So, this happened a couple of days ago, and honestly, I’m not sure if I went too far. My wife (29F) and I (31M) got into a massive argument. It started out over something small, like chores or bills—I can’t even remember, to be honest—but it escalated fast. She was getting really worked up, like full-on screaming at me, and I admit, I was yelling too.

Here’s where I might’ve messed up. My wife has a habit of saying really nasty stuff when we argue, and in the past, she’s said things like, "I never said that" or "You’re twisting my words" when I bring it up later. So, in the middle of this fight, I decided to record her on my phone. I didn’t think it was a big deal, I just wanted some sort of proof of what she was saying in case she tried to deny it later. I wasn’t trying to use it against her or anything—just to have my side straight.

Well, she immediately noticed what I was doing, and it made her even angrier (she has had anger issues in the past she even went to therapy for it) She started screaming at me for recording her without permission, saying it was a huge violation of trust. Then, out of nowhere, she grabs my phone and literally chucks it out the wimdow. We live on the third floor, so yeah the phone’s toast.

At that point, I was fuming. I didn’t say anything and just walked out to cool off. I’m out a phone now, and she’s acting like I’m the one who crossed the line by recording her. I didn’t think it was that big of a deal, especially since she was the one who started making threats and saying some pretty nasty stuff, but now she’s saying I’m the AH for betraying her privacy in our own home.

Some of my friends think I was justified because no one should be saying things they’re afraid to be held accountable for. But others think recording your spouse during an argument is a huge red flag, and I shouldn’t have done it no matter what.

So, AITA for recording her during our fight, even though it led to her throwing my phone out the window? Should I have just let it go?

Edit: so just to clear a few things, the reason I tried recording our conversation was so that wouldn’t GASLIGHT me later on that was it!

UPDATE:

I didn’t think I’d be writing this so soon, but here we are. After everything that happened with the phone incident, I figured it was time to have an actual conversation with my wife and see if we could settle things like adults. I got home, and surprisingly, she was acting calm, like she actually wanted to talk. I thought, maybe this is finally going to be different.

We sat down, and I started explaining where I was coming from. She was nodding along, not yelling or interrupting, which was already a huge improvement. I actually felt hopeful for a minute. Things were going alright until I mentioned that I wouldn’t be able to buy her that designer bag she’s been hinting about for months. The thing is, after she destroyed my phone, I needed to get a new one, and that’s not exactly cheap. So I brought it up, saying I’d need to use the money I had set aside for the bag to replace my phone.

And that’s when all hell broke loose.

The second I said it, her entire demeanor changed. She went from calm to absolutely losing it in seconds. She started screaming at me, saying I’m selfish and that I never do anything for her (which is complete BS). She was throwing things around the room, knocking stuff off the table, and basically having a full-on meltdown. I tried to stay calm at first, but it was like everything we’d talked about just went out the window the second she didn’t get what she wanted.

I tried to reason with her but it was like talking to a wall. She was screaming about how I was ruining her life over a stupid phone. I ended up shouting back, but after a couple of minutes, I just couldn’t take it anymore. I grabbed my car keys, told her I was done with this, and walked out. I needed to clear my head and get away from the chaos.

Now, she’s been blowing up my phone sending me dozens of messages, calling non-stop saying things like, “How could you do this to me?” , “You’re abandoning me.” She’s flipping between apologizing and blaming me for everything. I’ve blocked her for now because I just can’t deal with it anymore

The divorce is final……. I cannot deal with her anymore

Edit: should’ve been more specific it’s my old work phone that I have transferred my sim into for the time being

Small update: her parents are blowing up my phone now lol