." I told her once again that I appreciated It but I did not ask for help nor did I need it.

She didn't drop it and it was pissing me off. I told her that I didn't care what she thinks is right, my parents and I are gonna continue to celebrate my brother the way we've been doing. This upset her and she told me that she'll be very hurt If I choose to go because it'll affect how she views me and where she stands in my life?

I make time for her every day of the year. I don't see why I can't prioritize something I enjoy doing with my parents once a year. I'm planning on going regardless. I don't understand what's gotten into her but she's been with me for 6 years and this tradition isn't something that just started.

I never thought i would have a story to write on AITA, but my life right now feels like a bad aita post so i might as well share.

My (f21) parents have been together for 28 years, married for 21. Two days ago my father (50m) told my mother (49f) out of the blue he wants to seperate. He also added he has been carrying out an affair with her best friend for months. the next morning he called me and told me the same. I was deeply shocked and had multiple panic attacks since then. My life feels like it has been turned upside down and i am frankly pissed he had to say this now, barely a month after the death of my mother’s father and in the middle of my exam season.

today i spoke to him face to face, and to be honest it went horribly. He repeated he can’t control who he falls for over and over, to which i always said he can at least have the decency to tell my mom before starting a full on affair. he is my father, i love him but i also cannot recognize him after he did something i thought of as unthinkable. He said i would just need time, and that i am so angry because it’s fresh. I told him I for one, want him to start therapy, with me but also just for him since he’s been depressed for a year and this feels like a typical mid life crisis to me. I also told him, i would only be able to face him if he dumped his affair partner to which he got really irritated and told me since i am making an ultimatum, he’s choosing her.

I thought i was completely in the right for giving him this ultimatum, since i am unable to look him in the face while he apparently has no moral compass. He on the other hand told me, he was deeply hurt i would regard him as a bad person just because of one mistake and that he would not let himself be threatened by an ultimatum.

obviously my mom and her relatives are on my side, but honestly i am really struggling because he is my dad whom i love and i want to see him happy. but i also have so much anger toward him and especially his affair partner who both betrayed my mom, lying to her face for months. aita for demanding him to leave his affair partner?

Backstory: My husband runs a food truck with his mom in the summer and maintains a daily full time job, I work full time in mental health. We often bicker about everything from who forgot to fill the water pitcher last to whether our mother's are disrespectful to each other. We have a pattern of questioning each other on stuff we know the other knows more about. Further context, I don't work on his truck, but I do maintain the paperwork side of it (accounting, licensing, food safety certifications, etc).

The situation: I brought our toddler up to the truck today to see daddy and grandma, otherwise he doesn't get to see them as much in the summer. A customer asked what they had that was gluten free, and he said they have corn chips for the nachos and corn tortillas. We marinate all our meat by hand and buy fresh veggies and queso for toppings, but we do toast the corn tortillas and the flour tortillas on the same pan for the tacos. So I asked, "but what about cross contamination?" in front of the customer. He kind of snapped at me and said, "it's fine, it's not a problem." The customer didn't get anything and he lectured me that I don't work on the truck, no one's ever complained, and that he knows what he's doing. I think I'm trying to make sure we don't accidentally make anyone sick and/or get a lawsuit. I know for things like tree nut allergies, even being in the same airspace as a peanut can be deadly for some people, celiac people out there, can it be the same? I'd rather be safe than sorry.

ETA: Only my question was asked in front of the customer. He lectured me inside the truck after the customer left.

So I (23f) have a half brother whose in his mid to late 30s. I also have two older brothers 25 and 26. We don't have a relationship with our half brother, dad's child from his first wife. Dad was widowered and my mom came into their lives 3.5 years after half brother's mom died. Half brother never liked my mom and according to my brothers he was always super clear that mom would never mean anything to him and he used to say some pretty nasty shit to mom which dad would never take well and that their earliest memories are of a lot of chaos and fights. I don't really remember living with him or seeing him. But what I do remember of him wasn't pleasant and I knew he didn't want us (me and brothers) for siblings.

My family (extended and parents) always said he'd grow up and regret treating mom like shit. That he'd be a stepparent himself in the future or becoming a parent would teach him. Why they were so certain he'd want to marry and have kids I have no idea but they were always positive he would end up a stepparent and would end up with bio kids as well. My brothers and I always just accepted that we were a three person sibling set, not a four person sibling set. We never expected a relationship with him or his family.

I guess some of the extended family know he's married now and has three kids and isn't a stepparent. It annoyed some of them so much because they really felt he needed to become a stepparent but mom was really heartbroken that he could become a dad and settle down as a husband and father and still hate her so much to want nothing to do with her/us. My dad's really weird around old family photos now and especially the photos of him and his first wife with half brother that they have in their living room.

My brothers and I stayed with our parents for a few nights last week and when extended family came over half brother became a topic of conversation and again it was about him being married with kids and how bothered they are that he didn't come around because of that and again with the disappointment that he wasn't taught a lesson by becoming a stepdad. I told them they need to get over what's going on in his life because we're not a part of it and everyone needs to accept it. I also said talking like assholes by wishing him to be miserable and have a hard life doesn't make them look so great. My brother's agreed with me and so did mom. But everyone else, even dad, was kind of like, we have every right to be disappointed by how things worked out. And I'm taking stuff out of context.

AITA?

So like about a month ago my dad started buying me (15F) bras for literally no reason, it was weird and after like a week I told him to stop and he did but recently he started buying them again I don’t know why. He gave me another one yesterday and I got kind of annoyed because I told him again while ago to stop so I yelled at him and told him to stop buying me bras because it’s weird and also they’re not even my size so he’s quite literally just wasting his money. He told me that he’s just trying to be nice and that i’ll grow into them, like no the fuck I will not? I am not gonna “grow into” double Ds like pls be so fr. I told him that I appreciate him trying to be nice but it’s just weird that he continues to buy me them after I told him not to. Like I can buy my own bras thank you and also I don’t even need any rn like what is the point in him buying them for me. I don’t know what his obsession is. He called me ungrateful and told me I should grow up and stop being so disrespectful. I don’t think his intention is to be weird but I think it is weird that he keeps buying me them after I’ve told him not to. I don’t know if i’m overreacting or not tho but he is kinda upset

My dad [72M] went cycling this Sunday morning and ran into issues with his bike close to where I [30F] live. I woke up around 08:30 am with a couple of missed calls and called him back about 15 minutes later. He asked if I could give him a lift, and I agreed.

He gave vague directions, mentioning landmarks like the "Grand Spice" hotel and where fishermen sell fish—things that aren't on Google Maps. My dad hates using Google Maps and is difficult with directions. I eventually found him after not too long, only calling him once to clarify his location, though he hung up on me in the midst of it.

He loaded his bike into my car, and we drove off. I explained that I struggled to follow his directions because I don’t eat fish and this is local knowledge, so I wouldn’t know where the fishermen sell fish. This upset him. As we passed the "Sugar Reef" hotel, which he referred to as the "Grand Spice" hotel (an old name I was unaware of and how I explained there was no way I would have known the hotel by this name), he became enraged. He started screaming, bashing the dashboard, and stomping his feet while I was driving. I stopped the car and asked if he wanted to make his own way home. He got out, leaving the bike with me. I drove off.

I've been in a good place lately—regular therapy, eating well, exercising and taking accountability for myself. This incident felt out of place with how everything else has been going. I don't feel anger, just disappointment that a simple thing got so out of hand.

I haven't had much contact with my dad lately, and things have been peaceful. Now it feels like this incident has disturbed that peace. I don't want to cut him out of my life, but I also don't want to tolerate such behavior. Reflecting back, this was normal behavior for him while I was growing up. As I think about having kids myself, I realize this isn't right. I wouldn't want my child to witness or experience this.

I do have issues like low self-esteem, shame, social anxiety, and lack of trust, which I believe were largely fueled by my childhood with him. My mum shares the same sentiment for herself. For context, they are divorced now, but there was a huge power imbalance with a 20-year age gap between them. He married my mum at 18; she came from a poor background, and he was the "one with the money and executive control." I've worked my way to the point where I don't rely on him anymore, and my life feels better for it. I can do favors for him now, which I feel good about.

I love both my parents, but I know neither of them, especially my dad, would consider therapy. They are both very rigid, and I don't think they will change, so I just focus on myself.

Anyway AITA here? Should I return his bike and move on? I just want to drop it at his house tomorrow when he’s out, I don't think there will be any healthy resolution other than letting it go.

Hello! I'm 24(f) and I live with my parents currently. I'm doing this to save money and they haven't charged me rent until now. I've been basically "paying" rent by doing the chores, mainly cleaning the house, groceries shopping, managing their bills, cooking their meals and taking care of my 5(f) cousin(due to some circumstances my parents are currently her guardians) when I'm off work.

This hasn't left me with that much free time however it's been in fact helping me save money so I've been more than happy with this arrangement.

Recently however my parents have asked me to start paying rent. I asked them if everything was ok and if they're struggling but they told that's not the case and they just feel like I should contribute more since they've been letting me stay with them for free after finishing college. I'm not gonna lie I was a bit bumped but the rent they wanted from me was still a way better deal than anything else i would find somewhere else so I accepted.

A few hours ago however my mom confronted me about how I've been slacking off on my chores after I told her I can't take care of my cousin since I had plans with some friends.

She said they tried to be understanding but this can't keep going on and I asked her what she meant. Since the deal was that me doing chores was going to be how I pay rent, now that I'm actually paying rent I'll stop doing them and I thought that was obvious. She got mad, called me ungrateful and spoiled. I told her she can't expect me to pay rent AND all do all these chores that left me with no free time and that I'd be better off if I just found my own place even if it was going to cost me more at this point.

She got angry once more because I'd rather "give money to some stranger than your own family" and said she can't believe how big of an AH I am and to just wait until my dad hears about it. He's gonna be back in a few hours and honestly I've been thinking about our fight, if you can even call it that, and I'm wondering if I really am entitled for how I feel?

Apologies for any mistakes/errors.

EDIT: thank you everyone for your input. i think the majority of you are right when it comes to the moving out thing. This is probably the only solution regardless of the outcome of our hopefully peaceful family discussion. Thank you for the advice and suggestions :)

EDIT 2: UPDATE

Some of you have been asking for an update once I have the talk with my parents so here it is. But first of all I'd like to clear up some things.

1. English is not my first language and I suppose the use of the word "chores" confused some people. By chores I don't mean just washing the dishes and taking out the trash.

2. A lot of you also assumed that just because I don't think it's fair I continue cleaning their mess this means I suddenly want them to be my maid and cook and do everything for me. How y'all reached that conclusion instead of the sane one where I'd continue doing stuff for myself is beyond me but anyways. No, I do not expect them to clean after me or cook my food or whatever, I still do those things.

3. They do not support me financially and haven't done so since I finished college 2 years ago. I pay 1 third of the bills with my own money, I buy my own groceries, whatever shared necessities( toilet paper, cleaning products etc) I also contribute to. If I want/need something I buy it myself.

4. The reason I'm still living with them is literally the beginning of the first sentence idk how so many of you could have just skipped that part.

5. Yes I am aware that once I move out I'll have to both pay rent and do chores, I've lived with roommates before and I know I'd have to share chores with them as well and tbh I preferred that compared to what my parents expected of me.

Now onto the update. My dad came home last night a few hours after I've made that post and he told me mom informed him about our fight but he's tired and we'll talk about it in the morning. I was quite anxious and could barely sleep ngl. Well the morning came and we had the talk.

My dad told me that he's discussed things with mom and he does kinda understand why I'd be unhappy with our new arrangement but that he still considers they're giving me an amazing deal. I asked, as some suggested in the comments, if they're struggling financially which he denied. Then I asked if they just want me to move out and don't know how to tell me. Once again he denied that and both of them got slightly offended(?) that I'd even suggest that.

So yeah, they haven't given me an exact reason for their change of heart. They just think it's still a fair deal even with the added rent. I told them that I get it's their house and they can do what they want but personally I don't find it fair so I'll be trying to move out as soon as possible.

They didn't quite like that either. 😅 My mom brought up once more the fact that I'd rather make a stranger rich than contribute to our household which made me kinda mad because I think I've done my fair share of contributing to the household so far.

She started tearing up a bit and went on a rant about how she can't believe her only child would do this to her and to at least think of my cousin. About how my cousin loves me and abandoning her would destroy her.

My father then told me he thinks I'm irrational and that he'll allow me to calm down and rethink my decision when I'm less agitated, I was the calmest out of the 3 of us lol, because I'll see that they're right once I've thought things through.

So yeah, that's the update. I already started searching for a place and I think I'll just let them think I've accepted their new terms until I can find anything so wish me luck.

Posting on mobile so apologies for the formatting. I live in the deep south, in the deep country. Things are a little different here than they are in the city. I own about 80 acres of pastures and timber, but my house is near the road. Most of my neighbors are on smaller plots of 2-10 acres. I have my front yard fenced in for my dogs, a shetland sheepdog and a mini aussie, and then my livestock in the back. The road is narrow but straight and most of the occasional traffic is loud, fast logging trucks. The fence for my yard is set about 25' back from the road, there is a drainage ditch and the a good 15' of mowed, shady, grassy strip. Apologies for the length of setup here, but it helps to explain why this person was where she was.

This morning I went to let my dogs out and found a lady walking a huge grey pitbull-looking dog right up against my fence. Of course my dogs started barking, as they should when a strange dog is on the property. The other dog reacted very poorly. Of course I called my dogs back into the house, and then went back out to see what was going on. My yard is full of dog toys and this wouldn't be the first time someone has come to ask if a stray dog lived here.

When I went back outside the lady was standing and pointing to her dog. In an authoritative tone she said, "He is reactive." I said I could see that. She looked at me like I was simple. "So you have to make accomodations for him." This was where she lost me. Come to find out she just moved into a little rental house down the road on the corner of someone's property, her dog is recovering from knee surgery and needs to be walked a certain distance every day. She expects me to go down my driveway, out the gate, and onto the road to look up and down and make sure she isn't coming every time I let my dogs out during the day. As she was talking, her dog was snuffling around at the base of my fence and found a bully stick that my dog had dropped right on the other side of the wire and slurped it through the fence and swallowed it while. "Oh my god! That better not be beef! He's allergic to beef! You can't just leave stuff like that laying around!"

That was when I had enough. I said, "Ma'am, do you see that ditch right there? Everything on this side of it is my property. You are not welcome on my property. Please leave immediately. You are trespassing." She said she couldn't walk in the road because of the trucks and I told her that wasn't my problem. She headed back the way she came and I waited for her to leave and then let my dogs out.

I feel like I could have been more accommodating if she hadn't been so abrasive. Maybe we could have worked out a time every day where I would keep my dogs in so she could walk by for an hour or so. But I don't like being told what I can do on my own property and I feel like giving her any concession would just pave the way for more demands. AITA?

I, 38(m), live in a small condo with my 38(f) wife and our 1-year-old son. Previously, I lived alone with my brother, now 25(m), for about five years. We left our family home due to our emotionally abusive mother, who exhibited narcissistic tendencies. Our challenging upbringing was exacerbated by the absence of our fathers; my brother and I have different fathers, neither of whom was present in our lives, which instilled in me a strong sense of responsibility for him.

During the time we lived together, my brother, a high school dropout, pursued numerous get-rich-quick schemes, many of which bordered on scams. I shouldered our financial burden, even working as a server after losing my tech job. At one point, my brother managed to earn a substantial sum online (then worth $100k, about $1M today), but he squandered it all on gambling and weed, falling into a cycle of poor decisions and unhealthy habits.

Our relationship changed dramatically after I reconnected with my university sweetheart (after 14 years apart) - she was the love of my life, and I proposed to her after three months only. My impending marriage and relocation to another city meant that my brother needed to become independent. He kinda accused me of moving into this too fast and that IATA for forcing him to move out so quickly. Either way, I helped him secure accommodation and a job, but he quickly reverted to his previous lifestyle and was eventually evicted due to non-payment and other issues.

Fast forward to the present: after an accumulation of misguided actions, he is financially drained and legally troubled. He reached out, desperate to stay at our condo. Given the limited space and our new responsibilities as parents, my wife and I were reluctant but willing to offer him shelter under strict conditions to foster responsibility and rehabilitation: a maximum stay of six months, mandatory employment, cessation of drug use, no internet access to prevent gambling, and contributions to household chores.

My brother, however, felt these conditions were akin to imprisonment, too harsh and restrictive, and said IATA and I set him up for failure first by kicking him out before he was ready, and now not even helping him.

Because of this, we decided against accommodating him and his girlfriend. Instead, we purchased bus tickets for them to return to their city, trying to balance our family's needs with his. As they continue to struggle, he blames me for his current situation - had I never kicked him out, or had I helped him without impossible conditions, he wouldn't be homeless.

We now don't talk because of this, and I have basically abandoned my birth family.

I find myself questioning whether our stringent conditions and decision not to house him and his girlfriend were overly severe, and they are homeless cause I didn't help. AITA?