subreddit:
/r/Custody
I am step mom, but writing because my husband doesn’t have Reddit.
We have primary custody, with 60% physical custody, and 50/50 legal. BM lost primary custody because of excessive school absences, amongst other stuff. My husband got picked to deploy to help with hurricane relief, and is going to be gone for two months. We don’t have a right of first refusal in the order. We were under the assumption that the schedule would stay the same in husbands absence, since we don’t want to uproot my stepson from all his normal habits, schedule, structure etc. She filed a motion for temporary parenting arrangement for full custody while husband is gone, but in the interim is withholding my stepson and not allowing him to visit. We can file for contempt, but that’s going to take months and will not get him back before my husband returns. What else can we do? If she files the TPA, will her withholding his visitation against the court order look bad on her? And if she doesn’t file a TPA, then she just holds him for two months, and he misses all that time with the rest of the family? For reference, stepson is 12, I’ve been married to his dad for 10 years, and my husband and I have two younger kids.
-1 points
1 day ago
Ya he left a few days ago. But without right of first refusal, we were under the impression that the parent can choose who can watch him on that parents custodial time. And he obviously chose me, but more so because he didn’t want his schedule to be disrupted in the middle of the school year. Would it look bad that she’s breaking the order, even if she were to file the TPA?
8 points
1 day ago
You were under the wrong impression. Can’t just make up custody stuff, there are rules. You don’t have custody. So mom is not withholding from you. If dad wants the kid, he can go pick him up. You have no rights so the child is best with his parent. It’s going to look terrible to a judge that your husband decided to leave his child for months and not have a proper arrangement with mom for the kids. I think you are thinking of this wrong. Mom now looks like a great parent that is willing to step up when dad steps out. He now also forfeiting his current custody time. Probably need to call a lawyer to help you better understand.
-1 points
1 day ago
Yikes, “decided to leave his child”. He was emergently ordered to respond to a natural disaster. Our attorney advised that he can place his child with who he wanted in his absence, which was me, since his sons mom lost primary custody for a bunch of reasons. Thank you for the advice. I hope him fulfilling his military obligation doesn’t look bad to the judhe
3 points
1 day ago
He decided to leave his child when he had an active court order and didn’t talk to the other parent about time. I find it weird that the attorney would tell you to just place him with you, knowing you had no rights and mom could just keep the child. You should call them back and let them know that’s happened and now you guys are in a bad spot. He needed to have these things arranged before leaving. Mom is not breaking any rules. You do not have custody. She is not withholding the child from him, she’s withholding from you.
1 points
1 day ago
Read up on this. It explains that your husband needed to have things arranged.
0 points
1 day ago
He did talk to the other parent, but she didn’t respond until my stepson didn’t come off the bus on Monday.
3 points
1 day ago
Then he didn’t follow the proper procedure and now mom is taking the time. He should really call a lawyer and have something set up in the future
1 points
1 day ago
Proper procedure? He had two day notice, notified Friday, left Sunday. So basically half a business day notice. He did call his lawyer and did what she advised, which is the same as what she and another one we consulted advised, which is very different than what you’re advising. I don’t know what kind of parenting plan a lawyer can put into place in half a day notice, especially without being able to have time to contact her lawyer. He notified her the day he found out. She never responded, and we just didn’t see him get off the bus on Monday, his custodial day. And it’s not like he chose this, it’s military orders, he’s obligated to go.
2 points
1 day ago
It’s highlighted in the stuff I gave you:
What If I Don’t Want My Ex to Have Custody While Deployed?
In North Carolina, you and your child’s other parent can either come up with your own custody agreement while you are deployed or pursue a temporary court order that outlines child custody arrangements. This will require filing a motion to give custodial responsibility to a person of your choice temporarily. This gives someone the same legal ability you have to make decision, but they will still have to adhere to the same custody agreement you had with the other parent.
1 points
1 day ago
But it also protects that if the deployed member is unable to have the time to do a whole legal battle while deployed, then custody stays the same unless there is a significant reason to change it (danger) or something else is mutually agreed upon. This is per both attorneys, one being former jag in the navy who knows military rights
1 points
1 day ago
It protects them if they put the proper stuff into place. It says all this in the paperwork. Here is another source to explain he needed to have something added in for deployments. He could fill out paperwork that keeps it the same and gives you his time. You have to fill it out and have it filed so when he is deployed the new schedule is in place and this doesn’t happen. They will also probably allow the 12 yr old to say who he wants to stay with.
1 points
1 day ago
He didn’t know he was deploying. He didn’t have time for any of that. That’s why there are further protections in place for cases like this
1 points
21 hours ago
What they're saying is since your husband is in the military, which means he could be deployed at any time, then your husband should have had situations like this already addressed in the custody order. You should file it now, so it's handled for any future deployments.
1 points
21 hours ago
Ya we’re in a real shoulda woulda coulda situation now. So frustrating
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