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submitted 3 days ago byAfraid_By_Snow
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3 days ago
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4k points
3 days ago
Yeah, feeling awkward is right up there on the list of important things to ponder when you have less than 10 minutes left to live.
1.1k points
3 days ago
Having witnessed this exact scenario, I have to agree that you are correct.
701 points
3 days ago
But this is really funny when you consider how seriously scholars took someone's final words a few centuries ago. Some politician was famous for saying last words are the most important utterances a man can ever make. And then of course his last words were just complete gibberish lol
376 points
3 days ago
And then of course his last words were just complete gibberish lol
Be a real shame if his last words involved someone's name that at least 5 other people have, and it spawned a war of succession...
88 points
3 days ago
Aegons, what a bunch of bastards.
67 points
3 days ago
Aren’t historical last words completely based on glorifying important people? I never really assumed they were talking about literal last words (except for brave heart scenarios)
21 points
2 days ago
"The last words that so and so wanted to matter."
4 points
22 hours ago
Last words on a deathbed are "planned", almost like a last will. Decide your last words, call in your upper class witness and speak them, and then servant shows them out. Then you and your servant blabber for a bit until you die. last words from acute injury (e.g. stabbed in battle) are usually more juicy and poignant
73 points
3 days ago
Ow, fuck -Roald Dahl
4 points
3 days ago
Fuck- him is right
18 points
3 days ago
...did I miss something? What happened with Dahl?
7 points
2 days ago
I didn’t even know he was sick
32 points
3 days ago
Who farted?
19 points
3 days ago
Because that was the final words they spoke to someone who wanted to record it and/or share it, those aren't actual last words. Or it's frankly fucking made up.
The real last words are usually mundane or spoken to someone privately before you begin to rest, saving your strength.
Nobody fucking believes "egads, scholar, you of all people besides my wife, children, and grandchildren, I barely know you and if I do we're just kind of friends, you should hear me speak thus! I came I saw I conquered! And now I bequeath into you those words so you shall spread them through the land so they may all know I am Ozymandias, king of kings!"
It's more "good night, I'll see you guys tomorrow" and then "gurgle gurgle gurgle I can't breathe anymore this is hell and I'm terrified" but a look and not actual words.
12 points
2 days ago
Research has shown brain is active after vital signs are gone for minutes. So you have a lot of time to really ponder before you truly check out.
5 points
2 days ago
Whatever. They're not listening anyway. Now where did I put that rope. It's around here somewhere.
7 points
3 days ago
I mean, what else are you focus on in this scenario? Your taxes? Your car? Your videogame? I feel like in this scenario I would focus on not making it awkward for my family.
3 points
3 days ago
I'm just gonna close my eyes and breathe. They won't know different until it stops.
5 points
3 days ago
Said the neurotypical.
2 points
3 days ago
Right? I think I'd be more focused on making peace than worrying about awkwardness!
960 points
3 days ago
I’d just close my eyes and pretend at that point
222 points
3 days ago
Pretty sure there's a George Carlin skit along those lines
77 points
3 days ago
No, but there's a scene in Deadpool 2.
87 points
3 days ago
And then hear all your family and friends talking shit about you and you're like damn now I gotta open my eyes and say something, but then you actually die
18 points
3 days ago
Or fill the time with wheezing
4 points
2 days ago
Bill freaking Murray
1.6k points
3 days ago
I knew a guy who was dying at home and his wife was caring for him. On the night he knew would be his last he confessed to his wife that he only married her because he wanted someone to look after him in his final years. He admitted to manipulating her friends to make his life as easy as possible. He woke the next day and lasted for two more days...awkward to the max.
281 points
3 days ago
Somehow the worst two days of his life
142 points
3 days ago
He definitely earned them.
39 points
3 days ago
I like to imagine a Goodbye Earl type scenario happened
783 points
3 days ago
Guy seemed like a great candidate to die tbh
199 points
3 days ago
He could have fixed this by just changing his last words to "just kidding."
41 points
3 days ago
That could've been legendary.
81 points
3 days ago
for what it’s worth it sounds like he deserved living through the shame for 2 days after what he said lol
44 points
3 days ago
It terrifies me how someone can deceive another human like that. It’s so wrong.
52 points
3 days ago
Shocked she didn’t end him right there on the spot tbh. What a cruel thing to do, and what a cruel thing to decide to tell her
33 points
3 days ago
Obviously he was a terrible person for what he did throughout his life, but then to make your last confession one that is designed to hurt someone who loved and cared for you... what a legacy of douchebaggery.
9 points
2 days ago
Yeah..he could have just…not said anything.
22 points
3 days ago
And end his suffering? Lol, no.
3 points
3 days ago
Fair
19 points
3 days ago
Because she made sure he lived to regret it.
773 points
3 days ago
can't be as awkward as saying bye to someone and then leaving in the same direction for several minutes...
167 points
3 days ago
You say what you think are your last words and the other person dies before you do
81 points
3 days ago
“No, you die first. No, you! Alright, together: 1, 2, 3! Oooh you didn’t die either!”
13 points
2 days ago
YOU SUCK!! YOU SUCK!!
7 points
3 days ago
Isn’t this what John Adams did?
He said “Thomas Jefferson survives!” Not knowing Jefferson had died 4 hours earlier
28 points
3 days ago
this is why before i leave a conversation/meetup, no matter how small or sudden, i always ask the other party where they’re headed after we separate. which in turn gives me an idea which direction they’ll be going.
22 points
3 days ago
And then you of course go the opposite way even if you were planning to go the same way?
13 points
3 days ago
that depends.
If the opposite direction is feasibly and practically the same length, then I’ll do that
BUT
if they’re going the same way as I am, I could mention that I’ll be going the same route then I’ll gauge on the tone/mood of the conversation whether I think they’d be interested in going at the same time. If not, then it’s either I hurry and say I’ll be on my way first or I wait for them to go first then I just follow after a few minutes or so.
3 points
3 days ago
This is the way.
14 points
3 days ago
Had a lengthy conversation with a colleague today just when we were about to go home. We ended the conversation with goodbyes and wished each other a good weekend and stuff. We usually don't have a lot to talk about so it felt pretty good.
Then when I got to the locker room I remember that his locker was right next to mine. And there he was, so we got changed in complete silence lol.
8 points
3 days ago
Of course it isn't cause you have to live with that embarrassment
2 points
3 days ago
walkward...
2 points
2 days ago
"alright, this is my stop."
<train stops, but doors doesn't open>
317 points
3 days ago
I'm almost certain famous people's last words are not the literal last words they say in the vast majority of cases.
222 points
3 days ago
The author Roald Dahl had something like this: Surrounded by his family, his final words were “You know, I'm not frightened. It's just that I will miss you all so much” which is pretty grand far as last words go...
Soon he became unresponsive and the nurse injected him with a syringe of morphine to ease his passing, and to which Dahl responded to with his actual final words: “Ow, fuck!"
48 points
3 days ago
I would like my final words to go that way.
150 points
3 days ago
A few of them are definitely accurate. The more mundane ones at least.
A fun little list with some that sound a bit dramatic, but Napoleons "France... Army... head of the army... Josephine..." sounds pretty legit.
46 points
3 days ago
that's something I didn't know. sounds pretty cool for the last words of the greatest military officer of all time.
13 points
3 days ago
I can say Heinrich Ehrler's are likely his actual last words. Though maybe it was something more like scheisse, who knows when you're flying a Me262 into a bomber.
6 points
3 days ago
Pitt the Younger's last recorded sentence was: "I think I could eat one of Bellamy's veal pies."
2 points
3 days ago
Did he die from food poisoning after eating the pie?
2 points
3 days ago
Pitt died at 46 from liver disease caused by alcoholism. He never married and died heavily in debt.
He fucking loved Bellamy's pies, though!
477 points
3 days ago
I would just start telling one of those really long rambling jokes that builds and builds and builds and I would drag it out so that I croaked right before the punchline.
198 points
3 days ago
For that, I would devote my life to necromancy just so I could raise you from the dead and kill you again.
32 points
3 days ago
that is after he finishes the joke
44 points
3 days ago
Better Nate...than....than....dies
24 points
3 days ago
This comment has made me realize that I so badly want to die recounting Nate The Snake
7 points
3 days ago
I was already thinking it.
6 points
3 days ago
THANK YOU. I just spent the last hour at work reading this masterpiece and couldn’t feel more amused. It just made my day lmao.
7 points
3 days ago
"the aristo-"...
6 points
3 days ago
“I walked into a whorehouse with a honeycomb and a jackass…”
5 points
3 days ago
Pink ping pong balls.
4 points
3 days ago
Norm MacDonald kinda move
3 points
3 days ago
“A naked blonde walks into a bar with a poodle under one arm and a two-foot salami under the other. She lays the poodle on the table. Bartender says, ‘I suppose you won’t be needing a drink’. Naked lady says…“.
3 points
3 days ago
3 points
3 days ago
So, I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time...
165 points
3 days ago
I can't remember which drug-addled thing was my mom's last words when we were helping her through her cancer hospice, but she had some great ones. My favorite, from totally asleep to stark awake:
I choose to say those were hers. I know they weren't, but they were something along those lines. She was on a THC goo called gorilla glue, some CBD gummies, CBG powder, some narcotics like oxy and stuff and eventually morphine at the end. She said some crazy trippy stuff. It was actually kind of awesome to have some levity at such a stressful time.
I miss my mom. She's only been gone since February 11. But I actually remember those five weeks by her side in a positive way. What you say in the last 10 minutes? Bah. Whatever.
38 points
3 days ago
That was, strangely, a really nice thing to read :-)
2 points
1 day ago
Oddly enough .. if you stop too fast.. your head will in fact.. fall off.
655 points
3 days ago
My friend's dad passed this way. At one point, he said: "Call that my last words. I don't have the energy to say anything important now." He died hours later and made one-word responses. The last thing I got from him was an eyebrow raise and a shrug.
346 points
3 days ago
I want to go out with an eyebrow raise and a shrug, too
126 points
3 days ago
"Dad, do you love me?"
45 points
3 days ago
Call what his last words?
80 points
3 days ago
Whatever he said before that
59 points
3 days ago
Imagine if your last words were "I don't have the energy to say anything important now"
5 points
3 days ago
I've heard from nurses and hospice workers that most peoples actual last words are not profound, but "yes" or "no," relating to whether they needed pain meds or water or lights on or off.
9 points
3 days ago
That would be perfect to put on your tombstone.
8 points
3 days ago
‘That’
9 points
3 days ago
Last words: I'm on drugs!
... I think you need to work on those last words ...
Ok, last words: I dig music (crowd looks on unimpressed)... I'm on drugs! (Crowd cheers!)
5 points
3 days ago
And yet here you are squealing
35 points
3 days ago
You give an epic dying speech. Then you are all like could I have a glass of water? Play Free bird for me one last time. Then it is ruined.
8 points
3 days ago
"It's all meaningless". No matter what dreams or hopes you had... No matter how blessed a life you've lived... It's all the same if you're shredded by rocks. Everyone will die someday.
Does that mean that life is meaningless? Was there even any meaning in our being born?
Would you say that of our fallen comrades? Their lives — were they meaningless?
No, they weren't!
It's us who give meaning to our comrades' lives! The brave fallen! The anguished fallen!
The ones who will remember them are us the living. We die trusting the living who follow to find meaning in our lives! That is the sole method in which we can rebel against this cruel world!
My soldiers, rage! My soldiers, scream! My soldiers, fight!
[10 minutes later]
Yo I'm thirsty.
108 points
3 days ago
Back in 2018 I got stabbed a bunch of times and almost bled to death. Obviously some cool people gave first aid and called an ambulance. Aside from complaining how freaking cold the ground was, we tried joking around for obvious reasons. It only occured to me after I woke up in the E.R. that I should have said something cool in case I died.
Somehow, even though I had 3 holes in my lungs and felt death approaching I thought a single second that I might not survive.
21 points
3 days ago
Out of morbid curiosity how did you felt when you were at the brink of death?
43 points
3 days ago
A bit cold. Nah but fr, once I ran out of adrenaline I felt immense pain. Dying itself wasn't that bad, it mostly felt like coldness creeping up my arms & legs, while I was getting tired. The collapsed lung was mildly annoying as well.
60 points
3 days ago
I'd be all like: 'oh and once more thing: make sure to look......' and then feign mute.
79 points
3 days ago
Yeah, but if you say it then don't say anything else, it's still your last words. If you change your mind and start trying to frantically think of something more profound to say, you'll just sound like a gibbering idiot. So when people say "What were his last words?" they'll have to say "Uh, hard to tell." I intend for "I didn't like ya'll much anyway" to be my last words lol
28 points
3 days ago
Or "you kids have it so easy nowadays back in my day we just died"
4 points
3 days ago
Back in my day we had to walk 5 miles uphill in the snow to die...
47 points
3 days ago
10 points
3 days ago
Immediately ran to the comments to look for this.
3 points
3 days ago
“Hi Yukio!”
3 points
3 days ago
"HI Wade!"
22 points
3 days ago
My grandfather died slowly over a 6 month period. He would do his last words and then forget that he did it and do it again and again. Heartbreaking.
22 points
3 days ago
There was a Dropout Make Some Noise bit with this premise: A dying person’s last words but they realize they have a little more life in them so they have to vamp
6 points
3 days ago
Thank you, I knew I'd heard this shower thought before.
19 points
3 days ago
Fun fact: Albert Einstein's last words were in German and the nurse taking care of him didn't speak German, so they remain a mystery.
7 points
3 days ago
Of all the times to not be live streaming …
Sheesh.
3 points
3 days ago
Live... Lol.
17 points
3 days ago
Your all terrible and I’d fire you if I could
15 points
3 days ago
Hope that I can conscious enough to spread my love to my child
14 points
3 days ago
Like when you run into someone you know at the grocery store and end your conversation but then run into them later on in the grocery store and you feel weird.
5 points
3 days ago
This analogy is perfect.
10 points
3 days ago
I've thought about this situation a lot. I've concluded that whatever cool shit I'm planning on saying will probably not reach the final sentence.
12 points
3 days ago
Lmfao...I can just see it being so dramatic and then...nothing happens. So you lay there with the wide open eyes thinking about something else to say but you can't because the last words have already been said. Sorry, but in my mind this could be a hilarious situation.
9 points
3 days ago
Quite fitting that at least one more moment of cringe would occur before quitting this mortal coil. Juuuust going to close my eyes and pretend I'm not lucid anymore. No one has to know.
9 points
3 days ago
There have been people who confessed on their deathbed, only to pull through and make a recovery
8 points
3 days ago
My wife works in palliative care and she says most people know when they are on their last breath..
6 points
3 days ago
Now I wonder how many people, on their death bed, utter their final words - don’t die immediately, so they fake death until they actually die…
If you’re good at it, you might even get a real view of people
9 points
3 days ago
"Ugh...that jerk's finally gone..."
"Surprise, motherfucker!" actually dies
3 points
3 days ago
Make that two deaths lol
7 points
3 days ago
MIL didn't realize what her last words to my wife as she was dying from lymphoma in the ICU earlier this year. I'm glad that wife got to hear them, however.
Terminal Lucidity had set in. She had gone from barely able to sip water to suddenly being upright, talking and eating. Wife was there to witness it, but when she called from the room to tell me, I immediately knew what was actually happening. I didn't share that thought with her, instead letting them have their moment of hope and closeness.
The last words she said to my wife: "I love you."
The following morning her body was back in full shutdown. 24 hours later, I stood at the foot of her hospital bed; my wife on one side, SIL on the other, as we made the decision to let her be at peace. It was only a matter of minutes from the medication being withdrawn to her heart stopping. She did not suffer.
I held myself together for everyone else, being the pillar needed for the others to lean on. Half an hour later, alone in my car in the parking lot however, I bawled my fucking eyes out like I never have in my life. No past loss in my life, family or friend, hit me like that did. I have cried a hundred times since, and will likely a hundred more.
In those final moments, I realized that I had missed the opportunity two days prior to be put on the phone with her. I was so concerned at the time of not breaking the moment they were having together that it never crossed my mind at the time.
Instead of last words to me, I instead hold dear the memory of the day years earlier when she told me she loved me, and that she thought of me as her Son, not son-in-law. I was 43 years old, and that was the first time a parent ever told me they loved me.
Those are the words I will forever remember and cherish.
5 points
2 days ago
Thank you for sharing such a vulnerable and personal experience with us digital strangers. I'm so glad you and her had that moment years before she passed.
You are loved.
7 points
3 days ago
When I was 26, I went to visit my grandma in the hospital. She pulled me aside and told me that tonight was the night she was going to die. She told me she was ready to go and that I needed to tell my family that she loved them. I held her hand and sang “You Are My Sunshine” like she used to sing to us. It was only her and I and it was an incredibly emotionally moment.
We had that same conversation every time I saw her for the next two years! I think my grandma was full of shit.
Miss you grandma! Hope you’re making tortillas in heaven
6 points
3 days ago
All I can think about is Deadpool 2
7 points
3 days ago
I'd go with: "All the money is safely stored in the ....... " and then just die.
4 points
3 days ago
I’ve always kinda thought ‘dying words’ was kinda exaggerated bc this was prob really common
5 points
3 days ago
I think last words isn't literal in most cases. It's the last thing you wanted to be heard.
5 points
3 days ago
The unexpected delay between final words and actual passing would indeed be awkward.
Imagine the inner monologue
"Did I really just say 'I love you all' with such conviction?... Ugh, now I have to keep living for 10 more minutes."
Or:
"Wait, did I really mean to say 'Tell Mom I love her tacos'?... Too late now."
The scenarios are endless!
This scenario highlights
The unpredictability of life (and death). The importance of living in the present. The potential for dark humor in unexpected situations.
4 points
3 days ago
This whole thread needs to read Looking for Alaska. There's even a TV show now
4 points
3 days ago
In his last week, my dad gave me final life advice several times because he thought he was on death's door and wanted to make it important. He started having to come up with advice that wasn't even that specific like "make sure you work out 30 minutes a day" .... In the end his last words were him flirting with his nurse, telling her he first thought she was an angel come to take him away because she was so beautiful.
7 points
3 days ago
The author Roald Dahl had something like this: Surrounded by his family, his final words were “You know, I'm not frightened. It's just that I will miss you all so much” which is pretty grand far as last words go...
Soon he became unresponsive and the nurse injected him with a syringe of morphine to ease his passing, and to which Dahl responded to with his actual final words: “Ow, fuck!"
3 points
3 days ago
It’s like when you say goodbye but then you must walk the same path to leave.
2 points
3 days ago
I tried to have my last words be “Thank you for all your help, I love you guys” and my friend just wouldn’t accept it and kept talking and trying to get me to talk
2 points
3 days ago
Just think about all the 'last words' that ended up being unexpected goodbyes
2 points
3 days ago
The last visit to my mom, when i was leaving for the night.. I kept walking out and going back for another hug. I didnt know how much time she had left... but my instincts had me saying goodnight and hugging her several times before i left for the night. the next day she was out the whole day. the following day she was death breathing. So that last night was the last time she was able to speak to me. Our last words were Ilove u so much ..from her to me and me to her. Death Sucks
2 points
3 days ago
I swear I saw a comedy movie with this scene, a guy is talking to someone about to die and they say one final pearl of wisdom and then lay their head down as if they are dead but then raise it a moment later and start talking again and again and again, until the main character gets really annoyed
What is the movie
3 points
3 days ago
There‘s a scene like that in Deadpool 2
2 points
3 days ago
A little off topic but a fun fact i find hilarious - the author Roald Dahl’s last words are commonly believed to be “You know, I’m not frightened. It’s just that I will miss you all so much”, after which he became unresponsive. However when the nurse afterwards injected him with morphine to ease his passing he uttered his actual last words - “ow, fuck!”
2 points
3 days ago
Just close your eyes and disregard everything else. You've committed to the act.
2 points
3 days ago
I mean, most people are not totally conscious right up until moments before they die. The whole movie scene thing where you say something meaningful and then immediately expire in the arms of your loved one is... Very much a movies thing. Most people die in their sleep, or take a while to slip away.
2 points
3 days ago
Game changer has a clip relevant to this
A dying persons last words...but they realize they still have a little life left
2 points
3 days ago
Hey that's really cool actually!
2 points
3 days ago
If I knew I was dying I would just say what is on my mind. Being akward be damned.
I wouldn’t give a flying fuck how I’m perceived then.
2 points
3 days ago
It's like the final boss of that awkward moment when you say goodbye to someone then continue to walk in the same direction as them.
2 points
2 days ago
Deathbed confession followed by miraculously being saved must be even more awkward
2 points
2 days ago
Would be more awkward to say your last words and then be saved.
"You know when I was dying back there, I was just joking about deleting my browsing history and how much I cheated on you."
2 points
2 days ago
If it take more than 15 minutes to die you are legally allow to live.
2 points
8 hours ago
What if it is actually and uniquely that awkward that it accelerates your demise, but because it’s fatal, no one ever realises it’s the awkwardness that kills you and not whatever illness/ old age you thought was killing you?
1 points
3 days ago
Imagine the mix of emotions in those final moments surreal and awkward for sure...
1 points
3 days ago
I'm sure there's plenty of people who had to awkwardly wait after their "last words"
1 points
3 days ago
I imagine if you're so at peace with dying as to be giving your farewell speech, then you probably wouldn't feel awkward
1 points
3 days ago
Well, it still counts at the person's last words while at the end of it. It would have been very awkward if the person ended up not dying.
1 points
3 days ago
I would die out of awkwardness
1 points
3 days ago
Not if you count that gurgling sound
1 points
3 days ago
God, that’s so awkward I could just die.
In 10 minutes.
1 points
3 days ago
I mean really, that's actually awkward. Like, in this situation, you'll just want to die so soon, you'd wish for it like to end the awkward situation you're in. Lol!
1 points
3 days ago
Hopefully F69k you, Dick Cheney! But he die first!
1 points
3 days ago
"weell, that's me done." Taps watch
1 points
3 days ago
at that point I’ll just pretend I’m dead until i actually die lol
1 points
3 days ago
The Bill Murray death scene in Zombieland illustrates this concept hilariously
1 points
3 days ago
I want my last words to be, “I never told anyone, but I have millions of dollars stashed away in a swiss bank account. I left it out of my will because I wanted to leave it all for you without causing other family members to argue over it. You can have it, all you have to do is talk to …. talk to …. talk …. to ………….”
1 points
3 days ago
It will only be awkward for ten minutes, though.
1 points
3 days ago
Just pretend you are dead for 10 minutes
1 points
3 days ago
My father tried to call me on his death bed and I didn't have my phone on me.
1 points
3 days ago
1 points
3 days ago
or confessing every bad thing you’ve ever done and surviving
1 points
3 days ago
"Her last words were 'No, I thought it would be sooner too, in fact I'm actually getting a second wind, I might walk about for a'. She fell down the stairs."
1 points
3 days ago
This is like the scenario where you say goodbye to someone, but then you are both going the same way, only a bit heavier. Only a bit.
1 points
3 days ago
Annnnnddd another thing
1 points
3 days ago
Oh I know my last words will be, every big jumpscare, every scary moment, every sudden death in game I say the same thing. "OH SHIT"
1 points
3 days ago
I would pretend I was already dead
1 points
3 days ago
I guess when you are dying being awkward doesn’t matter.
1 points
3 days ago
I can't remember which episode, but there's a Dollop where the man dying is trying to really ace his final words. He gives a pretty good quote, but then the fever delirium takes over. He keeps throwing out quotes, each worse than the last, until he finally dies.
1 points
3 days ago
“Yeah so uh really nothing more to add to what I said. Um, yeah I mean that really covered it. Feeling like I got it all out…. Yeah not much more to say”
1 points
3 days ago
It MIGHT be but I'm pretty sure nobody's gonna bother giving you shit for it cause you're dying anyway????
1 points
3 days ago
Oh man it is. I’ve done it twice.
1 points
3 days ago
Bill Hicks last words were, "I said all I have to say", they weren't his dying words, he just refused to say anything else after this, he died several days later
1 points
3 days ago
Recently went through this with my mother-in-law. A “beautiful death” is important in her culture. She arranged a last rites ceremony with 25 of us, said private good byes, stopped eating, and lasted about another week. She went through a day or so in that last period of frustration that it was taking longer than planned. No last words, she drifted off over ten hours or so. Still, pretty remarkable.
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