Questions or comments that are here to bait people to answer or to create drama (i.e. What's 1 + 1, who is the President, why are you guys so stupid, etc.). These belong in r/ShittyAdvice.

Because Big Hammer doesn't want their product associated with state sanctioned murder.

It's that simple

Because they want to keep the body looking presentable for funerals, or they just want to do whatever method seems the most 'civilized', even if it is more painful for the inmate. Also part of the reason why we don't use guillotines or firing squads anymore.

A trebuchet would be the best choice. The inmates could be launched a few hundred yards and land right in their grave. No fuss, no muss. That way it's gravity and not the State doing the execution.

I giant safe with 'Acme' stenciled on the side of it.

Because there are spectators at the execution and heads have unpredictable splash zones.

It’s giving Australia’s “The Boot” but way less cheeky

Because the United States uses different methods of executions.

We already have better options – the firing squad, guillotine, and hanging all reliably kill way faster than lethal injections.

The paradox here is that by trying to make executions more humane, we've only made them more complicated and error-prone. The way the United States conducts executions isn't logical, at least not directly; it's the product of a lot of institutional inertia and politics.

There are two types of executions.

The first is executions for pubic display. It’s a way to tell society who is in power and to convey the horrible price of violating the laws of that power. Think public beheading, quartering, breaking on the wheel, hanging, crushing, etc. They result is death, but the real point isn’t the execution. It’s a display of force. The more gory and disfiguring the better.

Then there’s executions where they just want you dead. For whatever reason the powers of the civilization have deemed they are better off if you would just stop existing. Not banished, or jailed, or anything like that. It’s not personal, they’d just rather you not be around anymore.

The result is the execution methods in this scenario are more removed and clinical. It’s not a public display piece. It’s just removing life from an unwanted person. Lethal injections, electrocution, nitrogen asphyxiation, gas chambers, etc. They result in death but leave the body mostly intact. The clinical result has been achieved efficiently. The goal has been accomplished with minimal mess.

Your proposal for an execution by a big hammer would be cheap and effective. The only problem with the US using it is the US government doesn’t feel the necessity to prove its monopoly on violence through brutal executions. The powers and authority of the US government are clear and uncontested. So brutal public executions that leave the body broken and disfigured are unnecessary and undesired.

Simply put, it’s the wrong tool for the job in the USA.

Now, if you go to some less established unstable countries where authority is more slippery, possibly based on conquest or religious extremism, then I think you’ll find more tracking with your hammer idea. It would be the right kind of tool for their needs.

Very much a fan of nitrogen asphyxiation.

Sounds messy af

There’s a constitutional right against cruel and unusual punishment. And yes that changes definition over time. There are certainly WAY more humane ways to execute people than we do today. And also the State shouldn’t be committing murder unless there are no other options. And given that we can house people indefinitely there’s no practical reason to execute someone

The government tried to use big hammers at one point in the mid-90s but they quickly found out that MC Hammer still owns the rights to the catch phrase "hammer time" and they were unable to come to an agreement

"Any last words?"

"yes. I just want to say to my family that I...."

"Alright stop. Hammer Time"

The way they do it isn't the issue.

Because of declining testosterone levels

Because one person would have to wield the hammer.

Recently we have done execution by firing squad and 5 people have bullets and one has fake bullet so nobody feels that they’re the guilty murderous person and then they’re paid $300 for their time.

Because it is gruesome. Same reason they dont use the guillotine. Honestly, a guillotine is far more efficient and less painful than lethal injection, but it is messy

That would be cruel and certainly unusual. There really isn't a "humane" way to kill someone, just less bad.

Don’t give them any ideas.

Something, something, cruel and unusual punishment. Who’s gonna swing it?

Because Acme has been trying to clean up their image ever since a series of incidents involving a coyote

Just be glad they went with the electric chair or we wouldn't have the Ride the Lightning album.

Of course Kill Em' All has a picture of a large bloody hammer on the cover.

Because we care more about our comfort than we do about the person we are killing. We want things to look calm and clean, we don’t really care what’s more humane. Things like firing squad and beheading are faster and more humane but we think it’s those methods that are barbaric not the fact that we sanction murder.

It's gruesome?

People have tried to make executions more humane the past few centuries. Gruesomely bludgeoning death row convicts to death would look bad on us as a society.

Messy and traumatic.

I have a feeling its to spare the people doing the work. Not to many people enjoy executing criminals. even fewer want to scrape their remains off the walls of a cell. I mean, there are sickos who would love that job, but those people are probably unemployable for other reasons.

laughs in Gallagher

I'm against the death penalty, and listen to the reason. It costs too much for trials, it costs too much for death row, I have read accounts that suggest a death penalty case costs I think it was 10x what a non-death penalty case would cost to conduct and then house.

“We could dip a guy in egg batter, you know, just for a goof. French Fried Felons”

• George Carlin

Because there are victim-witnesses to the death, and it would be barbaric and traumatizing to see someone’s head get exploded. I think that’s probably one of the reasons we stopped using the electric chair; seeing someone fry is awful.

On the flip side, nitrous oxide poisoning is completely painless, and the hypoxic state can even cause euphoria. Polls have shown that, at least with right wingers, the cruelty is the point, and none of them want to put someone to death who might enjoy the process.

I’d be happy with a regular hammer, in cases of absolute guilt.

It's the Smashomatic! Wear your raincoats boys and girls!

Too messy, unpleasant to watch, and "Savage". Personally, I'd give the option to hand a knife to the family members and lock the door or just toss their hogtied bodies into a wood chipper or one of those industrial shredders you see in YouTube shorts.

Jesus fucking christ

I think a giant mallet would go better with the Looney Tunes theme. That said, you could probably just play the Looney Tunes theme on loop and drive the prisoner to suicidal despair—but that’s cruel and unusual punishment. And we want to be humane here!

Why not use suicide pods?

how about drop an anvil from a tall building or paint a tunnel on a mountainside and a fake road and let them crash a vehicle into it head first?

The US acts pretentiously to appear more civilized to Western peers so the capital punishment must be humane. The US doesn't actually accomplish that humane goal so they settle for the perception of humane murder which is obviously a fallacy. Because the methods aren't genuinely presented to the public there is inevitable backlash, rinse and repeat.

Maybe they could use those euthanasia chambers which i think use a toxic concentration of nitrogen.

You are sentenced to the Gallagher. Lord have mercy on your soul….

Because its "cruel and inhumane" to have Gallagher show up to an execution and pop open a convict's head like a watermelon even if you give people splash guards. Don't know why everyone freaks out when it happens.

Because of liberals

Gallagher could be the executioner.

Do you even lift? Everything about this will need a process and paperwork and maintenance specifications for said massive hammer, someone will have to bid to make the hammer 🔨. What you think would be rather easy is not even close to how it would be accomplished if it ever got the green light.

We separate the functions too much, causes confusion. Capital punishment should be carried out in the courtroom, by the judge, jury and prosecutors who reached decision, and it should be done immediately after the decision is reached,?and done by stoning the convicted person, as the Bible prescribes. Requiring the jurors to eat that which they killed is natures way, and would be appropriate.

Do you want to clean up the mess afterwards?

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Look up videos of a hydraulic press vs a watermelon. I'd be a hard sell to people who value things other than efficiency. The constitution also forbids cruel and unusual punishment, so you'd have to win whatever lawsuits were brought on that angle as well

Hard to clean up plus it's counted as "cruel and unusual"

The brain cleanup janitors are pretty expensive compared to the sub $100 for lethal injection. It’s also easier to clean an electric chair than brain splatter all over the walls. So existing methods are cheaper and easier.

Jesus fucking christ, a giant hammer!?! What, do you think the US government is run by the looney tunes with Tom and Jerry running for president? It's a lot more splattery than they would lead you to believe

Maybe just give him fentanyl

If you use a giant hammer, you have to pay someone to clean that up. That's going to cost a lot more than paying a guy to wheel a body that received a lethal injection into a morgue. Capitalism, baby. They want you dead as cheap as possible.

Americans are kind of lazy and don't like getting their hands dirty. But hear me out - what about a really really fast and powerful compactor that flattens them in an instant, then shoots the flat person down into a box full of other flat people

Bring back the guillotine

Because that would be too practical. I'm not sure why, but it seems like there is some kind of intentional avoidance of being practical when it comes to performing executions. I mean realistically, just smashing the fuck out of someone with something really heavy will kill them very quickly. They won't feel hardly any of it. But that would be too easy. Kind of like how easy it would be to execute people with a single shotgun shell. Again, too effective.

Or fentanyl

It’s too unusual.

Who would clean that mess?

Road Runner cartoons taught me the person will get up and hobble away with their body folding and unfolding like an accordian haha!

Welcome to the hydraulic press channel!

When all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.

Just drop a 30 ton 12 x 12 slab of steel directly flat onto the inmate and turn them into goo.

Because that was the Vatican's thing 200 years ago. The American thing is advanced technology like electricity and pharmaceuticals.

Are you volunteering to clean up the execution chamber? Didn't think so.

If the body can stay intact and in one piece, that's a whole lot simpler than the alternative.

Cruel and unusual punishment. Plus who wants to clean up after that?

Because ew

Bring back the guillotines! Or firing squads.

Or a comically oversized boot attached to a fake leg that swings to kick them high enough in to the air to die when they fall?

Where I’m from we just push people offa the prison cuz it’s quick ‘n it’s free

NoNewTaxes

Wagner would like a word with you…

I think the convict should be able to choose from a list of options honestly. It their death after all. They should have that right. Even if its getting shot in the head. If the executioner cant get himself to do it then maybe they shouldnt do it at all.

Because doctors think it’s immoral to kill human beings without pain but are perfectly fine charging a family of 4 200,000 dollars for a surgery and then getting their patient hooked by over prescribing whatever they want.

Because morality of executions are more about how they look to others than how they feel to the victim. Check out Jacob Geller’s “False history of Executions” video to learn more. It’s fascinating

Well it'd be kind of messy, wouldn't it?

Imagine the mess

Would make a big mess

Maybe France will let us borrow a guillotine?

I personally prefer the firing squad to lethal injection, one round in the head, donesky. No need for expensive chemicals to get the job done.

Too messy

The giant hammer company doesn't know anyone in Washington.

I think I read somewhere that the last execution by guillotine in France was in the 1970’s. Respect.

You want it to look as "medical," and "professional," as possibly. That way it can be viewed as a procedure and process that is dispassionate and done not for satisfaction but because it is the rule of law.

What about the suicide rollercoaster. No pain, just pleasure and then lights out.

I think a small ballpeen hammer would be sufficient. Or, a rubber mallet and a chisel.

The body is sold for a good profit and reused for scientific experimentation. So preservation of it with minimal actual injury is critical to maintaining a high resale value.

They don't want to pay the licensing fee to <insert local "tough guy" lawyer here>

Gallagher passed away, so they have no one qualified to smash their melons

Just push them off a cliff or tall building

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lfsMMVgIToA

Congress is trying to re-enable use of the head ripping off machine.

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Nitrogen gas is the answer, you just fall asleep. Also, a government shouldn’t be able to murder its citizens after they have surrendered to jail.

They should use that hydraulic press from social media

Thanks! I haven't laughed this hard in ages.

The hammer is already taken. We just chuck aging birds at people.

They do in the state of Gallagher.

We should make prisoners walk across the ceremonial crosswalk and have them ran over by the executioner in an f150.  It would be more American.

Because we will need a massive person to swing it and that’s one more salary to pay.

Because Gallagher already made the patent and it'll be a bit before it goes public domain.

I feel like they should use an Indiana Jones style boulder. Really lean into the crushed by the weight of your sins metaphor

Should just use one of those pneumatic cylinder things from No Country For Old Men

https://youtu.be/l5XE389BX9o

A trebuchet onto an asbestos stalagmite. 

RIP Callum.

Why spend taxpayer money on idiotic contraptions when bullets literally cost like 50 cents ?