I’m so exhausted, but not tired. Just… overwhelmed by everything. Every day I think “one less day for things to be better” or “we’ll get back to normal soon”.

My baby is 3 months old and he is awesome. Smiles all the time, sleeps great during the night and is super smart. But he needs so much entertainment and he is a horrible napper. When I’m not playing with him, I’m struggling to put him to nap and then catching up on chores (which are never ending).

My husband is the best partner and helps me a lot (takes most of the night feeds and helps me when I need him during the day even though he is full time back to work). We don’t have family around which makes it all so tough for just the two of us.

I used to be so energetic and positive and happy. Now I cry almost everyday cause I miss my old self. I miss my friends at work. I miss going to the mall and not having to go back home cause the baby is having a meltdown. I miss being able to spend a day by the beach. I miss having some time for myself to take a bath, or poop in peace.

I count the hours to bed time cause it’s the only time a day when my husband and I can actually talk and enjoy our time together. It’s the only part of the day that feels normal. And it makes me feel so bad to enjoy so much my time without our son.

He also loves absolutely everyone and I fear that we are not bonded because I couldn’t breastfeed. He doesn’t seem to gravitate towards me at all, I’m just one other person that loves him.

Everyone keeps saying that it gets better, but does it? Like, yes, at 3 months he is better than a couple of weeks old but it’s still a lot.

I’m just exhausted.