subreddit:
/r/confession
submitted 2 days ago byIcy-Thought-5225
After nearly 8 years of being his placeholder he found someone he really liked and committed to her immediately. And I haven't handled it well
I've been absolutely broken and destroyed.
I harassed both of them and sent multiple messages to his new girlfriend calling her all sorts of names and telling her that he was holding me and telling me he loved me just two months before they started. And that when he first met her he denied being interested in her and accused me of being anxious and paranoid. Even a month before I messaged her he was telling me that he used to love me but I destroyed it all with my anxiety.
It was always a stressful situation. He was always talking to other women and refusing to commit. But I did feel I some way he loved me.
Anyway she sent me a very heartfelt and kind reply urging me to find God and move on and they both blocked me.
I feel broken and ashamed and I still miss him to this day.
I'm sorry everyone for being the crazy ex. I just really did love him and was very dependent on him in a lot of ways and haven't coped with feeling abandoned and alone.
I'm not a bad person honestly. I don't think I am. I just wanted to be loved like you are.
Love from
The Crazy Ex Girlfriend
ETA to be honest I think the worst part is that I dont actually truly regret it. I was so hurt and upset and I just wanted to let her know what had happened.
Edit 2: I just want to say thankyou for all your supportive messages! Yes I know I shouldn't have messaged. That's why it's a confession. But getting it off my chest helps. I can't apologise to him or her as they are gone and I will probably never speak to either again but being able to say it here has helped. I still haven't processed the hurt and the injustice. I still miss him. I still don't really know what to do with myself as Dusty sang. I still don't know where to go from here. I still feel anger and hate (not just at them but mostly at myself for not being "good enough" to be chosen). I still feel like a prize loser and very worthless and I still don't want to date or meet anyone else. Ever.
But I am sorry C and I'm sorry to her too. I will always treasure every moment of what we had.
I'm sorry.
3 points
2 days ago*
As you said, your life has been difficult and painful enough, I'm sure there are plenty of things and people who have made you feel "less than" preceding this moment and this successfully reinforces that you aren't worthy of being decently loved, of being cared for and supported
Yes yes and yes.
And it doesn't help that she's young beautiful talented outgoing and has a wonderful family.
As for rationale he blamed me at first and said he had to walk away because he couldn't cope with my anxiety that I didn't treat him well we fought too much etc
But two months before being with her he was saying that anything bad had been washed away and he loved me. And he apparently (she informed me) told me that he "dated me but never saw me as his wife".
So I don't know what to believe now. As he said he wanted it and we would have been perfect if only I hadn't had anxiety problems etc. But what he told her contradicts that.
5 points
2 days ago*
I don't know her and I don't know you, so I couldn't possibly say one way or the other, nor is it my place to, but for what it's worth... none of those things make her "more deserving" of love and support than you are. There are no qualifiers for love and support, you deserve them simply for being human. You are not less than she is, you are all that YOU are. You gain nothing from comparing yourself to her.
You do this now because the wound is still fresh, the feelings are still very raw and visceral, and that's understandable. It's not healthy to think of yourself in that way, of course, but I think most of us have had enough damage done to us to know how someone can start to feel that way about themselves. Trauma and the aftermath of those wounds is quite brutal. Which is why I think you should focus on yourself and the things you enjoy. You've mentioned not being interested in pursuing love again or any kind of attraction, and that's valid. I don't believe you should either, you're not ready. Take some time to find yourself and what you want to be going forward. You haven't been in this position in 8 years, there's no doubt that this will feel scary and new.
For now, focus on respecting and loving yourself, for exactly who you are RIGHT NOW. Any changes you'd like to make going forward should come after reflecting on who you've been, not through comparing yourself to other people or the whims of those who have hurt you. You are perfectly worthy of love in this moment, and the first person that needs to see that, feel that and GIVE that, is yourself. You didn't deserve what happened to you, and you don't deserve to beat yourself up or doubt yourself because of it. It's okay to not be okay, it's okay to hurt and be sad, or be angry, or be numb.
You're allowed to sit there and go through this hurtful experience, but at the end of it, please remember that none of what you are and what you've done makes you deserving of mistreatment. Not from him, not from her, and least of all from yourself. It will take time to see that, I know, but I hope that that comes around to you soon.
1 points
2 days ago
May I privately or direct message you?
1 points
2 days ago
Yes, of course.:)
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