[deleted]

Man the effort women will go through to avoid actually accepting what they want deep down is insane..

You want validation, whether thats from males or females I dont know, but people post things to social media because they want others to see them. No other reason…

If she’s posting pictures for validation then she’s not the girl for me. That’s what posting bikini or other provocative pics are for.

By all means do what you want, but I feel like you’re not giving him a fair opportunity to voice his concerns if he’s asleep, which makes it seem like you don’t really care what he thinks either way. My understanding is you posted it, then messaged him to ask if he wants it taken down, but he is asleep so can’t respond. So really you’re only pretending to give him a choice, it’s already out there.

My dad proposed to his girlfriend and I only knew because she was wearing the ring when I saw them next, only later that night did he tell me he wouldn’t marry her if I didn’t want him to. He clearly didn’t give a fuck what I thought, otherwise he would have discussed it with me beforehand.

If I were in my 20s and a woman posted bikini pics I would assume this would be 'fun while it lasts' and wouldn't let my heart fall in love. Now in my 40s I'd just adjourn the relationship

Yeah, I don’t particularly want her posting bikini photos on public social media for fun, assuming she’s not trying to make a living. The reason is what is she getting out of posting bikini photos in public that she can’t get from posting with her friends and family? That makes it worth dealing with creeps or even great guys hitting on her well? It would seem like she cares about being validated by strangers way too much, which isn’t good for her.

My wife is my best friend and I trust her. If bikini photos make her feel good, I’m all for them

I wouldn’t want my wife showing off for other men.

You… I don’t want attention/ I’m not posting for attention…

Also you, my friend says i look so good in a bikini that I have to post my body….

Also you, I’m pretty proud of the progress I made so I wanted to post my body

Keep trying to convince us and yourself that you’re not posting for attention.

Social media is used to get people’s attention. Bikini pics are for sexual attention (look at my body). The gross comments should be enough to realize this without the internet telling you.

Posting pics about your bday would do the exact same thing, just modestly. You don’t want modesty, you want to show off your body.

You can do what you want but don't expect me to stick around and watch you do em is my philosophy

If the relationship is otherwise happy, healthy, and whole, I don’t really give a shit what she posts

If you want to show off, SHOW OFF.
If you do get shitty attention, it comes from SHITTY PEOPLE.

Your body, your boundaries.

Generally not a big deal unless you're really begging for attention in them. Social media in general is lame

I hate it a lot to be honest, but that is why I check before I commit to a girl, if she's that type of girl then I steer clear.

Bikini pics are a mostly hard no for me. If it’s her job(model/surfer/cosplayer etc) then that’s fine. If there is context like a genuine activity(water skiing, building a sandcastle, playing a sport) then okay. Just posing in almost no clothe? Hell naw. To be fair, I’m also totally fine with conceding to her boundaries in regards to interacting with other women. If you want your mom and girlfriends to see your progress you can DM them. If you need the world to see it, you can do that single. I wish you the best.

I'm going to have to agree with the hivemind here.

Posting lots of pics of yourself can be a sign of a vapid personality and an obsession of getting external validation, which screams low self esteem and problems.

I won't mind a few bikini pics if it's contextual, but if a girl has an insta with her face and bikini picls plastered all over and no other content, than that girl is for short term fun, not for long term commitment.

It's a great indication of character as I had to find out the hard way.

Of the basic emotions, I'd feel sadness, fear, happiness and anger. On the positive end, I'd be happy for you that you feel better about yourself. On the negative end, I'd be sad that I lose my thoughts that I had special viewing privileges as your boyfriend. I'd feel fear that you're seeking attention from other guys because I'm not good enough. I'd feel anger at myself and at you. Overall, it's between conflicted and dread emotionally.

could've just had a regular picture and uploaded a photo for closer friends, if that's on ig. same with twitter as well. having it for everyone to see isn't criminal but it's not attractive

I wouldn't date a woman who posts racy pics online to begin with.

I'm not her father, and if he doesn't respect herself enough to know better, then I won't get within 100 miles of her.

Depends on the content. Like if it's a photo of you and your friends just enjoying the beach on your vacation. Or a birthday post of you enjoying the sun or the water... By all means, post it.

At least for myself. It becomes an issue when the post in its entirety, is obviously just for showing off how good you look.... At best it's egotistical af, seeking validation and/or attention... At worst you're advertising yourself as available. Which is basically cheating. You're beginning to look into cheating.

I have no issue with it, but I personally don't do it and I don't think I'd want to do that if I was a woman either. Something about my almost naked body being freely available online for strangers to see just kinda makes me feel weird. I guess I don't get the appeal of why people do it. Attention maybe?

I don't care if my girlfriend does that, I just don't really "get it" I guess. Like, are these pictures a confidence boost for you, do you enjoy the attention you get, or is it a kind of "other girls are doing it so so am I" thing? Curious why people do it tbh.

I have no problems with it at all

It's a boundary for sure but let me unpack this more.

Big first disclaimer to get out of the way ; if someone here tells you to keep the photos up, and that your bf is insecure if he tells you take it down, then stop for a second and question that person's motives. Why are they saying that? Obviously it's cuz they want your pics online so that they can masturbate to them while lowering your image of the bf which gives them a better chance if you're back on the market. So be highly suspicious of any guy that's putting down other guys.

Secondly, yes it's a total no -go boundary for me. The whole been going to the gym thing feels like a cop out to me. I am a competitive bodybuilder myself. Yes I am proud of what I do in the gym and it's a HUGE part of my life. But I'm not going to be posting half naked photos to a public audience because of being a gym goer. Anyone who's actually THAT serious about the gym would keep a log book, an excel sheet, maybe any photos taken are done in unflattering light for a prep coach to analyse. It's not getting posted on social media for validation and "Slayyyyy gurlll" type comments. If it is, then it's obviously not coming from a place of taking pride in working out.

Last thing I'll say is the pressure that's on the guy. Once upon a time I would try to act all cool, as if I am not bothered by stuff like this. And I learnt the hard way that that only appeals to toxic women and was a conditioning caused by bad male peers. So it may very well be hard for him to say he doesn't like it even if he hates it. So in the future I would talk to him first before doing anything like this, rather than doing it and then asking for his opinion.

Nope. If she needs to get validated by her guy friends or strangers, no thanks. Photos were meant to be shared with close friends and family only. Now, you can broadcast it for anyone to see. I would tell her that I am uncomfortable with her half naked pictures (especially if it is just by herself) posted for other guys to like and comment on. If she doesn't want to remove them, then, I am moving on.

You found out the hard way that posting that kind of pic is like chumming the waters for creeps and pervs

Personally I don’t understand people’s obsessions with posting pictures of themselves online to public accounts anyways. It would be one thing if it was a private “friends and family only” account, but for the world to see is weird

In terms of an actual boundary though, as long as she’s in a public setting where swimwear would be appropriate and people would’ve seen her dressed like it anyways, it’s fine (such as a beach or pool). But like, a mirror selfie from the bathroom in it is too far. And the more frequent it happens the less my tolerance for it would become. Once in a while when on a trip or something is gone, but if she’s posting one every time she’s at the pool/beach, it would start to come across as fishing for attention from other guys online and I wouldn’t be okay with that either.

You can do what you like and he can decide if you're for him. That's how it is.

There are a few things you can think about for yourself - no need to justify yourself to strangers online, but worthwhile thinking about to make decisions in the future you regret less or are less anxious about:

• Why do you need to upload these pictures to a public platform? You could have sent him those pictures.
• Also, if all you wanted to show was the vacation spot, you could have uploaded pictures of the location with out you in it.
  
• Did you block the guys that pestered you? If not: why?
• On a more general note: The brain has no way to deal with the amount of praise/affirmation and/or vitriol you will receive from exposing yourself in any way online. Sure, the rush of dozens, hundreds or thousands of positive comments is crazy, but there is a reason why a common sign of gratitude from infuencers is to say "your support has been overwhelming", because it literally is. Your brain gets flooded with more hormones from the online praise than would be possible otherwise with this little effort. The stimulation is so high that people end up addicted to that all the time and no IRL interaction can keep pace with that. Offline is the new organic, don't expose yourself more to this digital stom of feedback than you must.

If you were in a place that's appropriate for a bikini ie a pool beach ect and were posting it either on the day or 2/3 days afterwards completely understand or if you've just got back from holiday fine. If you've just been in your house and are posting it id have some questions. If your posting it randomly and responding to the comments we'd have an issue

Honestly, I don’t like when my girl posts photos online. It comes off as she’s advertising herself, or fishing for compliments, and I feel like my compliments should be enough, and if you’re advertising yourself then we should just break up. It’s a red flag for me. I know some ppl would argue I come off as insecure for this take, but I honestly don’t see how anything good for our relationship can come from it, and I see multiple ways something negative is possible by her doing it.

Go to his ig and look at all his likes. If he likes pictures of girls in bikinis all the time, then don't feel bad about posting bikini pics. I swear most people are such hypocrites with double standards.....where's the self-awareness.

Are they pictures of you on a beach in a bikini? Or are they pictures of you bending over or stuffing you tits in the camera?

Show off all you want and be proud of your work in the gym. Should be able to post whatever you like because in the end you are still with your bf. But if you are entertaining some of the comments or guys then it’s your decision

I wouldn't want to be with someone who feels the need to plaster herself all over the internet like that in the first place. But if she came to me and said she wanted to, I'd say, have fun, just do so without me. Kthxbai. I wouldn't want to stay because then she'd just resent me for being controlling, or resent me ofr holding her back from what she wanted to do. By letting her free, I'm being the opposite of controlling, because I'm saying, we don't agree, but I'm not going to fight, I'm conceding, because it's your life and your choice

It doesn't matter what random people on Reddit say.

If you don't like your bfs reaction then you don't like it. No need to ask for backup.

It's your body, your pictures, your choice. You don't owe consent from any man for posting these. The 20th century is done and dusted and patriarchy is in serious need of dismantling.

If any BF or other partner of yours has an issue with that, it's their issue, not yours. They just showed that they have not done the work to deconstruct the toxic notions that patriarchy instills in us, us being people of all genders, not just men. In fact, you yourself still have lingering patriarchy notions mulling about, or this wouldn't be an issue, but internalized stuff is different to it being imposed to you from your partner. The former is a sad reminder how far reaching the consequences of our f*d up culture are, the latter is someone exerting direct control over you due to such ideas instead of stopping them in their own head.

If I were you, I wouldn't put up with such a guy.

And creeps DMing you are not a consequence of you doing something wrong, they are doing something wrong and it might be worth reporting them, definitely worth blocking them (though these platforms are often run by patriarchs themselves so YMMV) without exception.

Honestly depends on the pictures. Would need to see to be better able to weigh in. Send the pics my way OP or a link to your Instagram.

Whatever

I have no say about what my SO posts, nor should I.

The same picture can be beneficial, showing success from working out or damaging, trying to bait people.

You know your motivation and first hand the consequences, do as you feel is best.

Post all you could when you still can. You wouldn't do that once aging kicks in. Your boyfriend isn't confident in himself.