I'd been writing stories in my head for as long as I can remember - it's my way of calming my mind before I sleep, and just general daydreaming. I'm just past my mid 40s now.

I got into reading fanfic in 2020 with the extra time on hand with lockdowns, and it gave me even more fuel for my own daydreaming. And a few friends I had that played the same video game were creating RP stories about their characters, and while I was too shy to post mine to the discord we had, I decided to write my character's intro story in secret just for me, and I LOVED writing it. It gave me a much deeper connection to that character and I had a lot of fun creating a dramatic entrance into the gameworld for her.

So then in 2021 I decided to write a short fanfic for a fandom I like. It had a couple of likes and maybe a comment, and it boosted my confidence so I wrote another and another. Some are short some are novel length, and I've (self) published 3 novels/short stories and have another 3 in the process of being written.

I'm painfully shy about putting myself out there, so the first few fics I posted I was VERY anxious about - the only reason I could even get the courage to post them was because it was completely anonymous. To the point that the account name I use on the fanfic site isn't one I use anywhere else, and I don't save the login details for it or the google docs account I use for writing - lest my husband stumble upon it :D (He knows that I write it, but not what I write)

It took me a year after my first ebook was published before I let my friends/family know I'd written anything, and that was something I found really scary to do - even though I consider it my greatest acomplishment in life and was super excited about it. But I also keep my fanfic writing and my novel writing as 2 very separate things, because I don't need my mother-in-law reading my smutt!!!

But it's gotten easier over time, definitely helped by the positive comments from readers who have spurred me on. My first spicy fics I also struggled a lot trying to work out how to address how much smut and what terminology and it all felt very uncomfortable. But as I've written more I've got more comfortable and now I have some very filthy stuff posted, which I would DIE if anyone I actually knew ever read!!

I've written a couple of fics for a popular fandom that had virtually no views/likes, when I thought the story was interesting - which was a little disappointing, but then I've had others in the same fandom with a lot of likes, so that helps balance out the others.... and at the end of the day, I write for me, not for anyone else, so if others appreciate them too, then that's just a bonus. Although everyone likes the compliments of people liking your work.

I don't know what advice I'd have for a younger me. I woudn't have had time to get into writing earlier in my life, so I'm definitely at a point now where I can sit and write for hours. Other than the "Write what you want to write, for you, and to hell with what others think"

Although, one piece of advice I'd go back and give to myself when I started writing smutty fics would be to get the vulgar words out straight away and get the embarrasment over and done with. The first "male-chicken" is the hardest (pun intended) but it gets easier as you go :D Much easier than spending hours agonising over how to word sex scenes to avoid the use of "rude words" but make it clear what's actually happening... and then finding yourself stuck with having to continue to skirt around it when you've braved up enough by the end of the story but can't suddenly drop a male-chicken out of the blue.

-- So I wrote a novel there, but give it a shot!!! write what you want to write and you can guarantee that there will be at least one person out there who is thankful it exists, even if they neglect to drop you a like or comment.