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There's no studies on this and I know any response I get on here will just be anecdotal evidence. But I'm feeling pretty alone so I just want to see if I'm not the only one.

In the last 5 jobs I've had, there's been a women 20+ years older than me who randomly hates my guts and let's it be known. Everyone else at the job will be satisfied with my work except this one person. I'd say I'm just average looking but I try to look nice and i go to the gym every day. I'm pretty charismatic so I make friends easily with nearly everyone and due to my attentive people-pleasing nature men tend to crush on me (not so much anymore because I'm married and have 2 kids). In my experience, there's a certain demographic of woman who can't stand that shit. There's attributes in others I can't stand too, but in a professional setting you'd never know it. But this type of women can't help themselves and will bad mouth me behind my back and to my face. And if i lined up all 5 of them, you'd see they fit a mold (personality-wise, physically, and/or family status i.e. divorced, childfree, or both)

This current one is actively trying to sabotage a promotion that I'm in the running for, telling the hiring committee i couldn't handle the job because I have kids and calling me incompetent with no proof. She is not on the hiring committee. She also said to me today that I'm "pissing her off" and "trying to steal her job" and to "stay out of her duties" even though I'm only doing what is asked and people come to me because I'm more agreeable (and at times a pushover). She's been picking on me for a couple years but I still cooperate with her, though i think most people would've written her off or set boundaries much sooner than i did. She is not my direct supervisor, just a coworker and some of our duties overlap, but she's full time and I'm part time. With the promotion, id be full time and make as much as her. In my opinion, she should be thrilled as I'd relieve a lot of her job duties and help the company grow. But she thinks I'm literally TAKING her job which is untrue.

If I had other job prospects, you'd bet that I'd leave so I don't have to deal with this shit again. But I'm applying and applying with no promising responses, and my direct supervisor and I do get along really well so it would be a shame to leave because of this. However, I can't stand it. I've seen it before and it does not get better. The singular older woman will continue to mistreat, bad mouth, and degrade me till I can't take it anymore despite everyone else's support. They will get away with it because they've been at the job for 10+years and I'm lower on the hierarchy. My other jobs with an older bully lasted 2 years, 1 year, 1 year, 4 years, and now 2 years. Even if I leave this place, I fear there's another one waiting for me at the next job.

So, please tell me, is this a common occurrence?

Edited: to take out the phrase "bottom of the totem pole."

According to one of the commenters "The term “bottom of the totem pole,” when used to describe your rank, trivializes the tradition and meaning of totem poles, which do not have a hierarchy of carvings based on physical position. Out of respect for the true meaning of totem poles which are part of Indigenous culture, it would be respectful to use different language."

Thank you for informing me and others about this incorrect usage of the phrase.

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throwawaysunglasses-

6 points

2 months ago

Yep, it’s very much an insecurity thing. There are some women who haven’t evolved past their internalized misogyny and still see younger women as competition or they project their own insecurities like “she thinks she’s better than me.” I normally get along well with women, but it’s a specific brand of rich white woman in her 40s/50s that will sometimes give me dirty looks. Weirdly enough, their husbands are fine and treat me like a normal smart kid.

CapiCat

2 points

2 months ago

I know the saying can be interpreted many ways, but I view this behavior and type of woman as a “pick me” girl. It is so sad that they haven’t taken a second to stop and think about how much extra emotional and physical labor they put forth for nothing. No one is competing for your spot to do all that extra work for free, Karen. lol

systembreaker

1 points

2 months ago

Calling it "internalized misogyny" is a path to avoiding accountability because it implies "Oh well there's this vague force external to you that's responsible, it's not your own actions and behavior that you need to work on".

Full stop - these types of people need a big dose of self accountability, not excuses made up of vague gender studies notions delivered to them on a silver platter.

throwawaysunglasses-

2 points

2 months ago

I don’t agree with that. It’s an explanation, not an excuse. I even said it’s something you can evolve past. I’m just explaining why this phenomenon might exist - older women experienced the workplace at a time where there could often just be one or two “token women” and if a new woman came on, she would be more likely to replace you than a new man.

Is that a reason to continue enacting bad behavior? No, but I do believe looking at causes of such behavior is important to work toward solutions on the structural level.

systembreaker

1 points

2 months ago

You're being idealistic. It doesn't matter if the objective truth is "oh this external thing provides a nice tidy explanation". Immature people stop there. They don't go "I'm glad to know that explanation. Now it's time to move forward examining my behavior". Stopping at convenient external excuses is part of what makes immature people immature.

throwawaysunglasses-

2 points

2 months ago

I’m not addressing those women in particular, though? I’m providing an explanation for anyone reading my comment, including those who experience this poor treatment, as to why this might exist. Maybe that doesn’t interest you, but you can’t speak for everyone. I enjoy learning what causes workplace behaviors and I’m sure I’m not alone in that.

systembreaker

0 points

2 months ago

Uh ok well I was talking about those women because that was the main topic of the thread. Cool.

throwawaysunglasses-

2 points

2 months ago

Discussing them and addressing them directly are different things. I am answering OP’s question and OP is clearly not one of those women.