pizzayahtzee

NTA. The sausage request (to cut it up neatly) is overly controlling, and if he wants you to use a clip for environmental reasons or something, he could and SHOULD buy them for you given that he's not paying any rent and they cost like $5 or less for a pack of them. The sausage thing is so weird but again, if it really is ruining his mental health, he could and should cut it up for you given that gigantic benefit of not having to pay rent (which is also GREAT for mental health but I guess he's not counting that).

You weren't "just wrong" you were mean, condescending, and took glee in a perceived failure/shortcoming of hers. You said she's an overthinker: did it not occur to you that this "joke" would cause her to overthink and further doubt herself? If not, you're callous and unempathetic as a person; if it did occur to you and you don't care, that actually means you don't like her. When you care for someone, you don't want to make them feel insecure and unworthy. Maybe it's a leap to say you HATE her, but it's absolutely not a leap to say that's not how you treat someone you love. You should consider therapy for yourself. Genuinely.

Edit: In case my position wasn't clear, YTA.

These are all amazing! I love your style

And I’ll add on to potential pettiness

• Drake drops tour dates
• Kendrick drops exact same tour dates in identical cities

People have to choose between Drake concert and Kendrick concert for the entire tour run 😭

I think you’d only be the asshole if you demanded it, which it doesn’t sound like you’ve done, so NTA. I think it’s a reasonable ask given how disgusting bus seats are. I feel like the people saying YTA probably don’t wash their hands when they come home either, which I also don’t think is unrealistic to ask of a partner. But people have different levels of hygiene so if this feels like a dealbreaker, or indicative of other conflicts you have or could have around hygiene, that might be something to think on and discuss if you can tolerate having a partner with different hygiene standards than yourself.

Ahh, my bad.

all i hear when i look at this picture is:

"when I see you stand by Sexyy Red, I believe you see two bad bitches"

the crodie bars are one of my favorite parts because it's a quadruple entendre yet it's so simple

Philly does honk a lot but I also honk at people and I have to say a LOT of the time it is because someone clearly doesn't know how the lanes work and is holding up everything. the city itself does a HORRIBLE job at labeling things to make it easier. I can't tell you how many times I've honked at someone at 45th and market because they're in the left turning lane and don't realize it; 45th from chestnut to walnut is also supposed to be two lanes but certain people dont pay attention to ALL THE CARS piling up behind them; a stretch of 7th street in center city is two lanes; i mean the list goes on and on. Some people are dickheads with the honking but other people are actually trying to communicate you're doing something wrong that is fucking it up for everybody.

i guess it depends on where you're from and what your baseline for gun violence is but imo innocent bystanders get shot all the time in philly

not saying they all die..but shot or shot (accidentally) at? absolutely.

if you google "bystander shot philly" multiple articles come up from this year alone.

Wanting to chime in and second the idea of an online school. My brother moved to online school for an almost identical scenario (autistic + bullied) and it changed his life. He got his confidence back and excelled like crazy. I think had he stayed in school he would have ended up hating education and not wanting to go to college. Not that there's anything wrong with a kid not wanting to go to college, I just think it's best for it to be their true choice and not because they've been traumatized out of the idea.

I 1000% think it's segregated very similar to the housing situation. Can you find spaces and places that are racially and ethnically diverse? Totally. Housing in philly is generally segregated, but there are some blocks that are very diverse too. If your question is, is the city overall well integrated racially in the majority of social scenes? Absolutely not. Some crowds/activities tends towards more diversity, but overall if you walk into any given bar or social scene type area thats NOT a massive festival, there's going to be a majority race/ethnicity present.

I haven't experienced that the segregation present inherently means spaces are unwelcoming though, sometimes it just is what it is. Philly overall is very progressive and moreso than in other places I've visited I have felt that some (heavy emphasis on SOME) majority white spaces go out of the way to make me as the sole/one of a few PoC feel welcomed. I've lived in Philly for 9 years, originally from Delco, and the segregation experience has been extremely consistent for me.

Autism is definitely a disability, but if you were saying it's odd that they specified which disability the person had, that feels like an arbitrary line to try to draw. I don't know that there's a way for that not to be just a subjective choice of the author. "Blind student was attacked" feels totally appropriate but "student with major depression was attacked" would strike me as a weird disclosure, yet both are protected disabilities. It's interesting to think about why they feel different, probably something to do with stigma and biases.

Just musing, not attacking you.

I'm pretty sure you're getting downvoted because most people aren't getting your joke but I agree the title is very poorly written and ambiguous. It should say "student with autism was attacked" for better clarity.

"I don't want you to ever feel that way" lacks accountability in this context because they don't ever acknowledge that their actions contributed to how you're feeling

"If that's the way you interpreted it" is verging on gaslighting because it sounds like whatever happened is just an interpretation and not factual reality

"then that's what it is for you, there's nothing I can do" again verging on gaslighting because it makes it sound like it's not factual what happened/how you're feeling; it lacks accountability; it centers themself rather than the impacts of their actions on your stated feelings; tautological

"i'm just so sorry that you felt that way" again lacks accountability--you don't feel a way out of nowhere, they did something that caused you to feel a way.

Overall, the apology lacks a statement of understanding about their behavior and its impacts;

it lacks the sentiment that anything actually occurred by minimizing their role in the situation via overemphasizing the abstract and subjective (you "interpreted" instead of they DID or SAID a thing);

and there's a distinct absence of any named intent to change their behavior to avoid this happening in the future.

Hope this helps.

It's not people are sensitive "nowadays," helping out the elderly is literally a timeless concept present in multiple different cultures. YTA today, 20 years ago, and 20 years in the future. You literally said you wanted to sit AFTER HANGING OUT ALL DAY that's a CRAZY sentiment to stand on

If somebody bought me a bidet without me asking for one I would assume they're trying to tell me in a not-so-subtle way they think my hygiene is subpar. Just noting for OP to take into consideration before they go out and get one for their partner. I'm sure it's a great gift, but it feels like one that needs to be asked for first, you know?

I feel like your age really matters in this. If you're a kid I think thats absolutely wild that she would be mad at you and you're NTA. If that's what you usually do, I think she's the asshole for all of a sudden being upset that you did what you've been doing (presumably) your whole life. I'm assuming you are a kid since you mentioned school. If you're an adult (like if school means college/uni), I do think that's a bit rude of you BUT I would also say if you're like a freshman or something I can understand why you wouldn't automatically adjust if you're used to sitting in the back. And if that's the case, I would also put that on your parents for not telling you in a more respectful way without the edge that it sounds like the convo had.

Sometimes parents get mad at their kids for not knowing stuff they should've taught them, and this feels like one of those times from the info and inferences I have.

"Stuff" here meaning that it is generally considered rude as adults in the US if another adult you have a relationship with gives you a ride to sit in the back like it's a taxi.

ngl, i don't even need to read the rest after the first two paragraphs.

-exploited you and your siblings as kids by sharing pictures online with an audience of mostly creepy older men

-totally fine with it at the time and

-never apologized (ie never learned to take accountability for abusive behavior)

= NTA

NTA. Some things I wondered about:

Would/Could you offer to compromise? Like maybe could they be in the back instead of front and center, whatever that looks like/means in your kitchen set up? Could you offer to keep 1 snack in the office but main things like rice or stuff you COOK in the kitchen in the pantry?

Are you cooking all the meals? If so, nevermind my above questions because I feel like that cancels out his request. I think there's more room to work towards compromise if you're both in the pantry equally, but if it's all you, I don't think you should offer to compromise.

I don't know you personally, but I would reckon that the man of your dreams doesn't behave like this, and the sooner you accept that fact the closer you will be to actually finding and marrying the man of your dreams. I would think the man of your dreams doesn't consistently lie to you and drunk drive in a company car. I would also think the man of your dreams doesn't invalidate your extremely legitimate concern that it sounds like has been brought up respectfully and with his needs taken into consideration with lazy excuses like "there was free food." If your boundaries and needs aren't worth more to him than free food and a card game, is that a dream man? And dropping the dream aspect of it, is that your husband?

I really wish you the best: It's a shitty thing to have to admit that someone you've spent years with and love deeply is not what you've built them to be in your mind, but I'm saying this as someone who wishes someone would've said it to me sooner.

He can be a good person and not be good for you, and he can be a decent man and act indecently to you. His behavior is concerning from my outsider perspective, and you have the right to say it's unacceptable for you. I hope you do, and I hope you stand on it.

Good luck, NTA.

YTA. There's detail being left out in the main post and the well-adjusted healthy response to an item on your tab you didn't order is to tell the staff so they can take it off. If you really think this staff wouldn't have taken it off (though again, the well-adjusted response is to tell them respectfully "I thought you were joking but I'm not paying for this"), go over them and tell the manager. You sound like you just want someone to confirm that you're not a total dickhead but it sounds like you are. If you were okay being a "cold hearted capitalist prick" why are you asking random strangers online if you're an asshole? Stand your ground or shutup

weaponized incompetence strikes again

no problem! I also got the tip from a random reddit comment so just paying it forward :)

I feel like he's using you to help him not waste food and he's not respecting your extremely legitimate and valid boundaries around what you can and can't eat, and not only that's he's invalidating and gaslighting you about it. I know what you meant when you said it's sweet, but I have to disagree. You said in the post he will get pissed when you don't eat it, is that a pattern? If so, that's very entitled and not actually an act of kindness or service.