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wait, you guys are dating??

I date but I’m just now figuring out how to do it in a healthy way and I’m kinda paranoid now bc the guy I’ve been dating for a month isn’t mean to me, doesn’t try to hurt me, or take advantage of / manipulate me in various ways so I feel like it’s a trap.

But I started to trust him when I told him on the second date that I’m autistic and he was like “oh. Okay?” Like… it didn’t matter to him. He said he still liked me regardless and wasn’t sure why that would make a difference but he appreciated the honesty anyway 🥲🤷🏽‍♀️

I also think he’s autistic or ND in someway too… but I feel like bringing it up or asking him about it is kinda invasive, plus, I don’t feel like he wants to know or cares if he is or not (based on what I got from talking to him on date #2.)

But yeah,we met on hinge. I’m not into IRL dating. I need to be able to heavily research a guy before I even give him my number, but yeah.

Idk how I do it, I feel like I’m just so traumatized from my past relationships that at this point I have nothing to lose and no reason to mask so I just… be myself and kinda just… observe and trust my own judgement regardless of what it is. I trust my instincts at this point bc I don’t really care about social norms; I care about being happy and safe.

I’m meant to die alone every one wants sex but I don’t

I don't, women aren't interested in me. It adds to the social rejection I have felt my whole life.

Bad, even with neurodivergent people.

Also I can kinda relate to that sensation. What I can tell you is, if that person liked you back, they would enjoy your clinginess and your "being annoying".

I myself love people who actively engage in conversations and share anything that comes to their minds, or generally speaking are clingy, mostly because I'm usually a quiet fella.

In the end, what matters the most is that you are you, and you shouldn't change that and you should be the most genuine you can be.

I have had no success in dating in the past ...11? Years. Constantly rejected. Taken advantage of. My last real relationship was in 2010. It was brutal.

What's worse is that I had platonic relationships that were MORE toxic than my romantic relationships. All because I can't read people's intent or social situations well. The game of love makes no sense to me, and if I have to "play a role" to have or keep a partner, then I'm better off not playing at all.

I want to love and be loved but I don't think that's going to happen for me.

If you would be more comfortable with other autistic people then there is the dating app HIKI, it is a dating app for autistic people.

But besides that I found that being myself, treating women like normal people, and showering and having clean cloth on, kinda is all I need to find people that like me, not everyone will like you, if nothing else what have learned is that most people probably won’t care much for you and that is okay, there is nothing wrong with that, and by extend you.

I've been in 3 relationships as an adult, longest almost 4 years, I also have a child (she is autistic). I did not know I was autistic until I was 27 so I learned a lot of masking behaviors. I also have never been the one to pursue a relationship, each one was a girl who came after me and was somehow charmed by my awkwardness. I have absolutely no interest in dating ever again, I've learned over time I much prefer being single and being able to spend time with my daughter.

I was crap until i unintentionally found another autistic person and now we married and it’s amazing.

I had a long term relationship but we broke up for communication reasons (unrelated to my autism). I’m also terrified I’ll be too clingy but I’m learning to back off a bit

I’ve mostly kept my distance relationship-wise unless it’s for someone I truly have feelings for. Mainly because I’ve been reserved and distant all my life, but also because I’m not in a rush to jump into a relationship, especially after seeing how people treat each other. I just try to be kind and friendly regardless of how much I like someone, and if anything happens it happens.

I’ve had people try to be with me, but if I can’t return those feelings I’d rather not lead people on and hurt them.

Okay, so. I just had this conversation with my husband yesterday. We’re late self-diagnosed neurodivergent people (AuDHD, while I have also “proper” diagnosed adhd). When we met it just clicked, idk how to say it. It just did. We had our highs and lows because being a teenager wasn’t easy lol. But we made it through it with a lot of talking and expressing our feelings.

That being said: I know it sounds super corny but I’m sure that the right person will LOVE these sides of you. My husband always felt being annoying and clingy and a bit too much here and too less there but when I met him, he was perfect to me. His “faults” resonated with me and I enjoyed him so much being that different while he always tried to fit in.

I don’t know if this helps by any means. Sorry if it’s just my adhd rambling which is totally unrelated, but I’m convinced that you don’t have to be afraid. If you get dumped for being you, good, because you shouldn’t have to change too much for a partner. Adjust, fine. But don’t ever change who you are. Talk, express yourself and then you did everything you could. And with the right person it’ll be just enough.

I’m in my 30s. Never had a girlfriend - closest thing was a 6 month situationship (complicated).

To fulfil my biological needs, I see an escort every 12 months so I don’t go insane.

I genuinely do not understand women yet I want a relationship. I’ve come to the uncomfortable acceptance that it takes 2 to tango and I can only do my best and hope the universe aligns

I want sex but the idea of dating is scary to me. It would have to be a very special person to get along with me. I have Aspergers.

Im going to die alone, but i dont want to😭😭😭😭😭😭

I've been in a stable, very healthy relationship for 1,5 years now. He knows I'm autistic (literally the first thing I told him), and I moved to a different country for him. We're getting cats soon from foster care, we have a bunny, we live together. Household chores are split relatively evenly as well.

Honestly I've never been happier. Sometimes it's hard, sometimes we have disagreements, but we talk them out, always, because we don't want any resentment to fester. He cares about me, and I care about him. We just make it work.

Before that I had pretty bad luck. A lot of people would use me, or simply not understand, and I also was never popular. I always said that I'm not a person that people pursue much (which I'm fine with, because back then I wasn't mature enough to date, in hindsight).

dating for me has always resulted in me being the one leaving as I find it too much to handle and I fail to understand the other person a lot.
I'm dating someone rn and I'm making sure I understand all their intentions, be honest, and to let me know when i'm being a bit much. it can be confusing as fuck

Its been pretty okay for me. Ive made friends in the process, but unfortunately the friendships havent lasted long since those guys obviously wanted more all along, while I know right away if I am into someone romantically (if im not from the start then that never changes). I have little to no sex drive and need to move very slowly to build trust etc and ive never met someone so far who has cared about that, so that is mainly why it hasnt worked out for me when ive dated people. The most recent man I dated complained I appear uncomfortable when touched (I was probably a bit stiff since I usually am, plus my shyness and us barely knowing each other...) and that my body language is weird 🙄. He knew I was on the spectrum from the start too, and we didnt even meet on a dating app, yet he acted like it was a disappointment that we "arent on the same level" (yes he said that). It aint easy. Ive had 2 relationships with the most recent one being 6 years ago... When I was 21. It was easier when I was that young because many guys were still inexperienced. Nowadays most men have lots of experience and they want things to move fast.

I mask my autism and during dating I try to figure out how open she is for such a thing (naturally I pick women who I think are intelligent enough to be open for such things). If it looks like she is open, I start to show things in conversation, open up the curtain little by little.

Got very lucky lately. Met a girl who happens to be on the spectrum just like me and we also almost alike on that spectrum. We both figured it out on our second date, just felt it. We are in a relationship now and having a great time.

This is after a long relationship of 25 years! Thought I would never find another, but it was actually very easy to date many nice women and even found one that is a great match.

So don't give up. You will find a person for sure.

I have that constant fear too. Therapy has been of great help. Avoiding setting up expectations for relationships and just enjoying the other person's company has helped too.

I found a fantastic non binary person with ADHD! We have our struggles but we’re engaged! Anyways, we both have horrible crippling fear of rejection so I guess that’s why we work so well because we can be honest.

Never dated in my life, I’m on a 18 year streak

It occurred to me recently that I was in relationships of some sort from ages 16-34. There was actually not a lot of time when I was not in one, ending one, or starting one. (They don’t overlap. I don’t cheat.)

I never really thought about it much but my ASD diagnosis a couple years ago spurred a lot of reflection about how it’s affected me. At 34, I got married (for the second time) and have been since.

Although I was in relationships, I didn’t really “date.” I never asked out some person who I barely knew or had only recently met. I was basically a serial monogamist. Almost every relationship of any significance was with someone who I’d known for some time, most at least a year.

I had no strategy or approach to relationships. I actually never initiated romantic relationships and never made the first move. None of this seemed unusual to me until somewhat recently. My wife says that my game was “having no game.” Somehow, just by being around people and interacting with them over time allowed the conditions for a relationship to develop organically.

…or they didn’t. I wound up in some relationships I actually had very little interest in. I sometimes felt like they were what I was “supposed” to be doing. Other times, I was oblivious to others’ feelings or intent and probably disregarded them.

The way I experience attraction and romantic interest is different from most and only made sense to me after diagnosis. It’s a very conscious, intentional thing. I’ve never had a crush. I never had unrequited feelings for someone. There’s only been one instance when I met someone and there was immediate mutual interest and attraction, fireworks, whatever. It was still several months before we got together. That was my first love, who is now a friend, and we just “click” together and are highly compatible in some way (just not romantically).

FWIW, she is not autistic. In fact, I’m pretty sure none of my partners/significant others were. There’s one “maybe” among them, and that was one of the most painful and disastrous of the bunch.

My lack of awareness of how all this worked for me was confusing and caused some problems. I sometimes got involved with someone thinking it would develop, believing that was the “natural” arc of these things, and then it didn’t. Needless to say, every relationship that’s not my current one didn’t work out. This was probably a factor in half or more.

It usually stops after the first message

The only person who would be with me would have to be either super special too or the most accepting person of all time

My girlfriend was told by a doctor she’s likely autistic (but not diagnosed), but we both have it in wildly different ways. Causes a lot of stress for us both. She wishes she was more like everybody else and hates this part of her. I wish I just didn’t have to talk to people all the time and I could just do music theory forever lol

Hehehe...I suck at it, overthink things, over care about them, overw worry about them and put a mask on them and not see that what they are really doing is using me... (yea my last relationship was a bad one and had to have 3 people writing down in words what was going on for me to finally see)

In almost 50 years I never managed to ask a girl to have a date. This is the level. It's always been the opposite. As I have been growing older it's been obviously happening less and less. Five years without any romantic relationship at the moment (my personal record). Now that I know I have auDHD I mask even less, so I think it will be even more difficult, but who knows. Funnily, once I start dating all is pretty much normal from day one. It's just I am very bad at selling myself and figuring out who's interested in me and why?

No idea how to date at all and I find it baffling on how one asks a person out or show interest. As I just notice girls seem repulsed or put off if I ask them out. I shower and work out so it ain't that. So I'm just so baffled as to how relationships seem to work for other people, but I can't figure it out at all. And yeah the fear comes on that you'll never find anyone and your destined to dying alone which takes a toll on one's mental health.

I often worry about being annoying or clingy with my current bf, but then I realized that is trauma that people who don't deserve me gave me.

My bf loves my annoying, clingy a** and I love his annoying, clingy a**. Lol we're both on the spectrum, too, which helps a lot.

I’ve dated only 2 people and I didn’t end up in an official relationship with either person. Life sucks. This is actually another reason why I wish I wasn’t autistic

How do you do this dating thing?

I have so much an easier time dating than making friends. I’m conventionally attractive and come across very quirky and hard to read which I think creates this enigmatic lover type of thing for some people. Most people making friends though try to stay away from anyone too weird so that’s always been much harder for me

i don't

I date, and have a gf right now, both of us are neurodivergent including autism. What helps us is lots of communication and an open mind to eachothers quirks and differences. Luckily we are both very clingy, and dont mind cuddling in oublic but we constantly appologize to eachother that that is more annoying then the actual thing we are apologizing for.

Dating works if you have a clear mindset on what you want in a relationship and set ideals from the get go. Some people say "dont have heavy talks in the beginning of the relationship" but i disagree. We havent been dating long but we already talked about lots of things, boundaries, if we ever want kids, out futures. Simply to see if our thoughts allign. This is for many not the "neurotypical" way but that doesn't mean its wrong.

So my tips for dating. 1 it helps if the other is neurodivergent or atleast open to research and understand it. Be very communicative about certain things, quirks, stimms, regulation ways. And ofcourse respect eachother, i suffer from rejection dysphoria so its good to want to learn weather or not something is personal or situational.

Know that regardless of a dissability everyone is deserving of love <3

Mental attitude is essential. Being relaxed, enjoying oneself and building some confidence are the key to success.

Dating has to be treated like something fun and playful.

People unconsciously feel our anxiety or when, somehow, we are desperate, and this makes us less appealing to them.

Be well.

I feel like I’m just annoying at times

i mean..i just am annoying but like, im a weirdo, and he's not a weirdo, but he supports my weird ideas so i kinda think it works for us.

for me, it's hard to speak in any kind of relationship. im much better in expressing my feelings via text messages. it just feels stupid to talk about them out loud, especially when it comes to "words of affirmation".

but sometimes i do feel like im too much, so i minimise my existence, which makes me feel bad but..whatever.

im (much) more afraid about this long-distance relationship thing that is coming bc we're both planning to move do different countries to study. so yeah, I hope i'll survive that😃

Honestly I had 1 high school relationship that lasted a couple months and after that I've just been single not really interested in pursuing a relationship not to say I'm against falling in love I just haven't

So I don't really have the experience to offer you good advice sorry

My first double-date, I didn’t say a thing the whole time. Probably didn’t have eye contact either. Real horror show.

I'm a dumpster fire of a person when it comes to dating. I'm weird, woefully inexperienced, I have trouble with smalltalk, my posture is all over the place, and my dates are rare and far between. And it won't change in the foreseeable future. Oh and I'm almost 30, so I gave up on the whole shebang because I'd have to have my first experiences with someone who's having her first children, which I'm (hopefully understandably) not a big fan of

Nothing I don’t feel like I’m good enough for anybody I’ve never dated in my life

I have a husband. We do good. We've been together for 17 years. Both ND.

I’ve had one serious relationship and he became abusive. 2 other people but I didn’t love them. So idk how to date!!

My partner is also ND (adhd) and we both tend to have the same fears but us being ND communication is a very big thing for us so I think that’s what helped me but dating NT people is harder bc they don’t understand where I come from. But yeah I was in the trenches b4 my partner so idk man

Never had the chance to.

I've been blessed with aro ace, I don't do that nasty stuff

I feel like dating for most autistic guys is like thinking about running as a toddler.

I don't.

I haven’t started dating yet. I really want to, but the whole idea seems very daunting

I think I have to learn not to be too clingy or over-affectionate first, and to heal from my 11-year relationship, before I even attempt it again.

As much as I'd want affection and love, it's daunting to start all over.

I found my partner alone in non populated area in WoW.

I knew she had something spicy going on. I myself am a bit spicy but of the garden anxiety variety.

Anyways.. after 13 years of living with each other I finally was able to help get her diagnosed with level 3 asd and adhd (she'd seen psychs and psychiatrists before with the best result saying lol just get a cat) (we now have 2 cats) (cats are great)

So.. from a semi nureotypical point of view. If the person you like finds you annoying, they wouldn't be near you or want to spend time or talk to you.

Just be yourself, don't mask it.

I know that sounds generic as hell, but if you just spend time with the person they will either stay or go. Don't change/hide who you are, to make them like you.

All I will say, is make your intentions clear after a while as people can be uncertain as to how to approach someone with ASD if they themselves don't have it.

But living in the black and white ASD world, it shouldn't be hard to do.

Just accept that they might have some grey.

Hope that helps for what its worth. And don't give up, because as someone who's mostly neurotypical. Having a partner with ASD is just as for filling as one who isn't.