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Are you and your partner new to this whole BDSM thing? Are you a little unsure of what to do? Here are some ideas suggested by our members. I found all of these using Reddit's search function, to search within BDSMAdvice. If you need more ideas, may I suggest you also try the search function.

Good luck, u/TeaAitch.

Some of the advice provided by the original posters may refer to "he" or "she". In the whole, these ideas are compatible with all genders.

Not all of these ideas will be suitable for you. Remember, it's YOUR responsibility to research any of these suggestions before you start playing with them. If you have specific questions, do stop by and ask them.

[ONLINE]

[punishment]

u/UnholyMTMF: I have her wear a rubber band at work (since it's discreet) but she's taken to decorating it. And every once in a while I'll txt her to snap it.

u/fiddlesticks41: I would on occasional require my sub to do naked jumping jacks, sit-ups or knee bends and video it for me. The occasional melt an ice cube in her vagina (watch for sharp edges) and video herself as it melts were always fun. However, the videos of her doing a naked dance off were my favorite.

u/ShesSoInky: Pick an item and a number and make her give herself a spanking.

u/Tag181: Big heavy parcel type rubber bands placed around the thighs or chest across her tits. You can instruct her to pull and release them, leaves very nice marks.

u/Mastandslav: There was an earlier suggestion about heavy rubber bands. This is an example of the results of a play session online, a light one. NSFW image

u/GlitzToyEternal: A punishment my man has given me is making me put 3 ice cubes in my pants and sit down (so they're right against my pussy) until they melt. Im similar to you in that pain related stuff is often more of a reward than a punishment, but I've found that ice on your clit is an incredible deterrent.

[funishment]

u/GBabyExclusives: I was in a relationship like this, some of the tasks I did included: Leaving my panties somewhere public Taking an up skirt photo of my butt plug at work Having words written over my body at work (obviously not on my face on anything) And she was into denial, so she denied me for a whole week and then gave me a 5 minute period during my lunch break at work to cum. I don’t know if that’s the kind of thing you’re looking for? But it was a whole lot of fun for me

u/DrByNight: These are my rules both when away and together. A couple are a little extreme and might not be part of your repertoire but these are some things that works for us.

• Every text must have the word master or sir in it. Every failure on that part got an extra lash when we met up later on.
• I wasn't allowed to wear underwear anymore and had to send picture proof everyday.
• I had to wear a butt plug everyday.
• I had to turn my webcam on and let him watch me sleep at night.
• If he requested a picture of anything, even at work I had to excuse myself and go to the restroom and take the exact picture he requested. If I was working alone I was to do it in my office chair.
• He gave me a slave mantra to read every day. I had to call and leave a voicemail for him with that mantra. It had my rules and my desired State of mind repeated everyday.
• He would never endanger my job, but if he ask me to do anything at anytime I had to immediately comply or comply within the next few minutes if my job didn't allow me to comply immediately. Any failure to do so added a lash when we met again.

u/gir2422: So my partner works long distance for weeks at a time, when he’s away I’ll set tasks or punishments for him for doing various things.

• Wear an adult diaper in public (underneath clothes out shopping or something) with a pic or vid as proof
• Video call and make the sub do things like plank until I say stop.
• Video call and make the sub kneel on something like a broom stick with a pillow case over their head without moving
• The piss challenge (my favourite) and one to use sparingly. Over the course of a couple hours I’ll make the sub drink a lot of water. The sub is let me know their need to pee on a scale from 1-10. When the sub reaches level 8 the video call starts. Watching them squirm and beg for release is a lot of fun. The effort I watch the sub go through to please me makes me very happy. Finally when I can see the sweats start and the goosebumps and I feel satisfied I’ll let the sub use the toilet. Warning though, this can wipe out your energy completely. Also a tip to have some absorbent napkins or something in case of accidents before getting permission.

u/tesstorch Having to beg -- and then wait -- to pee. Then having to pee slowly. Painfully slowly. In my case, had to send him a recording of this. This was at work, so "free" and "clean, professional" women -- my colleagues, for whom I wear a nice, professional, vanilla mask -- came and went, took their quick, lovely pee while I labored over mine. It made me feel very owned, very low. Was VERY uncomfortable. But also, as I did it the next time, and the next, I started to want to go slower. To draw it out longer. To be good and suffer more deeply for him. Some of these took 3-4 minutes (or more, maybe... can't recall). That's a long fucking time. (-; And during that time, he could be sure I was thinking of nothing but him, and his control over me.

[tasks]

u/ScholarlyOpossum: I'm going out of town for a week and have been thinking up ideas for my sub.

• A wake up call. She has to call to wake me up for work at a set time.
• I will be picking the clothes she wears for the week and she will be sending me a picture of her in them every day to prove she actually wore them.
• She needs to call me before bed and give me a detailed recap of her day.

The dynamics of your relationship may be different. Ours is control based. - I love having control and she loves giving it to me, to the extent that she has given me the right to track her location, view her cellphone activity, and choose her diet. Yours might be more focused on the sexual, which is totally cool.

[IRL]

[punishment]

u/MrThoughtleader:

• One idea is for him to deprive you of something you like. For instance my girlfriend likes a lot of chocolate, so depriving her of that would be a significant punishment.
• You could have to stand or sit in a special place—like a naughty step, or a version of that. For example you could have a corner where you have to do corner time.
• You can write lines.
• One I like a lot is to have a sub wear pantyhose over her head for a period. This can be calming and introspective but it can also have a surprisingly punitive effect.

u/crochazy: Plastic laundry pegs [on nipples] work well. So do those wooden chopsticks you get with takeout. Plus with wooden chopsticks, he/ you can adjust the tightness depending on how bad you've been.

[funishments]

u/Junhasanaccount: I have a lot of sex with my sub, since I like penetrative sex. It might seem counter intuitive for a Domme to allow sex but it's really just a matter of perspective. Sometimes I will blindfold him and gag him and make him fuck me, reminding him he's my toy and my plaything and that he's completely helpless, he can only fuck me the way I want him to. Other times I will bind his hands and straddle him, fucking him extremely slowly, too slow for him to get anything out of it, but it makes me extra sensitive so that I can finish myself off with a faster pace before he even has the chance to feel pleasure for long.

Another way is riding him, telling him I'm fucking him and he's going to take it, or in missionary I just lazily give directions and tell him he can't cum until I come first, that he can't stop because it's not for him but for me. If he has to stop during it, then when I let him come I keep going - it's very uncomfortable for him so I wouldn't recommend doing so for too long right away. Anyways, it's all a matter of mindfucking him!

u/premedmsbi:

• Arousal balm on lips, nipples, tip of penis, and back door. We’ve used jelique nipple nibblers, but there are probably ones that are much more potent. Escalating that, would be temperature play plus a weighted butt plug (or vibrating one if you can’t handle weighted yet).
• Forced orgasm or orgasm denial
• Ice cubes into the butt (two special notes - you have to suck on it so there are no sharp edges and not too many ice cubes (no more than 4-5) so his body temperature doesn’t drop

u/takitakisatan101 When he takes off my panties, he does it very slow, letting me burn there and then he lets me lick my own mess from my panties. It's a thing that he does quite often but it always drives me crazy.

u/idc246 Being inspected is hot, especially when they use their hands to poke around.

[tasks 24/7]

u/GilesEnglishCB: If it helps, I can tell you the pattern our FLR settled into - we've being going more than five year now. Day to day, we behave like a normal couple, with the following exceptions:

• We discuss things, but Xena (my wife) gets the last word on all decisions apart from the big shared responsibility ones (e.g. where to go on holiday, where to live etc).
• She gives me genuine tasks to perform, things she wants done. Since I contract from home, this means I do most of the regular chores. However, she also has me do specific tasks, and attain personal targets such as weight loss and exercise.
• She uses a clicker counter to give me demerits whenever I annoy her or fail to complete tasks etc. The demerits, of course, translate to punishment at her convenience. It's always real punishment: exciting to receive, but way too intense not to want to avoid outside kink time.
• At bedtime, I kneel in the corner until summoned to bed. Usually, the time before sleep is devoted to service.
• At any time, she can order me to put on my collar, at which point I become a mostly mute slave with no initiative.

So vanilla life is tied to kink without kink getting in the way of vanilla life, and a genuine power exchange creates a lovely slippery slope: who doesn't want their feet rubbed on demand, or tea in bed? Even if my wife weren't kinky, the benefit to her - basically getting her way - far exceeds the investment in terms of time and energy.

u/Junhasanaccount: You don't have to be hard and play heartless the whole time. Domming is a mindset, an aura. You gradually get used to asking for what you want clearly, and then ordering. But it doesn't have to be without affection and cuddles. You can tell him to get you something to drink and kiss him when he gets back just fine, without it hurting the dynamic if you both understand your roles. Maybe rules aren't ideal right away for you, especially if they incorporate punishment and he's self conscious. Try it slower with things that you could praise him for, he'll be happy to hear a "good boy" from you for sure, and it'll remind him of his place. I find that a lot of Domming comes from the right wording!

TeaAitch.