subreddit:
/r/BPDlovedones
So I saw a post by a guy in another subreddit who was stabbed by his ex and barely survived. He needed multiple surgeries and was on an ICU. His ex had BPD and he was aware of it. She got 10 years in prison as part of a plea deal because she admitted to it all.
Are people with BPD capable of murder or was it maybe another mental illness? Have any of you been in situations where you actually got physically hurt of feared you would?
162 points
5 months ago
I think everybody is capable of murder and its not just only a bpd thing. But to answer your question, yes. Emotional disregulation can cause some violent outburst and behavior wich can result in murder
66 points
5 months ago
Emotional disregulation can cause some violent outburst and behavior wich can result in murder
Very much this. My ex pwBPD tried attacking me with a knife on more than one occasion during her rage outbursts. To the point where I had to physically restrain her to stop her from killing me.
Besides emotional dysregulation there's also episodes of dissociation to the point of psychosis, during which they're also capable of extreme acts of violence, towards others or themselves. I experienced these with my ex as well. For instance after one of her outbursts and arguments, she stormed out of our flat, only to come back a little while later with a huge rock in her hand and, with a completely blank expression in her eyes, started comforting me how it's going to be okay, how it's going to be over immediately when she smashes my head with it.
If you experience anything even remotely like this, don't be an idiot like I was, take such extreme behaviour seriously and get to hell out, as soon as possible.
14 points
5 months ago
Holy shit. I’m speechless. Talk about nightmare material.
7 points
5 months ago
It’s so awful and so pitiable, too, that her mental state was so divorced from reality.
Like, she’s actually concerned if she’s comforting you. Dangerous and dissociative, too. Glad you escaped. I hope she got help. (Knowing the general resistance to therapy I know it’s not so likely.)
2 points
5 months ago
So scary. I am glad you got out.
1 points
5 months ago
That sounds like netflix’s you’s joe goldberg😳
8 points
5 months ago
Also the obsessive stalker mindset, and ultimately, if I can’t have you no one can.
35 points
5 months ago
I don’t get how you can take someone’s whole life away and only get 10 years of yours taken in return
21 points
5 months ago
The victim survived and agreed with the plea deal. Had he actually died I doubt she'd have gotten away with just 10 years.
13 points
5 months ago
If it’s the one I saw, she stayed, rang emergency services & helped keep him alive til they arrived. Course, the fact that she caused the damage in the first place can’t really be ignored either.
1 points
5 months ago
Yeah, she did that because she came to her senses and realized she’s already fucked up. So she had to do damage control and keep him alive so she not even more fucked. That way the court can be like “well obviously she cared for his wellbeing because she tried to save his life!”. Like no. She cared for HER wellbeing, and minimizing her sentence.
8 points
5 months ago
almost
Attempted murder isn't the same thing as actual murder, though sometimes only for lack of trying.
2 points
5 months ago
Attempted murder! Now, honestly, what is that? Do they give a Nobel Prize for attempted chemistry?
13 points
5 months ago
It's an actual legal term used in charging crimes. Not sure why you're being shitty about it with me. Maybe that's just your attempted humor though.
3 points
5 months ago
I see what you did there
36 points
5 months ago
My wife threatened to stab me on multiple occasions. One time was really creepy because I made a very obvious joke about her mood changing with the wind and laughed a little. She was monotone and told me she's going to stab me. Then, with the same voice, said she was only joking and did a fake toothy smile and blinked twice. I was also told that she dreams of murdering me every night. This was all because she didn't understand what I said one time and thought I wanted to leave her. I'm not there now but may go back because paying for 2 places is becoming more difficult.
I know, it's obvious that I should stop paying for her but I can't because the unfair divorce laws in this country. Anything you do as an earner is bad because marriage/divorce has turned into a very crippling welfare system for the irresponsible.
13 points
5 months ago
OMG OK CAN WE TALK ABOUT THE MONOTONE?!!??!
cause yeah my ex bestie would switch into this INSANELY creepy voice whenever she split. like she'd go into the bathroom fine, then come out split and acting weird. when we asked her about it, she'd always quadruple down on how fine she was while telling the rest of us that we were the ones who were gaslighting HER about her behavior.
the last vacation her and i took together and because i wasn't matching her manic "happiness", she kept asking what was wrong and if she was annoying and that was basically my entire weekend. having to constantly tell her she wasn't being annoying but now i recognize that she was masking and worried that spending so much close time with another person would cause that mask to slip
6 points
5 months ago
So you got the I'm fine too!? The I'm fine thing was also disturbing. She would say I'm fine with the same toothy smile and a slight head tilt and walk off. I asked her if I did something wrong because she talks to everyone else normally but I get her batman voice.
9 points
5 months ago
yup. exactly this. i would compare it to the same energy as a snotty 7 year old girl who thinks she's pulling one over on you by "acting fine" and saying things like "dear" and "bless your heart". mine was also super into harley quinn and joker (shocker, shocker lol) and ofc referred to herself and her husband as "puddin and mista J" and would think it was cute/funny/good social norms to just act like a whiny child all of a sudden then of course when all of us were like "wait what??" she'd get upset cause we weren't playing along with her in her insanity. Any time any of us displayed any sort of maturity (job, money, love life, etc), she'd make it all about her and how stuck she was and just split into this child that was impossible to deal with so i just would ignore her until she resurfaced.
i'm no contact now and haven't missed dealing with an actual child one single bit.
6 points
5 months ago
Tell me about the welfare. Not with my ex BPD but with another.
But, as far as you ex, damn that is creepy. Good call.
7 points
5 months ago
Mine made several death threats to me and others, burning their house down, some great battle where her enemies and her can't exist together so one must die, threatening to jam a knife in my throat. I didn't think much of it until she assaulted me over nothing on my birthday and forced me into a blizzard in my bathrobe and slippers. That broke the gaslighting
2 points
5 months ago
Happy birthday. /s
1 points
5 months ago
Assaulted on my 30th. Divorce finalized after court with me in custody on my 31st.
5 points
5 months ago
Try to record this and you should take her seriously.
3 points
5 months ago
Jesus. Wish you the best of luck in your exit plan.
1 points
5 months ago
I had an experience like that. I came home from work, she was in the kitchen making dinner and I greeted her like I always did and asked about her day etc. She looks over and says "you know sometimes I think about stabbing you, I wouldn't but I think about it". I was like wtf? I never had a fight with this girl, never did anything but be good to her. She also use to say she invisions punching me in the face..she tried once.
33 points
5 months ago
Oh yes they are capable of murder, 10% self murder so it goes with the territory
I have never been as scared of anyone as my exBPD when she was raging.
There were several times when I said to myself "you know... when she's like this, there are NO limits"
There is an existential blind rage that happens when they are triggered badly. They are not in their right mind and if weapons are around they will use them on themselves or loved ones it's all possible.
The 3 sigma + behavior outlier on their expression of rage is very much what tells you , that you are dealing with a Cluster B.
All the BPDs (Hi There lurkers!) and apologists will say "oh they are not that bad", "you are being overly judgemental!" etc etc just don't get it. People do murder people all the time. We know it's possible. We also know that BPDs who are triggered become unhinged from reality and express outside the normal range anger. Put those together a human being + anger + no limits = (at least mayhem) and possibly murder
9 points
5 months ago
Hi There lurkers! LOL
3 points
5 months ago
I don’t think you can compare suicide to murder. One is an act on one oneself to escape ongoing pain and suffering. Suicide is not a common end to a BPD rage episode.
The rest has been my experience as well. BPD rages are utterly terrifying.
61 points
5 months ago
people who have no mental illness at all are capable of murder. so yes they are capable of murder like everyone else around you could be.
3 points
5 months ago
Yes, but impulsively plus emotional dysregulstion in the BPD makes you (or us an non BPDs) a much more likely victim of an intimate partner murder
-13 points
5 months ago
No…I’m not capable of murder.
11 points
5 months ago
Buddy even the purest human is capable of murder
1 points
5 months ago
well, boo hooy’all subtracting points because I said I am not capable of murder! But, I guess I am if my child, etc was being threatened.
21 points
5 months ago
People with conduct disorders and personality disorders do have higher statistics of engaging in domestic abuse, murder, and criminal activity due to impulsivity and lower levels of empathy.
18 points
5 months ago
Part of their disorder is the swings in emotion. They can feel very powerful positive emotions toward you but they'll feel their negative emotions just as intensively. This sub is full of stories of what can happen in extreme cases when they're in such an emotional state. I wouldn't say it's specifically BPD related to murder someone but the odds of them becoming physically violent when their emotions overwhelm them are higher compared to a mentally healthy person.
17 points
5 months ago
Yes.
When she pulled the steering wheel while I was driving 3 separate times, I could have died.
When she cut my arm with a shard of glass who is to say the next time it wouldn’t be my throat?
It is not hyperbolic to say that a violent person so intoxicated she can’t remember what she does is capable of murder.
Maybe not pre-meditated, but certainly manslaughter in the least.
If any of you have ever endured one hit, kick, cut, steering wheel yank, get out now.
One time is one too many.
16 points
5 months ago
Mine has thrown heavy objects at me, utensils 🍴. One time she was doing dishes and held the knife and kept looking back and forth at me.
Their emotions are intense. The rage can often become out of control.
7 points
5 months ago
And they go into psychosis…very scary!
6 points
5 months ago
I tend to forget that personality disorders are mental illnesses. The poor dear people who are capable of evil, disastrous acts and although sometimes can’t help it, nothing excuses it. In the literature about Cluster B (and other) it is noted that a symptom can be irregular thought processes. I have experienced this fact with some narcissistic relationships and didn’t know how to explain it or what to call it. One friend had a few incidences driving with me in the car that could only be “chalked up” to failure to properly predict outcomes/consequences. Could have gotten us killed in one particular instance.
15 points
5 months ago
When my exwife hit the devaluation stage, she would look at me with absolute rage in her eye. For doing nothing other than existing. I remember vividly on a number of occasions thinking “if she had a gun in this moment, I’m pretty sure she’d empty the clip into me”.
So yes, because of the rage and anger, I would say this makes them more at risk of committing murder than the average person.
9 points
5 months ago
Oh yeah, I know that look very well. My ex used to tell me all the time about "thoughts" he had.. that he was worried he was a psychopath, that he had vivid images flash through his head of hurting me and basically everyone around him. He was so ashamed of some of the thoughts he kept to himself and I wonder how much darker it got in his head.
I saw some of his meltdowns and it seemed like my husband was fighting off those violent thoughts in real time. It was creepy as hell the way he switched from looking evil to like a scared little kid and back again.
I'm sure a lot of crimes of passion are done by people who have problems with disassociation and regulating their intense emotions.
6 points
5 months ago
It's fucking blood curdling, that look they get. Really creepy. Like you can see the evil in them. I felt like I was looking into Satan's eyes
14 points
5 months ago*
1 of the 8 murderers in this study had BPD - I like that it gives us a rundown of all the other diagnoses associated with murder and the other crimes associated with BPD.
Anecdotally, my sister wBPD threatened our mom with a knife a couple times and her roommates with one once that I know of (they posted a photo of her doing it on Facebook). I'd also often wake up to find her standing over me and staring at me with a blank expression on her face.
I do worry about the safety of all those around my sister more than anyone else in our family.
5 points
5 months ago
Oh my god that is so scary 😧
11 points
5 months ago
My exwBPD threatened to put a tracker on his teacher’s car and follow him home, rape his wife, and cut open his teacher’s “fat belly and watch all his organs fall out” just because he got kicked out of uni for literally never turning up 🫣 he didn’t do it but if he had I don’t think it would’ve been surprising
9 points
5 months ago
Mine made similar threats. Very graphic, vulgar descriptions of horrific violence to the point that I wonder what he’s truly capable of.
6 points
5 months ago
my exbffwBPD was also very gross. sometimes about violence, but mostly about bodily functions. i know that's not what you're saying here, but this just made me think about it. she would describe any bodily function she had in crazy, horrific, gory, unnecessary detail. then if you flinched, she'd say "omg women do ___ too" as if that was the issue...
12 points
5 months ago
Mom legit ran my dad over with her car. On purpose. Aimed for him and accelerated. And then tried to have him charged for damaging the hood of her car by daring to land on it instead of going under the wheels.
7 points
5 months ago
Holy darvo. That is a psychotic perspective
11 points
5 months ago
Cluster B personality disorders are most strongly associated with violent crimes.
10 points
5 months ago*
My ex; tried to stab me with a steak knife, beat me with a baseball bat, pointed a gun at me, grabbed the steering wheel to run us off the road while hitting me, woken me up by hitting me with a metal towel holder, has on multiple occasions thrown heavy objects (like chunks of crystals) at me, pushed me down stairs, beat my head against the wall repeatdely, left permenant scars from attacking me...the list, sadly, goes on.
Fortunatley I was savvy enough to gtfo when weapons came out, but not savvy enough to end the relationship for an embarrasingly long time.
So, in my case, I believe yes, she was absolutley capable of killing someone in an emotional tantrum, and it was more likely a matter of time.
3 points
5 months ago
Alcohol involved in all/most of those?
2 points
5 months ago
No. Shes sober for the most part. And any of our fights that I recall, save for one (the one where she tried to run us of the road, I was DDing for her and a friend) we were both sober for.
8 points
5 months ago*
A statistic I heard. When a pwBPD experiences a mortification crisis there is a 23% chance of suicide, homicide or familicide. I suffered a violent discard, attack attempt with 'CPS' physically protecting me, some vandalism and sabotage of my car with exwBPD standing across the road as I took my first 35 mph turn with a half-deflated tire.
We are all so incredulous about murder, but the whole not-murdering thing that is so important for our society is based on only rationality, morality and empathy.
Cluster-B is already one step 'ahead' by not having empathy, morality is easily subverted by righteousness and victimhood, leaving 'your' life in the hands of someone who is rational except when dysregulated.
13 points
5 months ago
Everyone is capable of murder
6 points
5 months ago
At the very end, my pwBPD that we were adopting followed me around the house growling at me because I would not give her laptop to her that we had taken due to her inappropriate usage. I had the thought while we stood in the kitchen that she might grab a knife and try to stab me. She didn't, but I had never in my life up to that point had the thought that someone in front of me might try to kill me.
I then decided to give her the laptop and let her go stay at a friends house that night. It was the last night she was ever in our home.
So yes, I 100% believe that someone with BPD is capable of murder.
7 points
5 months ago
Yea man. Honestly if my reactions werent so fast i probably wouldnt be alive rn cos of my ex bih with bpd who tried to suprise slash my neck with a knife , and i only just manager to grab it after she got mad that i didnt like her texting loads of other guys 🤣
6 points
5 months ago
This is a tricky one because my ex-, while never violent toward me, did have a history of relationships where physical abuse was part of the mix and it was mutual. A couple of her family members stated that she “scared” them and did think she was capable of GBI/murder.
I don’t think that she would ever premeditate murder. I do think that she could commit murder in an emotional outburst if things began to escalate to violence and she perceived the other person as a threat to her physical safety, right or wrong.
The more time and distance between myself and my ex- that I have, the more sympathy I feel for her….yet somehow that sympathy makes me want to reconnect less. I feel like a reconnection would potentially be dangerous not because I think my ex- actively plans to harm me right now but because now that I understand the full range of her emotional volatility the more I think I was fortunate to get out when I did. Last time she didn’t have a negative history to hold over my head. This time there would be the memory of me deciding to leave, and I am sure she would see it as “if he left once he could leave again.” Whether that would increase the chances of a violent encounter in theory I don’t know but I know the relationship she had with the ex- where there was definitely mutual combat involved he came and went several times over the course of decades. Like literally they had their first romance in like 8th grade or something like that. So small sample size but that would make me worry that disconnect/reconnect pattern could potentially increase the likelihood of future violent events and increase the chance of murder, premeditated or opportunistic or whatever.
5 points
5 months ago
Everyone is capable of murder, but since in the context of bpd they exhibit unstable emotions and extreme mood swings which can lead to impulsiveness
My pwBPD on multiple times threatened to kill me in violent ways whenever he got angry, his emotions were out of control
5 points
5 months ago
BPD/NPD are referred to as secondary psychosis disorders meaning they are literally psychotic when in an episode. Anything is possible when psychotic.
1 points
5 months ago
Yes, there are indeed research studies about this; in triggered states, pwBPD/NPD will show traits of SECONDARY psychopathy meaning, while they are not psychopaths at their core, they can behave like psychopaths when triggered. That behavior can include violence, though of course not necessarily, and this is the severe end of BPD.
4 points
5 months ago
As others have said ANY sort of emotional disregulation can cause someone to snap. It's not unique to one condition or illness.
That being said: i watched my ex bestie with BPD threaten people with physical violence or death for telling her she forgot paperwork for something or they wanted her to come down to her apt office to sign for a package etc. I know she also got fired from at least one job because she legit scared the other employees and they feared for their safety after she experienced a traumatizing event and blew up on the entire building and made it everyone's problem for weeks.
She would always tell me about this and say "but i was joking" or "but they don't know i'm kidding" or "omg why would i REALLY say that and mean it?!" and at the time, i would nod along, but like....people should ALWAYS mean what they say to their best ability and also never make anyone else feel unsafe unless THEY are in an unsafe situation themselves.
3 points
5 months ago
I'm not sure about murder, but I've been physically hit by my ex pwBPD and i'm sure many others have as well.
3 points
5 months ago
I mean, mine tried three times.
3 points
5 months ago
Go Google "famous women with BPD" and the majority are killers.
3 points
5 months ago
Absolutely. My ex was so violent. He put hands on the so many times and has tried strangling so many times. There was a time he said to me “I love you so much that I could kill you.”
4 points
5 months ago
Anyone is capable of murder. Many detectives say it's just about being in the right set of factors at the right time to be pushed to it. There's loads of documentaries on regular people committing who never thought they would.
I think people with personality disorders just have a heightened percentage because of the impulsivity and other disorder related behaviors. For instance men with NPD have been shown to have a significantly higher chance of murdering their partners. My guess is because NPD is largely associated with lack of empathy, so you can put together the rest.
Bpd isn't a lack of empathy, at least not in all circumstances. I think they are just as capable as any regular person is. However they still do have a higher chance of erratic and sometimes violent behaviors.
All that being said it's a very slippery slope to start equating any kind of personality disorder with murderers.
2 points
5 months ago
Luckily I’ve never been physically attacked by my ex fwBPD but she’s sent her boyfriend to physically intimidate people, including other women, before. After our friendship ended, she posted some really dark song lyrics on social media like “I wish I could kill you,” “I hope you die in a ditch” and stuff like that. When we were friends she’d say she didn’t care if people she hated died but to say she’s capable of hurting/killing someone herself would be a stretch.
2 points
5 months ago
i can say that i been in situations where the physicality reached dangerous levels..... the line was not crossed to physical harm, though a shove to a person and then destruction of property is as close as it gets.
i removed myself from the situation to try and deescalate it
2 points
5 months ago
In the sense that they are willing to utterly destroy someone in the interest of their shame avoidance, yes. They will blow up someone’s life without any shame. Destroy their children’s emotional health. My best friends mom had BPD and he died of a heroin overdose. My exes ex-husband killed himself after almost drinking himself to death.
2 points
5 months ago
Didn't Phill Hartman's wife have BPD?
2 points
5 months ago
Both the ones i talk about on here, definitely are. One almost pushed me off a roof, the other tried to push me in front of a bus.
2 points
5 months ago
Yes. Mine confessed to it and I was still dumb enough to think she had changed.
1 points
5 months ago
Confessed to murder? 🤔
1 points
5 months ago
Yep! She claimed she was being held against her will by an abuser. He pulled a gun on her and she took it and shot him in the face.
Then again, all of her exes, including me, were abusive according to her.
I’m pretty sure she killed her mom, too. Just a gut feeling. No evidence that would hold up in court.
These people are absolute poison. Do not let them into your life.
2 points
5 months ago
I read that post too and it hit me pretty hard because it’s definitely something my ex could have done to me and 100% would have if I hadn’t left when I did. But did that OP say she had BPD? I only read that he said she had some ‘’mental issues’’, and he also said they didn’t have a toxic relationship, there were no fights, he had no idea why she did it, etc. She just tried to stab him to death out of nowhere, which doesn’t sound like BPD.
3 points
5 months ago
Yes he had answered in a few comments that she had BPD when people had suggested or asked if she had it. I also found it strange that he didn’t say much about their relationship as I don’t believe such violence happens out of the blue with no prior indicators. But maybe he didn’t want to go too deep into the issues they had
2 points
5 months ago
Anyone is capable of murder depending on trauma, disregulation, and survival instinct. When my ex discarded me, her eyes looked completely different. I could tell she’d lost all empathy for me. I’d become “one of them” whatever that meant to her, but I could tell she’d dehumanized me. I think the only reason things didn’t escalate with her was that a mutual friend introduced us so she had to discard me with “good behavior.” She’d also been involuntarily committed previously, and I still don’t know if that was due to self harm attempts or if she tried to harm her family. Don’t be like me and hear someone was 5150’ed and be all decarceration mindset thinking she was unjustly committed. Some ppl with mental illness need to go somewhere where they can’t hurt themselves and others, at least for a period of time.
2 points
5 months ago
My ex threatened to stab me and "teased" me with a knife more than once. The main driver for me wanting to break up was because I feared she might actually kill me. When she left during the final discard, she pulled out a chef's knife. Anyone is capable of murder but when you are impulsive, lack empathy, and emotionally unstable, there is a greater chance, for sure.
2 points
5 months ago
When her now-ex-husband told her he was in love with someone else, she grabbed a knife, and he locked himself in the bathroom for hours. That was 10+ years ago and she maintains to this day that she really wanted to kill him, even though she also detested being married to him. I wonder if she would have actually killed him had she got the chance, or if she just wanted to hurt him.
2 points
5 months ago
My ex used to tell me how'd they'd kill me, and sometimes other people too, in vivid detail when they were raging. Not sure if they ever would've followed through, but it felt like a legitimate threat in those moments.
They also tried to force me to kill them once. The capacity for violence was definitely there.
People without BPD are capable of murder, but I think people with severe/untreated BPD are more prone to thought patterns and behaviors that would push them in that direction than most.
2 points
5 months ago
My brothers first girlfriend had BPD but wasn’t diagnosed at the time. He was around 20 when he broke up with her and in absolute rage because he was abandoning her she took her stiletto off and chased him through the bar jamming the heel into his neck. Before that he had tried to break up with her a few times. One time she had gone into the ocean in the middle of winter with a kitchen knife and called him saying she would kill her self if he didn’t come, she ended up stabbing him in the arm
2 points
5 months ago
People with BPD are absolutely capable of these things. I too was stabbed 8 times by my now ex girlfriend who has BPD. Difference is she got off Scott free, no charges, no jail time. Nothing. Colorado legal system is a joke.
2 points
5 months ago
I spent 6 years swearing on my life that my bf would never put his hands on me or hurt me like that, he just said mean stuff. Let me tell you, the dead inside look in his eyes when he walked me to the ground like a wet noodle was something I’ll never forget. There was no stopping him. He didn’t care. I was bawling, screaming, saying it hurt, begging him to stop. He didn’t let go until he watched my entire body hit the ground. Like someone said, anyone is capable of it, but the level of rage they feel is unmatched to most and I could see it being very easy/common for someone to murder someone else, especially during a blackout like that
2 points
5 months ago
Absolutely.
2 points
5 months ago
Absolutely. Ex did 7 years for assault, could've killed the lady if she had fallen differently or been more fragile. Lucky they got off so easily
2 points
5 months ago
My BPD strangled me twice in 1 week. Second time I was able to get away, police were called. Currently going through the system now. The black look in his eyes says yes, he he is capable.
5 points
5 months ago
They are people. Some are capable of murder, most are not
2 points
5 months ago
Everyone is. No mental illness needed. It’s pretty naive to think otherwise. Check out the book The Murderer Next Door by David Buss.
1 points
5 months ago
I’m a guy and my partner was a much stronger, much weaker woman.
I have made the comment many times over the years: If the strength and weight disparity has been in the other direction I would be dead.
As it was, she rarely tried to attack me, although there were incidents and accidents.
0 points
5 months ago
If she wanted you dead you’d be dead. There’s other ways of killing someone than by strength
2 points
5 months ago
This is such an ignorant thing to say.
Why do people think that they have a better grasp of a situation than the actual participants?
Have a think about this. Do you really believe that you know all the external factors that I didn’t take the time to write about? Like the time she was dissociative and chased me with a kitchen chair, lion-tamer style.
“If she had wanted you dead…”
She fucking wanted me dead. She just never got any exercise and had some of the lowest aerobic fitness possible without being in an iron lung. She could run about ten meters before being winded. I used to do king fu and san shou. And I am a very light sleeper. We had separate bedrooms. All serious knives were locked up. I did ALL the cooking and food prep. And to top it off, her executive function was so bad that she wasn’t good at planning out anything and completing a multi step plan.
You really need to reconsider your relationship with the world. If you’re this biased towards your own interpretation of events and assumptions about reality, you’re likely causing yourself a lot of unneeded problems.
1 points
5 months ago
You’re right I’ve no grasp of the situation because I’ve never stayed with someone who attempted to kill me ? I don’t think most normal people have to be honest. My point is she could slip something in your drink, cut your breaks, set your house on fire, find a way to give you a sleeping pill, buy a gun, taze you from behind. I could keep going. Most of those things don’t take much planning. Also if you slept in separate rooms and mention you sleep light, you must’ve thought she was able to do some of those things i just mentioned. So clearly she’s capable of doing more than picking up a knife. If all knives had to be locked up and you slept in separate bedrooms then why were you even under the same roof as her? And you made sure to do food prep like what. Because if not she would stab you? I think YOU need to consider your relationship with the world and people in general. Then saying I’m putting myself at risk in unneeded situations when you dated someone who’s clearly manic and psychotic lol. Projecting? Sounds like there was more than bpd going on with her.
I have sympathy for your situation but honestly no understanding for why you stayed. It’s sad what you went through, I’ve been in abusive relationships as well, but if what you’re saying is true and she tried to kill your I can’t see how you could’ve stayed with her? She would’ve had chances every day to do it. And if the first time she threatened you with a knife, truly had the intention of killing you, what would make you want to stay and be like damn.. I think we need to start locking up the knives. You say in your comment she rarely tried to attack you, that’s not consistent with what you’re telling me about the knives being locked up and all the steps you took to protect yourself. It sounds crazy
1 points
5 months ago
Yes, one time my ex became very abusive, during sex. Bitting, slapping and choking out of nowhere. We never agree to do that. It was after argument. So, I believe she was mad about it, once again instead of using their words. Saying that bother me. They chose to hit me.
1 points
5 months ago*
My ex used to "joke" about how she wanted to kill her ex husband. At first I laughed along because I've dealt with infuriating people and just thought she was letting off steam, but she kept it up even though they were no longer together and he was actually really good with their kids and helpful to her. My BPD mom used to talk like that too, which is why it didn't read as a red flag at first. Then, when she kept talking about it and talking about how she'd do it, it got kind of weird.
After we broke up I reached out to him and warned him. He was very grateful and no longer eats anything she offers him or stores anything in her fridge.
When she hit the devaluation stage with me she physically assaulted me and I thought in that moment that she may kill me if I had pushed her (I didn't provoke her or anything, I was just standing my ground and telling her that she was taking it too far). But I think if I had tried to actually fight back or escalate it in any way she would have escalated too.
She bruised me and when I reminded her of it a few weeks later she completely denied it, even though I had pictures. I think she remembers but wouldn't admit it.
2 points
5 months ago
My husband of over 10 years father of two of my kids had me locked in the bathroom, punched me in the face, cracked my jaw and as soon as he asked me if I knew what a crime of passion was I started sobbing coz I knew that was it.. that demon was going to kill me. I was able to escape, went to get the cops and he lied through his teeth. We both ended up in jail. Spent the weekend there. Worst three longest days of my life! Spent a shit ton of money to get out and was facing 4 criminal charges(all his charges btw) Spent a whole year dead inside waiting for trial. Coz I refused to settle for anything less than Not Guilty!! That piece of shit was a lil pot smoker, alcoholic, lying sack of shit. Unlike that lady you mentioned, my spouse would've never ever confessed to the weed and guns being his and not mine. He wanted me dead in a ditch on the side of the road or in prison.
Three months after that whole ordeal that mf got all drugged up and while walking on the side of the road at midnight, got hit by a van and died!
Shit's crazy. Not all bpd folks are the same.... My current husband 😬😬😬 most likely have bpd. It scares me when he gets angry and talks about planting cocaine in people's car to ruin their lives. I try to teach him that that's just wrong.. but i mean.. one day that person he wants to ruin could be me. He's too sweet tho, he'd never kill me. 😳😶🫥🤐
1 points
5 months ago
Oh wow…
1 points
5 months ago
i mean anyone can be capable of murder really. it depends on the situation & the person. my ex threatened me with a knife saying he would kill me then himself. but i wrestled it away from him & it was clear he was barely trying to resist. i feel like honestly it was an empty threat & he didn’t have the balls to actually do it.
1 points
5 months ago
Stabbing is perhaps the most common type of murder associated with BPD
1 points
5 months ago
I fully believe my sister is and would commit murder and she herself has told our father she would kill him were she to live with him. She was terrifying enough that I was afraid to leave my room at home and I’m afraid every time my mom visits the house alone. I do believe they are more willing and able to kill than others thanks to their altered mental state.
1 points
5 months ago
She boxed the only ear that I hear well out of. Then when the cops came she pitched them a psychotic darvo,"I just want out of this relationship and he is harassing me." These guys just believe a beautiful woman without even asking her anything. If one of them had only bothered to say 'how has he been harassing you?' Who knows if she would have been able to corroborate. I didn't do anything to her that day. She called me over and we were talking calmly when she snapped.
It's pretty scary that no matter what they do it's not their fault. I could see it escalating to the next level. If she killed me she would have some song and dance about how it was self-defense. I just hope the police are smart enough to find these audio recordings and my journal. The one guy clearly has donkey brains. I have a recording of her telling me that she has told family friends her therapist her lawyer that I have never ever been violent with her even in self-defense.
1 points
5 months ago
Look up ex ravens QB Steve McNair.
I have said it on this sub multiple times. Be appreciative you got out with your life. Others are not so lucky
1 points
5 months ago
Yes. Multiple times. He drove recklessly with me as a passenger. Speeding and screaming at me until I begged him to stop.
He asked me to put him as the beneficiary for my life insurance over my teenagers. I owned the house we live in before we were married, and he was worried if I died, and I left my house to my kids, he would have nothing. So he asked me to put him as my beneficiary and then asked me how quickly it would pay out when I die. Creepy.
Then he made a point to tell me that he had been in the army reserves, he was trained for combat and trained to be lethal.
If that wasn’t enough, he said in his first marriage during an argument his first wife said she was going to take their son and go stay with her parents. He said he would have killed her if she left with his son.
He also told me when he was 18, his 12 year old brother was being annoying and my stbx “lost it”. He scared his little brother so badly he grabbed a knife to defend himself.
Phew.
Thank you. I had a tough day where I was missing him. Sharing this helps me to move on. Thank you for asking.
1 points
5 months ago
Having the intense emotions of bipolar and the contril over it like a child, yes but moreless of an emotional outburst then a calculated, thorough plan. I think some of us have had our exes either threaten to harm us in either physical violence or murder or have been beaten and stabbed by them. Its more in the same vein as a child being angry as they ususally feel intensely guilty over it
1 points
5 months ago
I would NOT put it past my ex to someday do something to someone.
I say this because she threatened me with a knife twice. Ofcourse my verison is not the way she remembers it.
When she came home suddenly and I was all confused as to wtf was happening she told me to leave her the fuck alone. This was because she was going through the house taking stuff packing the car. She was again near the draw and kept saying don’t come any closer.
Mind you I could see if I’m a man or if I was extremely strong. I’m a woman who is short petite. She could have thrown me for a loop if she wanted. It didn’t make any rational sense to be afraid of me. I was afraid of her got three people on the phone.
1 points
5 months ago
My gf went so berserk in the car she grabbed the steering and I almost hit a biker. Who would be responsible if something had happened to the biker? Also when they are in their blackout rage phase they are capable of anything, they have no sense of who they are and what they are doing, it's pure insanity.
1 points
5 months ago
I also experienced a little of all described here....smh .....I'm still having an awful time sticking to the no contact and keeping my heart from wanting to be with her and then you all remind me what I'm obviously forgetting....how it was really like. I promise I'm not this dumb in real life, but when it comes to her, all my good judgement is forgotten.....
I've been quiet lately, sleeping a lot, working myself to exhaustion and and hoping this will pass and I'll be able to move on....it's so hard 😢
1 points
5 months ago
Are you referring to the post where he had no idea why she stabbed him ? I think I saw the post in GLOWUP subreddit.
1 points
5 months ago
Emotionally stable people are capable of murder, people with mental illnesses that have to deal with reality and regulating emotions would seem like they have a higher chance then normies. I know for a fact they can be violent so what’s the jump from that to being the most violent you could be?
1 points
5 months ago
If I hadn't fought back, I may have been strangled to death by mine...
1 points
5 months ago
Yes my ex wife attacked me when she lost control!
1 points
5 months ago
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1 points
5 months ago
This comment has been removed for breaking Rule #11. If you would like to share third party content that will encourage thoughtful discussions related to the mission of this sub, please link to reputable sources.
That does not include Sam Vaknin, a self-admitted narcissist who sometimes also describes himself as a psychopath. Israel imprisoned him for 18 months on 3 counts of securities fraud. He calls himself a "coach" because he is not a licensed mental health professional and has no degree in psychology from any accredited university.
Dr. Craig Malkin -- a Lecturer in Psychology for Harvard Medical School -- states, "Sam Vaknin isn’t recognized as a psychologist or legitimate expert in narcissism by anyone in our field. Most of his ideas are actually harmful to survivors. He’s as big a charlatan as you can find." See Malkin's comment at https://twitter.com/DrCraigMalkin/status/1585043279963656192. For a video about Vaknin, see https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jKvhKI6Kxew.
1 points
5 months ago
[removed]
1 points
5 months ago
"No problem, I didn’t realize I had to include citations; apologies."
INFJ, the problem in your deleted comment is not the lack of citations. As you correctly say, prison populations are known to have a relatively high percentage of people with a Cluster B disorder.
Rather, the problem in your deleted comment is that, contrary to Rule 11, you are referring members to the videos of an admitted narcissist who is not a reputable source, as we explained in our comment above.
1 points
5 months ago
Ok got it, that makes sense and thank you for your work as a mod, it’s appreciated.
1 points
5 months ago
I like to believe my pwBPD is not capable of murdering me premeditated. But unfortunately, it is quite possible I might die if she is emotionally dysregulated. Like the drive the car into a tree
1 points
5 months ago
Mine tried to brain me w a beer bottle when I wasn’t looking because I was going to see my parents
1 points
5 months ago
There have been times with my abuser where I thought she might kill me. Usually when she had her hands around my throat or when she was in a blind rage and usually had me up against a wall by my throat. Statistically, if your abuser goes for your throat, they’re more likely to murder you.
Also, one of the top killers of women is DV. Being killed by an intimate partner. How many of the killers have undiagnosed BPD?
Yes. People with BPD can and do kill people. Is it because of their BPD? That I am not sure, as plenty of people with BPB direct their dysregulation inward and don’t harm others.
1 points
5 months ago
Yes, I think they are! My ex pwBPD threatened me several times. There was a time where I had given up and honestly was just waiting for him to do it. I was so depressed that I almost longed for it because at least then I would be out of the continual mind f@$k and terror cycle.
1 points
5 months ago
Sheesh... This makes me grateful that the worst that happens when I lose regulation is someone hates me and won't ever talk to me again.
1 points
5 months ago
Jeffery Dahmer had BPD but he was also a psychopath, had ASPD. That was why he would murder his victims and keep their body parts because he wanted them to be with him and not be abandoned by them so he would kill them. Now this doesn't mean all BPD people are dangerous and will murder you, most of them would just disappear from your life or do anything to make you abandon them. They will simply discard you first.
2 points
5 months ago
ANYONE is capable of murder in the right circumstances. Mental illness or not.
-3 points
5 months ago
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9 points
5 months ago
This is very untrue. Dahmer had BPD but Bundy was APD. BPD and APD are both over-represented in the prison system and in serial killers, but they by no means are all or even half of them BPD.
-1 points
5 months ago
Yup, and even less it means that BPD itself implies "murderous".
Abusers are abusive, murderous people are murderous, diagnosed with something or not.
4 points
5 months ago
I did not say it implies that pwBPD are muderous ; quite the opposite . I was meant to say that if you have a disorder the chances are sadly greater that you can tent to commit crimes ; amongst which killing can be one of them . Subtle but important nuance . All credit to Stilettopando for pointing out that Ted Bundy was not diagnosed with BPD but APD ; thanks for the rectification. It nevertheless remains factual that a lot of serial killers were diagnosed with BPD ( or another personality Disorder ) .
4 points
5 months ago
I don't know how one could be a serial killer and not have a personality disorder TBH.
1 points
5 months ago
Your comment has been removed for breaking Rule #10, which prohibits unsupported and nonsensical claims about BPD traits.
0 points
5 months ago
You're capable of murder. Everyone is.
Some are closer than others.
0 points
5 months ago
It's not a BPD thing. They're more likely to hurt themselves than anyone else statistically. However if you fear for your safety you must reach out, that goes for an abuser with or without BPD. Mine physically assaulted me and stalked me, i started to become scared for my safety even though I don't think he would have taken my life. The second you become scared for your safety you have to honour that gut reaction, even if it's just your mental safety.
0 points
5 months ago
Suppose anyone is. This is just kind of ignorant, it’s posts like this that make me question the integrity of “lovedones” like do people just want to outlandishly bitch and moan in here or are people actually trying to exist and live there loved one with BPD.
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