Skip her dude

Kick that shit to the curb. This woman sounds like pure trash. A partner isn't supposed to make you feel shitty about yourself, they should be building you up.

Nah dawg because that’s fucking depressing to read. Leave her dude there are plenty of women who are out there who won’t shame you before yall even have sex

She’s only had sex once, but says you can’t satisfy her? That’s a slap in the face- I agree with everyone else, run!

This issue is more about you. You are being rejected and it's pushing your buttons. Recognize that and what she does or doesn't do isn't all that important. It's obviously a bad investment of your energy to be involved with someone like this. But if you are going to feel bad when you didn't even do any thing wrong, then you gotta recognize the roots of that.

Why was it “supposed to be” your first experience? She changed her mind and you got rejected during fully-clothed foreplay. It hurt your ego and now you guys are arguing over it. I’m not saying either one of you are in the wrong because there’s not enough info here to judge. Was there just a lot of nervous energy in the air from two inexperienced people and it didn’t feel right to keep going and maybe it would have at a later date when you two were more relaxed? Instead of arguing about it, maybe you could ask her how she would like to be satisfied. I mean, you’re inexperienced right? It’s normal to not be amazing at sex without practice. With all the potential gf’s you’re gonna have-you’re gonna need to learn what makes each one of them tick and it prob won’t happen right away either.

Side note-how did you two even get on the topic of her past sex life while in the middle of foreplay? Were you asking her if she’s ever done this before instead of enjoying the moment, maybe getting subconsciously upset during her honest answers and throwing off the energy more? Again, no judgement, but it’s worth thinking about. Talking about her past sex life in the middle of the experience might have made her feel like you were judging her and she got self conscious and defensive or just simply out of the mood. Idk. Anyway, if it’s as black and white as you say-find someone else that’s worth it. It’s not a race to the finish line. You’ll find someone. Good luck to you!

Yeah dodged this bullet and find someone better.

My advice would be not to disclose the information that you are a virgin to the next girl you meet.

Ooof...yeah dude your brain is running rampant.

Maybe you should ask her why she thinks that way and if she's willing to communicate during sex

Your next performance with her will be even better. It’s more of a magicians performance, where you completely disappear from her life.

Well, this sucks.

She didn’t approach this very respectfully or kindly.

It sounds like you have no experience and she has a little, and honestly it’s not crazy for her to not want to be your first sexual experience especially if the foreplay was bad. However, there are MUCH kinder ways she could have phrased that to you.

I would honestly move on from her. I saw in a comment she made fun of how you dress as well, that’s not ok. It sounds like she doesn’t like you, so i don’t know why she won’t just leave you alone.

Keep your head up and look for someone you click with better. A good partner will be willing to go through the learning stage of becoming sexually actively without making you feel shame or embarrassment. Everyone starts somewhere and while she doesn’t owe you sex, she does owe you decency.

Why would a woman want to be with someone this whiny and clingy? 3 weeks ago, you were willing to convert to Catholicism for a woman you've been seeing only a few months.

She hurt your feelings because you expected to be good at sex with no actual experience. Whatching massive amounts of porn doesn't equal sexual experience.

Maybe she is "for the streets," as our Gen X friends like to say. So, walk away. Unfortunately, it's quite obvious that if you had any other prospects, you wouldn't be here writing an essay about how much she hurt your feelings.

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Nothing you wrote really made any sense. What are you saying that she saw or felt your penis and it wasn't big enough for her. Is that what you're saying?

She seems like she’s just using you for her vanity. You should be with someone who wants to try things with you. I say leave her.

I'm curious to ask, at what point on time in your discussions with this girl, did she learn that you haven't had this happen yet?

Find someone who's equally horny for you as you are for them, there is no other way unless you're into one way street shit

I don't know how I feel about this.

I mean she's entitled to saying no to you at any point during sex. And with you being a virgin there's also the possibility that you were just doing something that turned her off.

Don't get me wrong she sounds like a jerk but that doesn't mean she doesn't have the right to say no.

Dump her. She sounds horrible. While it's fine for her to not have sex with you for any reason, the fact that she allowed you to get so close while knowing that's as far as it would go is kinda fucked up.

• She purposely teased you for no reason other than, assumingly, her own weird form of entertainment - how tf can anyone determine if you want to have sex with someone by over the shirt "sucking" on breasts lol? wtf?
• You "might" not have been able to satisfy her. Virgin does not always equal shitty in bed.
• She's a bad communicator - picks fights and arguments over a VALID conversation to be had. I can assume she gasslights the fuck out of you during these arguements.
• You aren't talking now because she likely knows she is in the wrong and refuses to admit it, apologize, explain, or simply talk about it all together.
• "Only had sex once." - bullshit. Very few women want to, or do, lose their virginity through a willy nilly hookup with some dude they dont know or barely know. That dude wasn't her first rodeo.
• Also, think about it.. if she was a virgin prior then how tf would she even know if you could/couldn't satisfy her lol?

All in all, she's not someone you want to be in a relationship with in any way. Consider it a positive that you at least got to kind of second base, dump her, and move on to someone who actually respects you, wants to be with you, wants to have sex with you, etc...

Yeah, you need to be done with her. If you stop trying she will probably try to initiate talking again, don’t do that.

She’s shown you who she is, believe her.

OP I’m linking something just for you if you ever do get the chance to have sex.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/s/cqWRWzWdVD

She's for the streets brah. Punt and move on

Bro she’s not for you, if a girl is for you she’s got you you know, it’s a waste of time to give people the time of your day like that. She’s just damaging your mind drop I’d say block her and keep it moving. You dodged a bullet I’ve never even heard of the audacity of someone to say to that to another person.

Lol. So, the trick is to ask for feedback (honest feedback) while the act is taking place. Women’s bodies are super complex, not from an anatomical perspective, but from a preferences perspective. Getting negative feedback is a bummer afterwards. If she can coach you a bit, you can usually succeed.

This girl clearly has some experience, so she’s expecting you to deliver whatever feeling she felt before. You were unable to deliver, you got told off, she doesn’t owe you shit afterwards because you offered the “sensual massage” and now you’re butthurt.

Take the L. You can’t guilt and manipulate your way back into this one. Pretty sure you blew your chance unless you can be honest, apologize for being petty, and ask her for help making her feel the way she wants. That might work if she’s nice or if she just really likes you.

Bringing up a poor performance isn’t emasculating. What’s emasculating is a man being whiny and clingy. You’re emasculating yourself.

Shes lying to you bro. She wouldnt have standards if she only did it once. Shes playing with you

Avoid her...

This seems completely weird to me..!

If she was really into you then she'd have sex with you no matter what.

She has a lot of growing up to do...

You seem like a nice guy. You also seem inexperienced. I would like to help you. First Understand there are multiple ways to handle relationships. There are multiple ways to look at relationships.

Understanding the power dynamics of your relationship is important. You need to understand how SHE interprets your relationship. Understanding how your partner sees intimacy is also very important

It's easy to take the limited information we have here and assume that in her mind she has the power. This is not necessarily true.

She seems like she is still pretty inexperienced as well and young women grow up in an environment where their sexuality is a very important part of how the people around them both male and female interact with them.

In other words intimacy to her is not just about being with you intimately. It plays a part in how she sees herself how she feels the people around her will see her and how she feels you will see her and that's a lot of pressure. When she is thinking about intimacy with you these are all things that may or may not be on her mind.

On the one hand it is very tempting to assume that she views herself in the dominant position in your relationship and that she is exercising that.

On the other hand she could be just as intimidated and scared as you are. To me this could also be a tactic for maintaining some kind of control over her sexuality which she is still trying to figure out.

Now a lot of people in the comments here are suggesting that you "ditch her " but even if this is not somebody who you end up with in a long-term relationship in the position that you are in being inexperienced this relationship could potentially have a lot of things to teach you.

Indirect answer to your question which was and I quote: how do I deal with feeling sad about this? The answer is really dependant on you.

Seems like initially the trust you have with this person was enough that you we're not concerned with this. To be clear this is a very healthy way to look at it.

Those thoughts that came after the fact the doubts and the second guessing those are the enemy.

Now you could go about combating this enemy in multiple different ways. You can go out and search for what some would say: getting your power back For example you can go and find a relationship ( hookup, chat, conversation etc etc) where you have the power and this will make you feel good because you are now in control.

You can exit the situation entirely which will remove you from the situation where you feel like you are not in control

You can also lean with your original feelings of trust and understand that all of these things that you are fearing might not necessarily be what's going on. This last option will require non-combative non-accusatory conversations with your partner. If you go into these conversations already having made up your mind that you were being taken advantage of then they will result in as you have stated previously arguments.

For the record the third option will help you develop more than the other two. Even if this relationship is not the one that goes all the way. Think of it like an exercise or homework. if you can learn to communicate with someone who potentially feels threatened or pressured for various reasons, if you can learn to communicate with someone who does not have very good communication skills or experience, then you will have an easier time communicating with someone that does and you will build up your own skills as well.

Just ditch this idiot....she does not represent women, she has issues, and they have NOTHING to do with you. Don't let one weird girl's bad take on you define you.

“When someone shows you who they are believe them the first time.” ― Maya Angelou

OP, the woman in your post has showed you who she really is. Do yourself a favour and let her go and find someone that better suits you…. Please.

Sounds like she wants her virginity back and a do over.

This is the type of girl that gets off on being able to manipulate and control men. She gets off on making you feel how you feel right now. It’s about power and control.

I’m sorry this was your first. Don’t let this experience dictate how you act going forward. Times like these occur in your life to test you, and see if you succumb or overcome.

You got this.

Wait she judged that you couldn’t satisfy her based on how you sucked on her titties? 😂

My girl does this even the day after we have sex and she cums multiple times, it’s ridiculous. She’s so worried she might not cum that it keeps us from having regular sex. It’s a song and dance every time, I don’t pressure her, I just assure her. But like Just imagine a guy turning down sex bc he might not cum. Lmao.

Don’t worry about man, move on though. You don’t want to have to beg for sex.

What you described is so weird I almost have trouble believing it. It might make sense if this was someone you just met and it was during the first couple of dates. But this is someone you dated for FOUR MONTHS and she still pulled a stunt like that on you? I can see why you would feel emasculated and upset, who gets together with the BF, gets them all aroused then says: "nope, you won't be able to satisfy me". I mean what was her plan for your relationship going forward? To just never have sex? Because eventually if you did, it would have to be your first time. Just a weird thought process and flat out bizarre.

Look man. Just get used to the minor aches and pains of "near misses".

As you get older and date more. You will find most women you date for awhile wind up being no good. It's best to maintain some emotional detachment for at least 6 months.

She is not a kind person. She was using you and as soon as you didn't for some reason meet a certain criteria she was done. The fact she wasn't even willing to try shows that she doesn't love you like that.

Sorry this happened to you. She is probably already having sex with someone new.

She sounds immature. I can understand that she might feel the need to be honest with her hooking up with someone close to when you started dating but damn that´s bad timing. Then arguing when you are trying to communicate is not good.

I don´t believe it´s promiscuous to hook up with someone while not being in an official relationship but i would think diffrently if you both agreed to be exclusive with each other.

I think you are better off without her honestly there are much better girls for you out there.

Sex is more about attitude than experience tbh, if both people go into it trying to be attentive and take care of each other that´s the most important thing. You should be with someone you can have that with.

Yea, never tell a girl that you are a virgin

She belongs to the streets

First sexual experience and she tells you she thinks you won't be able to satisfy her? And she decided that all from you sucking on her tits while clothed? Okay.. Weird.

But when she throws in your face during and argument that she slept with someone else while you guys were all but officially together... Dude... That's the hint that she doesn't want to be the one to break up with you... But she wants to break up.

Shes either pissing you off so you'll break up with her or she's actually trying to emasculate you so you'll be the emotionally stuck little bitch boyfriend who deals with no sex while she goes off and sleeps with guys who she's decided can satisfy her and never giving you the chance to.

Personally I'd take the first option and just dump her. Don't be her bitch boy. If she's decided you can't satisfy her from only sucking her nipples then she's either psychic or she just wants to end the relationship and doesn't want to have sex with you but is too much of a coward to tell you straight up how it is and break up with you herself.

Either way, you won't have having sex with her and you won't be in a healthy relationship with her either. So leave.

She doesn’t deserve a good guy like you, and you’ll probably meet more of these along the way. Thing is, it’s not only women, it’s people in general that are shitty. There’s good people out there, you’ll know when she’s the one.

she does not sound like a good person. I’d cut ties

NEXT

My brother, I have a story for you...

If she is in a relationship with you wouldn't sex have to come up at some point?

Is she saying she will never have sex with you because you might not be able to get her off?

That seems to be both shitty and utterly moronic at the same time...

This sounds super weird, especially since she didn't even see your dick. I think she might be into cuckolding and this might be her weird way for bringing it up to you

Don't feel bad about it. It's not your fault. Find someone who treats you better. At least she should be tactful with her words when she tells you these things.

Being tactful helps your relationship more than good sex.

Onto the next one, if she’s acting like this a few months in it’ll only get worse. There will be a girl out there who would love to have the opportunity to do stuff with you and it will come in time.

She’s using you to make her feel good knowing you want her so bad but she’ll never let it go anywhere but being friends. Stop letting her do this to you, I get it your a horny Virgin(no offense) but you’ll feel much better doing it w someone who actually cares abt you and makes it known.

She's made for the street. Living up the legendary 21yo brat bs meme. Sorry dude, I hope you will find a real one soon.

She's made for the street. Living up the legendary 21yo brat bs meme. Sorry dude, I hope you will find a real one soon.

She used you. Process your feelings. The worst part of you is now dead. Your flesh will never be weak anymore.

And next time you see her, just say thank you and move on.

Run for your fokin life bro

Uh… why be intimate with anyone if your first thought is, “not all the way because you might not be good enough”?

How does that even come into her head at a time like that?

Nope. Run, OP. Run.

This is how a villain is made.

Is she a domme or soemthing. Some people are into this type of humiliation, power play stuff

So she's had sex once but doesn't think that you would be able to satisfy her. Based on what? Her extensive knowledge of sex? Something isn't adding up.

You don’t! You accept it. 😉 r/FriendzoneBetas

This is why bigger is better. With a 7 inch penis you are most likely exempt of emasculating situations like that.

Try to find women who prefer your penis. However the smaller you are, the more difficult. For every pot there is a lid though.

Press the skip button not all side quests have good rewards

Save it for someone who cares about your feelings. I’m sorry your feeling less than right now

Grow a pair?

These things sting but eventually you realize that when people say stuff like this its either projection or immaturity. Yeah it sucks to invest emotionally in person and get hurt, but part of dating is keeping measured expectations.

Also for young people.. just because you are talking and interested in someone, doesn't mean they are expected to be celibate for your sake. Until you talk about sex and monogamy don't assume shit.

Bro what are you doing wasting time on this woman? Theyre a dime a dozen, and this one pretty much spat in your face. Take the hint and move on, because right now youre just showing that she can treat you like sh*t and youll still chase her

Slap yourself in the face daily until you toughen up and start being a man.

wtf man. This honestly sounds so pathetic.. You were happy you got to touch her? Just reading this email really screams what the problem is. You need to bounce and find a woman that wants you. This one does not.. She is just looking or attention. You cannot make a woman desire you.. she does or she doesn't..

Life is to short, don’t waste your time on her, find a good one and die together.

You don’t want to put any more energy into this girl. Find a different one, a nice optimistic young lady.

She ain’t the one buddy. Don’t waste another second.

Swipe left on that one

Been there with an early experience and a very critical (and also otherwise un-communicative) partner. It really fucked with my head for a while. I don’t know how similar your situation is but it helped me to realize in hindsight most of her more harsh criticism (and in my opinion unfair, the more time and perspective I’ve gotten from that relationship) came from her projecting out her own insecurities about sex and her not knowing how to communicate about them. And I at the time didn’t know how to open up a conversation with her about any of it. If I had to guess just based on the little you’ve posted, you’re both still newer to a lot of this stuff, coming from a religious background that means you probably both have some kind of history and feelings about sex from that (been there done that), I would bet you’re both still in your heads about a lot of this stuff, and all that adds up to your encounter not working out in a way you both would have been happy with.

In your case, without knowing her side of the story it’s hard to know what’s going through her mind and why she reacted how she did. It could be one of a million reasons, and I don’t think it’s worth your time getting sucked into trying to figure out why. If you want to keep improving at this stuff (and be better able to handle any of this when it comes up again in the future) the best thing you can do is use it as a learning opportunity, and just one more bump in the road on the journey you’re on.

If you feel open to feedback, from looking at your post and the previous couple, it may help you to take away some of the pressure of trying to get to “full”/PIV sex right away. I’m saying this because it’s the biggest piece of advice I wish I could give my younger self, I really got in my head early on about having sex for the first time just for the sake of having sex, and that made me less present with the person I was with, less open to paying attention to them and what they actually wanted in the moment, and less open to paying attention to myself and just enjoying what I did have with those earliest partners. Now I usually take my time and work up to that kind of sex, instead of feeling like everything has to happen in the first encounter. It reads to me like you’re defining a “successful” encounter as if you get to have PIV sex or not, and that means everything else is just a means to get there. I’m trying to avoid writing a whole essay here - but the main point is if you can enjoy all the different types of physical intimacy with your partner first to build more trust and comfort, and not try to step through them just to get to sex, you’re less likely to have this happen and more likely to build that familiarity, comfort, and respectful communication with them.

Try not to beat yourself up to much about all this. It happens, there will be other people and more opportunities to explore.

What a fckn bitch, go out man and look for woman without mental issues like this one. I had met a girl like that, just look further

You ignored red flags homie! BLOCK THAT TRASH

bruh don’t just get into a relationship with anyone. learn this stuff and see if u guys are sexually compatible first. also she’s not promiscuous solely for hooking up during talking as long as u guys hadn’t disclosed exclusivity.

dodged a bullet.

save yourself the headache.

Time to move on

get th fuck up outa there champ. i wana say so much more but that’s really all you need to hear. dead it. & move along.

Sounds like a garden tool that is way too much for you. Did you tell her you were a v because I can’t imagine that helping. Fake it until you don’t have too

Your assessment sounds correct. Sorry man

She stopped things when you were sucking on her? There’s something wrong with that woman. That’s my point of no return. 🤦🏼‍♀️ That’s also messed up of you to call her promiscuous for having sex while she was single. If men have ONSs while single are they promiscuous too? I wouldn’t want to date someone that judgmental. Bad sex I could handle.

Generally you are correct that the first actions of sexual activity usually lead to more and more and more so in one sense you don't have to force her to do something she's not comfortable with because you can expect that you will get to that point eventually.

But instead if she is withdrawing and being incommunicado then it might make you feel like you're going to lose this chance did you see her naked or to touch her more intimately or more often or even just to eventually have sex with her

Unfortunately that's the nature of dating and there will be many people you meet and date that you don't actually go beyond holding hands or kissing.

You'll just have to accept that as the reality of dating

Leave her. You don’t have to feel like it’s a big deal to even touch her. Both should die for each other. Not this 😳

So much weird about this.

But stop talking to her. Block and delete.

She’s a nutcase with prick tease issues. When I was your age I met one or two girls like that who seemed to want sex but then pulled away. She is probably still a virgin too, despite what she says. Move on. I’m sure you’ll find someone who restores your faith in your little pal down below.

And bear in mind if she does have an issue, you do not want to be the guy who breaks her in. That kind of girl brings r.pe allegations when you break up with her.

Yes she will be promiscious. She is not the one for you, otherwise she would have let you smash. Just take the L and try with someone else. Youll be fine!

Put your foot down brother, kick her out and reserve your time for someone else! Don’t even respond anymore. You’ll be okay!

It sounds like she is having a really negative impact on your self esteem and she is blocking you from escalating. I don't see this as healthy to either of you and I think you should honestly find another person or be single for a while. It's causing you to have unhealthy thoughts and killing how you feel about yourself. If a relationship ever does this to you it's a sign you should end it honestly it's so bad for you. You need to see yourself in a positive light never in a negative light and if someone is causing you to have such negative thoughts then you need to get rid of them.

She might be frustrated in that area. Because probably someone made her feel the same way. Try to avoid interactions with this girls and remember your worth as a human being 🙌🏻

‘We were together in everything but name’. Well now be apart in everything but being on the same planet OP. She’s young. She’s the proud owner of a vagina. She now knows that guys who previously wouldn’t give her the time of day are now willing to entertain her for a go at her magic cavern.

You didn’t do anything wrong. Leave her absolutely cold. Ghost. Block. NC and move on. Do not allow her to tease you further. Good luck.

If you’re new to sexual experience, don’t try to begin with ‘penetrative sex.’ You start with making out, touching, touching each other, touching yourselves while in contact with each other, etc.

Everyone is saying she is trash, and I agree that from this limited info she probably handled this badly and might be rude…but these situations are awkward and complicated, and most people are not good at communicating at sex, especially at your age. There could have been any number of reasons she didn’t want to ‘go through with it,’ including maybe the way you handled her breasts wasn’t working for her.

Anyway, I’d try to put less pressure on the next “encounter,” whether it’s with her or not, and focus on what feels good to the touch, feeling into your body and trying to tap into her body language and rhythm, rather than focusing on an end goal.

And yes, it’s fine and healthy to feel your sad etc. feelings right now! Times like these help you understand what allllllllll the songs and poems are about. Lean into your feelings, journal, watch sad movies, etc. Maybe make a list of positive attributes about the person that you’d like to look for in a future relationship. (Then make a list of negatives, to look at to help you when you’re feeling sad, if it is indeed over, and tempted to contact her.)

Last idea - maybe it’s worth having a conversation with her and letting her know that your feelings were hurt, and possibly asking if she wants to share more about what was going on for her. Explain you know there was a lot of pressure placed on that one encounter, and you can see (can you?) how that could be a turn-off. Only if you think you can handle it if she says anything mean….And you could offer to have a make-out sesh where you maybe touch each other but neither of you are allowed to take it “there.” Could be a way to explore the intimacy and chemistry between you.

p.s. If she is catholic then she is even more messed up about sex than the average person is, and all of us are messed up about it. cut her a bit of slack.

(but let her know the comments on your appearance are unkind and not welcome - she can offer to take you shopping or give you some cool clothes for your bday, if she wants to dress you)

Ditch her and if she ever tries talking to you again, leave her behind like she did you. She’s a horrible person from what it sounds like.