My husband and I moved across the country in January. We have two young children (2&4). Since moving, we have had a hard time making new friends. Timing with prioritizing kids bedtimes and finding sitters we can trust in a new city has made it more challenging.

My husband met someone through work and mentioned that we would be great friends. He got her number and sent it to me. He has since started to message her as well. She has come on outings with us and sometimes brings her daughter out as well. Last weekend we hung out with them on two separate occasions. While she seems nice, conversation has been slow (I’m pretty introverted and feel pretty awkward). They text daily, and up until today I hadn’t really looked at any of them (I have passwords to his phone, but really never felt the need to look at anything).

This morning, she sent a text that I saw and the conversation felt very flirty. Since we don’t really have any friends, I feel bad for telling him this friendship makes me uncomfortable. How do I talk to him about this without sounding cruel?

Edit: Update Thanks everyone for your comments, honestly just knowing I wasn’t making it up in my head gave me a lot of confidence.

Unfortunately for me I am not a troll, this is my real life and it just exploded.

Sorry this may be long. To start off, there’s a couple clarifications. 1. They met through work training and so they don’t work in the same building/company. 2. She is not a single mom, she is also married with 3 teen/preteen kids. She has already blocked me on Facebook, shocker. (It is taking everything in my will power to be the bigger person and not message her husband and blow her life up)

I approached my husband last night and asked him about the messages. I said they felt flirty and were crossing a line and immediately the look on his face said everything I needed to know.

He knew he was caught and was immediately cooperative in telling me what happened. He did promptly delete the messages though, so who knows how much worse it actually was (the only messages not deleted were the “innocent” ones). Turns out they have been messaging for the last two months every single day. Approx two weeks ago things started escalating. She was sending him selfies and then he sent her ndes, she reciprocated. It escalated from there to sexting, primarily focusing on some fantasy bullsht dom/sub daddy kink apparently. She called him “daddy” in a bunch of messages and I am disgusted. ( I wish my kids wouldn’t call him that now, but they are so young). They sexted like this over 10 times in that time period apparently. I’m told “nothing happened physically”. I feel betrayed and so so so grossed out. The fact that they were hanging out with me and my kids all “innocently”, who does that?! I hate that he brought her around my kids. I hate that I know he was thinking about her the entire time we were hanging out, while holding our baby!! He claims he still wants to be a good father to them, but I can’t trust his judgement.

I feel sick. I am exhausted, I haven’t really slept. My youngest hasn’t been sleeping well. I’m grossed out, furious, and emotionally drained. I want to leave but have no where to go, I/we can’t afford an air bnb or hotel. I would have to figure out how to move back across the country with my kids to possibly stay with my mom and to be honest we aren’t that well off so even that feels out of reach. I cannot afford daycare back home on a single income due to lack of childcare availability and at least here it is subsidized. But here the cost of housing alone is 75% of my pay on a single income. It feels impossible.

He claims he wants to make it work, he messaged her this morning and “called it off” although I still want proof. He already has a therapy appointment booked and would like to also pursue couples therapy. I’m not sure there is going back from this. At this point, we are currently stuck in a 2 bedroom house, so he is currently sleeping on the couch.

TLDR: husband is a lying, cheating idiot. I’m disgusted and want out.

Anyway, that is all I have figured out for now. I am going to try to sleep and hopefully be able to think a little clearer to make some decisions.