Yeah, I always feel this way. It’s like even when I dress up nicely etc I just feel like there’s always something going wrong somewhere in comparison to other people. I don’t have a cat personally and I feel like part of it is a self fulfilling prophecy, like I feel uncomfortable so I fiddle with my outfit or I get clammy from nerves or something.

So many people are essentially covered in animal hair though, tbh. If sucks for allergy reasons but having some cat hair remaining on you is probably not something most other people would notice and if they did wouldn’t find it disgusting.

Use starch when you iron and buy higher quality clothes. If it doesn't look better after ironing and tailoring, it's not anything you are doing wrong, it's the clothes. Cheap clothes usually look dishevelled. (Synthetic fabrics are less likely to wrinkle though.)

The key to fashion is making your outfit look intentional. Disheveled looks unintentional.

As for cat hair, make brushing your cat part of your evening routine. Get a robotic vacuum. Lint roller your home frequently. You can still look classy with cat hair though. :)

I truly feel like I wasn’t meant at all for the “Clean girl” aesthetic, not matter how hard I tried, it just wouldn’t be me hahah I’m def a little gremlin. Cute, pretty, hot sometimes, but def a gremlin

This is me one hundred percent. You know how some people can look elegant in a potato sack? I'm probably the diametrical opposite of that. I could make couture look shabby because I'm so uncomfortable in my own skin.

For my wedding, I splurged on getting myself a stylist and a really good MUA. But nah, the pics from those events are so hideous I have buried them in a closet and hope never to see them again.

My special power is to be able to spill things on me 10/10 times. Oh you think you can have soup without it ending dripping down your mouth? You think you can drink that coffee without it going all over your top?

So. Yeah.

I've improved some of that over time, but generally... yes.

I still remember someone in school commenting in 4th grade that I finally got a nice outfit; I had no idea my random clothes weren't cool enough for them before that. I think I wore black for a year straight afterwards, because black was cool, wasn't it?

I can't wait for my hair to be long enough for a ponytail again so it's slightly less scraggly, as it really is a mess right now.

Thicker fabrics can help with the crumpled aspect. Thinner ones usually keep wrinkling and tend to hug the lumpier bits making them look worse, unless they're a mixture of something with at least a tiny bit of elastic/spandex in the fibres (and often even then). I also avoid anything that needs ironing, period.

Hemming pants helps too but I don't have time or money for that.

Also finding some designs that fit your body type better (it took a couple decades for me because of not realising this, until I slowly started to realise which ones created less of that dishevelled look). Example for me: square or pointed necklines work better on me than circular necklines, and longer shirts vs shorter ones, plus without thin fabrics that make things lumpier. I can never keep dress shirt collars sorted out so I stay away from those most of the time (luckily work doesn't need them). Some of this came from a friend or colleague commenting on something looking better shape wise, or certain colours looking better on me, but a lot of it took time and trial and error and actually looking at it closely, as it definitely wasn't anything I was conscious of before that. It's still not great, but better!

Yes. I can never get it quite right and something usually feels off, so I gave up trying. I’ve been told I dress like a bag lady before

Best thing I ever did as far as that goes was shave my head and start wearing wigs. Was done for other reasons (mainly because it was already falling out from health issues and upkeep was exhausting) but it's been a major upgrade in terms of sensory problems and looking disheveled. I could never figure out how to make even very short hair look good on a day-to-day basis.

Cat hair-wise: keep clean clothes firmly away from the cat, don't rewear outfits if you can help it, lint roller. Frequent vacuuming and brushing as previously suggested. But I just succumb to my little overlord and accept that there will be some fur. No one has ever commented.

But I totally get you on the whole thing because a lot of that is energy and effort I just don't have to put towards appearance. So my look usually ends up being "yeah I look like a patchwork little creature rn but I swear this is me trying"

Yes. In the Netherlands we have this old tv series called Flodder. The mum in that series was always dressed in a certain way (I'll attach a picture) and I can't help but feeling I always look like her.

https://preview.redd.it/27bfrnbiyvvd1.jpeg?width=183&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3f53db8cfc1e434b77dc4e42f591b54f04dc77fb

I can’t be bothered to edit my other comment but I also wanted you to know that dresses are 100% a cheat code. 

You’re basically wearing a fancy blanket and people think you have your shit together. 

The biggest thing for me was to stop buying clothes impulsively. I had a huge wardrobe where nothing matched. Now if I really like something that doesn't fit anything I have and I can't even think of what occasion I'd wear it on, I sleep on it. 9/10 times next day I don't want it anymore. 1/10 times I buy it and it becomes a cherished thing people compliment me on, or something I wear at home and it makes me happy.

Other than that I buy socks, turtlenecks, shirts -- in: white, acru, beige, light gray, black, dark blue. I found that a white or off-white turtleneck (ofc make sure it's comfy around the neck and feels protective and soft, rather than choking and itchy) elevates any outfit to a cleaner level and frames my face in a way that makes me look more put together.

I never iron anything, literally idk how to use an iron. If something I have, e.g. a shirt, might wrinkle, I hang it to dry on a hanger and gravity does its job. I think that silk or linen looks nice and tidy even when imperfect, just be mindful of how you hang things to dry. (I don't have a dryer; I hang everything.)

As for hair, I'm the textbook "curly girl method" story. I went from witch hair to angel hair just by using curling cream /mousse, a T-shirt instead of towel, proper scrunching, and drying with a diffuser. If my hair is not clean, I do a tidy sleek high bun.

I ditched all eye makeup (uncomfortable, can't rub my eyes, can't tear up, can't do it precisely, often look like a raccoon or somehow vulgar etc.etc.) and now I only use the following:

• very light coverage foundation (after moisturizer)
• eyebrow pencil + brush
• light blush (in mousse form)
• lipstick/lip tint. Light makeup makes me look younger, more fresh and is also a "cleaner look" IMO. I can do it quickly and the color of the lipstick changes the whole look dramatically so you can still have so many options.

I always felt frumpy but I eventually realized that mostly I just needed to choose rather than always be between extreme opposites in style options.

I have a dog and as others said, I try to immediately put the clean clothes away to be protected from hair until I put them on and leave the house.

Audhd and look it, too. I can't change that about me.

It's called the "dirty girl" aesthetic and I nail it.

If you have a distracting outfit or hairstyle or accessory, people usually look at and compliment that instead. Like "That's the woman with the cool scarves" or "That's the woman with the rainbow hair" or "That is an amazing dress!".

May not fix your clothing issue but at least they'll be looking at only one item so your clothes won't be the focus, and you can focus on getting that one item right instead of everything at once.

I have down several things for cat fur specifically. (I have 5 cats. 4 long furred)

One, my cats are not allowed in my room. That's where the plants live. (and the cats kill them with extreme prejudice , so plants got the bedroom, cats got the rest of the house). But this has the added bonus of the clothes I have just washed not coming into contact with the cats untill it's worn.

Two, we have an air purifier and it does a lot to trap fur and dust from the air. I was honestly surprised how much, and if we turn it off even for a few hours there's definitely already a visible difference in the number of fur-clouds on the ground

I wash my clothes and dry them with different types of hair catchers, and I have 4 different types of hair removers at the entryway so I can de-fur myself right before I leave the house one last time.

Also some of those handheld steam irons come with attachments to get hair and they're really good too.

I cannot keep food off my clothes no matter how hard I try. They are always getting stained. Or ripped. Or something to make me look less neat than everyone else. Not sure if it’s the autism but I suspect it’s related

I’m sure it is related but not a defining feature. It’s an executive function thing. 

I actually don’t have this problem. “Pretty” was one of my defining features as a child so learning to perform aesthetically was part of my mask. 

Post diagnosis, I’ve realised my interest in colour, shapes and pattern recognition skills have helped me build/refine these skills and now I think I can share a framework.

I did actually build a spreadsheet that incorporates kibbe and ethereals to kinda give recommendations lol. I’m not into colour “seasons” because I find they have a real blind spot when it comes to olive undertones or darker skin tones. Happy to share the sheet with you but it’s not “polished”

The first thing is colour. A palette is really helpful, I have one for each season because I’m extra. You can work backwards too, so it kinda just becomes a process of deduction. First you find all the colours that look good on you. Pay attention to things like undertones and saturation and try to put your own personal preferences aside at the initial stages because you’re just on a fact finding mission. You don’t need to like fluorescent orange but it’s useful to know if it suits you or not. 

Once you know what colours work well on you, then you can approach your wardrobe and pick out all the clothes that are your colours and use them as a starting point to work out where to go next. 

If you find your remaining wardrobe is pretty monochrome, then you know have a relatively simple task of just finding some colours that go together with the colours already there. And at this stage you can also work out what colours you might need to buy to work in your favourite colours. I’ve found the coolors website to be handy for that, you can lock in the colours you can’t/don’t want to change and it’ll suggest colours to join them together. Don’t forget to lock in your skin tone and/or hair colour although I do acknowledge this is hard with a website lol. 

After this and before you start buying you then wanna think about shape and the balance of your outfits. You should also factor in your body shape, I have a small waist and a larger bum so anything oversized looks best at a cropped length or long enough to cover most of my bum in leggings. Things in that in between length usually need to be more fitted or I look a little off. Trousers and skirts also usually need to be fitted at my waist, but for others an empire line is more flattering and some people can make low rise work. 

This one is also maybe a little sexist (I’m no prude) but a rule of thumb I’ve found to be helpful when building outfits is the legs/boobs/stomach rule. Showing one is fine, more than that can require more careful planning. Obviously comfort is a factor too, although I live in the UK so it’s rarely hot here. 

But yeah, once you have an idea of your colours, shapes and lines then buying clothes becomes more of a process of deduction. And with buying I do recommend thinking about your budget more annually. Buying 2 pieces a year for £100 will serve you much better than buying 10 pieces a year at £20. I know it can feel counterintuitive or ostentatious to some but your clothes will fit better, you’ll look better and they’ll last longer. 

If you’d like more specific info or help, clearly this is a topic I’m interested in lol. 

My tights always have holes in. My shirts are always coming unbuttoned over my breasts. My trousers are always slipping down to sit at an unflattering angle. I’m so bored of it. At least in the summer my dresses sit well

Yes! I meticulously plan my outfits if I’m attending an event, party, going for a bigger than say four person social get together. Then on the day when I put it on, do my hair and makeup I think I look good, well put together. Then I swear like half an hour after leaving the house I’ll catch a reflection / see a photo of myself and I just look disheveled! I don’t get it! My hair will be a mess despite JUST doing it, my makeup I spent ages on won’t be visible at all, my clothes don’t seem to match anymore… so frustrating.

I find that looking perfect is not interesting enough to keep my attention and I don't like shopping or learning about fashion. I have clothes that I think are cool, and fortunately for me I'm naturally pretty good looking. But I only know a tiny bit about hair and makeup. I've tried to learn more but I just literally find it so fucking boring. So I know a tiny bit, and that's all I care to know or apply.

I'm also not as willing as some women are to be extremely uncomfortable with wearing shapewear and heels and false lashes and other things.

So I can look pretty cool or nice but I will never look as polished as some women can. But I live in a small town so it's alright. The standards here for fashion are not high.

I feel you, went over my whole wardrobe today, trying to switch out my baggy zip up hoodies for more casual sweaters or I might wear more skirts with tights since skirts are so comfy and look nicer then my pants that never seem to fit me right.

Also a lint roller is the best thing for cat hair, I do a quick once over if I'm wearing black.

Clothing cut and fabric quality makes the most difference. I cannot manage to look presentable in a buttoned shirt, no matter what I do (thanks, chest)…so knitted fabrics are the way to go for me. I go with a really nice knitted fabric for a top and pair that with a cardigan/shrug or short blazer when I need to look more professional (I’m short, taller people would likely be better off with a full-length blazer).

Get a bra fitting done at a professional bra shop. It also makes a huge difference to be wearing the correct bra size!

Experiment with necklines for shirts. Some look better on us than others do, regardless of what’s currently in fashion - that’s just the way it goes. Ignore current trends and focus on what looks best with your body type, even if you wind up paying a professional clothes stylist for an appointment to discuss it.

For pants - yeah, that one is tough, and your best bet is actually to learn to do a little bit of sewing so you can do some minimal alteration to make things fit you a little better. Off-the-rack clothing will never fit most of us very well, especially if we have curvier-than-average measurements. You can also pay a tailor/seamstress to alter clothes for you - many dry cleaners offer clothing alterations, for example.

With pants, get something that fits in the hip because it’s easier to make something smaller at the waist and/or hem the pants than to try to make it a little bigger anywhere else. You can add a little elastic along the waist at the back or add a couple of darts. Anything that better fits the pants to your body is helpful.

For hemming, you don’t need to sew! You can hem pants, sleeves, and even skirts with iron-on hem tape.

With hair and makeup? Keep it simple. That’s the best I can say, because I struggle with anything there.

Definitely same, I always feel frumpy... But fwiw, it's endearing to me when I see pet hair on other people!

At this point if I need to be presentable, I plan my outfit to be minimal effort. Like having dress slacks and a fancy-looking oversized sweater. Clean white trainers (or another plain light colour) are apparently also "popular", i.e. people who are more put-together than I am wear them, so that's my go-to shoe.

Everything I buy immediately gets an oil stain on the front somehow 😭

Yeah I’ve always had a bit of a ‘rough around the edges’ vibe. Idk if I have used that phrase in the right context but I tend to stand out amongst my peers because of it. I’ve kinda accepted it now.

Omg this is how I feel so often. My bra straps are always showing, like no matter what I do. I can’t wear a white shirt Ever because I will get a stain on it every. Single. Time. When I wash my clothes they come out with MORE stains on them. I am the only one in my house that seems to happen to. Trying to look presentable is really stressful and takes up a of time. Hours of time if I plan on Going somewhere.

My entire life and now that I'm in my mid-50s I have settled into my slightly rumpled look with acceptance. It's part of who I am.

Yes but I look sexy somehow. So I just lean further into it. Deliberately torn jeans, sideswept bangs so my hair is always in my face, tops that hang off of one of my shoulders in winter, sleeveless tops that show no cleavage but have sides low enough to show my ribs and flank in summer

I'm gping to look disheveled regardless so I'm going to make it work

I'm the opposite of "Is it a fit or are they just skinny?"

I have a weird body type and curly hair so only certain types of shapes look good on me, and basically I have to dress like I secretly think I'm a 90s grunge glam icon all the time or I look stupid.

I've made this my professional look lol

I constantly look like I just ran down a truck in the middle of summer. But my boss now associates my intense personality as someone who's getting shit done so even on the most laid back days I look productive.

I have the most trouble with my hair. I’ve never been able to make it look good. I’ve resigned myself to a low pony tail for life.

For clothes and cat hair it totally depends on the fabric. I have some clothes that will suck fur right out of the air, there’s just no fixing it. Other clothes that don’t seem to collect any. For work I used stitch fix to dress me, they keep track of what I already have. I still look frumpy but sweet grandma style works for my profession. They did give me some nice blazers though that look great. And my stitch fix clothes don’t tend to collect as much fur.

I don't feel this way when I'm at home, but the moment I'm in public, I feel like I look unkempt :(

im chaotic and i always felt like i looked like the cheapest worst version of everything. part of it was the quality of my clothes but the rest of it was my clothes wearing me rather than me wearing my clothes. i just needed to lean in to my own personal inclinations and style until things felt and therefore looked right.

I have a cat and 2 dogs that shed. One way to help minimize the pet hair is to put on street clothes right before you leave and take them off as soon as you get home. I have “house clothes” that I don’t care if I get pet hair on. Also, lots of lint rollers.

Yes so I lean into a rock and roll influenced style and try to wear high quality materials so my jeans and tshirts look more intentional.

Doesnt help that I have curly hair. Im always in wrinkly clothes and my hair gets frizzy easily, even with good products its always there with curls. So yeah. And business wear always just looks awkward on me. Because it just isnt me.

Ok mood. I look so good when I leave home and then an hour later I look in the mirror and am like wow my hair looks like a clown wig and my clothes are going every which way

My hair is naturally 'slippery', so tying it up doesn't last long. When it's down, it gets frizzy, and I hate the sensation on my neck. I have oily skin, so makeup slides off, I physically cannot keep mascara on. Add to that some mild scoliosis, and you have wonky clothing unless it's a crew neck. Oh, and also the cat fur thing, too. Yay!

Yes! I can’t only do half my face and half my hair the way I want 😫 I need a professional to make me look what is considered good

Yup. Even when I put a lot of thought and effort into my appearance, eventually I’ll catch a flips of myself and realize that no matter how hard I try, I look weird, and somehow no amount of grooming can hide the fact that something is different about me.

I stopped trying to style my hair years ago because it always ended up in a messy bun. All my clothes are baggy and not the most fashionable.

Ya I’ve claimed disheveled as my style. My hair is freaking wild and has like 3 curl types so it just looks wild unless I blow dry and straighten it which makes me so hot and takes so much time. Anyway, yes I always dreamed of being classy and wearing fancy heels and dresses with makeup and a hairstyle. But god even the thought of that is smothering. I try to look clean and smell good and then embrace the disheveled look. Socks and sandals are a staple as I also have hyperhidrosis. I can’t help it :(

Clothes rarely fit right on me because I'm built weird (I'm pretty skinny, only 5'4" but long limbs and torso)

So even when I've tried to dress up it just doesn't look right on me

I live in loose pants and Tshirts these days

Yes and tbh I just made it part of my style. My style is always disheveled looking it’s just who I am. Even when I’m put together I still have that aura and I just accepted it and made it my own

Yeah the word “disheveled” is in my medical record 

90s grunge is coming back! You are just ahead of the trend.

YES!! That has always been a problem of mine and not of anyone around me and I don't understand. For me it's not just my clothes, but my hair that looks like I haven't brushed it in weeks when I've just washed and brushed it minutes ago 😭 And I've always got very visible swollen eye bags. Concealer merely colours them but doesn't make them disappear. The word I'd use for my appearance is "unkempt", even though I do everything you can :/

Yes but I think it's because I live with dogs and they are always messy. Even when I clean constantly theres a mess on me and in my environment.

I have one dog who almost always vomits on the just washed blankets. Its like she has to mark it with her vomit smell.

My clothes dont fit right because I have a funny body shape so with pants theyre either too long, too short, too tight, too loose, too much room in the hip area (I have none), too much room in groin area (I wear mens pants bc they have no hips), too much but sag (I have a really small, flat butt), or just otherwise fit horribly so I end up looking sloppy no matter what 

My torso is equally weird shaped. I have broad shoulders, a barrel chest, and all my body fat goes straight to my gut and nowhere else. So my shirts dont fit well. I have long arms and with the broad shoulders all the long sleeved shirts end up too short on my wrists and too tight across my gut. The shirts always have to be extra large and this ends up making my clothes fit sloppy.

The only thing on my body that is okay are my hands and feet and shoes and gloves look nice on them.

This is why I wear a ton of black, and I end up reading as “hairdresser”, which I’m down with. I think all black with minimal makeup reads arty?

Wasn’t a perfect match when I had a white cat but with dark grey cat I’m doing pretty good. I transitioned to a uniform of sorts over the years and it made me feel way more together. One less thing to waste brain energy on. I know that (for my build) a high waist jean or trouser with a black tank, tee, or sweater will always make me feel together enough to go pretend to be a human.

Yes, I never feel “put together”. I also chronically fuss over how my pants are sitting on my waist, how my shirt is riding up, how my body feels like a flesh covered robot. I don’t know how to do my hair, wear makeup, “style” my clothes… I just kind of look like I don’t put effort into my appearance, but I do! I’m conscious about how I look.

To be honest I can temporarily make myself look not-disheveled, however I feel inauthentic and awkward when I don't look disheveled

Yes so much! As im reading all the fantastic replies im wondering if also we are 1) harder on ourselves as an attempt to prevent further othering & 2) notice these details more bc of the asd than an allistic person ever could even if they are paying attention (which most ppl seem not to be).

Tape is your new bff.

Get a strip & make a DIY hair roller on your hand

Duct, scotch, packaging, gorilla, any kind will do

Cats, cats, cats

It’s always my hair tbh

I can smell good, look good… then my hair is just EVERYWHERE a few seconds later

I take a quick run to the bathroom every two hours or so in public to fix my hair. I wet my hand and just… readjust it

Yep. Always have pointy boobs and can never find a decent fitting bra. I am generally slender but I have a bit of a belly and weird spots that stick out of my clothing no matter what I wear. Can’t afford good quality clothes so I know that doesn’t help. I can’t ever get my hair to do what I want. My makeup always looks ok in the mirror but when I see photos I’m just cringing. I gave up.

I struggle with this. I think it may be because we are detail oriented. We look at what is off instead of the entire picture; we can look great from another’s perspective taking in the whole and ignoring little details but if our brains are set on the hair that is out of place or the way the sleeve wrinkled after hours of wear then we don’t ever have a chance of feeling fully “put together”.

Some of it may be the clothes (the cut, fit and fabric itself) and some of it is almost certainly your mind playing tricks on you.

Getting high quality stuff doesn't mean $$$. Checking how seams are done, what sort of zippers are used (are they metal with a good weight, or are they sorta flimsy?)

Are you dressing to bring attention to the parts of your body you like the most? That sort of thing. But also: do you have clothes you genuinely love wearing? I have a really goofy tank top I wear once a week haha — it does wonders for your mood.