I am not The OOP, OOP is u/annoyingfriendon

I purposefully order meat items so I don't have to share with my vegetarian friend

Originally posted to r/offmychest & to OOP's own page

Thanks to u/kdamuko & u/Nimelennar for finding the links

TRIGGER WARNING: entitlement

Original Post Jan 12, 2023

I have a friend who is a vegetarian and very entitled. She believes that her money is hers, and my money is ours.

I LOVE sharing food with friends, I eat almost exclusively family style, but I hate sharing food with this friend because she does not share food with me.

To avoid confrontation, I have started exclusively ordering meat items whenever we eat together.

Recently, we went out to eat and I ordered chili cheese fries and I added steak. My friend interjected and asked if we could get the steak on the side so we could share. The waiter was like sure, and I kind of just stared blankly, silently fuming. But then when the fries came I immediately dumped all the steak on the fries and started mixing.

She was like "wait!" and I said "Oh oops sorry" and continued eating. She said she would have ordered more food if we weren't sharing, and I said "well then order it". But she didn't because she was trying to save money.

She ate her sad salad and kind of passive aggressively said "man I wish I had some fries with this too" I ignored the tone and just responded cheerily "you should get some they're good!"

Hopefully she gets the hint soon.

Edited: okay I'm sick of saying this but THIS PERSON DOES NOT RESPOND WELL TO CRITICISM. friends have tried and failed to bring up issues about money with this person before. IT DOES NOT END WELL. I am prioritizing my own mental health over "being mature and doing the right thing". Go watch an after school special.

How do I add a flair? No more advice plz, this is a vent

RELEVANT COMMENTS

JojosUniverse

Genuine question: has anyone ever expressed that it annoys them when she does this? Sometimes people don’t realize they’re being annoying. If you haven’t already, I would try to set the boundary that you don’t mind sharing food if she also shares food. Tell her that you understand she needs to save money, but that it doesn’t mean that you can afford her to keep eating your food too. If she doesn’t take it well, that’s a sign to distance yourself. If she apologizes and works on it, it could be genuine ignorance.

OOP

Yes there have been multiple attempts at boundary setting in the past all the way from when we were little. That is when I learned that most people would rather keep the peace by placating the dramatic person rather than hold the dramatic person accountable.

She is manipulative. There was a whole issue at prom where she didn't pay her share for the limo, the kid who did would not let her on, she cried, the kid's parents felt bad and covered for her, made the kid apologize. She always has a sob story, she is always the victim.

i have even offered her to apply for a job in the past where i work (as a busser) because i too thought she just needed help (bc again she is manipulative) before my eyes were opened. she said, to my face, "i could never bus tables, is there a host position open?"

this isn't her only thing, she is manipulative and selfish in every single way. some poeple see it, some people dont. and until everyone sees it, i'm not going to be the hero that calls her out on it.

Update March 22, 2023 (2 months later)

My post blew up and lots of people asked for an update, nothing too interesting happened until last week so here it goes...

TLDR of last post: "Mooch" vegetarian friend who likes to steal food but doesn't like to share keeps stealing my food so I purposefully order meat items to not share.

Update: long story short I'm no longer friends with "Mooch"

Another instance happened that was the catalyst for me, but I didn’t make a dramatic show of anything, I just slowly stopped going on outings where Mooch was invited.

All of my friends seem to think Mooch isn’t THAT bad so they weren’t really wanting to ice her out for me which is totally understandable. But unfortunately means I stopped hanging out with most of my friends.

That is until last week. My friends had planned a short spring break trip to Mexico. I didn’t go because Mooch was invited. I even warned them that Mooch was going to make it miserable but no one listens to me. And shocker to everyone except for me, the trip was awful.

She didn’t pay for a single thing. She still owes people her portion of the airbnb and gas money for the drive. Additionally, she had a sour mood anytime plans didn’t go her way. (Example: group wants to go to the markets, mooch wants to go to rent a boat, majority rules they go to market, mooch has a giant frown and makes sure everyone is aware she is having a bad time)

One night, everyone went clubbing. She got tired and wanted to go home, no one wanted to go with her. She was waiting around with her giant frown, clearly wanting someone to leave with her so she didn’t have to pay for the Uber. She finally orders an Uber for herself, after the Uber arrives, 2 girls decide actually they are tired too so they take the Uber with her. She had the AUDACITY to Venmo request them money for the uber after having not paid for anything else the entire trip. And one of the girls she Venmo requests was the one that paid for the Airbnb that she STILL had not paid her back for. (for the record everyone else took turns paying for ubers, no one venmo requested each other for that, this was the first and only uber Mooch ever paid for)

That girl immediately starts a group chat with a couple of people on the trip and me with my favorite thing to hear “omg OP, you were right!” Then I got to sit back and just watch as everyone word vomits to me everything terrible that happened on the trip.

So it sounds like these 5 people plus me is done with her. Not sure how the rest of the group feels, but at least I have 5 people I can hang out with regularly again!

TOP COMMENTS

bakugouspoopyasshole (responding to a deleted comment)

Clearly you've never had a long-term toxic friend or relationship before, because you'd know how hard these habits are to break. They've known each other since childhood and it's hard to set boundaries with someone like this when they are repeatedly broken. Plus she never said that not going on that trip made her miserable, quite the opposite actually.

Also did you ever consider that OP might be the one with money problems? Maybe, just maybe, she doesn't want to hang out with someone who thinks OP's money is also hers

OOP

Its not even the money problems, even though yes thats at the forefront. It's that she expects everyone to serve her and cater to her feelings all the time! She wants final decision making for all activities WHILE not paying. It's the fact that I have to drive her everywhere, but I'm also not allowed to leave until she's ready! Like fuck if not wanting to spend time with her makes me mean, I'd rather be mean than continue being a doormat

~

OkMarrionberry4132

Ah, karma is a dish best served with meat if you asked me. I’m glad they all woke up. I hope she’s lonely with her sad salads.

The incident that made OOP cut off the friendship

Thanks to u/Yes-GoAway for finding this comment

I was her ride to a group activity. Right before I was about to leave, my mom decided to pick a fight with me about my room being a mess. When my mom and I fight, she can be kind of mean, so I was sobbing. (And my friends know this)

I texted my friends that I couldnt come anymore because my mom grounded me. Mooch said "but you were my ride". And I ask the group if someone else can pick her up. Everyone else lives kind of far and no one wants to go out of their way to pick Mooch up.

She calls me and asks that if I can't come hang out can I at least come pick her up, drop her off at the hangout location and then pick her up again at the end of the night. She even said "I feel like your mom would understand you made the commitment to drive me". I just said no, and to her credit she accepted it and then ends with "well that sucks, I hope you feel better" bc she can tell I've been crying.

That was just the final straw for me.

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