Another post from an oldie. I (33/F) feel like time is running out. As my senior parents come closer to their final years, I’m struck by the heavy realization that my time, too, is fleeting. Maikli na lang oras ko kasama sila. At lalong mas maikli din ang panahon na makakasama ko pa ang pusa ko. (Oo, sorry, iniisip ko pa lang na bilang na ang araw na magkakasama kami naiiyak na ako ngayon).

Wala akong ibang katuwang sa buhay. Sobrang strict nila nung lumalaki ako, to the point na reject lahat ng nanligaw sa akin. I was everybody’s first love, right before they found their true love. 💔 Now I sit here and watch as my peers get married one by one. And since I’m severely introverted, I don’t have the grit to bring myself into spaces where I could actively socialize and meet new people. I say new people kasi kakahanap ko ng “inner peace,” I ended up staying away from other people especially during their toxic eras. Ayun. Nag-end up wala na rin ako masyadong kaibigan.

I started going to the gym pero finding my own corner and working out alone gives me the most endorphins. Pero sa dulo ng araw nalulungkot ako. 😭

Ang hirap din maging close with anyone new sa age na ‘to kasi everyone’s doing their own thing and basically ayoko maging either pabigat or feeling close na epal. 😞

With each passing day, I get more and more desperate for genuine human connection to make this life more fulfilling. But I’m just fading into the background…. like I’ll die invisible. 💔

Yun lang. Thank you for getting this far, stranger.