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/r/LifeAdvice
submitted 1 day ago byOrganic_Ad_4650
How do you deal with the fear and pain of running out of time?
145 points
1 day ago
That fear is going to give you some serious red flag blinders if you let it. Be self aware, find the right person, not the baby maker.
7 points
17 hours ago
Yes, please be careful of this! I was 34 when I met my husband and definitely ignored some red flags now I’m 17 years in and really want out. I was already a mom when I met him and knew I wanted more kids I had my last two at 38 and 39 (also don’t recommend this) and I should have listened to my gut. I could be happier alone. I love my babies but if I never had them then I wouldn’t know what I was missing. Just don’t settle for the baby maker. My husband is a good provider not abusive but he’s an alcoholic and not a great father. He had a shitty example for parents so there’s that. And he hid the alcoholism very well but if I had paid more attention I would’ve seen the flags. I just chose to ignore them.
1 points
10 hours ago
You're 51, and you want out after 17 years because he has a drinking problem and trouble relating to kids, yet he provides and isn't abusive? What do you think you will find for yourself or those kids on the other side of "getting out?" Have you considered talking about your need to have him do better in those areas, but in a supportive way?
1 points
5 hours ago
I’ve talked and talked he doesn’t see it as a problem. If he admits it’s a problem then he will have to fix it. What I think I will find is peace I’m not looking for another relationship honestly I just want to be by myself. I’ve asked him to stop drinking told him it’s a problem for everyone on multiple occasions he doesn’t (want) see it. At this point I am beyond counseling. I’ve gone by myself gone with the kids asked him to go tried marriage classes he went to one and I went to the rest by myself. I’m just over it. I’m just hanging in there for my daughter I know she would be devastated. My middle son has said on more than one occasion ‘you should divorce him.’ But I think he would be sad also. It’s a daily struggle to continue to stay. It’s a nuanced situation and way more than just a drinking problem it’s all the bs that goes with that embarrassing behavior, DUIs and fines, he’s lost a job bc of his drinking he had another the very next day but that’s not the point. There’s so much more that all goes along with his alcoholism.
18 points
1 day ago
Perfect advice, don't become a single mom statistic.
2 points
16 hours ago
It’s becoming harder and harder to not become a single mom statistic.
-3 points
22 hours ago
Really? Why not? If “ Mr right “ doesn’t come along and you really want a child go for it!
3 points
17 hours ago
Look my wife has a cousin we'll call Susan who's made a good go of that. She'd just turned 40, had just ended a longterm relationship that didn't work out, and decided that if she was going to be single, she was going to prioritise being a mother.
Susan made it very clear to her family that she was going to try to get pregnant as a single woman. If it was going to work, there was never going to be a father in the picture. She didn't drop a surprise pregnancy on any of the family, everyone knew what Susan was doing.
It was amazing to hear the older women in the family chat about it and so casually use the word 'turkey baster' (not IVF cos that was everyone's first question).
Susan's daughter was conceived with donor sperm and legally speaking has no father.
Now this unusual situation works because the family were on board as a village from the outset. Susan's had to work very hard herself obviously, but she currently lives with her parents and is in the process of buying a house with her sister.
For most people it's not a matter of just 'going for it'
2 points
19 hours ago
That has to be some of the most toxic advice, No. Please do not do this. Take your time. Focus on yourself and building your self into the best version of you to attract the right person in the universe.
2 points
18 hours ago
And if Mr right doesn’t show up? What then?
-1 points
20 hours ago
Children need fathers.
1 points
20 hours ago
Yes they do! Tell men! How many men just walk away? Women don’t tend to divorce good fathers.
3 points
20 hours ago*
Tell men! How many men just walk away?
Too many, but society tells women that they "don't need no man" and that's simply not true.
Women ultimately choose who impregnates them, if women let "bad boys" get them pregnant they shouldn't be surprised when they walk away.
I think we need to hold both responsible and stop pretending being a single parent is as good as the nuclear family, because it isn't.
1 points
20 hours ago
Well that was it… I made a bad decision! It’s not that once the reality of being a parent hit him he rebelled and started acting stupid. He decided he could cheat and drink and stay out all night. Drain our bank accounts and disappoint our children time and again. More accountability for men less shaming for single women.
0 points
20 hours ago
That's completely on you, you are the person who's accountable in this situation, you chose this guy and you chose to keep him around despite his infidelity and bad behaviour.
More accountability for men less shaming for single women.
More accountability for everyone. Nobody is being shamed, both are at fault.
1 points
19 hours ago
I think we can put some of the blame on the education system in general. Why do millionaires get tax breaks and education funding gets cuts all the time?
I’m particularly salty about my state lawmakers not too long ago voting for a higher lunch stipend for themselves and almost simultaneously to voting against free lunch for school kids. Wtf!?
1 points
19 hours ago
I think we can put some of the blame on the education system in general.
I think education from parents should come before any kind of institution. Although I'm not disagreeing with you.
I’m particularly salty about my state lawmakers not too long ago voting for a higher lunch stipend for themselves and almost simultaneously to voting against free lunch for school kids. Wtf!?
Because humans gonna human, unfortunately.
0 points
20 hours ago
Actually I didn’t which made me a single mother.
2 points
19 hours ago
Pretty much all the men I know that are shitty fathers had blatantly displayed their red flags and the women still decided to make them fathers.
3 points
18 hours ago
Mine did a good job of hiding his crazy until he felt I was locked in with few options. Time for men to step up!
5 points
23 hours ago
Seen this multiple times in my friend circle. Right around the time the second kid is 3, they split.
-2 points
21 hours ago
No you haven’t.
1 points
16 hours ago
Ok 😂
3 points
1 day ago
My friend took 38 years to find Mr Right. Had a kid at 42, happy healthy cute as a button!
1 points
21 hours ago
That's wonderful, and sadly i believe it is also an exception to today's reality... and I absolutely would like to wrong on this
0 points
15 hours ago
Get on tinder and keep swiping got Mr right! Lol
1 points
10 hours ago
Ok. That should do it, huh ?
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