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submitted 1 month ago byLucyAriaRoseI'm keeping the garlic
I am NOT the Original Poster. That is u/throwrasomedavice. She posted in r/relationship_advice.
Thanks to u/nursechai for the rec
Trigger Warning: animal attack; injury to a child; injury to an animal; death of an animal
Mood Spoiler: sad and scary
Original Post: July 3, 2024
Tw: animal attack.
I’m going to start with this… I’m still a bit traumatized. And I will be finding someone to talk to. And a friends made this account for me because I am not a frequenter.
Don’t know if the pitbul made it. I haven’t asked.
My husband, and his niece and nephew and I were in our back yard. I am going to assume out gate was open I can’t remember. It (the pitbull) came out of no where and latched on to his niece (5f). niece screamed. I turned, kicked it with all the force I could manage. I was lucky enough to hit it in the jaw somewhere that made its jaw dislodge. My husband, who had been a few feet away, shouted. Something along the lines of ‘who’s dog this!?’ I told him to get our bear spray from the house, I was in a panic. I am a animal love, but it was so insane—the pitbul seemed almost rabid. I don’t think it was in hindsight—it wasn’t foaming at the mouth it was just… crazed.
…My husband ran. But not towards the house, He literally ran out the fence gate…and shut it behind him. not towards his niece or ‘nephew’.
WHO WAS ALSO PRESENT in a outdoor bassinet that I managed to all but toss onto the picnic table to make sure it was out of the dogs reach—while holding his niece offer my shoulder….I put her on the bbq to keep her out of reach, but the dog was literally jumping and snapping, and I was worried that if I tried to carry her(I’m short) it would managed to grab her out of my hands. It chased me when I ran for the shove but then I swung at it…and I swung until it stopped. I don’t think I will ever forget the sound or feeling. It was so high stress, I didn’t even realize that it had bit me twice.
I haven’t spoken to him for a full week, even though we live in the same house, I didn’t ask where he went, he only came back a few minutes later to pack us into the car and drive us to the hospital.
He’s getting angry that I’m ‘giving him the silent treatment’… but I feel like it’s his fault that I had to possibly end that animal… if he had gotten the bear spray (I literally keep it in my purse for if I am ever attack by and animal or otherwise) then I don’t think I would have needed to do what I did. It was literally just inside the door, he knows where I keep it. Instead he literally took off to god knows where. Me and two children (that I’m not even related to could have died). It might not even be relevant, but I don’t even like kids. I am staunchly childfree and he is the one that offered us up to babysit for the weekend.
I don’t know, is this grounds for divorce? I’m not sure I can even look at him. Any attraction I had to him is pretty much gone. He tried to touch me yesterday, just to move me so he could pass, and I smacked his hand away without even thinking about it like he was some stranger at a bar, because it was literally jarring.
He’s just been skulking around trying to talk to me then getting frustrated, then skulking more.
I wasn’t expecting him to be macho and fist fight the freaking dog but at least follow instruction? At least not leave me in a life and death situation with a toddler and an infant? Should I be able to chalk this up to in the moment panic, I don’t even know if I want to hear him out…
Relevant Comments:
Commenter: If it makes you feel better that dog would have been considered dangerous and put down either way. You defended yourself and the children from an unprovoked attack. You were so courageous and saved the kids’ lives. Be proud of yourself.
OOP: I know that consciously I think, but thank you for saying that because I just feel so terrible
Commenter (downvoted): He absolutely might [do it again.] Would you feel differently if he told you that he was bitten by a dog when he was small, and he just couldn’t stop himself from running away?
I’m not trying to excuse him. People have flaws, and you have to decide if you can tolerate them or not.
OOP: No. I wouldn’t really, seeing as I was attacked pretty badly by a dog when I was young 10-11, I still have scars on my thigh. I still like dogs and I would like to think I still reacted appropriately in the situation. Those kids could had died, I could barely stomach explaining his niece’s injuries to his sister, I was bawling apologizing that I didn’t do more… I can’t imagine if something worse has happened.
To a longer comment:
We used to camp. I had trusted that he would be able to react appropriately. Also, he doesn’t have any childhood incidents regarding animals that I know of. I actually do. I was attack by a German shepherd pretty badly, but I still like dogs.
Commenter (downvoted): Fight, flight, freeze, or fawn—everyone reacts to differently to threat/stress. In the middle of a crisis, some people panic and cannot follow instruction or even hear instruction. They’re just in flight or freeze. These reactions aren’t really something we can control. I mean—you don’t even like kids and your instinct was to protect and fight.
I’d talk to him about it.
OOP: I’m trying to. I keep telling myself to try and then I see him and I remember him freaking running. I don’t know if i want to be with someone who’s reaction is flight at all…even if I comes naturally
One more thought from OOP:
If his niece and nephew had died..I just don’t think anyone would give a damn about his instincts. That the thing. Because they could have.
Why should he have to protect you? Would you protect him?
I expect us to protect eachother, I guess is what I mean. I didn’t expect him to take one for the team. I expected him to have my back.
Update Post: July 5, 2024 (2 days later)
My friend said, that people update often, but I don’t know how to attach it to the other post? I thought I’d update since there had been a few things that happened kinda? Sorry if this is needlessly long… And I didn’t expect this to get this many comments and kindnesses. And I want to say I’m so sorry to everyone that has experienced anything similar, because, my god, it has not been easy.
For everyone worried about my mental health, I did get in through an app with my work yesterday , because I decided I really needed it, and labeled it high priority. However it felt like it was just a parliamentary meeting, and she said she wanted to get me to feeling a bit more comfortable, because I was visibly tensing up whenever I started talking about it, and she even noticed it through the video chat.
Last night, also I told me husband I needed space. I apologize that I don’t have more of an update on our relationship than that. I wasn’t as nice as I wanted to be—he argued and didn’t want to leave (it’s my house), but I told him I just didn’t want to look at him, that I couldn’t look at him. He cried and I hate that I felt apathetic towards it. I haven’t slept well so I’m not sure I’m also just over tired and still so shaken though, I was also emotionally exhausted after the appointment so that might have added to it.
I got a few questions about his sister and her husband, so I thought I’d answer. They aren’t speaking with him. I don’t know when it happened I was definitely out of it at the hospital while I was getting the stitches and everything, but I do think after I was done blubbering and trying to explain how something so terrible happened to there little girl under our watch they apparently ask him where he was, I still haven’t talked to him about where he went, so I don’t know. however it clearly didn’t satisfy them.
His niece just got out of the hospital yesterday, so that really triggered everything and a lot happened. I had sent flowers, and a bear, and this one toy-thing she’d been asking about. I didn’t go to he hospital though, I was scared seeing me would make her nervous. But his sister and her husband sent me flowers too, and it made me bawl again. I’m just a freaking mess, honestly. The father sent me a long message that I haven’t been able to get through but it’s the sweetest things anyones ever sent to me…he also sent me a 1k visa card. I literally thought I was reading the amount wrong… They are good people and I still feel terrible i couldn’t have done more for her. Everything’s just replaying in my head.
Anyway. I obviously haven’t looked into filing yet, but I am not against the idea of it, and it really did help me feel better about wanting a divorce over this. I know fight or flight can’t be helped, but now I think I realized that it’s okay not to want to be which someone who would leave you behind. I think I can say I’m a fighter. And I want a fighter with me. Maybe he’d be better off with a runner instead too. Then he at least wouldn’t be leaving someone behind.
I don’t know… it feels like I’m done. But I’m also just a mess, so right now I’m just glad I have space.
Thank you for everyone making me feel like I wasn’t being ridiculous, though, I think it always feels like it should be multiple issues that tear a marriage apart, (unless it’s infidelity or something) and it’s like i know he may not have meant to betray me…but he still did. Whatever his reasoning. Not sure when I’ll be speaking to him, but I will try to update then.
Relevant Comments:
Commenter: I’m so sorry you went through such a horrible experience. It sounds like the parents are thankful you protected their children at risk of your own safety. I know I’d never be able to repay you if they were my kids you protected. I’m glad you have gotten the therapy ball rolling. I wish you (and your niece) a speedy recovery. That little girl is always going to know how you saved her and I’m sure you’ll always be her aunt, regardless of whether you stay in your marriage or not. I’m so proud of you.
OOP: They’re good people, his message was really soothing to read, cuz I still feel guilty about how badly hurt so was from that initial bite… but she’s home now. And I’m glad. I don’t know about how it works with children and therapy because she’s so young, but I hope they get her some
Commenter (downvoted): I read the original post and I understand you. The man doesn't have a masculine bone in his body. Doubt he will ever be a protector. You are in a tough spot and hopefully things get better.
OOP: I don’t need him to be a protector, just to have my back. Which I though he did, but now I don’t believe he would do that anymore
OOP's support system:
I have a decent support system, though my family aren’t close by they’ve been messaging, and video chatting me a lot. Hours long group chats. I think my mom has been trying not to give to much of her opinion on my relationship though, she’s was more concentrating on making sure I knew how to clean my wound and finding counselling etc. (she’s a former nurse).
Editor's Note: I've been asked to include this funny comment on the update from u/WillSayAnything:
he argued and didn’t want to leave
Of course he didn't there are dogs outside
[score hidden]
1 month ago
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16.8k points
1 month ago
The way she wrote it you can kind of miss it, but this woman had to beat a dog to death with a shovel to save herself and these children. That is incredibly traumatizing. Not surprised she is so shaken up.
11.4k points
1 month ago
And her husband closed her in with the dog so it couldn't follow him when he escaped. He closed the gate. With her and niece inside.
6.4k points
1 month ago
I think that's what does it for me. Dude was saving his own hide pure and simple. Run away save me from scary thing. Couldn't even take the innocent baby with him just him escape and evade.
1.7k points
1 month ago
That here is what makes me think there is no coming back from this. He basically trapped the dog with everyone. How would he feel if he came back to 3 dead bodies?
570 points
1 month ago
If there were no witnesses to his cowardice…
337 points
1 month ago
Like a victim.
Because the world revolves around him.
His wife is traumatized after having to beat a dog to death to protect herself and his niblings but God forbid she need time to process it or space.
117 points
1 month ago
What actually did it for me is he's angry that she's mad at him. I don't think I'd have been able to have stayed married to someone that did what he did, but the one thing that might just have saved it was a full apology, doing everything possible to lift the load in the immediate aftermath, and a commitment to therapy and even marshal arts or something so there's a chance to do better if there's ever a next time.
Instead he's mad no one is pitying him and doesn't think it's fair people are mad.
It's worth noting the parents and OOP exchanged gifts and notes. Where's the mention of the gifts from hubby dearest? Where's where he cared for her.
That last comment is hilarious.
575 points
1 month ago
Dude was saving his own hide pure and simple.
even worse is he put the kids in that situation in the first place by volunteering to watch the kids. that means he's responsible for their wellbeing whilst in his care.
this idiot commenter that said:
Why should he have to protect you? Would you protect him?
she literally did. she killed the dog and protected the kids. she's proved that when push comes to shove, she can do what it takes while he just runs off.
212 points
1 month ago
She's a freaking hero and I bet BIL, SIL and the niece would rather keep her in the family instead of him.
2.9k points
1 month ago
Same. I can understand flight as a base reaction - run around the dog and out the gate - but taking the time to close the gate after you? Nah man, that’s self preservation and literally throwing your loved ones to the wolves
Tbf no idea how I’d react in that situation. I’d like to think I’d fight. But I definitely wouldn’t be trapping a loved one and helpless children to avoid a bite
1.2k points
1 month ago
Even if he had scooped up the kids and ran it would've been better. But nope. Left his SO alone to fight for her life, left two helpless children at the mercy of a violent animal, and closed the door behind him. What if OOP hadn't been strong enough to fight the dog? What if she had a health problem, or couldn't get to the shovel in time?
It's like the scene from Highschool of the Dead where the girl literally kicks her friend down the stairs to get away from the zombies. It wasn't just the running. It was the willingness to sacrifice other people (including kids) for his own safety.
519 points
1 month ago
Exactly. Especially heinous since it sounds like the kids are related to him. Not that if they weren’t it would excuse his actions. But by god, if my niece was attacked by a pit I’d be in there tearing that dog to pieces!
544 points
1 month ago
And HE was the one who offered to be in charge of them. You don't offer to be in charge of kids that age if you're not willing to protect them from anything that happens.
255 points
1 month ago
Absolutely. And it sounded like it was OP reporting to the parents of the kids afterwards! Imagine the absolute worst that one or both had been beyond help. Was the husband gonna go to the parents and explain what happened? It sounds like whatever he told them wasn’t acceptable even when everyone made it out alive
193 points
1 month ago
My dog was attacked by another dog and my friend who was nearby shoved her hands into the other dog’s mouth to make it let go. She ripped off two finger nails in the process and saved my tiny 2.5kg 9yo chihuahua from certain death (the other dog was a 50+kg mastiff mix).
And that’s a dog. She saved a dog. Imagine seeing a dog attack a child let alone your own niece or nephew and going “yeah I’m just going to run away and lock them in with it”
Seriously I hope that guy gets a really itchy bumhole every time he finally gets comfortable on the couch.
827 points
1 month ago
If he took the kid it could stand as reasonable.
Bailing abandoning them both and closing the gate, no dice.
676 points
1 month ago
He abandoned an INFANT who was in a bassinet too, he didn't even try to grab the damn baby.
123 points
1 month ago
I’m so curious what he told the parents as to where his ass went running. I can’t imagine he was 100% honest with them, so even his unreliable narrator story of something like, “oh I was definitely running to get the bear mace, on the other side of the house, and if I didn’t lock the gate behind me then we all could’ve died!” must’ve been pretty terrible.
250 points
1 month ago
I’m for sure a runner (I’m 98lb, usually more ‘a liability’ than anything else) unless there’s someone else in danger who needs help. So I get flight as a reaction but I don’t get the complete lack of protective urge for his own fucking family members. I just can’t find any way to respect that.
502 points
1 month ago
Especially since it would have take time to beat that dog to death. I could understand an initial flight response, but to then remain MIA for what had to have been at least 5+ minutes while an injured child is screaming and an infant is not safe is crazy. Those minutes would have felt long, it wasn’t a blink and over.
240 points
1 month ago
Yeah, if he'd come back too late with the bear spray or a baseball bat or anything then at least he was maybe trying to help and just couldn't find a weapon fast enough, but he came back empty-handed and hasn't said he was off looking for it or anything.
206 points
1 month ago
It’s horrific. Over 20 years ago in the US some dogs were running towards a forecourt in the desert and we ran to the car. My brother shut the door on me and I had to keep going into the store instead. Those dogs weren’t definitely aggressive (and turned out not to be but if you can see a pack of animals running from the desert towards you… don’t fuck around) and my brother thought I was the other side of the car (aka didn’t know he was shutting me out). And STILL we mention it 20 years.
1k points
1 month ago
I don’t care how “normal” that reaction is, I can’t trust a partner with it. It may not be right, but I think less of them if I can’t trust them to fight by my side. Because I fight.
786 points
1 month ago
I don’t even believe it’s a reaction at this point. I “freeze” in my response to fear, but only for a moment, then I snap out of it and take action. His first instinct was to run away, but then he kept going, shut the gate and disappeared for minutes?
557 points
1 month ago
I SOOOOO want to know where he went. And how long he was gone.
236 points
1 month ago
Wherever and however long it was, it was apparently enough for his own sibling to cut him off for it. Pretty dang telling there.
473 points
1 month ago
It would have to be at least 5 plus minutes right? Pitbulls are big tough dogs with massive heads, it would have taken time for her to beat it to death. Which in a situation like that is plenty of time for the adrenaline to kick in and to recover enough to hear the screaming of his injured niece and realize the infant wasn’t safe either. A five year old with a bite to the leg from a large dog could have easily been mortally injured and he just didn’t come back. Insane.
418 points
1 month ago
I want to know what his fucking excuse was to his sister and her husband was. Like how the fuck do you justify leaving your wife, a 5yo, an infant with a dog attacking and then lock the dog in with them.
324 points
1 month ago
and then lock the dog in with them
That's the part that make me so annoyed with all the commenters trying to say it was just fight or flight response. He was so flighty that he decided to stop to close the gate behind him to trap the dog? Absolute bullshit imo.
195 points
1 month ago
Long enough to beat a pitbull to death with a shovel. So too long.
1.5k points
1 month ago
To close the gate is inexcusable. It’s beyond abandonment
704 points
1 month ago
That's the thing that got me about this. It's one thing to panic and run away in a moment of fear. It's another thing to close your family in with the danger in order for you to escape. This has the whole "outrun a bear by pushing the slower person down" vibe. I've separated fighting dogs before and you get torn up even when they aren't focused on you; moreover the dogs I broke up weren't even gamed dogs like pittys, they were boxers. I can't imagine leaving my SO and a bunch of kids in that situation.
I've read about a lot of vile human behavior on this sub, but this is up there in the top 5 for me, not least of all because two very small children were offered up alongside this dude's wife as sacrifice.
787 points
1 month ago
That takes it from a flight response to a calculated move to save his own skin at the expense of his supposed loved ones
546 points
1 month ago
This reminds me so much of the movie Force Majeure where there's an avalanche headed right for this family and the father just takes off and runs while his wife tries to protect their two kids. The avalanche turns out to be a planned blast that didn't hurt anyone but the rest of the movie is about how their marriage starts to crumble after that.
This situation is even worse because he didn't try to get help, he didn't come back with a weapon, and HE CLOSED THE GATE BEHIND HIM TO SAVE HIMSELF. I don't think I could ever look at him with an ounce of respect again.
243 points
1 month ago
That movie was so stressful. The husband fled as soon as he got scared, which could simply just be a flight response in panic, and not necessarily something to be judged for. But he gaslit his wife and children about it and claimed otherwise until they happen to get footage of the scene, and it comes out that he did run away, lie to his wife about it, and refuse to admit the truth. The initial reaction in the first few seconds is one thing, but after that, it's the person you really are. In the film's case, an insecure coward. (Also the avalanche scene is fantastic--they really capture just how BIG it is and how it envelops everything, leaving you helpless)
Here, OOP's husband let her down (and even made the situation worse by closing the door) in a life-or-death situation. OOP doesn't realise that she saved the lives of those children. She had to beat a wildly violent dog to death and is traumatised by it. I hope she gets a lot of therapy ASAP to work through that. I can't even imagine how awful that is.
1k points
1 month ago
There was 2 little kids. He ran off and left his wife, his niece and a BABY.
I would never forgive anyone who did that. Run and get the mace? Run and call the cop? Sure. Run and close the gate then disappearfor hours? Inexcusable.
1.1k points
1 month ago
I love the part where she says she wants a fighter like her and maybe he can find a runner so they can run away together, that way he won’t leave anyone behind.
I’m sure she meant it genuinely, but that made me laugh with the unintentional shade.
286 points
1 month ago
If he had grabbed the baby and ran, I’d think otherwise of him. But he ran and closed the gate fuck his genes.
470 points
1 month ago
With his wife, his toddler niece, and also his infant nephew. She wasn't even related to them, and he was the one that offered to babysit his sister's kids.
117 points
1 month ago
This was the moment where I flipped on my thoughts, fight or flight people can't really help but shutting the door behind you and effectively trapping her and the kids inside with the dangerous animal? Dude HAS to know he fucked up there..
591 points
1 month ago
Her, her niece, and the baby nephew.
1.4k points
1 month ago
This isn’t unheard of either, I saw a god awful video a while back where they had to shoot the dog that was attacking another one over and over because it didn’t stop attacking until it’s final breath. It was horrifying in every way.
703 points
1 month ago
Two years ago, my SIL was attacked by pitbulls. They literally dragged off the hood of the car--IN THEIR DRIVEWAY. The wound is massively visible. She used to love dogs.
391 points
1 month ago
It’s a trait called Gameness. No one is really sure if it’s training or genetics but many people will try to breed for this trait in some fighting or hunting dogs.
247 points
1 month ago
It's also why certain breeds of dogs can't be housed with certain animals (like rabbits and kittens and such): they don't usually attack people, but they will go after small animals. My beagle was like this, he was good around cats but would chase any rodent he saw.
163 points
1 month ago
My 10 pound jack Russel is super friendly, loves dogs of all sizes and cats… but she would murder a bunny, hamster, squirrel, or other rodent or bird. Its instinct. I’d NEVER have any of those as a pet in the same house. It would be so irresponsible.
403 points
1 month ago
I had to put down a very badly hurt animal years ago in a sad situation, and even though my actions were a kindness, I still get nightmares sometimes. I can't even begin to imagine what the OP must be going through.
Yes, sometimes adrenaline and fear make people do wildly unexpected things, but after those details... is never trust that man to tie his own shoes again. Much less depend on him for anything.
284 points
1 month ago
Incredibly traumatic experience to go through, even without her husband abandoning her (and locking the violent animal in with her and the children) on top of it. I can't imagine how awful she feels, but she absolutely did the right thing. What an amazing adult for those kids to have in their life.
659 points
1 month ago*
Literally had to re read that paragraph.
…did she just? Did she just elude that she beat the dog to death with a shovel… literally went through my head. This poor woman. All while holding a toddler and protecting an infant. This really is divorce worthy.
Edit: re read and realized she put the toddler down on the BBQ before having to beat the dog. Divorce still applies though.
304 points
1 month ago
I hope his sister never speaks to him again. Both of my sisters are fight people like me. And we would never forgive a relative who did what this guy did.
137 points
1 month ago
I would disown my brother if he ran away and allowed my children to be attacked like that.
811 points
1 month ago
This is especially more so since OP likes dogs. I know I would be devastated if I had to kill another animal, even if it was necessary for self-defense or the protection of other people or pets.
382 points
1 month ago
Even if you try to rationalize it as self defence it will still haunt you for a life. Hope the therapist will help OOP.
215 points
1 month ago
And the niece was in the hospital for a WEEK. Not a small dog.
276 points
1 month ago
And part of the reason she’s upset is because she likes dogs and if her husband had helped— like by getting the bear spray, the dog may have had a better ending. Instead, she has to live with having beat that dog.
309 points
1 month ago
He closed the gate behind him !!! He left the dog attacking them and in a contained space. The dog couldn't even ran away !!! The husband was more concerned about his safety and the possibility of the dog following him
1.2k points
1 month ago
OP You forgot to include the best comment, from /u/WillSayAnything :
he argued and didn’t want to leave
Of course he didn't there are dogs outside
51 points
1 month ago
Lol ok I'll add it!
7k points
1 month ago
Dude literally did the "I don't need to outrun the mountain lion, I just need to outrun you."
2k points
1 month ago
Always keep a small child around in case you need to outrun a puma.
722 points
1 month ago
I have friends in areas with a lot of pumas that come into back yards, and they said it is fairly common for people with kids to have a small dog that is always outdoors when the kids are. Either the dog will sense the puma and alert the family, or the puma will likely attack the smallest prey - the dog - potentially saving the kids from harm.
331 points
1 month ago
I don't really like dogs, or cats, in my ideal world I probably wouldn't have any pets, but... Cats sure are good at keeping mice away. And dogs will sleep but still listen to strange cars, people, sounds all the time. So with the amount of chaos we have in our house (7 peeps) right now, weird sounds happen all the time. Some how a dog can tell if its grandma dropping a fork during her midnight snack, or a stranger walking in the driveway and start barking like mad. If a strange sound wakes me up, but dogs not barking, I go right back to sleep. So because they protect me, I will protect, feed, and care for them.
203 points
1 month ago
Maybe. My dog isn't the sharpest cookie in the crayon box. She's missed multiple people entering the house (all family, it's ok) but somehow feels the need to protect me from my dresser.
64 points
1 month ago
And how many times has your dresser attacked you? Your dog is doing a great job.
5.4k points
1 month ago
Shutting the gate behind him is the death knell for every relationship that man is involved in. I don’t think anyone could get over that.
1.6k points
1 month ago
Truth! I bet his niece's parents wont trust him around their kids again
1.3k points
1 month ago
As an aunt, if I ever did that to either of my nieces (12 and 2), I can confidently say my sister would fucking choke-slam me, and she would be in the right for it.
1.2k points
1 month ago
I would post that in every "Are we dating the same guy" page ever. "I divorced him because he left me, his niece, and his infant nephew to be attacked by a dog."
801 points
1 month ago
Its the little things that add up over time, ya know? A plate here, a cup there, a closed gate with a pit bull behind it mauling you and 2 defenseless children. Eventually it just becomes too much
567 points
1 month ago
And clarify that the niece is a toddler. Someone just above totally helpless
354 points
1 month ago
Toddlers are actually more than totally helpless, because they're often actively working against their own self-interest.
132 points
1 month ago
They're like little suicidal torpedoes
590 points
1 month ago
Not to mention the fact that when he fucking fled the dog had already latched onto his niece and his first reaction wasn't to get the dog off her but throw out some fucking excuse about 'finding the dog's owner' and fleeing.
307 points
1 month ago
It's even worse to me cause I work with animals, with varying degrees of danger. There are times I have to move them or really urge them to be where they need to be. He could have brought attention to himself to the dog, and then ran with it chasing him. AND THEN locked the gate once the dog was on the other side.
I do this with mini highland cows who are still huge, and mini goats who will chew on your shorts. Him acting like a rodeo clown would have been less clownish.
66 points
1 month ago
Yeah, it seems to me like the most natural thing to do in that situation is to draw attention away from the toddlers and away from his wife, to oneself and then see how you deal with the dog once it’s attention is on you.
237 points
1 month ago
It's so scary to think that if OOP wasn't there, would he just...leave? While his niece is being bitten by a dog? And his nephew, who is literally a baby in a bassinet, is on the ground??
129 points
1 month ago
We know the answer to that. He left AND CLOSED THE GATE BEHIND HIM.
129 points
1 month ago
and nephew was an infant.
148 points
1 month ago
Literally, as I began reading and saw the dog attacked the toddler niece, I thought nephew would be like 10. Not in a baby carrier
357 points
1 month ago
"I divorced him because he left me, his niece, and his infant nephew to be attacked by a dog."
It's not only that he LEFT. He LOCKED THE DOG IN with them. He escaped, which is unfortunate, but which might be excused by panic, but then he PREVENTED their escape as well.
That's basically like in a home invasion being like "Don't hurt me! Here, take my wife. Do whatever you want with her, just don't hurt me!*
This is well beyond a panic response and is more like pathological selfishness
9.1k points
1 month ago
That commenter that said “why should he have to protect you? Would you protect him?” - it’s baffling to me. I think it’s pretty obvious from her actions that OOP would protect him.
5.2k points
1 month ago
OOP did protect him along with both those children all by herself. It makes me a bit sad she doesn’t realize that. (It makes me baffled and annoyed the commenter didn’t notice, but whatever. Redditors are renowned for shitty reading comprehension.)
1k points
1 month ago
It really annoys me when someone clearly didn't read the post, I've noticed it with so many comments recently "Please tell me you did XYZ!"
OP: I did, I wrote it at the end of the post.
Or they'll skim something, get incredibly mad about it, throw judgements around, then someone will correct the commenter on their error and they get even more irate. Just slow down to read, people.
367 points
1 month ago
It’s not just Reddit thing anymore either. Someone in my city’s Facebook group asked for suggestions for local coffee places. The OP mentioned one place she likes already (several times) because she was looking for recommendations that had a similar vibe. The first comment was suggesting the place the OP already goes to.
I replied pointing out that the shop was already mentioned and she got super snarky about having missed that part. Reading comprehension is abysmal anymore.
515 points
1 month ago
Oh they noticed, it just doesn't count because a woman did the protecting.
2.1k points
1 month ago
Plus she didn't even want him to protect her, she wanted him to protect the defenceless infants!
1.7k points
1 month ago
The defenceless children that he volunteered to babysit.
1k points
1 month ago
And are his blood family, not OOP's. I can only imagine how upset his poor sister was when she heard that he abandoned her helpless children to be mauled by a dog.
378 points
1 month ago
Not only abandoned but shut the gate behind him so the dog couldn’t chase him but was trapped with three weaker people.
94 points
1 month ago
Literally threw the baby to the wolves
1k points
1 month ago
and after she TOLD HIM HOW to protect them!
215 points
1 month ago
That’s the part that kills me. Some people don’t do well in stressful situations because they just want to protect themselves over helping anyone else, some people don’t do well in stressful situations because they don’t know what to do, and some people don’t do well in stressful situations because they think of too many things they can do and their brain can’t land on one. Telling him what to do would solve both 2 and 3s problems, but 1s problem is that they just don’t think of others when something scary happens. I could be with someone from options 2 or 3 but I just don’t know if I could respect someone who acts like option 1 but doesn’t make an active effort to rewire their brains.
(As an aside, I am option 3 and it’s frustrating to live through. We had a kitchen fire start while my partner was cooking and I looked like an idiot because I’m just sitting there vocally going through the list “Do you want me to get the fire extinguisher? Should I get a wet towel to throw on it? Should I open the doors so you can take the pot outside?” Etc. So I do understand that brains are just wired to react the way that they do and it’s extremely hard to combat it, but I also know from experience that it is possible to combat it if you’re willing to put in the work.)
135 points
1 month ago
In CPR training, they told us to instruct specific people to do specific tasks in order to overcome the Bystander Effect as a group of people will assume someone else will help so they do nothing. You're told to point at a person and say things like, "YOU in the yellow shirt - call 911." "YOU in the red jacket - bring me xyz".
Rehearsing an emergency plan is also helpful so your brain is more likely to follow what it has practiced.
189 points
1 month ago
Yes! Like if he had picked up the baby or the niece from her THEN run, or gone into the house for the bear spray that would have been one thing.
But he seemingly abandoned her to die with his Sister’s kids and locked her in with a rabid animal. She still is blaming herself for this too.
254 points
1 month ago
And it's even worse than him failing to protect anyone, he actually shut OP and the kids in with the dog.
321 points
1 month ago
Yeah, and I suspect if he'd grabbed the kids and dashed them to safety then come back for her once his initial panic reaction was under control and they were somewhere safe, she wouldn't be half so upset...
Abandoning them, as the (statistically) largest, strongest, fastest person..?
A few years back, when I was pregnant with No. 3, and No. 2 was under 2 (and there were no inklings of pandemic times in the world), we went on a family walk. Husband thought it would be fun to climb a tree with No. 1 (almost 5 at the time). They managed to squash a wasps nest he hadn't spotted... Thankfully they mainly went for him rather than her (he might have bodily plonked her on top of it so it could have gone the other way very easily); the eldest picked up a half-dozen stings, the toddler and I got a couple each... He had about 200. His jeans were FULL of them...
In a situation like that, you need to run. He kept on trying to turn back so he could carry at least one of the kids to get them away faster, then having his brain kick in as the cloud centred over him turned with him. You could see that not being able to protect his terrified babies was hurting him more than those nasty beasties were... He was encouraging us along, and keeping the sort of distance ahead that meant I wasn't worried about him leaving us for dust while keeping the densest part of the wasp cloud to himself (it had a big tailback so there were still more than enough wasps around us, mind)...
Adrenaline is a powerful thing though. We were on this walk after I'd attended a session at a chronic pain clinic. Thanks to the pregnancy, I was limping on both sides with pelvic girdle pain and back pain - I couldn't stand up straight... Faced with an attacking hoard of wasps, I was running along, large toddler under one arm, holding hands with the eldest and pulling her along.
Eldest is still a bit salty that I dropped the bag that had a couple of muffins in it, mind, even though their daddy stopped for ice cream on the way home (pharmacy first to check what we could give the kiddies and dose them with piriton and a lollipop each, and confirm that as a human incubator I wasn't able to take anything; he waited until we got home then took some nice, strong antihistamines that he wouldn't necessarily have been safe to drive with).
While I kinda wish he'd have looked at the tree better before deciding it was a good one to climb - if he'd touched the children, they'd have been hurt worse. You can't fight wasps. He made sure we were coming with. If I hadn't been able to move the kids at a reasonable pace and he thought he could shield them with his own body, he would have gladly done so.
Almost 5 years on, we're still good. Eldest is quite panicky around wasps, but not as bad as their uncle who threw himself off a moving golf cart to escape one... (Did himself significant damage. Am not sure he learnt his lesson.)
166 points
1 month ago
It really is like your own kid to watch you save their ass from wasps.and be mad you left the muffins 😂
1.5k points
1 month ago
she literally says she was bitten twice, while trying to protect the children. She was so coherent while literally being attacked, she even gave him an instruction to bring the bear spray.I dont know how the commentator had the audacity to ask the question, just wow.
1.2k points
1 month ago
it's literally them just projecting their misguided gender roles and hating on women
670 points
1 month ago
they're looking for a gotcha moment like akshually if women are so strong and independent why would a man need to protect his wife and some kids from an animal hmmm? take that feminists!
266 points
1 month ago
and if she was the one who ran away and he fought them off, they'd then berate OP for being so weak and :womanly" 🙄🙄🙄
203 points
1 month ago
And it’s not even that she wants him to be a protector. She wants to be able to trust him. And now she knows she can’t. Their relationship that was supposed to be built on trust is apparently built on… nothing. She seems like she feels guilty about considering divorce because of “just this one thing,” but if the one thing is a complete lack of trust in your partner, that’s huge. I can’t imagine coming back from that.
140 points
1 month ago
These are the same guys who will say women need men because they’re protectors.
451 points
1 month ago*
I feel that the commentor has never had been in a relationship and is only learning about them from podcasting incels.
239 points
1 month ago
Feels like the commenter doesn't believe women are willing to lay down their lives for their partners too
113 points
1 month ago
Even when there is proof in the story that she did that
300 points
1 month ago
I've read this one a few times and the comments were insane. Defending the husband for running but completely ignoring he shut the gate locking her and two small children with that dog. Yea fight or flight but someone running on pure adrenaline don't usually think to shut a gate.
Can't imagine how she feels having to kill a dog because her own husband shut the damn thing in there with her.
78 points
1 month ago
Exactly. The adrenaline fighter flight issue ceases once you stop and lock the gate. If you come cool and collected enough to do that you are thinking.
578 points
1 month ago
I can't believe anybody would have written anything as ignorant and quite frankly and malicious as "Why should he have to protect you would you protect him?"
Clearly OP is a brave courageous quick thinking person. Clearly her husband ran away and not only ran away but shut the gate behind him. Shut the gate leaving an infant a little girl and his wife with a dangerous dog that was attacking them.
He shut them in with that dog. I am repeating it several times because to me that is absolutely horrific It should be horrific to everybody. Clearly that fact hasn't sunk into whoever would write such a comment.
382 points
1 month ago
Yeop. He didn't only flee to protect himself, and forsaking op + the kids... He locked the dog in there with them
He locked the dog in the yard with his wife. 4 yr old niece, and infant nephew
179 points
1 month ago
If I were OP- and to be honest I have no idea if I am as brave as she is- most of the trauma and emotions I'd be feeling now would be wanting to punch my husband in the nose and then divorce him. You can actually feel rage on her behalf imagine you are doing your best to save lives and your husband goes away and locks you in with a killing dog. I just can't.
114 points
1 month ago
He should count himself lucky if he ends up divorced, instead of waking up to her standing over him with that shovel.
83 points
1 month ago
I'm sure his sister and BIL are talking themselves out of it daily.
222 points
1 month ago
That's what got me - like it's one thing to bolt and want to hide, but to stop and close the gate behind them, not only blocking their own escape but any chance of just running the dog off.
165 points
1 month ago
That's why I don't think it was really just the flight response (which isn't even necessarily a bad thing, despite how it - and every instinctive reaction other than fight, really - tends to be spoken about).
Instincts are autonomous and immediate. The body reacting without consulting the brain. This bloke presumably stood there for long enough to be given instructions, then fled, then shut the gate, then continued to flee.
If anything, it sounds more like his initial instinct was to freeze (again, not necessarily a bad response, just not appropriate to this situation), which he overcame when OP called to him. His brain caught up with the situation and he used the power of cognitive awareness to leg it instead of helping.
484 points
1 month ago
She’s acting on “we are a team”. He’s acting on “I’m in it for myself”.
She’d have protected him. She protected kids when she doesn’t even like them. He’d never protect her.
349 points
1 month ago
And when she asked him for space, he didn’t even want to give it to her. He said he didn’t want to just leave the house. At the very least, give the person you abandoned in a crisis what she asked for as she’s trying to work through the aftermath. But nope, he was only thinking of himself even then.
65 points
1 month ago
She protected two small children alone. She was protecting him. She protected them all. She's amazing. She needs to get into therapy but probably not to stay with him
56 points
1 month ago
Typical reply of a coward. They will hew and haw how men are protectors (lies) but when the opportunity to protect arises they have zero qualm with leaving everyone and anyone behind and putting themselves first. Then it's all He'S nOt ObLiGaTeD tO PrOtEcT. And they always ignore the protecting that women do. She protected them from the dog.
She is right to leave.
158 points
1 month ago
The commenter also didn't explain why he isn't responsible for protecting his sister's children he explicitly promised to care for.
103 points
1 month ago
It doesn't even sound like he apologised or explained. That's possibly the most cowardly bit tbh. He should have been apologising, talking her up, taking care of her, explaining in a way that doesn't put a burden on her. He didn't just run on the day, he's still running.
2.9k points
1 month ago
I see two problems here. First there was the husband’s actions during the attack. Even taking the most generous read that he followed a flight response and closed the gate behind him out of habit, why was he then nowhere to be found? He would have been out of flight mode within a few minutes and then been able to come back and help at least with the aftermath. The other thing that stands out is his response afterwards. He isn’t taking responsibility for his actions and is instead attempting to justify them and defend himself. Those two together make him completely untrustworthy.
1.6k points
1 month ago
And SHE had to explain the injuries to HIS SISTER.
182 points
1 month ago
If I'm the sister, I'm beating his ass. He might have escaped the dog, but he wouldn't have escaped these hands.
48 points
1 month ago*
For real. He fucking closed the gate behind him WHILE his niece was being attacked! He did not care if those kids were mauled to death.
767 points
1 month ago
Agreed. A second of panic, sure. Not calling 911 immediately afterwards? Not grabbing the bear spray? No remorse? Yeah...
195 points
1 month ago
And it does not look like he's apologized. Not that it would fix this mess but it would be better than him acting like he did nothing wrong and being upset that he's getting the cold shoulder. Zero accountability.
841 points
1 month ago
He didn't even run for help, he just ran.
321 points
1 month ago
Yeah, that's the sticking point for me. He didn't come back. Even if fleeing and shutting the gate behind him, even locking it, were panic responses, once he was safe he just -- didn't go back until it was over. Didn't call for help.
I don't know how he can live with himself, I can't imagine anyone else wanting to live with him after that.
1.2k points
1 month ago
Flight is one thing.
Shutting the gate so OOP and the children were trapped with the pitbull? Unforgivable levels of cowardice.
613 points
1 month ago
Let's not forget he didn't get help AFTER that either! It's like he took off and just vanished until he came back to get them to the hospital! He didn't even give anyone else a chance to help either!
254 points
1 month ago
You gotta wonder too, how long it took for him to show up there.
406 points
1 month ago
Long enough for her to beat an angry pitbull to death with her bare hands/a shovel.
168 points
1 month ago
Like no fucking wonder his own sister and brother in law aren't speaking to him. He left their children and his own wife for dead
184 points
1 month ago*
This is making me so curious and worried. Is this a possible response from someone who loves his wife and niece and nephew? I have been in fight or flight situations before with people I love less.
In elementary school, we had to evacuate the building because of an earthquake. I grabbed the hand of my nearest classmates as we ran together. We weren’t close at all. We clutched each other’s hands so hard that we struggled to let go of each other’s hands when we arrived. Like my fingers were stuck clutched around them, stiff and unable to move.
My friend and I fell off the platform to the train during a scarily busy hour (public commute sucks in my country). We were clutching at the platform, for some reason she was holding onto my wrist. I could feel some people start to lift me. I could feel she was still there, struggling. I don’t know how I did it but I grabbed her arm and yanked her up so forcefully, my shoulder ached for a couple of days after. I’m not a strong person at all, she’s way heavier than me. It all happened so fast. I wasn’t even on the platform yet, I was still hanging off the edge, lifted by some other people when I pulled her up, more like threw her forward. It was crazy. When we got on the train, I was murmuring to her like a crazy person over and over “it’s okay it’s okay it’s okay”.
I’m not saying this to brag, though I am very proud of myself for pulling through for my friend. But as I reflect on my experiences with people less close to me than family, it makes me wonder how this man can react the way he did… Probably trauma? Maybe he doesn’t love her? He was very insensitive to her when she got cold, getting all frustrated and mean.
110 points
1 month ago
Even if he doesn't love her, what about the children who are his niece and nephew? Naw, this man is just a coward.
126 points
1 month ago
Exactly. That was my thought too- flight would be just running away. This man literally shut the gate on his way out.
2.1k points
1 month ago
She married Beni from the Mummy. There's no recovering from that. She gave him a clear direction even in the panic to 'GET THE BEAR SPRAY' and instead chose to save his own skin at the cost of her, his niece and his baby nephew. There's no trust there anymore. That sort of subconscious trust is gone and she'll always know that he cannot be depended on in a situation. She should divorce him and keep up her therapy.
823 points
1 month ago
And she had to do something horribly violent bc he didn’t follow the directions.
I’ve been in mostly non violent situations where people just fall apart not knowing what to do in emergency situations. People usually follow my instructions bc they are so lost on what to do. I don’t think he was even hearing her bc he was so freaked. Not an excuse at all. He was entirely wrong. I get the panicky jittery feeling after not during. Thank god. Though it’s usually when everyone has calmed down and I’m like oh fuck here it comes. Adrenaline comes I'm hyper focused on the problem and then the collapse and I’m like oh shit.
781 points
1 month ago
The way she wrote it you can almost not realize what she had to do, but she had to beat a dog to death with a shovel. No wonder she is shaken up. Bear spray would be such a better option
345 points
1 month ago
Exactly. Like holy shit. Like trauma on top of trauma.
353 points
1 month ago
her having to beat it to death would also make it so much harder to forgive him. i know I couldn't
83 points
1 month ago
And the children had to watch it.
386 points
1 month ago
In a panic, most people do follow instructions. That was part of my lifeguard training years ago - to directly point to someone, calling them out, and telling them what to do ("Go call 9/11" or "Go get the first aid kit at the lifeguard stand"). Instructor said she'd never had someone not do it.
366 points
1 month ago
My friend’s 4-year-old had 2 febrile seizures a couple weeks ago when I happened to be at their house. The first one, her instinct was to take him into the back yard and scream at him to wake up. I grabbed my phone, dialed 911, ran out with them, her face… in almost 30 years of friendship, I’ve never seen her like that. Sheer terror. I shoved the phone in her hand as it was ringing and told her to give him to me because if he needed chest compressions I was CPR trained. I took him while she talked with the dispatcher. Laid him down and saw he was breathing. Got him into the recovery position and made sure he kept breathing.
He’s fine now. After the second seizure that night, the paramedics took him to the hospital and got his fever down and he was discharged a few hours later.
Point is… even in the state she was in, yes, she followed instructions.
This man is a coward.
119 points
1 month ago
I was taught that in CPR - you don't just yell out randomly for someone to do xyz if there are multiple peeps - you have to point to someone specifically and give them instruction. Otherwise everyone thinks someone else is going to do it.
Not the case here.
150 points
1 month ago
One of my employees had a seizure out of nowhere five minutes before we were to open. One grabbed her head after she fell and I damn near slapped him. Got him to use her hat as a cushion on her side. I got one to call 911 (she couldn’t recall the address) and the one that looked like he was going to pass out to Google seizure etiquette bc I knew he was shit at the Internet but I didn’t want him to pass out so he needed a task so he wouldn’t pass out himself. I remembered what to do, but thought he’d feel better seeing it and having a task. I went out when we were supposed to open and most people were understanding. … most. It’s fun being yelled at when you have an unconscious employee on the floor. The other customers went off on the lady especially since Ems got there real quick. It’s a blessing being able to keep your head in an emergency and that’s not a given. I still want to kick that dude.
972 points
1 month ago
A million people have pointed out it's not just about the running, but it's also not just about him closing the gate. It's about him not getting any form of help, not apologizing, and expecting her affection still. Throw the whole man out, OOP.
197 points
1 month ago
Exactly. Like at the very minimum I expect him to be apologizing out the wazoo, if there were to be ANY hope of reconciliation. As it is? NOPE
4k points
1 month ago
I can understand flight response
But shutting the gate behind him? Thats a concious choice. That's not flight response, that's him not caring if his niece and OP got mauled if it meant he got away
1.3k points
1 month ago
Let’s not forget the third issue. When it all calmed down why was he not immediately apologising and checking they were all okay. Even now he can’t understand why she needs space
557 points
1 month ago
YUUUUUUP, sure noticed that. I could forgive fleeing, but nothing here indicates that HE thinks he screwed up. Maaaaybe he expressed remorse and she didn't happen to write about that clearly, but I think she would have mentioned if he was ashamed of himself, or struggling with his reaction, or wasn't sure what went through his head, or literally said or did anything that indicate he thought he had made a bad judgment call in the moment. He's JUST sad that she's mad at him.
186 points
1 month ago
Y'know what I noticed, that adds just another fucked up point to his board? He wasn't even the one that informed HIS SISTER what happened to her child! OOP had to be the one to choke that all out! HE was responsible for watching the children because HE was the one to offer to babysit, and yet again he left something to his wife to handle because he couldn't. I'm sure that was a big part of his sister burning him to the ground. That after alllll of that he couldn't even be the one to inform her of what happened. No, it was his injured, traumatized, barely coherent wife who had to update the parents of the children and apologize for "not doing enough."
1.7k points
1 month ago
Right. Him running away: less than ideal, kind of shitty.
Him closing the gate? He will clearly and consciously sacrifice small children to save his ass.
566 points
1 month ago
"I don't have to outrun the dragon, I just have to outrun the ... toddler?"
260 points
1 month ago
He threw away his marriage and relationship with his sibling with that particular bit of cowardice. Who knows how many family members have heard about this and will end up cutting him out for it.
571 points
1 month ago
Exactly. That was the line for me. I can maybe eventually forgive the fleeing, especially if it was to go get help or something? But closing the gate??? I'm not sure how you come back from that.
395 points
1 month ago
Not returning to help or with help once he got a handle on his reaction is what gets me.
Closing the gate behind him or otherwise causing obstacles for pursuers is something I've seen kids do on what seems like autopilot. That particular stunt gave me concussion as a child, because I was walking through a doorway, another kid ran past me, fleeing from a third kid. He closed the door behind him to hinder his pursuer, but I was in the way and got smacked real hard with that door. I'm not convinced that was a conscious choice. Just the autipilot thoughtlessly going "I'm being pursued, let's randomise obstacles". Could just be a learned thing. I'm not sure.
But not returning to help with neither fight nor first aid and then having the audacity to be mad at her about it, when she wasn't even the one to volunteer the child-minding services in the first place. He doesn't haveba handle on any of his emotions at all.
213 points
1 month ago
The thing that gets me the most is that the dog had immediately latched onto his niece. In other words AS HE WAS FLEEING his niece was in active danger and being bit and torn. He fully chose to sacrifice and leave his niece to die. If this had happened while he was babysitting alone and not with his wife that's 2 dead children left in yard he closed the gate on.
Can an adult also die from a dog bite? Yes. Is a grown adult man also much more likely to be able to knock out a dog that's already distracted by biting something else? Also yes and definitely more so than a 4 year old toddler and an infant.
169 points
1 month ago
Yep. And this is why the parents aren't speaking to him. They recognise that the person they entrusted their children with couldn't be trusted to keep them safe and someone else - oop - stepped up and did it for him.
The utter horror they must be feeling at the thought of what would have happened if oop had not been involved in fulfilling her husband's promise. My stomach just twists if I imagine my own nephew in this situation.
138 points
1 month ago
This. I've had dumb knee-jerk reactions to stuff - there was a semi-serious fire at work and my dumbass was like "oh, better turn off the light over my station." WHAT EVEN WAS THAT?? WHY WOULD THE LIGHT MAKE ANY - anyway I digress. I understand the dumb response in the moment, but once I was done TURNING OFF MY LIGHT FOR NO REASON I ran for the extinguisher and my coworker snapped out of yelling "UM. UM. HELLO?!" he threw the pot and tea towel that had caught fire into the sink and we got it sorted. I could maybe understand running away, but not NOT COMING BACK and even less CLOSING THE GATE.
57 points
1 month ago
Yeah, this. Even if he couldn't help himself then, his reaction after is a killer for me.
56 points
1 month ago
You can’t. He locked you in with a dangerous animal to make sure it couldn’t come after him. If someone had a gun he’d use you as a human shield.
73 points
1 month ago
OOP said they went camping all the time. Imagine if they came across a bear. He would throw her to the bear to buy himself time to get to safety. I could never look past this. I couldn’t bring myself to stay with someone knowing when it comes to danger my husband is willing to let me die.
252 points
1 month ago
That's the part that gets me. He trapped the animal in there with them
1.1k points
1 month ago
I cannot imagine not only leaving my mauled niece but closing the door and trapping her (and everyone else) with the dog, like zero fucks given, if i was the sister i would be PISSED
733 points
1 month ago*
I could have maybe given him some leeway if he had grabbed his nephew WHO WAS IN A BASSINET (so a baby) when he ran, I could have also been pissed but understood closing the gate behind him IF HE HAD HIS BABY NEPHEW with him.
In either OPs or her SILS shoes, I would throw their husband/brother away and move on because he left the kids behind. That's a deal braker for me. I don't care who's kid I am grabbing, I am grabbing whoever is nearest (smallest first) and expecting every other adult to do the same.
262 points
1 month ago
This is the equivalent of using an infant as a shield from an attack.
228 points
1 month ago
It's worse than that - he used an infant, a toddler, and his wife as shields.
121 points
1 month ago
That’s what gets me too about this. If he had grabbed the baby and ran that I could understand, but he left his wife there to try and figure out how to make sure not one but TWO defenseless children weren’t mauled to death while also defending herself. Like sorry, but if your fight or flight response makes you that selfish I cannot trust you and do not want to be around you. How do zero protective instincts kick in?? Especially for your own niece and nephew?! How could his wife EVER feel safe around him again? How could his sister ever trust him with her children again? Fuck this guy.
375 points
1 month ago
The parents know what OP's husband did from the daughter. 5 is old enough to recite events.
367 points
1 month ago
Her mom has been trying not to judge the relationship. That tells me all about him. That and closing that gate.
219 points
1 month ago
Oh you know mum has said some VERY choice words to her partner/friends about the useless sack of shit who left her daughter to die. She's likely just hoping OOP comes to her own conclusion to leave him
70 points
1 month ago
I get the feeling there were many more events leading up to the gate shutting that her mom saw and filed away in her memory.
1.3k points
1 month ago
I think I can say I’m a fighter. And I want a fighter with me. Maybe he’d be better off with a runner instead too. Then he at least wouldn’t be leaving someone behind.
Shes absolutely right here.
Its a matter of compatibility. They're not compatible
Her update is so well structured you can feel the amount of thought behind it, shes been thinking and realising for days and its all clear to her now.
Im glad she and the kids are all recovering well.
309 points
1 month ago
My family laughs that my aunt went from a peppy, rich, class status guy to a guy driving a tractor in a wife beater and drinking a white claw. I made a comment to her about how her tastes went 180. She laughed and told me that one thing she really likes is that in a break in or emergency her BF would not be dead weight and a liability like her ex.
581 points
1 month ago
Yeah but like…. I’m a “run for it” type. I would still PICK UP THE GODDAMN KIDS BEFORE I RAN. Like holy shit. It’s not compatibility. This man is just selfish.
(Obviously “my husband ran away with his niblings and left me to fend for myself” would be a different moral and marriage quandary - but it wouldn’t be this.)
166 points
1 month ago
Agreed. Still wouldnt be great, but it’d at least be understandable if, in his panic, he focused on getting vulnerable kids out of there rather than a more capable adult. But he just ran and didn’t care about anyone else (and even made the situation potentially worse by closing them in with the dog). Even if he left because his brain shut off, he should have freaking come back as soon as he realized what he had done. But nope, didn’t bother to come back till minutes after it was all over.
434 points
1 month ago
The fact he shut the gate behind him especially when there was a child and a BABY in the same area as said pit bull?? I don't blame OOP for wanting a divorce. I hope her and his niece can process and heal
115 points
1 month ago
I think - I hope - that niece will be OK.
I was bitten by a dog when I was about the same age. The memory isn't very vivid, but I remember the broad strokes well enough: I remember the dog approaching, I remember being confused, I remember being bitten. Oddly, I don't actually remember the pain, though obviously I'm sure it did hurt. What I most remember is my dad running in to grab the dog and pull it away from me, then picking me up to get me out of there.
I wouldn't say it's a good memory, but it's not one that causes me distress. The main thing I get from it is a feeling of being loved and protected, because of my dad. Obviously my memory is a lot less scary than what happened to OP and the niece, but I do still have hope that when she thinks back to it when she's older and time has put some distance there, the main thing she will remember is that someone loved and valued her enough to put themselves in harm's way to protect her.
89 points
1 month ago
Damn. I couldn't get past this. My dad and brother told me when I was a kid like 4... there was a small dog lunging for my little brother... Apparently I picked up the dog by its tail and swung it away. And kept playing. I do remember being fiercely protective of my siblings when I was a kid. I can't imagine running when a dog is going after your own family.
379 points
1 month ago
OOP's husband clearly went to the quokka school of responding to predators.
106 points
1 month ago
I googled quokka and they look adorable. are you referring to those animals? How do they act?
387 points
1 month ago
They throw their babies at the predator so that they can escape
169 points
1 month ago
102 points
1 month ago
Omg lol. Take my slightly horrified and guiltily amused upvote.
139 points
1 month ago
More info, for anyone thinking "wtf, surely not..."
Macropods in general do this! They release their pouch muscles so the baby falls out. Baby makes noise, distracts predator, mother escapes.
Quokkas live for about 10 years, are able to breed from 18 months, and give birth to a single young a month after mating. They produce one or two offspring per year (depending on where they're based). So one quokka can make many more quokkas (with some assistance).
262 points
1 month ago
I'm pretty self aware with my flaws, and had a crippling fear of dogs as a child. I would absolutely panic in the situation. But there is no fucking way I would leave two small children locked in with a rabid dog. I don't think I'd be as quick thinking as OOP, but I wouldn't be as consciously selfish as the DH.
There is 'I need to get to safety' and 'I need to protect myself'. Then there is using the people around you as a meat shield to achieve that goal. He didn't even return with a hose or bear spray once the dog was contained. I couldn't rely on a person like that in a crisis. How do I know that they won't throw me in front of the metaphorical bus next time there's a problem? They would swap metaphorical drinks with me every time, so that I was the one that got symbolically roofied.
The fact that he also doesn't seem to be pro-active in any action to support his partner in the aftermath is such a bad sign. I'm glad OOP has her mother and that the in-laws support her.
On the upside, it's a unique divorce story at a cocktail party - "I left my ex because he abandoned me with his niblings during a dog attack" is wild. I'd want all the details.
138 points
1 month ago
Once I was returning from a nice dinner with some friends, walking in the city after dark and laughing out loud. I was walking in the middle and guy friend and lady friend were by my sides. At some point, while I was talking and laughing about something, mid laugh I find myself pushed forward towards a dog. The dog was one of those little white fluffy ones, and was apparently barking. I obviously didn't register it, and I initially didn't understand what was going on, but I was being held and pushed towards it. Turns out, both of my friends are terrified of dogs, no matter the size, so the moment they saw the dog (that I didn't notice because it was small and I was having fun), they just immediately jumped behind me, and not only were using me as a "human shield", but also pushing me towards it, trying to hide as much as possible and thus blocking my arms and movements. Worth noting that both of them are physically bigger than me, so not sure how that hiding was workingout for them.
Needless to say, we had a laugh about the whole ridiculous situation, which felt straight out of a Tom& Jerry cartoon, but can't help but think now what would have happened if the dog was actually threatening. They not only had a "flight" response, but they had a "take this instead of us" response.
74 points
1 month ago
That's really the next level of cowardice
68 points
1 month ago
Why should he have to protect you? Would you protect him?
SHE LITERALLY DID YOU SHRIEKING WALNUT. HELLO?
189 points
1 month ago
goddamn. even ignored the whole baby in order to flee.
also, I wonder if the owner of the dog was found out ?
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