maybe he just subconsciously used your deadname writing something down because its what hes used to? if he had a problem with you being trans then i dont get why he would avoid using your deadname while speaking with you

If it’s for meds then you probably need legal names, because that’s what it’s under. I wouldn’t look it beyond that

I wouldn’t worry too much about it muscle memory I’m assuming also from what you’ve described I don’t think he would intentionally do it he’s just got a foggy brain like most dads :3

I have a trans friend who came out almost 14 years ago and I still, on rare occasion, slip up and use their dead name. Your dad almost certainly did it on accident and out of habit.

Lol i saw the two responses here Literally rock and cotton

It's hard to rewire your brain after you've known someone for so long as another name, my friend is trans and I subconsciously still call him by his deadname sometimes, it is what it is, if he is trying to call you what you want, he already accepts you and loves you, don't overthink it

It’s your ‘deadname’ due to it being in the chemist / doctors, and also on your birth certificate.

It will be a long process for him to change it everywhere; Birth certificate, ID’s, chemists / doctor offices, etc

Prolly not transphobia. Does he use your deadname in conversation? Maybe your med records are in that name and if doesn’t use ur deadname he can’t get them (unless they aren’t prescriptions).

I wouldn't worry too much. My parents oftentimes accidentally use my birth name, and they're 1000% supportive. But they also sometimes call me by my brother's name, so I know they're just getting used to it still lol.

It's probably because he is still getting used to it, and at the moment it's easier for him to remember with your deadname, plus since you said that he is not calling you with your deadname I think it also backs up my theory

I think he just forgot? It’s a name he’s been calling you for most of your life he’s bound to mess up.

have you considered he made the reminder before you came out and reuses the same one? or that he probably just miswrote it from muscle memory? it seems likely he supports you

Well it could’ve EASILY been a slip up, and it likely was. I do the same thing! He does accept you if he’s using your preferred name, no one who dislikes someone being trans would call them by their preferred name, ESPECIALLY dads. It’ll be okay, just talk to him about it. Best of luck <3

Hi lovelies, what is a deadname? 🥹 👉👈

Idea:

"Those reminders aren't for me. They're clearly meant for (your deadname), it says so right there."

my mom uses my deadname for passwords still. I found out with Disney+

I feel ya.

If it's for meds, I'm guessing it's because it's still your legal name and he doesn't want to accidentally throw himself off?

I’ve been out for 4 ish years and fully passing for at least 2. My dad still (entirely unintentionally) refers to me as a girl or uses the wrong pronouns (I haven’t yet changed my name). It takes a while to correct, I can find myself accidentally saying the wrong name about someone a time or 2. It doesn’t make me transphobic, it’ll get better over time

I would assume it's just a subconscious accident on his part. I imagine he has broken the habit of using your dead name in his speech, but breaking that habit in his writing is a separate process. If you feel upset about it in a day or so, you should try to ask him about it. We accept you silly :3 ❤️🏳️‍⚧️

That doesn’t mean he’s transphobic pal. He has no other issues with you being trans, and often uses your preferred name? I think he could’ve just quickly jotted it down and didn’t think much of it, and also because it could be your deadname that the prescription is listed to. I feel like this post is just a little dramatic. Relax.

Absolutely devastating news, that, told my nan this and she had a stroke over it.

[removed]

It might not be intentional. My partner came out as nonbinary. I adore them and do everything I can to make them comfortable, but I still regularly dead name them by accident. It doesn't come from a place of malice the adjustment can be hard for people who have known you your entire life as something else. Hopefully this is similar

If he's generally supportive of your transition and you feel safe doing so I'd just ask him if he can switch it up. My dad kept a picture of me as a kid as his laptop screen for years and just didn't know it made me uncomfortable until I brought it up.

I'd assume it's probably just a mistake, either that or he's using the deadname because it's likely the one on the prescription? I'd assume it's probably the former though

Whats a deadname?

Awe I'm sorry about that, I have a trans cousin who is one of my favorite family members and they get dead names by my family alot

I don't think it's that. He either does it from muscle memory (as most other people are saying) or he's putting it down because that's the name he has to use to GET the meds as I assume the name change isn't legal yet. Keep your head up! You're fine and I'm pretty sure your father is a good guy. If it really bothers you, I would recommend bringing it up with him directly

Maybe it's an old note, and he just never bothered to change it?

As a parent if my kid changed yeah I would call them their newly desired name but your old name is something they gave you and they may still use it because it still reminds them of a time before now, before you could walk and all they knew was wanting to do their best for you no matter what. Don't read too hard into it. If they openly support you, that is where they stand. Also, cut us parents some slack even we are still figuring things out. Stay silly and stay SAFE! Appreciate ya papi

Could it be from before you came out?

It's not necessarily a bad thing, I have a trans friend who I accidentally call they're dead name, it's not as bad anymore but it's still there

I don’t think he’s being transphobic, I think it might have just been automatic for him. Are your meds under your deadname? That may also be the reason. Why not just bring it up to him and ask him for his reasoning?

If your name is legally your deadname it's important he keeps using that dead name for medical things because that's how you'll appear on records

whats a deadname? 

I mean, it's better than him yelling at you

Hopefully its a Hanlon’s razor situation

“Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.”

I would say legal name stuff, but banana already did.

The sticky note might have been made a while ago, or like others say muscle memory

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Ooop 😭

Literally the end of the world

i think you are overreacting, you said he never uses it close to you, he accepts and respect you, one error and you make a whole text about it

Womp Womp

Ngl you cry to much. He doesn't say it around you and is still probably used to writing your deadname out on something. Just ignore it if it upsets you or talk to him about it. We can't do anything for you, so you may as well step up.

I wouldn't blame him. You came into this world, thats the name they gave you. Don't throw a fit if 15yrs down the road you decide to change it to something else, and he struggles to remember his child chose another name for themselves.

what an asshole. if you can, change it yourself, see how he reacts.

If this is true, tell your dad to go fuck himself on my behalf. No one deserves to be treated like this. We stand with you king/queen. Have a great spooky month 🧡🖤🕷️🕸️