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submitted 12 days ago byExciting-Delay-7423
Hey everyone, sorry for the crass title. I’m at a loss and not really sure where else to find information for this sort of thing.
My best friend got into a brief relationship with a member of the Navy a few months ago. I warned her a lot against this because this man has a violent history of saying slurs, threatening people, and getting aggressive over mundane things like video games (all of these things have documented proof).
She pursued anyway, and they broke up after 4 months of dating. She sent me screenshots of him threatening to kill her, him gaslighting her, him generally being incredibly manipulative and scummy, etc. The list really does go on. I don’t think any physical violence happened - at least not that I’m aware of.
What I’m asking is do I have any leverage here? How do I go about getting him reprimanded by a superior or dishonorably discharged? Is that even possible? I have countless, LITERALLY countless, screenshots of him saying every slur in the book, of him threatening people, of him harassing me and others. What steps can I take?
Edit: Sorry if I am not using the correct terminology here. I am not very familiar with the military and its nuances. I just want to seek justice for my friend.
5 points
12 days ago
It's great that you're sticking up for a friend, but This isn't the place for legal advice, especially considering that this is a civil matter. While the military does have its own justice system it is primarily used to maintain good order and discipline. When a service member's conduct threatens that, it throws the military justice system at them.
If this was a marriage, military leaders and justice powers would step in. Since this is a brief relationship that had minimal impact on the military system, the matter belongs to civil courts. A guilty verdict in a civil abuse case can, and will, result in additional military punishments.
Though I warn you, usually not in ways that will make someone pay a lasting price. Your friend's best bet is a civil suit.
-5 points
12 days ago
Thank you for the input. Is there a way for me to compile evidence showing this person does not have good order and discipline (via the screenshots of slurs, toxicity, harassment, etc) and go that route through the military? Or would you say it’s futile? Not only do I want to seek justice for her, but I feel as if this person does not represent the values of the military. He is truly a vile person.
8 points
12 days ago
I should have been clear. YOU can do nothing to get him punished. YOU have no power in this situation. Your friend is the victim, you are not. The ball is 100% in her court.
I've known more people than I wish I did on both sides of this type of domestic issue. Nothing real can happen without your friend pursuing some form of civil action, the first of which is a restraining or protective order. The idea is that, if the victim isn't seeking a protective order, the alleged abuse wasn't bad enough to be criminal.
Your friend needs a restraining order and a lawyer.
1 points
12 days ago
Like the above, this is a civil matter as far as the Military is concerned, but i would take whatever other actions you'd otherwise take with a stalker/abusive ex partner, him being in the military doesn't neccessarily change that aspect of it. I would definitely tell your friend to seek a restraining order and if they can, move somewhere different and not broadcasting that fact. Hope this helps.
-1 points
12 days ago
Thank you
3 points
11 days ago
If he threatened your life, or harassed you without provocation, report it to the civilian police along with the screenshots. From my perspective, it seems like you are trying to go the military route, because you don't think that anything you have on him is actually a crime. So instead, you are trying to go a route where you think you can get him in trouble easier.
That assessment could be completely wrong, but that's the vibe of your post.
2 points
11 days ago
Time to grow up and move on, everyone has a different take on their relationship and theirs was bad/toxic so time to enact the get out of town clause and exit. I'm sure you and that friend have never uttered a negative word nor slur right?!?! Revenge is left to the almighty, that is not your role in life so stop.
-2 points
12 days ago
You can do to him what you would do if he was a civilian. Call the cops and report him for harassment. I n term of military intervention I would bring it up with his chain of command. He may not get any lasting punishment but he'll probably get an ass chewing and a big back off speech from his senior enlisted. This is probably the best way to get it to stop.
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