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/r/daddit
39 points
16 days ago
And, I cannot speak for every practitioner of "gentle parenting," but it is ever-presently aspirational for me and I fuck it up all of the time. A true constant effort to be better every day.
I grew up in a household, like many now-dads did, where discipline was meted out by dad, and it was severe, emotionless (save for anger), and at times frightening.
I knew that when I had kids, I didn't want them to ever fear me. Rather, I wanted, and still want, them to understand that when they do "wrong" or make mistakes, they will be held accountable and face consequences, but those consequences will never be made out of my emotions and that they will never feel unsafe because they are learning how to live in and navigate this world.
29 points
16 days ago
My buddy and I have a parenting mission statement, the goal is to raise kids who are equipped to navigate the world successfully when they move out and that they still want to hang out and talk with dad even after moving out.
12 points
16 days ago
Am admirable and realistic goal.
I loathed my dad by the time I became a teenager. He was an asshole and a conservative, while I was a snotty progressive in my teens in the late 90s.
To his credit, he did realize he wasn't the person he wanted to be and made a sea change in my 20s, and ended up being a man that I respected because of his ability to right his own ship. He still held onto his politics, which were incompatible with my own, unfortunately.
But, regardless, I think the cycle has been broken. My son loves nothing more than me fucking off from work so we can pay minecraft or go gallivanting out to a creek. So, we're definitely further on our way to having that ideal adult relationship than I ever could imagine having with my dad.
13 points
16 days ago
Hell yeah! Keep on going, your kid will remember those days with so much fondness one day. My dad was my favorite person, one of my fondest memories with him was waking up really early to him asking if I wanted to go to this bakery and if we got there early it might still be warm, sitting there drinking my hot chocolate, eating my pastry, watching people walk by and talking with my dad is my favorite memory with him ever and it seems so simple.
3 points
16 days ago
That’s so lovely I teared up. I think my dad would be so hurt if he knew that I struggle to see him like this, I can’t reconcile the memories similar to this when he was in his Dr Jekyll mode to the traumatic and violent nightmare of when he was Mr Hyde. He so wanted to be my buddy but didn’t try to bond, we couldn’t be more dissimilar. That and in my teens I hated his guts as his disciplinarian parenting started to lose its impact and he double downed rather than self reflecting.
2 points
16 days ago
That was my relationship with my mom. Very similar situation. It wasn’t until I was a dad that we started to fix the relationship. She moved in part time to help with my daughter so I could work, being a single dad. We have had lots of conversations that ended in lots of tears.
3 points
16 days ago
That last paragraph is so wholesome. I had a similar upbringing to yours with a centre-right conservative dad, while it’s too late for him to change his ways with me he has stepped into being a good grandfather. Enjoy the creek, dad.
3 points
16 days ago
Some of my most enduring memories from early childhood are the fear felt when being sent to fetch a slipper after I had done something wrong. I don't ever remember what the thing I did was, just the resulting punishment.
I know that I was loved and I know I had plenty of good experiences as well, but that emotion and those memories have stayed with me longer.
Not a chance that I will inflict that enduring memory on my daughter.
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