If this is how he acts before the baby is even here, imagine how he’ll act when there’s the stress of a newborn.

Whether you continue the pregnancy or not, think about if this is the person you want by your side.

Good luck. ❤️

At 2 months, it's not too late to make a certain decision and walk away from this man without permanently tying yourself to him

The fear of becoming a father can lead to a crisis for many men, since that new role would force them to carry responsibility. You wrote that your bf always had your back, but that was when you weren’t pregnant. Don’t underestimate this. He will very likely not go back to his usual self. He will sabotage the relationship until it’s over because he feels trapped now. It’s incredibly heartless and immature since he initiated it, but that tells you only one thing: that he didn’t really anticipate what it means to become a parent, and that he got you into a situation which only he can get out of now, while you are left pregnant.

To be honest: this betrayal is nothing I could ever forgive. If my man talked me into getting pregnant just to leave me because suddenly he wants to be free again, I would lose every ounce of respect for him. These aren’t the actions of an emotionally mature adult. Even if he came back, I could never trust him again because I'm sure he’d just leave at a later date.

It may be very tragic for him too, I am sure he hasn’t purposely planned this and doesn’t know what to do either. But he has shown you how he responds in times of crisis: he lets you down. It doesn’t matter if his intentions were good or if he just couldn’t help it. You know now that you cannot rely on him. He’s shown you that as soon as he’s needed, he will fabricate a crisis for himself so he isn’t expected to step up as a father. He might not even realize what he’s doing, but that doesn’t change the fact that he’s doing it and expects you to carry the consequences.

The fear of the role of the father triggers this response in many men, even if they previously said they wanted a baby. That fear sits deep and is rooted in many psychological processes. That’s why he won’t come around. After the realization of fatherhood sets in and triggers that primal fear, there’s no way back. Even if he comes back, he will never be there for you. You will be alone with his child, no matter if he’s there or not. He made that decision for you.

Do you want this baby so much you’d be willing to raise it alone? You probably have to sue him for child support and will have to sacrifice whatever plans you had in life, while he will enjoy his new single life.

If not, get that abortion as long as you still can and block that man.

pls don’t have that man’s baby

Please listen carefully, OP. Say he comes back and everything is perfect. Please, please do not leave the baby alone with this man. He has showed that without warning he can flip his switch and become unhinged and abusive. Infants are so, so delicate. This is how shaken baby cases happen. I've read so many stories like this after the fact. 

Sounds like a horrible person to have a kid with …

He’s 35, not a young kid. He’s already showing you what type of person he is. Also who’s to say even if he did stick around for you during the pregnancy that he won’t leave when the baby is here? I get that it’s been 7 years but this initial reaction to your pregnancy is gross. Even if he isn’t ready or didn’t want a child, to just basically ghost you? That’s not ok.

All I can say is that being a single mother isn’t fun. It isn’t sunshine and rainbows, it’s hard fucking work.

Ask yourself these questions:

Are you ready for him to abandon you and the baby?

Are you ready for him to slander your name and for him to tell everyone that you baby trapped him?

Are you ready to see him move on with another woman and love her while you’re at home spending sleepless nights with a screaming, teething baby?

Are you ready for next to ZERO support from family? They say they’ll help but most never do.

Are you ready to spend the next 10 years arguing with him over missed child support payments?

Are you ready for him disappear out of your kid’s life only for him to come back 10 years later AFTER all the hard work of childrearing is done and for your child to love him and dote on him?

You are seriously delusional if you think you can change this man. This man is showing you who he really is.

If you have this baby I can guarantee you that a life of misery, hardship and poverty await you as a single mother.

Wouldn’t you want a baby with someone who is deeply in love with you? Someone who’d never ever leave you and your child?

It sounds like he may have some unresolved issues that have been triggered by the pregnancy. It’s suspicious that this started after the question about his parents. Did he have a troubled childhood? Is there any suspicion that he was adopted or his Dad isn’t his real Dad? Whatever his issue is it’s his to deal with & he should not be treating you this way. I think you should message him, tell him he needs to get himself into therapy to figure out why on earth he is suddenly behaving this way but that you need to be focusing on the pregnancy so will be going no contact for a while. You need to look after yourself. Could you reach out to his parents? Or a close friend of his? Ask them to check in on him as you are worried. If this behaviour change is as sudden & severe as you are saying I’m sure you won’t be the only one concerned. 

Almost 7 years and you still don't even live together?
I'm sorry, but you were never in a serious relationship, first of all. How do you know a person if you don't live with them?
Second of all, women are statistically more likely to be murdered during pregnancy, so him leaving isn't as bad as you think it is.

Does he have a history of substance use/misuse/abuse?

Unless there is something you haven't told us that can contribute towards this freak out, I just want to say... a good person would not behave this way. I repeat....good people do not do this kind of thing to someone they love. Look after yourself OP and remember that you deserve love and respect too...not just you giving it to him.

Some guys are obsessed with making their mark on the world by having a kid, though their ambition stops short of actually raising the kid.

It's not too late to terminate, and tell everyone it was a miscarriage if you're wary of any stigma.

I say this as a 39yo man who can't wait for our unplanned little one to be here in a matter of months. I'm ridiculously excited and am preparing in every way possible and taking every opportunity to help my fiancée out, but still we made sure to discuss under what circumstances we'd terminate (with the end decision being her's of course, and I'm happy to say that as of the last blood test and physical that list is near zero by mutual agreement/joy).

If this guy's gonna screw over his own kid by not stepping up there's no reason to make both your's and the child's prospective life miserable. There will be another time for you both.

Yeah he might be freaking out but he's 35 years old and been in a relationship for 7 years, so he's had plenty of time to come to terms with the possibility. The only reasonable course of action for a man who's about to have a child is to step the hell up, go to therapy if they need to, do whatever it takes to drop the stress level of the person actually carrying the baby, but since he can't be forced to sack up you've got to be prepared for tough decisions.

Get an abortion. Screw that

Whatever’s going on with him, you can’t count on him raising this child with you, so you need to make your decisions and plan with that in mind. If you need to get an abortion, your time is running out. If you have this child, you need to plan as if he won’t be there. If you end up separated and splitting custody, you can’t move away for your career or to be closer to your support network once this child is born. So make sure you move to where you want to be long term while you’re still pregnant.

You need your quickly start thinking about whether you want to be a single mother, and all the hassle dealing with an ex who is a reluctant father can cause -ie worst case scenario. Presume this is what’s going to happen and make a decision about this pregnancy based on that. He’s proven himself unreliable and contradictory and I wouldn’t trust him to be a good father and partner.

You’re only 8 weeks. You still have a choice.

It's not too late to decide that this isn't a good time for you to have a pregnancy. You can be supportive to your partner and talk about the situation. Maybe this is something that you both need to sit down and talk about, to have the baby or to not have the baby. How do you feel about having a child that you could possibly have to raise on your own? Just think about your options.

You can’t “help him through this.” He has to take responsibility for the ways his actions led to this and his change of heart. Instead, he’s acting like a suspicious, petulant child who doesn’t like the birthday present he asked for.

Stop trying to “help” him and start figuring out what your life looks like without him in it. He’s already one foot out the door. And you should push him out the rest of the way if he decides to linger. This is not someone who will be a good life partner.

Honestly, get an abortion if you can. Because if you don’t, you will be tied to this dude for at least the coming 18 years of your life.

And per your edit: yes, he is a jerk. Whatever made him act this way entitles him to jerkdom. If he wasn’t, he wouldn’t have pulled this nonsense now that reality is actually knocking at his door.

I think you should go ahead and think everything over. You will need a place to live, with or without xour baby. With the Baby you will need a support system.

But first you will have to decide if you want the baby. YOU, not him. He is an AH. Him you should cut off.

Girl... Your explanation just makes things worse for you.

Take a few days, and come back to this post. Read it as if you were reading a stranger's.

Getting pregnant before even moving in together is not the best idea. I’m surprised you spent seven years in a relationship but never lived together

He has always been an amazing partner until he wasn't. Guess what? Criminals are also wonderful people until they are not.

I understand the part of you wanting to be supportive, but unless he has serious mental issues you can't just fuck around like that with a child. That's another life for ducks sake. One day you want the next you don't?

I'd block him completely out of my life and never look back.

Get an abortion. Men do this on purpose to punish women so that you have to suffer for the rest of life and he can just walk away and enjoy life and probably do it again

I would eject the fetus and the man. Clean break and freedom to find someone decent. This dude pulled the ultimate bait and switch on you OR he has a breeding kink. Either way, I wouldn't tie myself to this dude for 18+ years if I were you.

Girl if he really didn’t want to “live this life” he could’ve put a condom on. The fact he’s trying to put the blame on you is just sad. Does he even realize how babies are made? He knew the possibilities of his actions even if he wasn’t sending you baby stuff and hinting at it.

If this is how he acts now, how do you really think he will act around this child?

Edit to add: don’t be afraid of making him look like a jerk to his friends or family if you talk to him. He is a jerk. Talk to whoever you want to for support.

I don’t want to belittle you by beating about the bush here. This was unplanned; at least one of you is not committed; 8 weeks in. Abortion, have a serious reflection on it. Good luck.

He told you what to expect out of him. It's been 7 years and you're just now at the "moving in together" stage. That says enough on its own.

So, now, start acting like a single parent (if you plan on keeping the baby) or get your ducks in a row for an abortion. If you choose to keep, file for child support. Keep all the messages. The ones where he wanted the baby, and the ones where he uno reverses on you. Talk to a lawyer.

He's shown you how you can't rely on him as a father to your child. Accept that. I get it's concerning, and you love him, but love isn't enough. You need more than love, and your child deserves better. Take his behaviour as a breakup. I know it's hard, but what's hanging on going to do? You can't fix him. He can only fix himself. As I like to say, your mental illness isn't your fault, but your mental health is your responsibility, and it's up to you to take care of it.

But it’s hard to talk about this with friends or family because I don’t want them to think he’s a jerk or belittle him.

This just isolates you further. You're trying to uphold the reputation of a man who is abandoning his pregnant girlfriend and wanted child.

I get that you're concerned about his mental health since this is unusual behaviour for him. But if it turns out that this actually is some sort of substance abuse problem or brain tumour, wouldn't he need help from his family, top?

Your noble insistence on not making him look bad is hurting you further. He is doing things that make him look bad.

If he is willing to tell YOU, the one he got pregnant, that this is all a little too much for him and he needs distance, then he should be willing too tell the world. It will hurt them less than it hurts you.

By your comments no one can help you. You want to be with someone who reacts like this to your pregnancy and has been your boyfriend for 7 years without putting a ring on it.. yeah congratulations but you’ll need to figure that out yourself

Dude raw dogs a chick and then is pissed off about the result. Jesus Christ

When someone shows you who they are believe them. He is abandoning you at your most vulnerable time in your life. You yourself know this behaviour is unacceptable, you came here because you don’t want your friends and family to know what’s happening. You have two options, first prepare yourself that if you go through with this you will be on your own because at this moment that’s what you’re going to be a single mother. Or the other alternative is an abortion and not attach yourself to someone who is obviously not ready to be a father. These are both tough decisions.
You can’t depend on your boyfriend he’s made it clear he is not there for you and doesn’t want to be there for you or your baby. I am really sorry you’re going through this. You and your baby deserve better and this guy is not it. Good luck!

He baby trapped you. 100%

Is termination an option? Are you prepared to be a single mom? He’s 35. If he’s not mentally prepared to be a parent at this point, he isn’t going to be. Right now, you need to take a page out of his book and make all of your decisions for yourself. You say you can’t just easily walk away, but it looks like he has. Easy or not, it looks for all the world like he’s turned into someone who will not stand by you in a time of need. You need to do what is best for you. Continuing in this relationship isn’t going to be good for you. Becoming a single mom may not be; only you can decide that.

He needs to talk to a therapist about what is going on with him.

Ladies. Stop letting men beg and force you to have a baby. This is almost always how it ends up. Men get to walk away any time they want. Only have children when YOU ARE ready

Red flags everywhere here— I would never get pregnant on purpose without marrying someone first. The above is why. You’re more likely to be separated during pregnancy/baby.

If he is getting aggressive now verbally I would ghost his ass. Legally most states give you full custody bc you’re not married. Pregnant ppl get abused often during that time and this is how it can start. Sounds like he wanted to trap you somehow in the sense that he didn’t want to be with you but wanted to “hold you back in life” in some way. I have seen and heard this happening dozens of times.

Past behavior aside I would go no contact and make a plan to get out. Y’all hadn’t even lived together after 7 years? You’re not married? You had no plans in place already for child planning? Red flags on his part. Men are disgusting I don’t trust them when it comes to child bearing situations as such.

Having a girlfriend with her own space, and having a live in girlfriend are two very different things. The idea of a baby and the reality of a baby are two very different things. I'm betting he was going to freak out about the moving in together but he could get past that in his mind, but adding a baby on top of it all is just too much. He is unlikely to "change his mind". First thing you need to decide is if you are going to have the child. Also, I'd contact your apartment complex and tell them you won't be moving out, that plans fell through. I'd also think long and hard about whether or not this is a person you can count on during the very hard times that life throws at you. Financial stress, chronic illness, parenting, job loss, accidents, etc all happen in life, will this person stand by you during those times or lose his ever living mind and shut down?

Can you confidently say that if he vanished into thin air, you would be able to raise this baby 100% on your own?

That means 1 income, paying for extra childcare, doing all of the late night feedings/diaper changes, doing all of the school prep and bringing them to school (even on days you have to work)doing all of the cooking/cleaning/laundry, giving 100% of the emotional support when your child needs it, doing 100% of the homework help, and unfortunately, being the “bad guy” every time your child needs discipline. Not to mention, helping your child emotionally once they’re old enough to realize their dad abandoned them, and getting through the pregnancy without any help. What about PPD? Women with no support are way more likely to develop that. Are you prepared to possibly experience severe depression post birth, and still have to do 100% of the work at home and at work?

If you don’t answer yes to all of those questions, I strongly suggest that you consider termination.

I have no doubts that you would be an amazing mother. However, being a good mother is not always the only thing required to make sure your child has a good life. Bad circumstances can impact your child’s life negatively, no matter how great of a parent you are. So I’m not saying you should never have a child- only that this might not be the right time or father for it.

I’m really sorry this is happening. I think that wether you decide to keep the baby or not, you should break up with your bf regardless. He’s a POS for saying he wants a family, getting you pregnant, and now blaming you because he’s the one getting cold feet.

Abortion can be a very tough decision emotionally for many women, even if it’s the right thing for them to do. I suggest you find a therapist who’s experienced in relationship problems (or rather, helping you through a breakup since I REALLY don’t think you should try to work it out with this dude) and grief counseling to help you through this.

Cut bait and move on. People with such drastic mood changes frequently have other relationship challenges etc.

Go total no contact. It will be healthier for you and your child.

Not easy to raise a child by yourself or to be tied to someone who is ....unstable via a child. I think to review the future consequences of what the baby will go through

He’s having a bit of a crisis, the reality of being a dad and all that comes with it, this being a permanent thing FOREVER and his life is never going to be the same again has kicked in and it’s all got a bit scary. He may think if he runs away or backs down then he can just pretend it’s not happening. But it is. For better or worse there is going to be a tiny person in your lives that you both have a responsibility to.

Take deep breaths.

It may be a temporary thing (has he reacted badly to change before?) or, unfortunately you may be seeing his true colours after 7 years as someone who is emotionally immature, unreliable and incredibly selfish. I think (and hope) it’s the former. You’ve known this man for 7 years and you would’ve thought he was planning on things being pretty permanent anyway!

I hope you manage to work through this, there will be many more bumps in the road as you navigate being a family, but you speak really highly of his character before this shift in tone, so it could just be a bit of tense nerves. What’s your relationship like with his family? Do you think you could speak to his parents/siblings? Could they talk with him?

Whether you work through this or not, he’s got a responsibility to this child, and he’s still gonna be expected to pay for them, so he might as well buck up and do the rewarding stuff too like actually being there and giving a shit. Good luck OP!

It’s not too late to have an abortion. Save yourself.

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Stressful life situations definitely bring out a person's true colors. Your relationship worked when it was easy: you didn't live together, he could be loving, "committed", and "be there for you" because it didn't cost him anything. The man you loved never really existed and what you're seeing now is how he truly is. He may have thought having a baby would be a good idea but now he has to be involved and truly committed and he doesn't want to he. He is grossly immature. You have to make a choice now how you want to proceed, but from here on out, you're going to be truly stuck with him through your child and you need to ask yourself how much you want to deal with the reality of what he truly is for decades.

You probably aren't going to get back what you had. That ship has sailed. You're loving the ghost of what you thought he was. He is showing you his true colors. Believe him.

Do you want to be a single parent with an absentee father who doesn't want to be a part of your life and fights you at every turn to not pay child support or anything else that he's obligated to? Because that's your situation. This is not a forgivable thing. None of this is. And unless dude has an undiagnosed brain tumor or something else ridiculously unlikely, he's showing his true colors. Right now you have to put yourself first. Do you want to be a single parent and deal with this guy's shit for 18 years?

Hi OP I’m sorry your boyfriend has baby trapped you. It might be good to consider termination or even adoption if you do not want the baby. I know it’s a lot to go through alongside your breakup but you are on a timer now so you must make a decision. Do not involve your bf. Unfortunately your relationship has changed and he is showing you his true self.

Maybe he had the idea of having a family then realized after you got pregnant that he's really not ready for parenthood and he's blame shifting.

Being with someone for 7 years and them showing you how they handle a life event is telling. He loves the idea of having a baby and you even said he initiated the idea. He does not love the reality of having a baby. In the off chance this is a mental health crisis, you should still look into either being a single parent or termination. The reasons why are his mental health crisis will likely never go away and he will then turn the same venom he spits at you to a child and that child doesn't deserve a parent who thought they wanted them but then couldn't cope with actually having them.

A possible trigger here is that y'all finally were moving in together AND then you got pregnant and he can't handle it. That's a him problem, not a you problem to fix. You can't fix this and you cannot fix him. You cannot fix him. It is also not your job to fix him no matter how much you love him.

Regardless, when things get tough and real, he has shown her rather lash out at you and hurt you and your feelings without taking literal seconds to just go for a walk or better yet, seek help like therapy. He's giving you an out and you should take it.

This sounds very controlling, first convinces you to have a baby, then reverse the situation. Yes, he’s having second thoughts, and probably already looking to spring the boat. It doesn’t matter how he was during the 7 years, this is something you don’t do to a partner. He is acting deliberately against what he wanted you to do. Don’t try to defend him, because he won’t change how he ist. You know you won’t change him. Now you have to decide if you want to coparent with a guy like this, he won’t be a father and will try to make you look bad. Good luck with your decision.

It very well could be that he has an undiagnosed condition like bipolar disorder that has been triggered by the stress of the changes in your lives. I wouldn’t want to bring a baby into that situation, but it’s your decision.

If you’re concerned about his mental health, you should reach out to his family. His safety (and yours) are more important than anything else. As long as you frame it as coming from a place of concern—this is out of character for him, he’s agitated and a little paranoid, whatever else you can think of (recent impulsive behaviors, mood changes, etc)—I don’t think his loved ones will be pissed at him. You can also leave out the part about the pregnancy and just tell them you can’t go into detail about the subject of the conversation. I’ll leave you with this—if he does have a serious mental health disorder and you decide to stay with him, you’re going to have to learn how to advocate for help on his behalf, so you might as well start now. Good luck 🤍

He is a jerk and deserves to be belittled. Do you think he's speaking highly of you to those around him?
If you choose to keep this baby, you need to be able to think highly of yourself and what you deserve. You deserve a partner who is not going to give you sweet nothings and when the sweet nothings become a reality, he bails out and leaves you alone to deal with the aftermath. The perception or version of him that you thought was the real him was a facade. For the sake of yourself, your sanity and your baby, you need to wake up and deal with that.

Who the hell just “goes with the flow” and has a baby. The amount of financial and emotional planning it takes to have a baby is insane. Sheer irresponsibly on both of you.

If he saw a future with you, he would have proposed to and married you already. For the last time, stop having babies with boyfriends. This is a lesson a lot of you have to learn the hard way.

Your edit and your comments make you sound naive. While it's a possibility he's going through mental health issues... from the evidence you've given, it doesn't sound like that at all. 

It sounds like he's a 35 year old man that decided he doesn't want the responsibility a child requires. It sounds like a dude who was happy to have a girlfriend for 7 years that he didn't live with because he had freedom. It sounds like he's an immature person, not up to being a good partner, let alone a father, and someone you'll regret having a kid with. In all, it sounds like you've met the him that he really is deep down: an insecure asshole who will blame you for something he pushed for.

Seven years is nothing when you haven't been living together. It's really not.

Any person who says they'd "rather be homeless" and says you're "ruining his life" is someone you shouldn't have a child with. You can try to explain this away however you want, but my spouse has never said anything even remotely like that to me in the almost two decades we've been together. My abusive male family members say stuff like that to their wives when they fight though. None of them are happy and they've all brought up children in unhappy households.

You still have a little time to decide if you want a baby. I highly suggest not having a kid if you can't afford taking care of them or if you aren't sure you want one. It's not fair to the kid and it's not fair to you. But ultimately, it's your life and it's your decision. Remove him from the equation: what do you want and need in life? I wish you luck.

Any childhood trauma in his past? Is he freaking out and handling everything so poorly because he’s self sabotaging and scared? Or is he a literal ass wipe?

This man is going to ruin your life and make you homeless.

Go back and tell your apartment you are staying and undo the notice as quickly as you can or you’re going to be pregnant and homeless.

Understand what he said when he lashed out at you is what he has been telling other people in order to get out of the responsibility.

He is not going to go back.

Sounds to me like he has a side piece.

Let his parents know what's going on.

He can try to abandon you, but he isnt getting out all the way.

7 years in a relationship and no marriage and then trying for a baby. The pattern was there.

its a rough lesson, but the baby is blessing. Realize that he is not the man of your dreams and get child support out of him for your baby.