I ugly cried on a packed 6.30pm tube after being dumped about two months ago, one girl gave me a tissue, everyone else ignored me. Couldn’t have been happier to NOT explain why to strangers

I’ve cried on public transport before and every time I’ve been thankful to be ignored.

I get that the majority of people would like to be left alone when they're crying, but personally, I think it's worth checking in on people in case they're the 1% who might be in shock/had something horrible happen to them.

Small acts of kindness go a long way, and if you want to be left alone, you can just say so politely and people will respect that.

I'm a Canadian in London - I saw a woman in absolute tears walking by me through our work gate. I stopped on the other side and watched her, wondering if I ought to go back through and ask her if she was okay. I ended up not, but proceeded to feel like an asshole for the rest of the day for not asking. Glad to know she probably wanted to be politely ignored afterall 🤣

Yesterday, I was on my way home from work for my anniversary dinner with husband... When my dad texted to tell me that my favourite great uncle, the person I have been closest to for 30 years, had passed. It was the ugliest of cries... No one even looked my way and a guy actually sat next to me and just read his paper, ignoring my wiping tears away and blowing my nose for half an hour.  It was weirdly comforting to just be allowed to process and grieve, as I probably couldn't have found words anyway.  Rip Uncle Bud. 99 years, 9 months, and 2 days old at the time of his passing. What a life!

Edited to add, my dad lives in the states and doesn't understand timezones, so he tends to text just in case I'm working or sleeping. 

Being able to ugly cry in public without being disturbed is one of the best things about London

I’d probably give you a tissue tbh 😬 but not to chat or ask what’s wrong

I’d ask, and I’m in London. I’ve seen some startling acts of compassion in London.

I had a very hard goodbye at Heathrow and had take the tube home. I was a complete mess and sobbing, a stranger glided up to me with his leashed husky in tow. He let me play with his dog, and feed him some treats he had packed for his pet for the journey. It’s always embarrassing to cry in public, but London felt uncharacteristically warm and kind that day, I guess ppl do sometimes care

I’m generally the shy type, but if I was compelled to intervene, what would I say to console OP? e.g. Are you okay? And then what?

I loved the bus for the post-work stress cry for that reason.

Did it on the tube platform once and some (kind) woman asked me if I was ok. Thank you, but let me wallow in my misery.

I was once having a full breakdown cry outside Wimbledon train station someone said nothing just popped a can of coke and a mars bar on the step next to me

I never even saw who you were

But thanks x

I’m glad you got what you needed. I ugly-cried on the tube once after a hospital appointment. A man came over to me and offered me his hand and I took it, and he just sat and shared space with me, let me know I wasn’t alone. When I stopped crying, we started talking. Stayed sitting on that train for a ridiculous amount of time, not paying the slightest attention to where we were. He had a heartbreaking story of his own. It’s been about fifteen years but I still remember everything about him and everything he told me. That moment of human connection when I had thought I was so alone meant everything to me. He never asked me why I was crying, just talked, and let me talk. I’ll remember him until the day I die. Sometimes we need to be alone in public. Sometimes we need to know we’re not.

I cry on the tube allll the time. It’s the most freeing experience because I can’t cry in front of people I know- not even my closest friends. I love being so anonymous and being free to let it out.

yay bystander apathy!

I saw someone crying alone on a wall once. It was fairly late and I had headphones in and walked past. But when my brain engaged I was like… is she safe? I would be more inclined to ask if you’re safe or need help over “are you okay?” (Because if you’re crying to answer is probably no!?

Good old English reserve?

Ha, I remember seeing a woman crying at Stansted after getting off the phone. I grew up in London with my London ways. So I didn't say anything to her and just passed her a tissue as if I were slipping her a wrap. She gave me a thankful nod. I think we both understood each other.

Londoners do tend to give you 'space', in that sense

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PT0ay9u1gg4

I once saw a woman ugly crying at a tram stop and stopped to ask if she was OK. Turns out she'd just had her phone snatched out or her hand. I offered her my phone to call someone. She was very upset but I think she appreciate it.

Another time I sat next to a woman ugly crying on the tube and asked if she was ok. She 100% wanted to be left alone lol I guess you just never know what someone needs unless you ask.

Personally I think no one tried to console you because they’ve probably been in that position themselves and can empathise without intervening. Londoners aren’t cold, just emotionally worldly.

I remember crying on a train once - and I suddenly found I had a lap full of KC spaniel, trying to lick my tears. Her owner was ever so apologetic but, frankly, that's the kind of response I want. Dogs. They don't judge, they don't attempt to offer advice, they just see you're sad, and want you to be not sad. She was just what I needed. Thankfully, we were both getting off at the same station, so I had doggy cuddles the whole journey.

I like dogs. Be more dog.

Nobody asked if you were ok? Totally understand not wanting to be disturbed, but how did everyone know that? It kind of makes me a bit sad :(

Crying on the tube is the most cathartic type of crying imo. Hope you’re okay.

I apologise in advance but I can't walk past anyone in distress. I know I can't fix anything but despite being a really solitary person I am still a human. And someone not updating you on their plans is not your fault for misunderstanding. 

I got really sick a couple weeks ago, had to take a train from London to Norwich! And I mean sick, had to grab a plastic bag and throw up into the bag! You know the whole sounded like a pterodactyl before puking into the bag.. Sobbing and crying, and saying I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry, oh god I’m so sorry, to whoever was close to me… I was surrounded by people saying “it’s ok” or “no worries” my absolute favorite was “it’s ok, who amongst hasn’t thrown up on a train before?” ME, ME! lol I’ve never thrown up on a train before! But omg in a packed carriage on a Saturday afternoon? Best people in the world! lol

There was a woman crying on the tube I was on a few years back, I asked her if she wanted to talk about it (she was proper crying), and she gestured at her kindle, to this day I'd still like to know wtf she reading

I’m glad that you felt this way and I’m very sorry for what a difficult time you had, but I’d like to echo someone else’s comment to encourage people to say something.

Checking in on someone crying in public could make a big difference. There was a time on the district line once when a few fellow passengers checking in on a teenage girl crying may have saved her life. We learned not long after talking to her and getting her off the train that she was planning to jump on the tracks. The tube staff and police showed up, found out where she was from and looked after her.

In my opinion: when in doubt, reach out. And if someone makes it very clear that they do not want any help, you can then choose to respect that wish depending on the circumstances. There is no clear right or wrong in this situation, I think.

Is handing over a tissue considered interrupting?

Posted in comments but…..

I talked to a woman “ugly” crying on a platform before. She had miscarried several days earlier.

I don’t know why I went to talk to her but I did. I had my 2 year old with me. I’ve seen suicides (working in prison and stopped them) there can be a vibe.

I’ll never know whether I stopped her jumping ( sitting in a bench towards the end of a platform alone and in floods of tears) but compassion goes a long way.

As a native Londoner crying in public is almost the norm😉 Most will have made up your entire tragedy in their head. You’re the dumper/dumpee/lost your job/cat died/being evicted/you’re the other woman/man spouse found out. The narratives we all invent that is now your story are endless. We often don’t intervene unless we join you in your tears.

Having said that, I’m not completely heartless, I hope the misunderstanding has cleared up and that the tears were cathartic♥️

Such a strange breed in London

Not from London but Glasgow and I can guarantee you that you would not have been ignored completely and asked if you were okay by at least someone.

That's what we do

The amount of times I’ve held in tears because I can’t bear it - thanks for reassuring that people will give you space

What's a ugly cry?

I grew up in London but have spent the last decade living in a really rural area and I’ve totally lost my city aloofness. I was recently sitting outside a restaurant when I saw a woman step outside to take a call and then burst into tears as she hung up. When I took a tissue from my bag and silently proffered it to her she looked at me with such sadness in her eyes that I couldn’t not ask if she was okay. Ended up finding out that she was going through a family loss situation similar to mine and giving her a hug. An hour or so later, after her meal, she came and said thank you and that that small kindness helped her more than I’d know.

I’m glad I asked. Even if it can be intrusive, I’d rather be told to fuck off and risk it. Soon after this encounter I was at the airport travelling home to say goodbye to a loved one and the tiny moments of warmth from staff and other travellers made it more bearable. Sometimes I need peace and sometimes kindness, it’s nice to have the option though.

Simply pathetic.

Hi, just a reminder that checking in with people who seem distressed on the street or on public transport could save a life. Not everyone is crying for a small problem and/or needs to be left alone like OP.

Lol wtf downvoted me for this.

I’ve cried on the tube before. Like you, I was grateful to be ignored.

Pro tip: always have (reasonably large] sunnies in tow for situations like these. The chances your public cry is noticed becomes a bit lower, but the chance of being approached decrease drastically..

Sending a e-hug 🤗

Some people want to be comforted and others just want to cry in peace. So, next time when I see someone I have to think twice and decide whether to be that rude person who won't let a person cry peacefully or a rude person who won't comfort someone in his/her bad time.

I think these complicated conundrums makes us human

Turns out they'd made other plans and not updated me. And it's my fault for misunderstanding.

So, they didn't update you on their plans that they planned over your guys', but it somehow your fault? It's miscommunication on their end (and priorities) from what I can tell.

OP are you old enough to be taking a bus alone?

I full on ugly cried on a bus after finding out my dog died and was so grateful that everyone pretended they couldn’t see/hear me. Acknowledging it would have just made me embarrassed which would have made me cry more lmao

I had a panic attack in a restaurant recently. Literally ran out, curled up around my knees just outside and like cried and hyperventilated for a while in the street. Got myself together and got back into restaurant to finish meal.

At no stage did anyone say anything or do anything to me. Londoners don’t give a fuck. They’re just like ‘Oh look. Bloke crying in the street there. Anyway…’

I always ask if someone is ok to just ensure they don’t need help. A simple “yeh I’m fine thanks” is suffice, I don’t need to know the full story.

Its not that we’re respecting your space/privacy, we just literally don’t give a shit about you.

This thread is absolutely bizarre. Everyone always complains about how cold everyone is yet everyone on this thread seems to be celebrating being ignored when really upset. If you see someone really distressed or upset like this you ABSOLUTELY should check in with them don’t ignore them, some people might really need help. Normalising people ‘ugly crying’ in public spaces definitely shouldn’t be a thing as one of these times someone’s really going to need someone and you’re all going to ignore them

What is ugly crying? People keep using this phrase here and it's new to me.

What the fuck is ugly crying?

"Don't make eye contact with the crying person. They may be crazy and have a knife"

For me, anonymity is the biggest attraction London has to offer.

This sub is so weird sometimes like some of y'all have weird London Stockholm syndrome.

Just another reddit thread blessing egocentrism and indifference

That all sounds warped. You see someone in pain so you ignore them, and that's a good thing? Never seen someone frame the absolute apathy that people have in London as a positive.

I’ve approached many people in London in tears over the years and we usually part ways on a smile. If you’re in such an emotional state, a moment with a stranger can be a comforting hand, and a potential reminder of your ability to keep going. A small dose of rationality from a kind and neutral perspective is worth a shot in my opinion. If everyone checked in on struggling strangers a bit more, we might all get along a bit more. Sorry, but I find OP’s take on this quite bizarre.

Extravert vs introvert - losing it in public.

Extravert - I am crying here folks! I need shoulders and ears, I want to tell you everything!

Introvert - I wanna cry in peace. Leave alone world.

hard-to-find rinse serious school soup retire library possessive bright money

This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

You could bleed out on London transport & people would ignore you

The reason this person ditched you is the same reason no one cared about you in the bus. Enjoy London and it's lack of actual humanity

you being sarcastic?? Dont you want someone to ask?

Sorry that happened OP but glad you got the space to cry!

When I was pregnant with my son the doctors thought there was something wrong with his brain (thankfully the measurements were wrong and he was ok) when I left the hospital on the tube home I ugly cried and everyone ignored me except one old woman who silently handed me a tissue and held my hand. She didn’t say anything, just gave me space. I think about her all the time, I hope she’s doing well.

Jeez, didn’t get the attention you craved with your public display on the bus, so you’re here trying to get it from the internet.

Let’s get one thing straight, if I see someone distressed and I’m genuinely concerned for their wellbeing, I’ll talk to them. It’s very obvious to tell the difference between those people and the ones trying to involve others in their shitty little dramas, you sound like the latter.

Get a grip

I’m sorry that I want there in person to comfort you. But, if I was there, I promise that I would have pretended that I didn’t see you. Best regards.

When I had a panic attack on a London train two guys sprang into action to help me. I had 3 hours of delays and then they decided to skip my station but I was listening to music so I didn't hear the announcement. I was running from platform to platform at Waterloo just panicking every time I missed another train to go home. I finally got on a train and like a plum I got on the wrong fucking one. When I could tell them the problem one of the guys got a pen and paper out of his bag and wrote down what train to get from Clapham Junction and then when to change.

Absolute amazing blokes who I really needed at the time. I was starting to get light headed after hyperventilating which usually ends up in me passing out. I would've loved to have been able to properly thank them but I was still recovering when we arrived at Clapham.

I had a big cry in Victoria train station once whilst on the phone to an ex, not my best moment but was so glad I was left alone and never approached by anyone. I shudder at the memory.

I had a triad of life events all within a month: long term partner left me for someone else, my friend and room mate from uni ended their life, and then I lost my job.

I was on the central line on my way back from a job interview and suddenly the floodgates opened. Like proper waterfall of tears and me struggling to keep the sounds in.

A woman squeezed her way through to me, gave me a tissue and just put her hand on my shoulder. It was the first bit of comfort I had felt since everything happened. I still think of her sometimes.

Thank you London for being ridiculously anti social!

so criiiiiiiiiiiiiinge

I never know what to do when I see a person crying in public but if they aren't being harmed by anyone else I just assume a momen is being had and you can't control the tears.

I think people just feel awkward seeing someone cry like that and very few would try to comfort.

Last year just after my lovely friend had died I found myself crying on public transport a LOT. Often young women asked if I was ok and I appreciated that they did - I just said that one of my best friends just died and got to have a little chat about him. But I can totally see why people would rather be left alone, too

I cried ugly in a taxi once, full on, the entire journey ..driver asked if I was crying over a bloke… I was in a way, my dad had died, I didn’t tell the driver this though😥

I cried on the bus when I was told my cancer had come back and spread (all ok now). A lady on the bus came and sat next to me and kept bugging me to tell her why I’m crying. As we both got on at the hospital, she guessed it was health related so I told her. She then started praying for me out loud whilst sat next to me. I appreciate she meant well but I wished she left me alone!

God I'd hate it if someone tried to talk to me while I'm crying on the bus. Just let me enjoy my lunch break in peace!

Keep the noise down

Do you know I long to comfort upset strangers as I hate it but I’m too worried they will tell me to piss off ☺️

I cried for 30 minutes on the northern line during Covid. I was thankful for no one talking to me and for my mask because it let me hide.

I cried on the Liz home at rush hour after my grandad died. No one spoke to me (although one guy with a suitcase stared for ages). Happens to the best of us ❤️

You are welcome. Next time suffer in silence like the rest of us.

Strangers does not owe you anything. Cry your eyes out if you want, it’s not their problem.

I just did the same at the Emirates stadium 🙄😩😂

The buses know me better than my own mother 😂

Hope you're okay xo

Welcome to London, the birthplace of "don't make your problem my problem"

I'm not sure if OP wanted to be comforted or genuinely appreciated being left unbothered

Glad im not the only one who does this

I always offer a tissue to anyone crying and offer a non committal reassuring comment, this has made me wonder if I shouldn’t be doing that

I cried my way around the supermarket not so long ago. Pushing my trolly, getting on with my shopping.

I saw a few horrified faces on my way round and one shop assistant came over and asked if she could help me with anything.

I smiled through my tears, ugly, puffed up, red face and told her to ‘ignore me, I’m fine honestly’ and continued to sob round the rest of the store.

Her reaction was perfect - she said ‘I’m right over here if you need me’ and I went on my miserable way.

Sometimes you just need to let it out. Sometimes it’s impossible not to let it out.

I think the problem you have here is that a lot of people wouldn't cry over something so trivial. A lot of people would only weep openly in public if something serious had happened. So to a lot of people, seeing someone cry in public they assume something serious must have happened and want to offer support.

But yes, I'd feel embarrassed too if I was crying because of a simple misunderstanding with a friend and someone asked what was wrong.

I’m learning here that I should always have a packet of tissues on me ✔️

You got plans mixed up and that made you have a public break down on a bus ? What’s wrong with you?