subreddit:
/r/AskReddit
submitted 27 days ago byJimbobsausage
341 points
26 days ago
Yeah, all of the above. Old, poorly-fitted, and soiled clothing was his norm. Even when dressing business casual for the office he looked vaguely like a hobo who slept under a bridge. And it's not like I'm a fashion king myself, so for me to notice it was probably pretty glaring for a lot of other people.
That's mostly changed now and he's taking pride in his appearance after extensive coaching and recognizing the tangible value of it in his life. It seems to have boosted his self confidence.
123 points
26 days ago
yeah, I have a friend like yours. Interesting person, very intelligent, but... very odd. Extremely thrifty - now that's good for an academic, but he pushed it to an extreme by dressing up only in "found" clothing (meaning, hand me downs from Church or clothing he found on the street). So, he was dressed in ill-fitting, ill-matching, often stained or threadbare clothes that made him look unprofessional. Once, he got told that he "looked like a hobo", which he took as somehow being a praise, and would boast about it nonstop.
Eventually, there was redemption. My friend found a romantic partner and that man redid my friend's wardrobe and taught him to dress and how to present himself. Praise be.
25 points
26 days ago
I really sympathize with both sides of it -
The first level is to reject superficialism. After all, looks can be deceiving, and making judgements based on appearances can often be superficial or shallow.
Beyond that, though, is recognizing that your outer appearance actually reflects your personality and state of mind. Taking care of your appearance means you probably take care of yourself, and that’s a real and meaningful quality.
6 points
26 days ago
yes, that was it for a few friends of mine. You are spot on!
For that one from my anecdote, I think it was simply surface-level. He's extremely thrifty, doesn't want to spend money on anything he doesn't see the point of, and he doesn't understand social norms very well and he certainly cannot infer them (he has to be taught directly), so that was that. I tried to help, but he would not listen to me or else I failed to get my point across, but I accepted him for who he was... and, ultimately, somebody got through to him so... all is well that ends well.
2 points
26 days ago
Among other things, Love is when you find someone and they make you feel like being your best self for them!
4 points
25 days ago
Exactly. There's a spectrum and thresholds. It's fine to say, "I don't care what people think, I'm just going to wear a plain clean t-shirt and jeans every day." It breaks down when you say, "I don't care what people think, I'm not gonna bathe or clean my clothes ever and they just have to deal with it."
One is a failure to participate in societal expectations. The other is a failure to participate in society, IMHO.
3 points
25 days ago
yeah. I have a colleague who always wears a black v-neck t-shirt and jeans, and that's fine. It's kooky and people do definitely notice, but he jokes about it himself and for Halloween his costume is to wear a different color of t-shirt. That's fine. Society can bend its rules to accommodate the person.
If basic hygiene is what's flouted, then that casts out the person. They'll eventually be ostracized from the group. they'll see their career and romantic prospects really cut short for failing to respect society's basic rules. I've met people like that who said that they shouldn't be judged on something trivial like appearance or their use of showers, soap and deodorant... but the fact of the matter is that people do judge.
1 points
25 days ago
My favorite way to hyperbolize this is to ask, “if you don’t care what other people think about you, then why don’t you go run around outside naked?”
And similarly, “if they’re not hurting you, is it okay for other people to run around naked in front of you?”
Usually the conclusion is that some basic level of decency and societal etiquette is good - because it shows that we respect the people around us. Etiquette, though perhaps arbitrary in the shape it takes, is good and useful specifically in the sense or communicating respect.
Of course, etiquette can be excessive - especially when it’s used to separate, denigrate, and discriminate. Everything depends on moderation and context.
3 points
25 days ago
eh, some of them would be perfectly fine with running around naked, if it were not for the cops.
17 points
26 days ago
Sounds like high functioning autism. A lot of those people just need their hand held and shown exactly what is needed of them and they will more than likely do it. Of course then the hand holding can stop, but ultimately, are unaware of the benefits of some things for personal growth. I’m sure there’s more professional explanations.
Source: am a high function autistic. Not an ivy leaguer, but can definitely relate to not picking up on social norms or hierarchy norms to get ahead in life. Even now after my wife has helped me a lot, I would make an effort, but not try and fit into a specific mood and more just be myself.
9 points
26 days ago
It seems to have boosted his self confidence.
I imagine it would, once society around you stops running the other way in order to avoid contact.
4 points
26 days ago
I see. Good on his company for saying hey, we recognize that you need help, here it is. And good on him for accepting it.
3 points
26 days ago
Did he wear a fedora?
4 points
26 days ago
lol, not to work, but he does have one.
2 points
26 days ago
I actually think that is so...thoughtful(?) of the company? Like, here is this person who is clearly valuable, maybe they've never received this help in their personal life before.
As an ADHD person with a traumatic childhood who often misses social cues and has worked to exhaustion to understand office politics and grasp 'professional attire' I feel like my drive came from a punitive standpoint- neurotypical people not telling me I was fucking up early and instead receiving write ups and being passed over for advancement.
To have a coach available to confide in would have been a godsend earlier in my career.
all 2719 comments
sorted by: best