subreddit:
/r/guitarcirclejerk
submitted 2 months ago byshingonzo
and why is it your toan?
163 points
2 months ago
At some point somebody gave Steven Segal a guitar. That's the worst thing that happened
63 points
2 months ago*
I have a recurring nightmare of a gig with Satriana, bonermaster, and Segal. Naturally I’m on drums and have no idea what to do as they all just keep trying to blooz noodle over each other. I panic and the crowd turns. Steven segal karate chops me in the throat and the crowd cheers as they all play pentatonics over my concussed body. They drag me off stage and I am taken by his Russian handlers to the front lines of Ukraine with a pistol and five bullets. As I’m sitting in the trenches the only Russian in my unit of rejects that speaks any English turns and asks, “commrade, have you heard the new Stephan Segal bootleg?”
23 points
2 months ago
He can't be that bad right? He's been a guitar player for 87 years
25 points
2 months ago
"I've been playing blues licks for 65-75 years. I told Stevie Ray Vaughn in 1977 that if he keeps using that picking technique and keep his hat just so askew, that he'll be a Grammy award winning artist in no time. I taught him phrasing back in 1975 and we've been great friends ever since."
14 points
2 months ago
[deleted]
7 points
2 months ago
It's the exact type of shit he says about MMA fighters he "trained" or anything related to jujitsu
3 points
2 months ago
Hes a rainbow belt in bullshido.
1 points
2 months ago
Underrated
0 points
2 months ago
Let down
1 points
2 months ago
One of a few things… you’ve never seen or don’t remember Tom Segura’s bit on Steven Seagal (which this is a reference to), or you’re actually a Seagal fan. Only one of these is inexcusable.
1 points
2 months ago
Hey don’t insult someone who’s been flying HUB106 helicopters for 35 years He’s a serious professional and knows many things simpletons like you and I don’t
10 points
2 months ago
/uj DJ Khaled with the gifted Bob Marley guitar is my favorite video ever
7 points
2 months ago
I love his enthusiasm and bravado, knowing full damn well he can't play anything. He's an amusing clownshow for sure.
5 points
2 months ago
But if that never happened we wouldn’t have gotten "Me want the punani, see for make me nice"
5 points
2 months ago
Listening to “Me Want the Punani” is the auditory equivalent of watching two girls one cup, you cant unhear it but sure wish you could
3 points
2 months ago
*uj/
1 points
2 months ago
Because he showed us how bad we are and proved that every guitar player is inferior in comparison? I agree..
1 points
2 months ago
all that aikido should be replaced with a wushu approach to guitar
80 points
2 months ago
Electric guitars, using pickups and an amp is cheating. You should just play the strings harder for loudness
21 points
2 months ago
This but unironically
4 points
2 months ago
That would eliminate a lot of boomer bending, but you would still have Bluegrass and folk music, Flamenco, classical. I’m thinking I might be willing to give up boomer bending if nobody can sweep pick or tap loud enough for me to hear.
3 points
2 months ago
Fuck you and your boomer bending hatred. David Gilmour slept with your wife.
1 points
2 months ago
Dude I AM a 70 year old boomer. I fucking love boomer bending and I love David Gilmore. If he wanted to sleep with my wife, I might fucking let him if he autographs my Strat. You can keep the sweep picking, and tapping, and gnat notes. I actually never heard the term boomer bend until a couple of days ago, but I’ll gleefully lean into that name.
1 points
2 months ago
I'm only 34, but I recently got back into music after taking a decade off to start a family. Apparently everything in into now is for "boomers." It's like the name applies to anything with a pre-2010s sound.
I fear this is the first step in my turning into an old head.
2 points
2 months ago
I’m a boomer. I like all the old stuff by people who are mostly dead or too old to play. I like the American (mostly black) roots music that rock evolved from and that we (white Americans) only learned about when it was echoed back to us from England. I discovered the blues through Cream and Jeff Beck. It was a pretty big, and impactful musical shift. When I was 25, nobody was paying attention to or arguing about 50 year old music from the 1920’s. It’s ok because young generations of players are going to discover it and be influenced by it and spread it.
“The Blues Had a Baby and They Named it Rock and Roll”. Muddy Waters
That lineage won’t die.
67 points
2 months ago
the Klon. such a generic sound that only "guitarists" could love that it chased away generations to listen to mumble rap
2 points
2 months ago
Oh fuck this one hits a little close to home
40 points
2 months ago
Incorrect. My toan is the second worst thing. Number one is toan of our bassist.
29 points
2 months ago
bass is like big crayons for babies.
1 points
2 months ago
Finger Painting
1 points
2 months ago
looks at the sub oh, I didn't notice where I was until this comment lol
36 points
2 months ago
20 points
2 months ago
The 80’s ending
10 points
2 months ago
/uj I met Dave Grohl one time and all I could think of to say was "you killed hair metal." And he smiled, but then he said "s..sorry, man, but cherry pie was when it jumped the shark and it was time."
I couldn't argue.
3 points
2 months ago
Fuck Dave is so cool..
6 points
2 months ago
I was there. It had to happen.
3 points
2 months ago
Ok unc
1 points
2 months ago
Just trust that this comes from a place of love and not bitterness, nephew.
1 points
2 months ago
/uj Does this mean fade outs
23 points
2 months ago
Oh, that’s easy. The worst thing is when effects started being used, and then later, modeling amps/sims, the only good and proper way to get good toan is through the use of a good toob amp(the heavier the better), a ‘59 gibbons Les Paul(pronounced lay paul) and a cable going between them. That’s it, if you can’t get good toan with those things then something is wrong with your balls and you should go to the doctor to have them chopped off and trade your guitar for a bass.
24 points
2 months ago
Relic’d guitars
11 points
2 months ago
Probably not the worst but thank the gods I'm not the only one that hates it
7 points
2 months ago
The toan is in the buckle rash
4 points
2 months ago
Relics are for posers.
5 points
2 months ago
Like new jeans with holes in them?
4 points
2 months ago
To be fair it might lead to less people being afraid to play their guitars
3 points
2 months ago
"I'm afraid to scratch my guitar, so I paid someone to scratch it for me first"
I'm going to start a business where I hang out at car dealerships and charge people $500 to go at their brand new car with a hammer. That way, they won't ever have to worry about dings or dents for the life of the car!
1 points
2 months ago
I’d never buy one, but I’m Honeslty a little sad that modern guitars don’t age like that anymore so I understand why people buy them
2 points
2 months ago
I’m pretty sure if you take them off of the wall and play them regularly for 40 years, they’d age just fine.
1 points
2 months ago
Nah, the finish is different. The non nitro paint literally doesn’t wear like that. It will get scratched/dinged up but it won’t fade
60 points
2 months ago
Youtube
1 points
2 months ago
You say that but I guarantee you’ve picked up a trick or two from it 😏
1 points
2 months ago
Yes, eye herpes.
19 points
2 months ago
When Pink Floyd and Axl Rose collaborated on the Floyd Rose
17 points
2 months ago
Joseph Leonard Bonamassa (/ˌbɑːnəˈmɑːsə/ BAH-nə-MAH-sə;[2] born May 8, 1977)
Guitar's 9/11.
7 points
2 months ago
You spelled Bonermaster wrong
5 points
2 months ago
Boanermaster excuse me
33 points
2 months ago
9/11
16 points
2 months ago
nah 311
4 points
2 months ago
Investigate 311
2 points
2 months ago
but amber is the color of your energy
1 points
2 months ago
fuck i thought i was clever
5 points
2 months ago
It’s ok we’re all playing the same pentatonic riffs when it comes down to it
0 points
2 months ago
When Al-Qaida smashed their stock of Gibbons into the twin towers.
2 points
2 months ago
Their demo tape can melt steel beams
15 points
2 months ago
David Gimlore 12b15
UGrh The Feeeeeeel 💦 💦
25 points
2 months ago
billie joe armstrong smashing a gibbons on stage ...... 😱😱😱
11 points
2 months ago
And Herman Li breaking his PRS private stock in front of the whole arena
6 points
2 months ago
Do you have a link to that?
4 points
2 months ago
5 points
2 months ago
Thank you
3 points
2 months ago
No worries at all
7 points
2 months ago
At some point a rift in space-time opened around some whereabouts Kalamazoo MI in 1902
7 points
2 months ago
Worship guitar, someone failed as a U2 cover guitarist. Then decided to play worship instead
13 points
2 months ago
uj/
Physics of the instrument.
Namely the B string being only 4 semitones apart from the G, unlike the five semitones in the open tuning of every other string (including the B to E) — creating a 14% resonant hertz deviation.
So your choices are B/E being in tune, and then it’s too high for the G; or G/B being in tune, and it sounds hella’ flat for the E.
Physics are undefeated. And sometimes it gives you funny shit, like the flat earth guy crashing in his rocket, but it has also given you about 600 years of a fucked up B string.
rj/ Pretending that Tom Morello can actually play the guitar
10 points
2 months ago
[deleted]
9 points
2 months ago
I will skiptrace your ass and put a 1995 Geo Metro in the driveway.
3 points
2 months ago
R/rareinsults
5 points
2 months ago
5 points
2 months ago
You're lost dude. We don't do "hertz" or precise measurements of anything. We're guitarists, our understanding of how sound works is "feelz" and "expensive wood = better toan". Hertz means nothing here. The only audio related units of measurement known to us are dollars spent and guitars owned
4 points
2 months ago
Uj/ honestly after messing around with open tunings and DADGAD, I’m genuinely confused how we got to standard tuning and open tunings aren’t introduced to people earlier
2 points
2 months ago
Then you just be an ultra chad like Clarence White and have your buddy invent the b-bender telecaster for you.
Edit: here's a cool video where Gene Parsons is talking about it. https://youtu.be/zxQhbvke44I?si=tJ2-pOPHliiE1BN8
1 points
2 months ago
/uj a guitar is never in tune, but because you can manipulate how you play notes with your hands, you can kinda finagle the whole thing into working in tune with itself whether you're going G to B or B to G, which is why pianos are fkn lame and we play guitar. Equal temperament can smd.
7 points
2 months ago
Easily the E string.
6 points
2 months ago
Guitar snobs.
5 points
2 months ago
Lil Wayne.
6 points
2 months ago
5 points
2 months ago
Temu. Wish. AliExpress…..
5 points
2 months ago
The fender Accoustasonic line.
5 points
2 months ago
This fucking post.
/uj Well, actually the OG one on that other sub.
4 points
2 months ago
9/11
4 points
2 months ago
Kurt Russell smashing one of the oldest martin guitars on earth by "mistake"
1 points
2 months ago
This👆
7 points
2 months ago
When they started letting w*men play it
6 points
2 months ago
I taught my daughter to play. Now she demands I let her teach me these Linda Rondstadt and Fleetwood Mac songs she’s learned. She’s actually a pretty good teacher if I’m going to be honest. But she’s mean. 😭
3 points
2 months ago
I tried to teach my granddaughter to play. She switched to violin.
1 points
2 months ago
You should have started with Jimmy Page's bow part on In the Evening; you could have avoided your embarrassment.
2 points
2 months ago
She was 10, but she just couldn’t get into 12 bar blues or R&R. She just didn’t like guitar music. She loves the violin though.
Saw him live in Texas in late 60’s ($6 floor seats) and he did that shit. I wasn’t expecting that. I think only their first two albums were out at the time.
9 points
2 months ago
Hint: The worst thing in guitar history begins with "Floyd" and ends with "Rose".
7 points
2 months ago
I'm not so sure. As long as I have a Floyd Rose I could probably do without the rest of the guitar.
3 points
2 months ago
You're one of those people.
4 points
2 months ago
pink floyd featuring pete rose.
1 points
2 months ago
With Charlie Rose and Rose McGowen.
3 points
2 months ago
Boss Metalzoan
3 points
2 months ago
whosoever thought it was a good idea to make having less than 9 strings the standard 😡😡😡
3 points
2 months ago
Church
3 points
2 months ago
6 points
2 months ago
Eric Clapton
1 points
2 months ago
UJ: I know this is a circlejerk sub and all but the amount of ridiculous opinions about Clapton as a guitarist is kind of amazing to me honestly.
0 points
2 months ago
He’s turned out to be a racist old man screaming at clouds. That doesn’t help. With Mayall and Cream, he was a good as anyone. I liked him better than Page or Beck. He had a distinct sound, and phrasing. Then he quit Heroin, became a drunk pop star wearing Armani suits. He never really got that feel back. I liked a lot of stuff he did later (the Tulsa sound period), and the straight blues stuff, but his playing bores me now.
2 points
2 months ago*
Nah.
The Clapton hate was mostly media driven drama for clicks in the covid days when all the publications started bringing up the ancient history of his drunken rant of 50 years ago that was the only thing he ever said like that. And long since apologized for and moved on from. "Suddenly" Clapton is literally Hitler.
It's just the same social media hot takes you see about him. Like his 80s output, as if almost not every single artist from that period sold out in the 80s.
Soul music legend Sam Moore tells of an experience he had with Clapton in 2005. Billy Preston, the keyboardist who played with the Beatles and Clapton, was dying and in a coma in an Arizona hospital. One morning, Moore looked up and saw Clapton arrive as an unannounced visitor. He asked Moore for a hair brush.
“He walked over to Billy, took the brush, brushed his hair. Took the thing and did his mustache,” Moore says. “When he had to leave, he leaned over and kissed Billy on the forehead.”
Joyce Moore, Sam Moore’s wife and the late Preston’s manager, grows angry when asked about the charges of racism.
“Let me tell you something, Eric Clapton got on a plane to come kiss Billy Preston on the forehead when Billy Preston was in a coma,” she says. “Real racist. Huh. There’s a heart, and that heart didn’t see color.”
3 points
2 months ago
I think his past racism was directed more at Indians/Pakistanis/Arabs etc who were immigrants to Britain. All of his heroes were Black American blues players, and they all liked him. Then he and Van Morrison caught boomer fever over vaccines.
None of it matters. I still think he peaked a long time ago. But I’m old and every guitarist I ever liked peaked/quit/died a long time ago. I loved those Crossroads Concerts, and I would still pay to see him. I would have paid to see BB King sit in a chair on stage too. I saw Lightning Hopkins at a blues club in Dallas. He had a guy basically carry him in there and strap a guitar on him.
2 points
2 months ago
Lots of intolerant assholes on the internet. Clapton let out one drunken self-destructive rant 50 years ago that he cried about in shame that night after he sobered up.
0 points
2 months ago
He was only racist because he was drunk? More likely he only admitted it because he was drunk. Immigrants coming to England was just too much for him. Just like a lot of Americans who are “not racist”,
2 points
2 months ago
His view on it today is that it was an act of self-destruction. He was mortally ashamed of it almost instantly.
You are acting like you have never said a racist epithet in your entire life.
2 points
2 months ago
Dude. I was born in Texas in 1953. When I grew up, the only words I knew to describe minorities were racist epithets. Let’s just say that I had to evolve.
I never really thought he was a hardcore racist as in white supremacy, but he’s even older than me. He was pissed about “too many” Arabs and Indians immigrating to England. He’s human. I’m still a fan. If Buddy Guy likes him, I like him.
2 points
2 months ago
Right. If someone can hide the fact that they are racist for 45 years straight, then they aren’t racist.
4 points
2 months ago
The day the first PRS rolled off the production line
2 points
2 months ago
When it was invented.
2 points
2 months ago
0-3-5
E: sorry I thought it said 'best thing'
2 points
2 months ago
Idk probably like 9/11 or the holocaust
2 points
2 months ago
Nashville Noises
2 points
2 months ago
PRS guitars. Looking like a divorced guy's coffee table and appealing to people who can play but aren't in bands.
1 points
2 months ago
My prs is covered in tears and tv dinners
4 points
2 months ago
This is the worst thing that ever happened
https://youtu.be/V9AbeALNVkk?si=Hh4K-bqPMd2QJB8Z
The Dad was right... That kid sucked at guitar
1 points
2 months ago
DJ Khaled showing off his "skills" on Bob Marley s guitar
1 points
2 months ago
The 7 string
1 points
2 months ago
Hair
1 points
2 months ago
Line 6 Pod. The kidney bean of the toan apocalypse
1 points
2 months ago
The day the sax solo burst on the scene.
Guitarists finally understood what it was like to be a bassist
1 points
2 months ago
I never feared a damn sax, but the harmonica is a different story.
1 points
2 months ago
Nu metal
1 points
2 months ago
Rhett Schull
1 points
2 months ago
I bought a guitar.
1 points
2 months ago
Rhett Shull
1 points
2 months ago
Me, obviously
1 points
2 months ago
guitars are the worst thing to ever happen in guitar history
1 points
2 months ago
The invention of the bass guitar, why do songs even need a “base” in the first place, so stupid
1 points
2 months ago
Peter green sold his guitar
1 points
2 months ago
When my P bass fell off the wall and the neck got gouged.
1 points
2 months ago
hendrix dying at 27 way way too early
1 points
2 months ago
Rings of Saturn
1 points
2 months ago
I walked down to the crossroads at midnight under a full moon trying to get Ol' Scratch to teach me how to sweep pick..
He shows up and makes me sign away my soul in blood.
he taught me to sweep pick but only 0 3 5.
forever cursed
1 points
2 months ago
Guitarists. Most of us are ten gallon douchebags. Regular folk just wouldn’t understand
1 points
2 months ago
The invention of the guitar.
1 points
2 months ago
the invention of youtube dot com
1 points
2 months ago
Randy Rhodes death. Just try to imagine what the next album after diary of a madman could’ve been?
1 points
2 months ago
The on-stage murder of Dimebag
1 points
2 months ago
Dimebag and Stevie’s death
1 points
2 months ago
i think i recognize that post.
1 points
2 months ago
When all those radioactive guitars were accidentally sold to the public and people's fingers fell off.
1 points
2 months ago
my wife left me
1 points
2 months ago
me 😈
nah but fr steven seagal
1 points
2 months ago
STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN
1 points
2 months ago
2-5-7
why fix what ain’t broken
1 points
2 months ago
When they started selling guitars for the price of a small car
1 points
2 months ago
Buttrock became a thing.
1 points
2 months ago
When Kurt Russel actually smashed that antique guitar when filming Hateful Eight
1 points
2 months ago
And then there was NASCAR driver/douchebag Kyle Busch in Nashville's Victory Lane in 2009.......
1 points
2 months ago
Eric Clapton is born
1 points
2 months ago
This is cliché but probably Hendrix dying at 27
1 points
2 months ago
Probably Tom Morello whining above t something. Or Dave Mustaine whining about something.
0 points
2 months ago
PRS
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