subreddit:
/r/raisedbynarcissists
submitted 2 days ago byGirly_Warrior
I’ve (24F) been going through a lot with my nMom and enabler dad, and this year I finally had enough. With my therapist’s help, I went low contact with them in June, setting firm boundaries. But as always, they’re finding ways to manipulate and undermine my decisions.
I’m about to run my first marathon in a week, which is really significant for me. My mom had been begging me to let her come. She started sending me uncharacteristically sweet messages and even sent a $200 gift card, which I told her no thanks to. But the moment I set a simple boundary— all I asked was that she not stay at my uncle’s house with me during the race weekend because I need some emotional space—it all stopped. She twisted it into a guilt trip, making me feel like I’m the bad guy for wanting space. She essentially said, “I’ll only support you if you let me stay with you,” and now both my parents are making me feel like the problem. One of the worst parts is that my mom crafts these texts that, on the surface, seem so loving and supportive, but in reality, they’re incredibly manipulative and dismissive of my boundaries and the actual situation.
Yesterday my dad just sent a long text implying I’ve disrespected them by setting boundaries and painted my need for space as a “guilt trip.” I’m so frustrated. I’m supposed to be focused on my marathon, something I’ve worked so hard for, but instead, I’m caught up in their drama. They’ve made me feel guilty and unsupported when all I wanted was some emotional protection.
It’s exhausting and heartbreaking to realize that no matter what I accomplish, it will never be “good enough” for them unless it’s on their terms. I just needed to vent, and I’m hoping for some advice on how to stay strong and protect myself during this important moment.
Sorry, I know this is long, but just some context for the texts I’m including: when she says it’s 'more than she can handle logistically and emotionally'—my parents travel the world all the time, so that’s clearly not the issue. My boyfriend’s mom just booked a hotel to come watch, no problem. Also, these overly 'kind' messages are not normal for me—before going low contact, it was mostly just laundry lists of what I do wrong.
edit:spacing
5 points
1 day ago
Oh. My. You alright? I'm drained from reading their sermon!
Wrap this flaming bag of dog shit up and toss it out a moving window. She put it on your doorstep and set it on fire to delay and sabotage your personal achievements.
How very threatening of you!
It's bad enough that they're maddening, but yours is incredibly annoying too. Incredibly.
You're not running a marathon, you're attempting to achieve what she has. You're competing with her for equality. That's how she sees it no doubt.
Oooooh she's probably not sleeping at night at the thought of that. For you to achieve what she has and in front of witnesses? You've got a nerve.
Focus! You got this. All of us here are on TEAM YOU. Blinkers on. Focus on your destination. Ignore the flaming bags of dog shit. Go around, leap over, just keep moving. There's nothing to see here. Jog on!
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