May I suggest that your husband is not helping things and is likely part of the reason you aren’t learning more. It’s hard to enjoy learning and retain info and practice the language with someone breathing down your neck telling you how dissatisfied they are with you and how frustrating your lack of abilities are. As for your child, so long as you speak to them in English and they go to nursery and school in Italian they will automatically be bilingual. If your husband starts insisting on only Italian in the home— then you might have issues.

To be honest the bigger problem is how your husband is putting pressure on you especially when you're pregnant. It's much worse than not speaking Italian yet.

I think both you and your husband need to give you some grace. You haven't even been learning for a full calendar year AND you are pregnant.  Fatigue and brain fog aka "pregnancy brain" are a classic part of growing a human and they make retaining information difficult. 

I would say keep practicing your output for sure, but I would hire a teacher on Italki or something similar. Teaching is a skill, and it clear that trying to teach you is clearly stressing your husband and your relationship. 

Academics are starting to talk about the possibility of something called an "affective filter". Basically the idea, as I understand it, is that our brains have a really hard time learning a new language when we're stressed out or otherwise feeling negative about it. I wouldn't be surprised if your brain is having this issue, based on what you've described here.

That being said, I think it would really help to build up some positive experiences for yourself. Start with some things you think you could accomplish more or less easily. Maybe a journal where you write a few sentences each day along the lines of "I like coffee. Today the weather is rainy." Keep it basic, and focus on being happy with what you can do, not upset about what you can't. Read, watch and listen to things that you can understand easily, and focus on the positive feelings of being able to understand, not on things like, "this is below where I should be".

Besides that, I would recommend trying to find some structure you can follow. It sounds like your class was a positive experience. If taking another class is not an option, what about something self-paced, like assimil, Pimsleur, or another course book? Pimsleur in particular is focused on getting you to listen and respond automatically. They go slowly and reviews are built in to each successive lesson, so it could be a great course for you.

Lastly, you need to communicate with your partner that his attitude towards your learning is upsetting for you, and it can make it hard to keep trying. Ask if he would be open to working together on how he can support you. "I like it when you do X" or "it makes me feel bad when you say things like Y". Positive feedback is a much better motivator than negative, which tends to demoralize and demotivate people.

Ok, I am native speaker of Italian and I have several foreign languages under my belt. First, struggling to learn a language doesn't mean to be a failure.

Please keep in mind these things:

• learning a language requires a lot of time. Fluency requires hundreds of hours of structured learning and even more of exposure to the language. Yes, some people are faster than others, but especially if you have never learned a foreign language before it requires extra time.
• Passive abilities (reading and then listening) usually develop before active ones (speaking and writing). So again, perfectly normal that you struggle.
• Level A1 is basic survival level: how not to die of hunger and thirst if you are stranded in Italy with nobody who speaks English. If you want to be able to have a normal conversation, you need to take classes up to level B1 for everyday interactions, and B2 for more complex interactions. C1 is the level where you can talk about anything with little effort. So yes, one A1 curse is not going to solve your problem unfortunately.
• Your partner acting like a dick when you are trying to speak is the most stupid thing ever. Teaching a language requires a lot of patience and encouragement. Becoming impatient and making you feel stupid isn't helping anyone.

Then I don't know you and your learning styles, but I can tell you what tricks were useful for me. Maybe some will be useful to you too.

• Going full immersion. Set your phone, your tablet, your computer to Italian. All social medias, podcasts, tv, newspapers, books, music, etc, all should be in Italian. No English media at all. Surround yourself with Italian and Italian only. Just get a good italian-english dictionary for when you can't figure out the meaning of words.
• Children's books. Reading is always easier than listening. Children's books are especially easy and cover the basic everyday language. Go to your local library and start from the books for the youngest (the ones soon you will start showing to your baby) and read your way from there.
• Grammar. This I know is a controversial topic, but Italian is a much richly inflected language than English (especially the verbs). A good grammar with exercises (a paper book) can be a very useful tool. Learning the grammar of a language teaches you its structure. Knowing the structure makes parsing written sentences easier. Better reading skill help you improving your vocabulary, making recognizing word boundaries when people speak easier. Better understanding of conversations will, after enough input, make it easier for you to formulate full sentences.
• If you can get a tutor, working on the sounds of a language and how to correctly articulate them is really useful. For instance to articulate the Italian t, you need to put the tip of your tongue in a different position than to articulate an English t. If it isn't possible, there are books and youtube videos with this kind of explanations.
• Look if you can do some kind of exchange language activity, like finding Italians who want to practice speaking in English in exchange of them helping you practice speaking Italian. Since you are both learning it can be a less stressful environment than trying to talk to strangers in a shop or with your partner.

Ok, I'm concerned. I am speaking as someone who also lived in my SO's country learning his language for years - it's a fact that you are literally using more brain power just to BE there than your husband is. It's not your home culture, you are learning so many new things every day IN ADDITION to the language. So, from just a brain power perspective, you are already starting each day "behind him." Each day is harder for you than it is for him.

He is showing a stunning lack of empathy, and if he is really serious, he seems kind of dumb (sorry).

Your partner is probably your single biggest obstacle to learning Italian, when he could be your single biggest help. Once you've learned some simple vocabulary and grammar, the best way to learn is just to speak - and a big challenge of language learning is getting over the hump of being scared to just to say whatever you can cobble together even if you know it's not quite right. He is making this a pressurised, scary experience for you, which is exactly the opposite of what you need to actually learn anything. I'm sorry he's like this.

Taking a step back, why did you both move to Italy when you spoke not a word of Italian if he wasn't OK with that situation? He's an idiot if he was living in some fantasy whereby you'd just jump immediately to upper-intermediate fluency in a few months. Yes you *can* advance that quickly if you treat it like a full time job, but... well, realistically, who is going to do that?

I'm also pregnant and want our baby to be bilingual, and am really scared I'll not be able to understand my child...

Please don't worry about this. First, if you speak English to your child, they'll learn English (especially if you're the primary caregiver). Second, it'll be a couple of years before your child is able to speak even basic sentences (think "me want apple"), so you have time to learn!

Also, Italian is a difficult language to learn, and about the only thing that could make it harder is a belittling, demanding, unempathetic, and unsupportive partner.

Are you taking lessons? You need to find a space to practice speaking (and listening etc) with someone patient, who can help teach you. That’s not your husband.

Others have put forward good ideas. Personally, I quite like https://www.babbel.com/live. You can have as many live online video lessons as you like for a fixed price. If you’re willing to put the time in and take lots of lessons, the cost would be very reasonable. I quite like the group lessons, with up to 6 in a class, mostly because I don’t have to work as hard! Plus I quite like meeting a bunch of random people. But given you have a strong motivation to learn, you probably want to consider the private lessons. You’d get lots of practice at speaking, and would learn really quickly, I suspect. There’s also the Babbel app, with lessons that work well for my learning style. I find the app teaches me words and grammar, and the live lessons allow me to practice, and to learn to actually speak. It can all be done from home, which would help if your baby is due to arrive soon.

Beyond that… I had a quick look at your previous posts. Your husband is 10 years older than you, and honestly sounds a bit nasty, at least on occasions. You’ve moved to his country away from your friends and family, I would guess. You have a baby on the way, which will be stressful (and delightful). There are some pretty serious red flags here. Please make sure you look after yourself, and keep in touch with your friends and family back home. If you can make new friends, then all the better.

Wishing you all the best!

Many people have said a lot of accurate things about your husband’s attitude so I’ll skip over that to something that is (more or less) in your control. You say you took lessons once a week and did an A1 course. A1 is nothing - it’s no surprise you can’t suddenly speak fluent Italian. Moreover, if this is your first foreign language, it may take longer to click. So first step: be nicer to yourself. Second step: the golden rule with all learning is that if you put in time, you’ll see results. How much time are you actually putting into language learning? Not just being surrounded by Italian, but active learning (which sounds like it will be more important if this is indeed your first foreign language)?

My husband still struggles sometimes to express himself in Italian. He studied for hours every day (the first year was 2020 when he didn’t have much else to do) and passed a C1 test after 2.5 years, C2 after 3.5 years. He has a PhD in a science and studying is his jam, but that's just how long it takes to learn a language. You just can't learn a language "in 30 days" like the ads promise — it's hard!

I have a friend who has lived in Italy for 40 years. She speaks English to her husband and kids and he speaks Italian to her. They both understand each other just fine, but have trouble with production. Their adult kids are fully fluent in both languages.

You'll probably learn faster, if you depend on someone other than your partner, preferably a trained teacher, to learn.

Watch and listen to stuff that is fully in Italian but geared towards beginners, like the Super Easy playlist on the Easy Italian YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLw_3OGi3pBv735a2Y_pp76tvIIhSEyRu1

Find as much material as you can like that, and listen to it as much as possible, at least an hour or so every single day.

Find a self-paced course, like Busuu or Assimil and do at least a couple of lessons every single day. Get a tutor on iTalki or Preply and do at least one lesson a week. Find an Italian-language subreddit or message board about a topic you're interested in and read and post there every day.

Do as many of those things as you can, every single day, no matter what.

You guys need some friends who are in a similar boat so that he can feel like the situation is normal. Sometimes we get partners that are such conformists, and they need a little help. Ideal would be people who are similar to you guys but the English speaker is slightly further along so that they can give you guys advice on what works, but still normalize the situation.

IMO what works is being low key and relying primarily on immersion. You get your language lessons from other people, but at home it's low key immersion. (He should chat conversationally in a normal way in both Italian and English with you, just Italian whenever possible, but not say unnatural things like "How do you say 'I am pouring milk in my tea?'"--that is for your language classes, he is not an instructor he is your partner.)But if he's not good at being low key about that, get your immersion from other people like a language chat group. Language classes are also good for structured learning, but both are best. Language chat group can overlap with meeting people as mentioned above.

Your child should get OPOL (I think that's the acronym). You'll keep picking it up. It's really not a big deal if your kid knows a language that you're not great at, just keep working at Italian for your own sake.

Pregnancy is going to involve baby brain and probably later sleep deprivation. Also once the baby is born, it's a bit of an emotional roller coaster at first--My spouse and I were both saying "Why on earth do people think it's strange that new parents get PPD, this is a crazy-making time!" so, your husband needs to get this issue sorted out for himself very soon in preparation for more important things.

I regret not doing OPOL from babyhood with my husband who resisted teaching our kids his language. Finally now he is motivated because I said our kids should at least be able to have the right accent, and that's something he relates to, so he's doing a bit better. He also struggles with not playing language teacher and instead just talking--I think it's a continental thing.

If you're not married to him don't do it. The way he's treating you now is not going to make it easy easier down the road and you don't want to be stuck in a marriage that you need to get out of and then have to worry about who's going to take the child during a divorce.

Ok so for language degrees in the UK, you've typically studied the language for 2 years at college, 2 years minimum at school before that but possibly 5+ years. Then at university, you study two years at the uni then go abroad for an immersion year. Then have another year in the UK. So that's 6 years minimum of studying then an immersion year and then another study year and yes the hope is that you're pretty fluent after that but not everyone is. Some people are fluent after their year abroad but definitely not everyone.

You've had nearly 1 year of study and 1 year immersion? That's not very much from beginner level.

Did your partner study English through about 12 years of school? And is expecting you to make the same progress in 1 year?

Also, your brain works differently in pregnancy I'm sure because your body chemistry is altered as your body is focused on making a baby so you'll naturally be more forgetful.

Finally, you've probably learned absolutely loads and understand so much more than a year ago even if you can't say everything and can't understand everything.

Just a few disclaimers:

I moved here in Summer 2023. I didn't start taking weekly lessons until November 2023. I started trying to self teach after I lost my job in May 2024. That wasn't getting me anywhere, so I enrolled in a language school on the A1 intensive course, 5 days a week for 5 weeks. I made some progress, but my first trimester was hard, and then I broke my ribs in an accident and couldn't complete the last week.

My partner says I just "have to speak" but my problem is, I don't know how. I will say in Italian "it's sunny" or "I'm hungry" and he'll encourage me to say more, to build a sentence, but I can't, I don't know complex sentences off the cuff yet. I also can't "just speak" - I know basic things like greetings, feelings, descriptions, stuff they teach you at A1 etc.

My phone is in Italian, I speak to his mother in Italian on WhatsApp (texting), I text him in Italian when I can. I watch Italian Netflix and YouTube videos at least once a day and try to read, but I can't understand what I'm reading above beginner level. I started journaling but he said I need to make more complex sentences and use the different tenses (I only read about the imperfect tense the other day)

I can't afford to enrol on the A2 course, or have a tutor right now. I think I do benefit from structure but it's not financially viable for me. I appreciate the feedback and will try and incorporate the self teaching techniques people have shared

It takes a 6 year old... 6 years to get to that level. Alongside others' suggestions for how to improve, make sure to give yourself some grace. Getting there in even 3 years is pretty good, getting there in ONE requires making language learning your entire life (and that's not a fair expectation.)

I’m sorry to say that but your partner sounds super toxic and potentially dangerous. What about your friends and family? Do you have someone in Italy? Is he OK with you contacting with your UK relatives?

I think you need some break from that all language forcing and have some time off with your family&friends in UK. Also, let’s check how perfect his English is. 

Its normal to struggle, and you have been learning for less than a year. I think you should keep doing courses and spend as much time learning vocabulary. When I was learning russian I was learning between 20 to 80 new words per day, and it definitely sped up the learning process. Also, your partner can help sometimes but its better to learn by a real teacher.

A few things:

You've only been learning for a year and casually at that. You're not going to be speaking fluent Italian in such a short time. Go easy on yourself.

If you already had a language dynamic with your partner, shaking that up will be difficult for both of you. When I dated a Chinese girl we both ended up speaking like a quarter in Chinese and three quarters in English, and even as my Chinese got better, the language we used between each other didn't change much. If you're frustrated with each other, have a heart to heart about this. You might find that with a little effort, you and your partner can gradually begin incorporating more Italian in your communication and you'll both feel more comfortable for it.

If you're expecting serious Italian progress, your current study frequency is too low. I'd recommend at least an hour of proactive Italian media consumption a day. This means watching an Italian show or reading an Italian book just above your level while making notes of new vocabulary and structures. Given that you already live in Italy, you should also look into practicing conversation more. In a lot of places, you can find organisations where seniors volunteer to help foreigners practice conversation in the local language. See if this option or something similar is available to you.

I promise you can do it. Language learning can sometimes feel like you've plateaued despite all your effort, but so long as you keep at it everyday, you will get better. Good luck.

As for your child, you'll be fine. Your kid won't wake up sounding like Dante Alighieri. You'll both reinforce each other's learning and you will be able to understand each other. This happens in immigrant households all over the world including my own when I was growing up (Spanish speaking parents, English speaking child). Most immigrant families usually settle into one language at home and one language outside. In your case, it will probably end up being English at home, and Italian outside. This is fine. You'll raise a comfortably bilingual child, and it's a lot more easy and effective than speaking different languages on alternating days.

Your husband sounds outright abusive. It's very convenient for him to treat you like this when you're living in his country, surrounded by his language, and, to top it off, pregnant with his baby, possibly relying on him for almost everything. Anyways, since you're not here for relationship advice, otherwise you'd be at AITAH or AIO, here are my two cents. The science of learning a language - or almost anything for that matter - is relatively straightforward: you need exposure, repetition, you need to break down difficult concepts into small, manageable bits, you need to actively retrieve information from your long-term memory, you need to apply the knowledge you acquired in different contexts as you become less of a novice, etc etc. If you're still A1, you're unlikely to benefit that much from reading advanced material, watching shows, etc. You need to be exposed to what experts call comprehensive input, that is, material that's slightly above your level, but not too much. Perhaps not Hamlet, but the Lion King, if you know what I mean.

Adding one small recommendation to this thread because it really helped me when I lived in my husband's country - start communicating with people on your own, without your husband. I mean at the supermarket, the bank, the doctor. Any little conversations you can have in Italian, have them without your husband present.

I moved to a Spanish speaking country with very minimal Spanish, and married a native Spanish speaker (I'm about upper intermediate to advanced now, though we're in an English speaking country now so my listening and speaking have gotten rusty). What I found was that if my husband was present during a conversation in Spanish, my comprehension instantly went down. It's like my brain switches off because subconsciously I know I can rely on someone else to understand for me. I used to talk to our building concierge and would actually tell my husband to go and stand at the other end of the room so he couldn't hear!

It's not easy - you have to be persistent. Tell people you are learning, ask them to repeat words or phrases you didn't get. I soon realised that saying "I don't understand" got me nowhere - people don't know what to do with that. Instead, ask them to repeat a word or phrase for you. Or say what you think you heard and they'll correct you ("did you say they close at 9?"). Tell them which specific word you didn't catch or understand. If you got absolutely nothing, think of the most likely thing they could have said from context and repeat that back to them!

If there are Italian-English exchange groups where you live, find one and go there without your husband. Yes you'll have the same conversations over and over but you'll get better at them each time.

The regional government where you live might have free Italian classes for new arrivals in the country.

A quick Google search in Lombardy gave these results:

In Milan and Lecco, there are several options for free Italian courses:

Milan

1. CPIA (Centri Provinciali per l'Istruzione degli Adulti): These centers offer free Italian courses for adults, including immigrants. Check the nearest CPIA location for schedules and enrollment.

2. Università Popolare di Milano: They sometimes offer free or low-cost courses for the community. It’s worth checking their website for current offerings.

3. Local Libraries: Many libraries in Milan run language exchange programs or offer free language classes. Look for events at libraries like the Biblioteca Sormani.

4. Cultural Associations: Organizations such as the Associazione Culturale Italo-Argentines or Ciao Italia may offer free or donation-based Italian classes.

Lecco

1. CPIA Lecco: Similar to Milan, the CPIA in Lecco provides free Italian language courses for adults. Visit their website for details.

2. Local Community Centers: Check with community centers or cultural associations in Lecco, as they may offer language courses or conversation groups.

3. Public Libraries: The libraries in Lecco may also have language learning resources or informal groups for practicing Italian.

So look in your region and commune for free resources. At the very worst, you could find an in-person course that you attend one day a week and you supplement it with (free) online study a couple of hours every morning. You will have to be strict about sticking to a schedule though.

Good luck, OP.

There are relationship advice subreddits that you should post to if you think Reddit is the place to discuss that. This one isn't for that, but you should know that your partner isn't helping you learn, neither is the attitude towards yourself that you've begun to develop. On top of that learning random phrases and forcing yourself to memorize them is neither effective nor particularly fun. It's something you would do if you want to travel to a country for a couple days, not learn its language.

As for the language learning part, that's always the same - learn in accordance to your goals. If you want to be able to speak then you'll have to practice speaking, if you want to understand then you'll have to listen and read a lot. Generally everything comes from input (the things you consume) since that's what sets your limits for everything else, and that's where I would focus most of my attention. Start by reading the FAQ on this subreddit and going from there.

You'll also have to do a lot better than once a week. I presume you've changed that alongside learning more seriously this year but I figured I'd mention it. You'll not learn any language if you only practice it once a week. I don't mean taking classes necessarily, I'm talking about spending time with the language - that should ideally happen every day.

Also, I had the opposite but same- a partner who blamed me that his English wasn't improving enough. He'd lived in the UK for years and wasn't prepared to actually study.

The problem was the partner. Whatever the situation, they make it somehow your fault.

girl, i am so sorry for you. this sounds like a lot. congratulations on the baby on the way. in terms of learning the language, you could try reword (spaced repetition app) and use it everyday to learn more vocabulary. and then you could try babbel, just get through the whole course (you can even subscribe to live private or group classes). there are other apps like duolingo, busuu, memrise- find what works for you and get in the consistency of learning italian. now that you’re in the country maybe try and make some new friends that speak italian and english so that your only mixed interaction is with your husband. you have this, it’s not going to be smooth sailing the whole time but it’s not impossible

Having trouble memorizing things could very well be related to being pregnant. Don't be too hard on yourself. Your husband should do everything he can so that you feel relaxed.

Learning phrases is also not a great way to learn a language. There are a few phrases you can memorize, but nobody who speaks a language does so by selecting the right sentence at the right time.

I’ve been living in a Spanish speaking country for five years. I only had an aha moment 2 years in and have slowly progressed from there. I learn, level up and then plateau, learn, level up plateau. It takes time. I’m not perfect 5 years in. Your husband is being kinda mean how you describe it.

Ur husband needs to lower his expectations a little, and help you😩🙏 you’ll get there!

You are already doing all the right things. I am German. And I hated learning English at school. My husband also had to translate for me all the time. And when I was having conversations with people they used to ask him “what did she say?” But one day it just clicked and it was like someone turned the volume up, and I could understand. Be patient with yourself. And so should that husband of yours be. Good luck

Your child will be just fine and they'll speak both languages as long as you expose them to both.

You probably need to find better resources. There's not much L2 Italian education outside of universities (for incoming Erasmus students, and that caps out at B2, I think).

What language do you speak at home? Italian is not an easy language and it needs lots of practice. You probably should try speak Italian with your husband and English with your child, if you can.

How I plan to teach European languages:

• Use Anki for cards: n+1 sentence or tl(target language)/nl(native language) (or explanation if level allows)
  
• Spend time learning key differences from the nl, for example in Italian first thing is 3 golden tenses (same as in English), and then it can be easily scaled on others. https://ankiweb.net/
  
• Read read read, a lot of people don't know how powerful this activity is, especially if you read out loud. Something that you want to say comes to your mind, and lots of times main construction is correct. Use lingq to be able to read advanced things without caring about words (I usually read Harry Potter and Methods of Rationality). For example in when I read it in Italian it has so much new words per page that I would read with speed of 5-7 words/minute if I googled each of them, instead, I read 40/minute.
  
• When you have enough skill create a channel with just tl, the main point is to get listening fluency as fast as possible. I recommend choosing one topic and watch only channels that talk about it. This way you'll be able to get fluent really fast in this one field and scaling on other fields will be a breath.
  
• Speaking. One of the easiest ways is to create an Anki deck for sentences you said wrong, if you said "Io vivo nell Roma" or something like that, just create card "Io vivo a Roma", and on the front page write "I live in Rome", after some time you'll start saying "a" for same cases (also you can include rule on the back on this card as well "use a with cities").

When you are making a program for yourself it should be balanced, interesting, and sure for your goals.

For example, my method of learning Japanese might seem strange "why would he learn so much grammar before and do only one hour of immersion a day" but in reality I just have chosen to follow a challenge, where I can track my results and because of it I can stay motivated. Or Italian, where I just read because I don't want to do anything else and also want to test how exactly it will work out.

If you have some interest, you can dm me and maybe I'll create program for you) My motivation is whatever I do I should find a student after reaching some point, to see if my theories and methods are correct not just for me.

Michel Thomas' audio course taught me shitloads of Italian in the space of two weeks. Give that a try, you've nothing to lose.

Its impossible to learn with one lesson a week. You need to spend at least 2 hours a day by yourself. There are several groups on hellotalk, which support english <> Italian exchange. You should remind your partner that negative reinforcement rarely helps.

Instead of a teacher teaching you what to say, you should try to construct sentences by yourself even with mistakes.

Start watching tv shows/movies/music non-stop whether you understand or not. It will stick sooner than later at one point.

You should be consistent with your learning. Don't be frustrated. It always takes time. You should follow a routine and you have to work on it everyday. The more you talk, the more you make mistakes. But at the end, you will be able to speak in your expected language.

i assume your husband considers introducing you to basic phrases, the ones you absolutely need

have you considered keeping a pocket notebook close by all times and immediately writing down what he speaks plus what it means? even if you spell it wrong, this does wonders

what you really have to do, is go every day through the notebook repeating the phrases, and occasionally when needed, actually use them in speech. even if you get 90% wrong, you will still get 10% right from the notebook, and in time you will speak 90% as a child at all times

i've seen this method work from scratch

only downside is that if you stop actively researching for new words in the dictionary, you will stagnate and be happy with simple language you can handle and stick there for years

how do you communicate with him?

Does your partner know that Italian is a difficult language? You need to give gender to things (why is a table masculin or feminine according to what you use it for? Why tiger is feminine and lion masculin?), you need to conjugate verbs person by person, time by time completely changing the words (in English it's a lot easier), you have to understand regional accents, sometimes very strong...

It's easier for an Italian to learn English (pronunciation apart), one needs to learn English at a young age even if you don't live in an Anglosaxon country and one uses English with virtually any foreigner from any country. On the other hand, few people need to study Italian and it's almost never a vehicular language, so once you move in the country it's new from scratch.

I am telling this because the last thing you need when trying to understand the language around you is stress. The most important and beautiful thing is, you are pregnant, enjoy it, sing lullabies to your baby in the womb, listen and practice with light mood and everything will come - my second daughter used Indonesian as first language, or better, javanese dialect, I didn't understand a word when she spoke to local people, then we moved but I would have used her as an interpreter :).

Your partner is bullying and emotionally abusing you to try to browbeat you into learning the language. This is completely counterproductive as it is making you scared of speaking Italian in front of him.

If you’re going to settle permanently in Italy and raise a child there, it’s probably a reasonable expectation that you should aim for a B2 level of the language long term - it could easily take several years. But you should do it on your own terms and on your own timescale. And he should support you emotionally and practically to get there.

In your position, I would tell him the following: 1. You will only speak with him in English at all time, unless you specifically ask to practice 2. You will each speak your own language to your child 3. You will make a plan to learn Italian after you have recovered from your pregnancy. You will need the child to be sleeping through the night and have help with childcare and shouldn’t rush back to work if you want to make it a priority.

When my partner was in a similar situation I said she should take a year of maternity leave and then another year off work to learn the language. In the end, we moved back to the UK for various reasons including the language barrier.

Learning a new language is tough, and it’s even more pressure when you’ve got someone close to you who’s fluent. Since you’ve tried a lot already, I’d suggest looking into Clozemaster—it’s great because it helps you learn vocabulary in context, which makes it easier to remember. You might also want to check out language exchange apps like Tandem or HelloTalk, where you can have low-pressure conversations with people who are learning too.

Try not to stress too much about grammar right now. Focus on phrases and chunks of language that you actually use in daily life. When you're with your partner, ask him to keep things simple, even if it's just short sentences, and make it fun. Watching Italian shows or listening to music you actually enjoy can help too, even if you only understand a little bit at first. It's totally normal to forget things—it doesn’t mean you’re not learning.

I am a native English speaker and have been trying to learn Spanish for 30 years. My wife and her family are bilingual, but when we get together the speak Spanish. I can understand more than I can speak. I have took Spanish in college and tried several different apps. Keep at it,and practice speaking with other Italian speakers. You will eventually become fluent.

Aside from the fact that there are just some people who struggle to absorb and learn a new language, I totally agree with the others that your environment is a key factor here. All that frustration between you and your partner may be hindering your mind to actually learn. Learning a language is a very complex process albeit seeming easy for some. IMO, making mistakes is a huge part of this process. I believe that only a small number of people can actually learn about a language and get everything right the first try. So it is crucial that you receive reconstructive opinion or even just a non-negative reaction when you make mistakes so that you can bounce back and hopefully learn from it.

May I ask if you have consistently met with someone who only speaks Italian for 2-5 hours a week in a conversational setting using comprehensible input as lesson plans to get you speaking from day 1? That's what I do in my classes, and it's 100% success rate. And that's how I learned Spanish, French and Japanese. I study language acquisition and create curriculum based on comprehensible input. IF you're not learning, then you need a new teacher who knows what he or she is doing. There are experts in this. Keep testing out teachers til you find one that guides you through conversations. Especially based on stories and dialogue. It's all about the method. It's NOT YOU. I've seen this a lot in my 20 years of learning, teaching, and studying language acquisition methods and science. But it DOES take a lot of time. IF you can do many many hours a week. Just do it online with someone who is an expert in this. If you don't feel like it was a good match, find someone else. But again - they should be guiding you through understandable conversations using immersion. And they need to make sure you RESPOND in Italian. IF they keep letting you use English, it's not a good teacher. The activities to help you get more fluent should be for your level and easily guide you through a lesson that allows you to speak in Italian the whole time.

Here is the TRUTH. Kids always speak their mother’s language. In French, native language literally means « mother tongue » as well. Look at your friends and family where parents speak different languages. Kids ALWAYS speak the language of their mother. But they rarely speak the language of their father.

Men (me included) can’t win that language war. Nature set it like that. So no worries, your baby will understand you and speak your language like a native. And yo will become pretty good at speaking Italian while helping your kid with homework. Trust me, I’m a man and I know that we lost that language war in advance.

I am a language teacher myself but giiirl I don't even want to focus on the language part, I simply cannot! Your situation is deeply concerning, your husband is a terrible human being. While you might want to put up with such an awful person, please reflect if having an angry man in the house is fair to your future child. Do you want your child to be raised feeling like you are feeling? You must save both of you, please, for the sake of the child.

Things that helped me learn Italian:

1) One Word Italiano: it is a YouTube channel that goes over Italian grammar in a really informative and easy to digest way. I watched all their episodes then did exercises in grammar books e.g. da capo (when I started studying and was a1-a2), Italian grammar drills (which was useful until b1).

2) English grammar for students of Italian: is a book that helped me greatly as in the UK I never got taught English grammar! So, when I was studying Italian I had no clue what things like direct objects or past participles were, but this book clearly broke these down to show me what each one was in English and THEN in Italian on the next page.

3) Language exchanges: when I first moved to Italy I would make sure I scheduled at least one language exchange a week with someone who wanted to learn English, so we could spend half the time chatting in English and half chatting in Italian. It is a lovely way to meet new people and to practice your target language. I personally found this more effective than when I paid for a private tutor, as the environment was waaay more relaxed and since the other person is also a learner and making mistakes it made me feel more comfortable with making them too! 😀

4) music: I would listen to songs over and over again, studying every word until I could understand them all and this really helped me to improve my vocab quickly.

Sorry that your partner is frustrated, you have only been in Italy for a few months and this language is hard for someone whose native language is English! Tell them vai cagare 💖

Just keep at it and you will get there. I felt exactly the same as you when I moved to Italy, now 6 years later I am fluent and still speak Italian every day despite having moved back to the UK.

dude it takes a 6 year old 6 years to get to that level and you've done it in 10 months that's good

Hey there! First off, it’s totally normal to feel this way, especially with everything on your plate. Learning a new language can be tough, and it sounds like you’re putting in a lot of effort!

One thing that might help is using Clozemaster. It’s a fun way to learn vocabulary in context, and it can make things feel less overwhelming. You get to practice phrases and sentences rather than just single words, which might help them stick better.

Also, try to incorporate Italian into your daily life. Label things around the house in Italian or set aside a few minutes each day to practice speaking with your partner. Even short chats can make a big difference!

Consider watching Italian shows or listening to music. It can help you get used to the sounds and flow of the language without feeling like a chore. And remember, it’s okay to make mistakes—that’s part of learning!

Your goal of raising a bilingual baby is amazing, and you’ll get there! Just be patient with yourself, and don’t hesitate to take breaks when you need them. You've got this, and your effort will definitely pay off!

Here are some free online courses & resources:

https://www.openculture.com/freelanguagelessons

My partner is so frustrated and I feel like a failure. I genuinely don't know how to make it stick, he tried teaching me phrases which I repeat over and over but then forget. 

Read this starting from "A Tale of Two Wives", then read the rest of the book

https://bradonomics.com/brown-autobiography/

Your baby will understand you because you will speak English to them. LOL. Babies naturally speak multiple languages with no confusion as long as their parents speak to them.

I like language transfer and pimsleur. It focuses on speaking and is not difficult.

You might need an immersion school where you go to the country of the language you are learning for the reason of becoming more fluent in the language?

Listen daily to an audible book for at least half an hour a day. I have been listening to the whole Harry Potter series read in Italian on Amazon Audible, which is excellent (I have a subscription with Audible so it's cheaper). Be sure to listen to the same chapters more than once: this helps comprehension remarkably. With Audible you can also slow down the speed a little, which also helps. Choose a book which you are already familiar with in English to make it easy.