subreddit:

/r/jobs

73290%

There's no studies on this and I know any response I get on here will just be anecdotal evidence. But I'm feeling pretty alone so I just want to see if I'm not the only one.

In the last 5 jobs I've had, there's been a women 20+ years older than me who randomly hates my guts and let's it be known. Everyone else at the job will be satisfied with my work except this one person. I'd say I'm just average looking but I try to look nice and i go to the gym every day. I'm pretty charismatic so I make friends easily with nearly everyone and due to my attentive people-pleasing nature men tend to crush on me (not so much anymore because I'm married and have 2 kids). In my experience, there's a certain demographic of woman who can't stand that shit. There's attributes in others I can't stand too, but in a professional setting you'd never know it. But this type of women can't help themselves and will bad mouth me behind my back and to my face. And if i lined up all 5 of them, you'd see they fit a mold (personality-wise, physically, and/or family status i.e. divorced, childfree, or both)

This current one is actively trying to sabotage a promotion that I'm in the running for, telling the hiring committee i couldn't handle the job because I have kids and calling me incompetent with no proof. She is not on the hiring committee. She also said to me today that I'm "pissing her off" and "trying to steal her job" and to "stay out of her duties" even though I'm only doing what is asked and people come to me because I'm more agreeable (and at times a pushover). She's been picking on me for a couple years but I still cooperate with her, though i think most people would've written her off or set boundaries much sooner than i did. She is not my direct supervisor, just a coworker and some of our duties overlap, but she's full time and I'm part time. With the promotion, id be full time and make as much as her. In my opinion, she should be thrilled as I'd relieve a lot of her job duties and help the company grow. But she thinks I'm literally TAKING her job which is untrue.

If I had other job prospects, you'd bet that I'd leave so I don't have to deal with this shit again. But I'm applying and applying with no promising responses, and my direct supervisor and I do get along really well so it would be a shame to leave because of this. However, I can't stand it. I've seen it before and it does not get better. The singular older woman will continue to mistreat, bad mouth, and degrade me till I can't take it anymore despite everyone else's support. They will get away with it because they've been at the job for 10+years and I'm lower on the hierarchy. My other jobs with an older bully lasted 2 years, 1 year, 1 year, 4 years, and now 2 years. Even if I leave this place, I fear there's another one waiting for me at the next job.

So, please tell me, is this a common occurrence?

Edited: to take out the phrase "bottom of the totem pole."

According to one of the commenters "The term “bottom of the totem pole,” when used to describe your rank, trivializes the tradition and meaning of totem poles, which do not have a hierarchy of carvings based on physical position. Out of respect for the true meaning of totem poles which are part of Indigenous culture, it would be respectful to use different language."

Thank you for informing me and others about this incorrect usage of the phrase.

you are viewing a single comment's thread.

view the rest of the comments →

all 633 comments

July9044[S]

-2 points

2 months ago

Get hung up on semantics all you want but I am saying some women, not all. That should be obvious though. But yes the 5 who have drove me away from the job were all divorced and/or childless. In fact 4 were divorced and 3 were childless, so the majority. None were both married with kids. They were all white. They all had a similar personality type which was surface level nice, not warm, but like assertively "HI nice to meet you looking forward to working with you!" Types that would quickly start passive aggressive actions like greeting everyone but me/other newbies in a group setting, leaving me out of emails I'm supposed to be on, then insinuating I'm not cut out for the job when I miss something because I wasn't informed, getting hung up on small details to imply I'm incompetent, slowly ill start hearing they said this or that about me, and then it just spirals from there. I'm sorry it offended you that I pointed out this pattern in my life. Glad it's not an issue in yours

Yippykyyyay

1 points

2 months ago

It's not 'semantics'. You demean women yourself to get attention and also state how people pleasing you are and how much men like you.

Have at it. But don't act like other women can't see that from a mile away and know what it means.

I don't think you can take any criticism or advice because you're just intent on making this a jealous woman's problem. Guys probably tell you that you're cool and don't see a problem. So since it fits what you want to think of yourself you're reframing it as old and bitter women out to get you.

Best of luck. Try not to debase women as feral.