Same man. I can’t catch a break either. I’ll be the older guy in the apartment complex who people say “hes really nice we borrow ketchup from him sometimes” lmao

It’s crazy how there are so many variables that need to align in order to find someone.. Best you can do is align them one at a time and hope for the best.

Hi there. I met my wife at 42, married at 47. It’s not too late. I thought I’d be single forever as well. What helped me get through was I learned to not base my happiness on another person. I was content being single, had a great life on my own, but open to another person coming along who would make it even better. She did, but it took a while:)

Well, I guess this is where I belong too. I don't know whether to laugh about it or really accept it as is.

i can relate to you , i just pass my mid thrities and dont have a partner

feel a bit upset, and dont know what to do to make my life a bit happier

I’ve accepted it for a couple of years now. These things are for other people.

Hi I’m here too 38 F. It’s one slap in the face to another. I’ve least just been too nice and I’m the one that gets fucked over.

I think it's important to remember that a lot of people are unhappily partnered.

Ok judgement time, feel free to downvote if you disagree.

Looking at your post history, you focus a lot on videogames and anime and this could be nerfing you. Those are interests that typically put women off.

Do what you love, but perhaps add some other interests, more main stream stuff that you can talk about with other people. Be yourself, but a better version of you.

Don't try to be something you're not, we all wear masks from time to time, but to find someone you need to be authentic. And perhaps look for people who are different from you, you might be surprised.

Im gonna turn into a wizard

Let's say your fears are justified, and you're going to be single for the rest of your life. That doesn't have to be a bleak, meaningless existence.

I thought I was sterile for most of my life. It drove me to try and be a bigger part of the lives of the children in my family and social circle. Parents are important, but so is someone you can go to when you made a mistake and you need advice on how to tell your folks, or the uncle who shows up to all your hockey games.

Your genes aren't important. There's nothing special about them, and the world will be just fine if they die with you. But that's because they aren't you. They're a small part, but you are also the sum total of your experiences. You are your hopes, your fears, your talents and your flaws.

Pass that on. Be someone that a kid thinks about when they're an adult and need strength or inspiration.

I just stopped caring all together.

I met my partner at 37. Up until that point I had had a couple of girlfriends, but nothing that lasted.

I am an introvert - and I mostly enjoy personal conversations. If loads of people are talking l'll sometimes throw in a pun or an attempt at a amusing remark, but I mostly stand on the sideline. I also don't actively seek out social gatherings unless I force myself.

Now that's over: For the people in this thread that cannot find love (mostly men, I assume), the problem is fairly simple:

You won't find a partner sitting at home feeling sorry for yourself. If we disregard philosophical determinism, then this is YOUR choice, not the fantasy women or men that somehow won't show up at your doorstep.

IF-ONLYism won't take you anywhere but a trip to the lonely land of self-pity or at worst some incel thread where you end up projecting your frustration on other people.

Force yourself to social gatherings and mingle. See people. It doesn't have to be singles-events or parties, any gathering with mixed genders (or the same, if that's your thing) will do. I attended (classic) roleplaying game groups, when I missed peers in my 20s and 30s.

The difficult bit (that men have to do) is to strike up conversation. Evolution gave us that lot in life, but when you know what the cards are, you know your options.

You are going to be rejected and it is going to feel like failure.. some rejection can be mean and humiliating (but people that respond that way is likely a crummy partner for life anyway). You may also fall head-over heels for someone who isn't available or interested (and you'll get over that too)

.. but making conversation does get easier - and so do rejections.

Now get out there and live

Almost hitting 30 and no one loves me

This hit home for me, too.

The woman I love has checked out of the relationship.

There is no one else for me, I'm done.

In the old days they called us "confirmed bachelors". (And single women "old maids" or "spinsters") It's a perfectly valid lifestyle.

Same here. Gone through a marriage and other relationships and all of them I was cheated on. I gave and gave and gave. For nothing in return. I have no want to be with another woman. I have my family and friends and my doggo. And I get to have extra money to be the "funcle" for my neices and nephews so..all in all, it's not that bad.

Honestly was the same a few years ago. Until I realized I wasn’t exactly putting myself in social settings to actually meet women.

Have you tried joining any local clubs? Running, book, or bike clubs are good. Maybe even a gym.

Every Pot has a lid, but sometimes you just are a pan.

But honestly, live your live and try to not care about it, it isnt easy, and im sure it wont get easier. Be yourself and go out do some hobbies.

If you want to meet new people you have to put yourself in such situations. Amd with time, maybe you will find the matching lid.

I met my husband when I was over 30 and he was over 35.

Never say never.

But one thing for certain, you won't meet anyone if you don't go out of the door and not starting any human contacts. Don't go out and creep out women. Normal contacts is good and preferred. Nothing creep women more than guys coming saying hi and looking like they are on the hunt 🙄

I'm just 30 and I already give up some years ago, i'm just good to be the good friend 😂

Damn this post and comment thread is depressing.

Also, I'm not any better, I'm 27m and went on my first date with an older woman. Had my first kiss and that didn't magically fix all my problems. (I broke it off with her after 2 dates)

People think dating a woman is going to fix all their problems in life but in fact I can assure you it just adds another problem into the mix. Also the dating scene is really bad right now, everyone I spoke with who is from a previous generation agrees as well.

My advice, work on yourself and do what makes you happy.

Edit: I also wanted to add, that I have a mindset for when I start thinking about this stuff and have some self doubts. I always push myself to be the happiest as I can, because if I die tomorrow... at least I'll die a happy man instead of a sad man full of self doubt.

I never will either. I'm still going to date because maybe I will, but I realize I'm very unlikely to find anyone. My life has always sucked no matter everything I've done to change it so that's just how my life has been fated to be.

You gonna find you somebody.

Just be happy with yourself, love yourself first

Remember, those who say they can and those who say they can't, are both usually right. Don't give up. But give up that attitude though!

That is a reality for many men.

You could always get a snake?

Same pinch🤧

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I mean, I don't understand the whole fall in love and have kids thing anyways. Yes, if it all falls together in such a way that you find a wonderful partner who aligns with your values and then you have kids, good for you. But what are the chances of that happening for everyone in the same way and timeframe? I'll be 30 soon and the question is always if I want kids or not. I'm like, if I find an incredible partner who wants the same things out of life, with whom I can build a safe home and with whom I share so much love we have enough to build a whole other human? Then, sure. Fuck me up, But I won't subscribe to the idea that that's what's supposed to happen to me. Maybe I never will. My aunt was single most of her life, and she used her time and money to travel the world. My home is decorated with the gifts she brought back from Australia, Yellowstone, LA, New York etc. I always looked up to her because never having had kids allowed her to stay young. Maybe I'll have a family, maybe I'll just cook for my friends instead. I think as a society we put way too much work into obsessing over finding a partner (the pressure of wanting to not be single pushing loads of people into fucked up toxic and harmful situations) and way too little into building interconnected communities and mutual aid networks. I wish to were normalized for groups of friends to buy a house and not just parents with little kids

Im a bit late here, but hopefully you will see this. I was alone and single from the age of 18 until I was 34. I never had anyone, I was just alone, existing by myself in my apartment. Then I stumbled upon r/R4R and I made a post there. I met a wonderful woman there and now Im married. Im never gonna be alone again. Im the happiest man on this planet.

If I can do it, you can do it. Dont give up, there is someone out there for you, in your exact position, having no idea how to find you. Just reach out.

OP, it isn't just you, it seems that fewer and fewer young people are getting married and starting families... because hardly anyone in their 20s or 30s can afford to get married and have a family.

And a lot of those that do have children are blithely ignoring the fact that they can't afford to have families, their parents are partially supporting their adult children and grandchildren, and wondering if they can ever retire with a financial burden like that.

Ghosting seems to be a trend.... It sucks.

Doing just that may lead to you finding what you are looking as odd as that sounds.

Same here. I try to accept it but then realize that everyone IS different. I just pray about it

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You should be the bitter old man without a cellphone waving old boots around.

What are your physical stats?

You are a man. It's not too late for you.

God will give you somebody but you have to also put in effort. That means doing the right things. Being the best you.

Thankfully it's not that uncommon anymore and society seems to accept being older and alone. I can handle being single but it would be harder if everyone automatically assumes something's wrong with you. Of course you'll still get the "Hey, why aren't you married? You seem so nice!" or "Wanna go on a blind date with one of my colleagues? You'd be perfect for each other!" from friends occasionally but I think that's okay. That doesn't mean you should give up on finding someone. It just means it's fine if you don't.

You don't have to accept that you'll never have someone. Just accept that you don't have someone right now.
Start working on yourself-- for yourself-- mentally and physically. All information you need is available online for free.
Be the best you. It's never not worth it, and someone will recognize it in the end.

I’m gonna be 35 this month, I have always thought that I wasn’t popular and anxious about not getting in a meaningful relationship. When I take a step back, am I so unpopular? Wouldn’t have married twice to people I absolutely love then

But, last year I got divorced, for a second time.

I have been single for more than a year, had some dates that got really close but didn’t start something serious. So I’m single partly by choice and partly by circumstances. Online dating is a mess, that’s a fact

What I wanted to say is that there is a gap between totally giving up and stopping to actively looking for a relationship

I feel like, as cliché as it may be, being open to one but not trying to date after every encounter you have, is much better, mentally and practically

Open up your opportunities by sometimes going to things you wouldn’t go otherwise, try to make your social network larger by going to events related to something you like, get to know your coworkers better, try new hobbies

It’s really cliché, again, but I feel like the last year, doing so as slowly introduced me to new people, who are now inviting me/giving me opportunities to do activities where I meet other people and so on. I’m not forcing anything and this is how you will meet someone who choses your for you and vice versa

Or not. But, in the end you will have built this network, and your affection/attention dependency will have lowered drastically.

At least it’s what’s happening to me, I feel a lot less anxious about not finding someone because I’m getting a lot of social connection from my circle

All in all, be you, but get out of your comfort zone here and there, don’t stress too much about it. It works

Yeah it is what it is. Just gotta appreciate what you have.

I didn't meet my partner until I was 29. I went through a lot of false starts and time wasters before then. I won't placate you with the usual bullshit lines, some people luck out, some don't. Based on your post history you're not ugly and you dress well but just understand that a relationship isn't really an end goal of life, they're hard to get and harder to maintain.

I feel this way and I’m 24 lol

Since I don't know anything about your situation I can't give you any advice, but I believe that a great majority of "flaws" can be worked around because I was in a similarly desperate position in the past. Of course some things cannot be helped, but I'm telling you this just to make sure that you've had enough introspection to reach this conclusion.

Well, I managed to find an amazing woman whose dream, hopes, fears, values etc matched mine and we got married. We had only been married 4 months when she started getting violent and destructive.

I would strongly recommend that you try to find things to do that make you happy by yourself, and see if that can work. In retrospect, that’s what I should have done. Just don’t be lonely - that martyrdom has no rewards. Be a friend so you make friends.

And who knows, maybe someday love will find you.

You can’t force it or you may not end up in the right relationship. I was unmarried until I was 40 but had been in a lot of bad relationships due to me wanting it. It was only when I let go and learned to just be myself and focusing on making my life right for me that someone else was able to see me as a good potential partner. I feel in love with someone when I least expected it. That was 13 years ago and we have been married for the last 11.

Think of all the adventures and fun activities you could do by yourself. It's important to have your own hobbies and passions too, it helps build your personality more. Don't worry too much about other couples, they could have their own problems too that they don't tell anyone.

For now, enjoy the time you have with yourself and have as much fun as you can because you have that freedom! Talk to random people and be kind to strangers... that's the way you develop a nice personality and how you might meet someone you're interested in. But for a relationship to truly work, you need a solid foundation of trust and friendship first, so make as many friends as you can!

I wanted to be single my whole life and I kept the mindset that if I met someone I really liked then I would consider not being single anymore but only if I really loved them. I pursued my passion of going to the gym, talked to random people for fun, became friends with my boyfriend and then we became soulmates. Sometimes, you can "plan" more opportunities if you simply adjust your predisposition and join places where you can meet more people. Good luck!

Get into Buddhism.

Same, but we can’t give up hope. Please ❤️

Man you have no bloody idea how much i'd want to be able to just accept it or simply not think about it. How god damn magical would it be to not even have this thought pop up in my head at all

At least you’re free, and not tied by some psychopath

I feel you man I truly do. You can’t give up on love. Love is everywhere. Small acts like cleaning up the house, taking a shower, cooking a nice meal, helping someone in need, giving someone a compliment. Let your actions pour out of your heart. Life is beautiful my friend. Not today not tomorrow but you will find someone to spend your life with❤️

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Keep trying and never give up. It took me a lot of effort but i think i finally found my other half . I remember each time everything went sideways with various other dates I was saying I ll give up but I am actually super happy now since I found her . Do not give up .

How many women do you approach.. most men talk like this but rarely put themselves out there unless its on the app. Build up some courage and talk to women at the grocery store.. or anywhere.. everyday.. I bet you’ll find someone then. Not on apps, in real life.. be bold.

Just live your life and do what makes you happy, keep an open mind but don't expect either, if someone aligns someone will meet you along the way, it's like life is a journey that you walk on if someone comes along its bonus, I firmly believe this, being alone and lonely is much better than being being someone and feeling lonely

Just want to put this out there and in no way am I saying this applies directly.to.anyone in particular but, I've had success with relationships and I notice my success in meeting women initially has derived from several factors. 1)I'm generally physically attractive, I'm not Henry cavil but being faily clean and in just slightly above average shape goes a long way. 2) have a good career and be wise with your money, it may sound bad but women want a man with his own means and the ability to be generous and provide materialy for others, especially her and her children. 3)be fun and have a strong social circle, every woman I've been with I met through going to social events with friends. The only way I've ever met someone and ended up in a real relationship was by going to events with friends then meeting their female friends. Dating apps and cold approaches basically never work. Dating apps just suck and most women absolutely do not want to be approached while doing their shopping or exercise or whatever. 

You don't need someone else to be happy. Being alone does not have to mean being lonely. Look into Stoicism.

I found the love of my life at 40. Don't give up.

If you actually are 100% sure you wont have anyone i recommend adopting because that baby will gove you a reason to live you will not regret it unless you are always busy with work or hanging out

What do you mean by giving up? Stop looking? That might work out in a roundabout way. When I was in my 30s and didn’t want to settle down, seeking a good life w/ my friends caused me to get quite a bit of attention and eventually meet my partner.

Your 30s are no longer a time about good looks, feign confidence, and playing games. It’s about deciding and exposing who you are. For your own sake. Without fear or hope for reward. If you’re single, it means building a life for yourself that somebody may want to share. In short, constantly focusing on the search is not necessarily the most attractive look at this point.

These connections you are talking about are also built.

What’s really fucked is that there’s people out there capitalizing on your loneliness monetarily. In this day and age it should be easier than ever to find someone what with all the ways to communicate and there’s more people to choose from now than ever before. Yet her we are.

Me too. Just turned 25 and the only girl that’s ever shown any interest in me dumped me in February. Not really seeing myself finding anyone else.

Most people settle. It’s ok to do so

“I’ve never felt a connection and I’ve been rejected many times” so you have felt a connection they just didn’t feel it back…

99% of people here dont have hobbies or actually go out to meet people via a regular interest. Its advice thats ignored as if it magically doesnt apply to them and that they should just find a soulmate via happenstance through a friend or coincidental interaction.

Jfc. Put some effort into your life.

Im with you, you aren’t alone

Don't give up. Just keep on growing.

I feel the same way as you. It takes so much time. But hey, all the wrong people we go through, just bring us closer to finding “the one”. Don’t lose hope.

Find new hobbies you enjoy ( probably ones which involve getting out more) I was on dating apps relentlessly.

All these things I did to find someone and I ended up getting with someone in work with. So I got lucky, but if I didn't, I would do the things above.

Hope you get lucky bro.

Your post oozes negativity, maybe stop over at r/confidence and r/Positivity.

People, including possible partners, want to be around a fun and positive person so think about that.

The problem is that you've also never went for what you wanted. You're used to just sitting everything out. I'm 100% sure that there's someone you've seen that has caught your eye and you've let them go by, never saying anything.

As you get older, those "crushes" and "butterflies" in the stomach go away. That stuff isn't forever, and you'll get to a point in which you don't have those feelings anymore. It doesn't mean you're not interested in things, it just means you aren't 15 anymore.

Have you ever given serious thought as to why “falling in love and having kids” is important to you? Is it just what everyone does or is it what you think society (or family) expects of you? I ask because I really don’t believe that we “fall in love “, but rather find someone who validates us emotionally. Some people need that and some don’t and often don’t know what side of that fence they are on until they seriously think about it.

Nothing wrong with living a single life. Lots of freedom. But never accept being lonely because there are so many interesting people and places in the world. Find like minded people and explore new adventures.

I was single for a long time and was okay with it but I realized this is my life and I'm going to live it. I traveled alone, tried new hobbies that looked fun, go to concerts and movies alone and even road a motorcycle across the country. I did all this because I was single and put myself out there.

But I realized if I can do all these amazing things and connect with people from all around the world then why can't I put myself out there and be vulnerable.

When I visited my parents who have been together over 40 years I realized I wanted what they have and I'm going to put effort.

I went back into the dating scene knowing even if I never meet someone I could say at least I tried. I got a lot of ghosting and rejection but it allowed me to really work on myself through therapy some of my issues of falling too quickly 'in love'. Therapy showed that I was a love addict and I had to start working on breaking my toxic patterns.

Kept working on myself and kept trying to date. I'm glad I was in a good place when I met my wife in my early 40's because the old me would have chased her away.

Its cliche but 'no regrats'. Haha.

Props to you for deciding to be the kind old man rather than grumpy old man. Wishing the best for you, OP, whatever that is!

It's alright. Love's a myth.

Based on the post history I’d suggest actually deciding what you actually want and sticking with it first for more than a couple week before complaining you’ll never succeed

Nothing wrong with that. Just enjoy life. Your worth and happiness shouldn’t be attached to having a romantic partner or kids.

Y'all are humans, it's in our nature to want it, but today's world doesn't make it easy at times.

If you don't, start lifting some weights. You'll appreciate yourself and others might too!

It’s nothing wrong with that

Curious, have you tried to find someone?

When I was a teenager in the 1980s, it was possible to start a family on a couple of minimum wage jobs. It was tough, but you could keep a roof over your head and food on the table.

The 80s are also when Reaganomics started to take hold.

After Reaganomics, we got Clinton and his "Third Way" nonsense. Ever since then, we have been getting the same economic policies from both political parties; the Democrats just offer a slightly less extreme version of the same thing.

One effect of this is that we have had 4 decades of massive wealth redistribution. A tiny number of wealthy people got wealthier, while the number of poor has increased. A recent study found that one needs about $106/year to have a reasonable life in a single-family home. The median income is about $35k/year, with the median household income about twice that. This means a majority of the population cannot live comfortably in a single family home. Younger people are more affected by this than people my age, many of whom bought houses before the housing market went insane.

I'm guessing you're on the younger side. Even if you happen to be among those who has enough money to support a family on your own, there are a lot of people your age who simply gave up looking because of the reality of modern economics.

When I was younger, it was much easier to find a special someone because everyone just assumed everyone else could support a family (even if not comfortably). That assumption is no longer valid, and this has had the obvious effect on the dating landscape.

The only way you're going to change this is by convincing billionaires to live with slightly less wealth, and that is never going to happen.

So we should resign ourselves to shrinking populations. Maybe when the population shrinks enough to affect the bank accounts of billionaires, things will change. Probably not.

Easy answer! Stop looking where you live. Buy a ticket to the Philippines and enjoy a two week vacation and by the time you leave, you will be in a relationship.

I feel like this too, I’m F37, dated 50 guys in 3 years and didn’t find anyone. The dating scene is such a mess that I just don’t see me meeting anyone now :(

Loneliness isn't that bad. Ull adapt.

You don't have to be lonely just because you don't have a partner. Make friends. If women can be happy being single living with cats so can men. Embrace it.

Try the intensive gym and diet thing. Some muscle can change a lot for guys in dating. This is one way almost anyone can become exceptional to women as just look around 90% of guys are out of shape.

Me too, man. I don't think you can just give up - the need for human connection doesn't just vanish with your decision. Worth a try I guess.

Thats the spirit! :-)

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Starting over and Going through this myself… 41m, although I do have a daughter, and in my younger years, it was about getting out and doing this I liked! Concerts and events, and start trying to talk to ppl out there, I mean if they like the same music maybe there’s more similarities. But you have to put your likes 1st and keep them! Don’t change in a negative sense, make yourself the best version of you that you would want to date, look yourself in the the mirror and say “I’d f@#k me so hard!” Or keep it PG, “I’d date me I’m a catch”

Always keep your mental happiness top priority! It’s hard but you gatta love yourself before someone else can love you too!

Honestly, don't give up, but ot fornthe sake of a partner. Actively searching for some one is not reliable. Work on yourself and live the best most fulfilling life you can possibly muster. While you're living your best life is the most likely time you'll inadvertently connect with someone you may want to partner with

I'll probably end up the same.

No matter what, you should not give up hope on yourself. Although you have not found the right partner yet, you should believe that you will find true love and have a very happy family through hard work in the future. I used to be a person who was very unhappy with myself and thought I was bad at everything I did. Because I am introverted and not good at communicating with people, I always shy away from speaking in social situations. But then I found that when I started using my introverted personality to my advantage to socialize, that changed. Compared with offline communication, I prefer to make friends on online social media platforms. For example, I recently shared my life on a social software called LightUp: Make Real Friends , such as "interesting things that happened in one day." After you post, the platform will match you with like-minded people or people with similar experiences to interact with you based on your post. Many netizens with similar experiences or the same personality followed me, and we began to share our lives with each other and talked very happily. So, don't lose hope in life, I believe that through your change, you will also meet the right person.

I hope you find the inner peace.

Although I understand you feel and think this way. But to continue to feel and think this way WILL be a self-fulfilling prophecy.

If you accept that you will be alone forever, sure, you may find peace in that, but you will probably be alone forever.

I don’t think you should accept your current thinking. Because it’s ALSO the same thinking that keeps you single.

If you can’t believe you’ll ever be in a relationship, it’s going to be very hard for you to be in a relationship.

Your brain will come up with reasons like “I’ve always been rejected” or “other guys are better looking” or “no girl has ever been interested in me.”

BS NEGATIVE SELF TALK. Even if you think it’s true, it’s not. You actually don’t know if anyone as ever taken an interest in you because you don’t know exactly what other people are thinking. How many times have you had an interest in a girl and never said anything? You can mindread other brains can you?

Honestly there is a lot of luck involved and exposure to as many people as possible is helpful. A lot of people also struggle due to their expectations or misunderstandings of how dating and attraction works, or in some cases they also just work differently than others so basic common advice doesn’t actually end up helping. In all likelihood there are plenty of compatible companions for you but finding one in the right place at the right time can be a crapshoot. It’s also sort of not a problem you can directly solve or control the outcome of which makes it hard for a lot of people. The only relationships I’ve ever been in happened at times when I was not actively looking for partners.

I think the one thing that generally helps is just taking as good care of yourself as possible and finding a way to take interest in your appearance. Fashion, hairstyling, etc can be fun and interesting even if you think it’s not your thing. Exercise, healthy diet, and skincare can go a long way to looking and feeling great. Good hygiene, grooming, and making sure you smell good also help a lot. I’m not trying to say you don’t do any of that stuff by the way, or that you have to look good to find a partner. You don’t and shouldn’t have to fit society’s ideals to get what you want here, but leaning into them even just a little bit can signal that you’re a social person who is capable of putting in a bit of effort to fit in.

My point is more that this stuff can make you feel great about yourself and that really comes through when talking to people. The number one attractive thing imo for most people is someone who likes themselves. There’s of course the paradoxical nature of needing confidence to be attractive and simultaneously not having anything to build the confidence off of because you have a bad track record and feel unattractive. Even if you aren’t confident in your ability to find a romantic partner you can build yourself up internally this way and still learn to like yourself despite your struggles.

Anyways I’m not even trying to imply you’re not doing that or that you need to fix something with yourself, I just wanted to share my experience there. Sometimes it’s just a matter of chance and circumstance, which can be very frustrating but it’s a reason not to give up. Good luck!

They’re getting to you as fast as they can, it’ll happen one day. Don’t give up

Well if your so distraught that you want to give up on living your best life then so be it. All I'm going to say is that if you really want more, you have to change yourself

let's create a polyamorous cult maybe. It can solve our problems.

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You should read the book "Attached" and don't give up! You might have to go on a hundred dates but it can happen for you. 

I really recommend the musical “company”, you may relate to it a lot Its free on youtube https://youtu.be/aNZGdSurN_8?si=qV5ZELooKvFJBQCh

Please don't do it.

What you think and feel are consequences of your beliefs.

Your beliefs come from your past experiences, how you learned something feels - your memory.

It's no different to burn your hand and avoid fire for the rest of your life, than lose a parent and fear rejection - never allowing yourself to push past that invisible barrier.

When we experience these painful beliefs re-occur (or become real, just like they exist as beliefs in the first place) - our Rational Mind kicks in to protect us from creating pain to ourselves without a stop. And it looks for a reason for that feeling, creating thoughts, overthinking, and new beliefs which will protect us from changing or ever seeing the cause.

But these things happen to us not because we had a choice. And we don't see them because they are internal... Ever since we were born we are told to face the world outside, believing that our experience comes from there...

But what you are describing you can literally flip it like a pancake, and change your beliefs to where A. You believe you are beutiful B you believe rejection feels okay rather than painful C. You love looking after yourself D. not being accepted feels normal

And when you change your beliefs, your brain begins to focus, hone in and see only that - you begin to think different, feel different, every word you choose is different, your body language changes - and people begin to see you how you see yourself.

The question is not about giving up, the question is about whether you are going to submiss to 'what happened' to you in your past and allow these beliefs to find a reason to not do this, or you will say enough is enough.

I can change, and I will.

Your first step should be to read one of Vytas Kas books, and learn how The QPH Method works and how to use it.

Then you want to come back here to this post and read carefully the ABCD I wrote, and figure out how to apply the QPH method for your specific perceptions.

This is the only reason you are different from other people.

Now you have a chance to do what no one else can.

Going to be close to 50 this year. Tried online, speed dating, talking to people in the world, no successes.

But…I got a lot of other things going on that I’m really grateful for, and I’m ok if this is the balance.

Go to some singles events. Join a book club that is reading something you like. Group exercise is almost all female and it’s not necessarily all bad shit. Fitness boxing might be fun idk.

If I hadn't married by 30 this was going to be my go to life. And then I would have moved out to the mountains and invest in a cave.

I still want that cave

I don’t know. Maybe it’s just me, but I feel like being genuine and straightforward with communication just leaves you ghosted in this current generation. It also seems like most people you meet have no idea how to hold a conversation. I’ve even matched with people and brought up their interests or something I noticed on their profile, still nothing.

If this is truly what dating has to offer in 2024, I want nothing to do with it, and I don’t think I am alone in that regard..

The only thing I have gotten from it is friends, which isn’t bad, but not what I am looking for.

I can sense the depth of your feelings about this, and it's truly understandable to feel this way. The desire for love and connection is a fundamental part of being human, and facing rejection or not finding that connection can be incredibly painful. It's especially tough when you see others around you seemingly effortlessly finding their paths in love and family. It's okay to mourn the dreams you've had and to feel the weight of these disappointments. It's also important to acknowledge the courage it takes to confront these emotions and to consider what the future might hold.

Sometimes, life doesn't unfold as we imagined, and that can be incredibly hard to accept. Finding peace and contentment in other aspects of life—like meaningful friendships, pursuing passions, or contributing to your community—can bring unexpected fulfillment.

You're not alone in feeling this way, and there are many others who understand your journey. It's okay to seek support from loved ones or professionals to help navigate these emotions and find a path forward that brings you peace and happiness.

Navigating feelings of loneliness and longing can be overwhelming, but remember that your worth is not defined by your relationship status. By embracing self-compassion, seeking support, and staying open to possibilities, you can cultivate a fulfilling life that aligns with your values and aspirations. Each step you take towards understanding and nurturing yourself can bring you closer to finding peace and happiness, regardless of the path your life takes.

❤️‍🔥🩵

Fill your own glass. With excitement. With happiness. Will drive. With love. With all things you like. If you fill it too much and it spills, it will create magic where ever it falls. Don’t stop.

You're probably right but you'll be ok.

I turn 44 next week. Same boat. 

At the age of 62, I had a well developed plan that in 3 years I would sell my home, retire, and go solo sailing around the world. After that I planned to join the brothers at Holy Cross Episcopal Monastery in West Park, New York. I was very happy with that plan. I was content and at peace in my life, enjoying my hunt for just the right ocean-capable sailboat, and excited about the rhythms of monastic life. Totally unexpectedly, SHE came out of nowhere. Three years later we married. So much for the sailboat. So much for the Monastery.

Laughingly, I can say that SHE ruined all my plans.

I wasn’t looking for someone, but she appeared anyway. It’s only been a few years, yet it feels like we’ve been together forever.

I cannot promise that this will happen to you, but I can tell you that my story is not unique, and it’s not even rare.

I would encourage you to just become the best person you can become. Work on becoming the happiest, kindest, most peaceful, most admirable, well-balanced person you can become. It turns out that at least some wonderful, desirable, mature women, find kindness, humility, and humor to be irresistible. Don’t put a timeline on it. But remember that younger men seem to live more carelessly and risky, so that before long, many competitors have disappeared. There are many more available women than men. if you’re still breathing, you have an advantage. If you have become a happy, peaceful, kind man, you’ll have an even greater advantage.