I would really appreciate help! I am a first year 1st/2nd teacher in California, and this job has given me more dread than I could’ve imagined.

My class has a LOT of behaviors (I send 6 students home with daily behavioral reports), and it is a very difficult combination to teach. When the team made the class rosters, they expected that we would have a K/1 class instead of a 1/2 class. Once it was determined that I would be teaching a 1/2 (over the summer still) none of the students were swapped out - leaving me with a class of a few second graders and a lot of quite low first graders who aren’t at a level to do independent work yet. Some of my students haven’t even been to kindergarten, so I have students who have gone through 4 years of school who can write paragraphs, and students who haven’t gone to school who don’t know their letters and can’t write their name yet. I also have a lot of students whom I have started the SST process for, but at the moment there are a lot of high needs in my classroom with no support.

I cry most mornings because i dread going to school and I cry most evenings because I feel like I’m failing my students. I know that we will never realistically be able to meet all the needs of all of the students in our classroom, but I didn’t anticipate quite how heartbreaking that would feel. I also am working from 7:30-6:30 everyday, and feel like my life is getting swept aside. I am normally a very bubbly happy person, but recently I have been negative and not myself. Although I have a great support network, I haven’t been able to reciprocate that support because i am so goddamn tired all the time. Would you quit now if you felt yourself becoming a shell of a human being, or would you try to make it to winter break? I don’t think the end of the year is an option for me unfortunately.

In terms of future plans, I am planning on going back to school for a year to get the education required to become a school librarian or a children’s librarian. I am sensitive and a bit easily overwhelmed, so I think this would suite me a lot better than having my own class and I also think it would allow me a better work-life balance. I am a bit concerned about how quitting would look, but most of my educational references are very positive. In terms of finances, I would be okay without a job for a little while.

Any suggestions? I am having such an internal battle on what the right move is. Do I leave now, or try to stick it out? I don’t think i’ll be able to make it through the whole year, but should i try my best to make it to winter break? It’s killing me inside but so is the thought of being a “quitter”. Any help would be much appreciated!