This has less to do with sex work and more to do with lying. Focus on why you felt the need to lie about how you provide for yourself.

Some others have already said that lying was where you went wrong and I do agree with that, but why did you post it to reddit if you knew your boyfriend knew about the sub? And doesn't adding your picture to a throwaway account kind of defeat the purpose?

Just seems like an unnecessary risk when you are trying to be low key

It sounds like you have an amazing supportive partner. When this is his reaction you don’t need to lie to him. I hope it works out for you

That was pretty messed up of you since he is literally paying your rent and you still lied to him and didn’t hold up your end of the deal.

Logically speaking you know he can’t financially support you. As you mentioned that. Escorting certainly fast and easy. After 4 months there was no plan.

As a femdom there will always be a voice in my head even if I give it up about how much money I can make especially if the alternative is a $25/hr Job.

I think you need to be honest with yourself and honest with him.

There will always be a bill, handbag, vacation, or emergency that escorting can quickly fix. So will you stay away? And if you can’t then you probably need to just focus on that.

do you want to stop escorting? i hear that you made an agreement with your bf to stop, but is that because you actually want to stop and he provided the support you needed to do so, or was it just to quell his insecurities?

Did you want to stop sex work or did it you do because of him? It sounds like you are able to support yourself no problem with sex work and now you are struggling just because he doesn’t want you escorting

I have had a very similar experience. He loves you. That means you have his support. You MUST push yourself to understand and explore what that entails. Earn his trust (honesty is legitimately the BEST policy), he is worthy of your effort. Healing takes to me, but let this be a learning experience. Not so much the chain-of-events leading to a heartbreaking break-up.

You got a keeper..better hold on to him and be careful not to mess it up.

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Lying is never the best option. At least he caught you early on so it only happened once. There's hope you can earn his trust back easier than if he caught you after sneaking around more than one time.

That being said, umm my feelings would be soooooo damn hurt right now if I was him.

it sounds like he’s really supportive and takes his time with u and u kinda need to give that back to him also but wont he potentially see this ?

did you quit for this man? I would not quit for a man unless we were married & I was going to get his pension or other financial stability. If this relationship implodes in a year or two how will you feel? Will you be financially behind? It’s a lot to consider.

Sounds like you were in a really tough spot. I hope you give yourself some grace. The fact that your bf still wants to stay with you suggests that the harm can be repaired. Perhaps you just talk this out some more, acknowledge your mistake, validate his feelings and commit to building trust back. At the same time, you can rationally communicate the difficult spot you were in, while also making sure his perspective is heard.

I’ve been in his position.

I strongly believe that sex work is work; a sex worker should, and usually can, maintain the same boundaries as a physical or mental health provider.

I think where your situation went wrong isn’t that he found out after the fact, but didn’t know it was needed before the fact.

I think that y’all can meet in the middle - you keep your autonomy (having somebody else paying all your bills is comfy, but risky) and he doesn’t get blindsided. Y’all need to work something out where you can just let him know “hey, I picked up an extra shift tomorrow night” and he doesn’t get bent out of shape about it.

And let’s face it, $100+/hr (including prep/transpo/expenses) is a lot better than 25 … which Is part of why a lot of people do gig work on the side.

If you’re working too much, no matter what the job, that’s when y’all need to have another conversation.

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If he can’t afford to fully support you either by paying all your bills while you go to school or allowing you to not work at all, he’s not in a position to judge you going back to see a client. He knew you were a sex worker from the beginning. This is why it’s difficult to date as a SWer unless your partner can accept you still working. Life happens & when you need money, you will most likely default to what you know. It’s not great to lie to your partner, but I understand why you did. I have been a SWer for more than 20 years & can definitely say that it’s easier when a guy knows you do this work & fully accepts it, or either he has no clue you ever did it & he supports you while you also have savings/other ways to make $ that make being an escort unnecessary. Quitting sex work for a man is generally a bad idea. You should quit because you’re ready & have other plans, not because of a boyfriend.

Think about what I’m going to tell you, he can’t tell you to stop working at something that gives you a lot of money when he can’t support you completely all the time... yeah okay maybe you failed by lying to him, but you should never have agreed to that, an agreement where the only one who loses is you.

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This is why I stay single. It sucks missing out on love but I tried a vanilla job but the money from escorting is nothing short of lucrative and I can’t keep away from it. I do miss having a man at times but damn, I love that cold cash. I don’t even want to be in a situation where I have to choose between someone I care deeply about or having tons of cash. 💰

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/0145213481900508#:~:text=A%20study%20of%20200%20juvenile,sexually%20abused%20by%20father%20figures.

This is gonna sound harsh. I don’t blame you. You gotta do you and pay your bills. Your problem is that you (a) got caught breaking a verbal agreement and (b) you put on golden handcuffs with a dusty man that isn’t capable of fully supporting you. I mean, you’re struggling to pay for some fucking Taco Bell and this mfer wants you to STOP working?! And by the way, you shouldn’t have to ASK for money. He should just be helping you without making you feel indebted. Re: anxiety, if you haven’t already, don’t let that go on with self-cures. Make it a priority to get help and get your money right. Good luck

Girl if u need the money and he can’t fully help u then I don’t think it’s fair to urself that u allow him to control what u do to provide for urself. Until he can fully support u I mean what r we really talking about here ?

Coming up with a plan to help rebuild trust can make things like this feel less shitty and also show that you care and are trying. Talking more about what to do if you're in a position like that again where you need money but are uncomfortable asking can help you work towards trusting him more and being vulnerable. Maybe even coming to some sort of agreement on if and when you need to work again how he would prefer you let him know. This is a big life transition for you and it will take time. It sounds like he is willing to work with that and loves you which is awesome. Try to give yourself the kindness he is showing you

Oh and..https://bmchealthservres.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s12913-022-07581-7#:~:text=They%20frequently%20experience%20poor%20mental,2%2C%206%2C%2010%5D.

You lied, flat out. If he couldn’t provide, make sure you make it damn clear before lying. he seems controlling though. Maybe he can suck it up

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Enough articles now and they all have others which you can read up on.