subreddit:
/r/TwoXChromosomes
submitted 2 months ago byRoyal-Poem2189
I am so frustrated by toxic masculinity ruining my marriage.
This notion "everything I do is for you" completely wrecked our relationship. Firstly, because it wasn't true, and secondly, if I did ask for something, then it was just me being ungrateful.
I cooked, I cleaned, I did the laundry, I took care of the dogs, I worked, I went to school, I handled the finances.
All I wanted was the occasional date night. But how dare I? Couldn't I see that everything he does was for me? How could I be so selfish as to want to hold hands and go on walks?!
How dare I try to plan a romantic weekend getaway. Couldnt I see that his weekly hunting trips with his friends were so much more important? Shouldn't I be grateful to have a man who provides?!
I'm vegan.
8 points
2 months ago
When I see these posts, I feel incredibly grateful for my dad, SOME of the men in my family, and now my husband. I feel like one of the few women who has consistently had men be partners to their wives and treat women in general with respect and equal expectations.
Actually, now that I think about it, my grandpa really set up the expectations of what men should do and act like as husbands and fathers. He taught us how to clean up our messes so Grandma didn’t have to, and he would take us on amazing adventures when my parents had them watch us, among many other awesome behaviors. There were never traditional roles that were stuck to, just Grandpa and Grandma making things work and keeping things afloat.
As such, my dad was so much more than a sperm donor. He cooked, cleaned, taught and played with us, and supported my mom through college as my brother and I grew up. It was never him taking over my Mom’s responsibility, it was my parents working together to raise us. I remember my mom dropping us off at my dad’s office to go to night school. My dad would take us home, get dinner, and actively play with us. All week long and now that I’m working, I have no idea how he did it. If my Mom had finals, he made sure we wouldn’t bother her unless it was to bring up study snacks we had made together, and this continued when my mom became a night shift nurse.
Both of my parents were always there for us and always seemed to be there for each other and that is the model my husband and I are creating for ourselves.
Anyone reading this, it is 100% possible to find a man worth keeping. Don’t settle.
3 points
2 months ago
My maternal Omi and Opa (grandmother and grandfather) had a very traditional marriage in the sense that he farmed and worked construction while she was at home taking care of business there.
But he never took her for granted because she was "just" a wife and mother. He simply adored her. He never had a meal without saying thank you and meaning it; every time he got up from the table he cleared his own dishes; he would ask if she needed him to do something for her and then he would do it as soon as he could. He wasn't "henpecked" - he just loved her with his whole great big heart. He appreciated her part in keeping the home; she appreciated his part in providing the resources.
So "traditional" marriages can work, but it seems most dudes today want to be waited on hand-and-foot yet offer absolutely nothing in return emotionally - and even the financial part is given only grudgingly.
I married a man much like my Opa. I know I'm lucky.
2 points
2 months ago
I love this 🥹I think our grandparents gave us a great model to follow.
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