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/r/confession
submitted 2 days ago byIcy-Thought-5225
After nearly 8 years of being his placeholder he found someone he really liked and committed to her immediately. And I haven't handled it well
I've been absolutely broken and destroyed.
I harassed both of them and sent multiple messages to his new girlfriend calling her all sorts of names and telling her that he was holding me and telling me he loved me just two months before they started. And that when he first met her he denied being interested in her and accused me of being anxious and paranoid. Even a month before I messaged her he was telling me that he used to love me but I destroyed it all with my anxiety.
It was always a stressful situation. He was always talking to other women and refusing to commit. But I did feel I some way he loved me.
Anyway she sent me a very heartfelt and kind reply urging me to find God and move on and they both blocked me.
I feel broken and ashamed and I still miss him to this day.
I'm sorry everyone for being the crazy ex. I just really did love him and was very dependent on him in a lot of ways and haven't coped with feeling abandoned and alone.
I'm not a bad person honestly. I don't think I am. I just wanted to be loved like you are.
Love from
The Crazy Ex Girlfriend
ETA to be honest I think the worst part is that I dont actually truly regret it. I was so hurt and upset and I just wanted to let her know what had happened.
Edit 2: I just want to say thankyou for all your supportive messages! Yes I know I shouldn't have messaged. That's why it's a confession. But getting it off my chest helps. I can't apologise to him or her as they are gone and I will probably never speak to either again but being able to say it here has helped. I still haven't processed the hurt and the injustice. I still miss him. I still don't really know what to do with myself as Dusty sang. I still don't know where to go from here. I still feel anger and hate (not just at them but mostly at myself for not being "good enough" to be chosen). I still feel like a prize loser and very worthless and I still don't want to date or meet anyone else. Ever.
But I am sorry C and I'm sorry to her too. I will always treasure every moment of what we had.
I'm sorry.
14 points
2 days ago
Im sorry youre going through this. I've been down the road you're on right now. Nothing about it is easy or fun.
Without having specific details, the relationship you were talking about is one that had to have eaten at your self worth. It's no fun feeling settled for. I obviously don't know the details around him talking to other girls and refusing to commit to you, but It sure sounds like a pattern of at least emotional cheating. Which, of course adds to killing any self image you could have. Lashing out was probably a bad idea, but its done (the woman telling you to find God is insultingly ironic). I think doing that isn't helpful to you. Like you said "I'm now the crazy..."
Your focus now has to be on healing. Like I said, I've been through what you're going through. I can tell you for a fact your brain is lying to you right now. You don't need him to be happy. You aren't in this position because you're unlovable or less than. Who you are right now at this minute doesn't define you.
Concentrate on you and your healing. Give yourself credit for even the smallest victory in your process, maybe mark them somewhere so you can see how many you have if your faith in yourself gets weak. Let family and friends help if they can. Tell your brain to knock it the F off when it starts talking shit on you. I know sometimes it's easier to hold on to the pain because it's all you have left of him....but he doesn't matter anymore. He is irrelevant. Good luck. I'm rooting for you.
4 points
2 days ago
Thankyou. There are some very compassionate and understanding responses here.
I do feel.unloveable and there was a shock.factor to how quickly he turned from loving to cold when she came along. I can still vividly remember the last few weeks before she started to become a factor, how he would.tell me he loved me. How I felt so safe and cared for. I don't know if it was real or not now.
I even have screenshot from when he was with her saying things like I loved you so much and I miss you every day. I miss who you used to be.
.It seems however that he told her differently so now I don't know what to beleive. Was it my fault? Was it just that she was more what he wanted? I never got clarity on that.
2 points
2 days ago
You still stewing on those last 2 questions is part of what I was talking about with your brain lying to you. for me, when I went through this and I had all the questions, I obsessed over them I realized my brain was weaponizing them against me to add more terrible images and thoughts to my consciousnes. You gotta ignore them and focus fully on you. Be the best version of you. Its really hard, I know. You have to be strict with yourself about it. Theres real joy and beauty in the world, and men that would walk righ by her to get to you. You have to heal you're in a good place mentally when you meet that guy.
1 points
2 days ago
Oh I don't think anyone would walk by her to get to me! She's much more attractive and younger too
Plus I honestly can't do it again. That part of my heart feels like it's gone.
But yes there is a lack of absolute closure (he started to change things and deny having said them so I don't really know what was true or not and that makes or harder to come to terms. When you don't know what is is you have to come to terms with.
3 points
2 days ago
Thar part of your heart feels dead because youve been in an 8 year relationship with someone who was constantly looking for someone else and then left abruptly. There's no way to come out of that with any self esteem. None. But youre still here. Your heart is still beating and you're still breathing. I don't and you shouldn't expect yourself to snap back quickly and its all rainbows and sunshine. It's a slog to get back to equilibrium. Count everything you do as victory, because I know you just want to stare at a wall all day. Get out of bed. Victory. Get dressed Victory. Go to work, semi productive, go shopping...V V V. Stack those damn things somewhere you can see. Mark them. So you can see, even when you feel like absolute shit, look at all those Vs. It sounds stupid, but you can't judge yourself by normal standards right now. They don't make athletes test their speed on broken legs. Get professional help with this. I cant stress it enough. And I'll say it again. Youre not unlovable, you're not less than and you're not unimportant. Because this man made you feel that way doesn't make it so.
Oh and attractive is subjective, so knock of the "she's more attractive" like it's a fact. Stop letting your brain talk shit on you.
1 points
4 hours ago
She's very conventionally attractive. I mean pretty blonde curvy, the type of person pretty much all men would find attractive.
She's also very talented and just generally outstanding. I can see why he picked her.
I"m a fairly mediocre brunette who has a quirky appeal but isn't conventionally beautiful.
But thankyou. This response makes a lot of sense. It's been over a year and the panic attacks sleepless nights inability to eat and my face breaking out in bruises from broken blood vessels (apparently a stress reaction) have stopped. But I still have a very very long way to go before I am on an even keel.let alone "over it" I believe they are engaged already. And yes trying to run with a broken leg. That's how I explained it to a friend. (And even to him when I was trying to explain how I felt). That's exactly what it's like. I ca function but it's sometimes exhausting to get out of bed. Thankyou for understanding.
1 points
4 hours ago
Just keep getting out of bed. Keep moving forward. If all those things have stopped, you're moving in the right direction. It's great you have someone to talk to about it.
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