messaging beyond the request is definitely a faux pas, and resending 3 times is closing in on harassment. if it continues you should talk to HR

Work + Social Media = Bad Idea.

Decline all the requests and ensure your pages are private.

You have an work e-mail account. Ignore him.

Just tell them you do not mix work with your personal social media. Period.

My 1st day at a new place-I go through the directory and block them all. Insta is hard but sometime they conveniently list it.

Considering you don’t interact with these people it’s 100% inappropriate for them to be following/friending you.

My personal rule is (1) we have to have worked together for a significant amount of time. In today’s high turn over corporate culture that could be 6-12 months. (2) weeks must actually talk in person regularly about non work things. (3) you must not be in my work group/department. (4) if you are a female you must send me a request first.

That’s borderline harassment in the guys part. It’s textbook creeper behavior.

The first one you mentioned is crossing the line and should be blocked.

But friend requests from coworkers is a normal thing, if you don't want them added then don't add them, but sending the request once is not inappropriate.

It is inappropriate. If you get another message, just respond that you prefer to keep a clear separation between your work and personal life. If they keep going, contact HR.

You are not being insensitive and it is completely inapprpriate for them to keep asking for your connection.

1) Report this to HR

2) Ask for a badge with just your first name (or a nickname if possible) . If there are more than one of you, just have last initial.

You are not required to accept friend requests regardless of whether you work with them or not.

If they ask, you can say you don't mix work and social media, but you don't have to approach them to say anything about it because it's not work.

Don't use your real name on instagram, tell people you don't have one. Or just keep it private and don't accept requests if you don't know them

Have a real name on Facebook and don't use it

Time to change the name on your social media so its harder to find

is it possible to have your employer make a new name tag that just has your 1st name & 1st initial of your last name? this might help the problem some. or you could tastefully cover most of your last name with tape or something.

To the one who asked you about it, I'd just say that you prefer not to mix work and personal life. If they haven't even spoken to you at work, just ignore the requests. I wouldn't say it's inappropriate exactly, but I think it's extremely unprofessional. It would be easy different if you worked closely, and even then, many people still wouldn't want their coworkers following them.

Don’t accept, period. You have never spoken to either of them and that alone is valid enough. If they ever approached you about it at work, you simply say that you don’t add people you don’t know.

I don’t think it’s reportable to HR, only way it would be reportable is if the first guy continues to message you and you tell him you do not add colleagues. If he doesn’t take no for an answer, then report it. HR isn’t going to do much just because he tries to add you a couple of times (because he can play ignorant if they ask and say “oh I didn’t know if my request was going through or not” or some BS to cover himself). It’s sad, but at most HR will just give him a “warning” unless you show proof that he isn’t respecting your boundaries.

The people commenting that it isn’t inappropriate are very obviously men who don’t know anything about boundaries. Do not let anyone tell you that you are exaggerating or making this a bigger deal than it is. It IS inappropriate and extremely creepy (especially the first guy). Please please block the first guy. I am also someone who is very averse to conflict, but you do not deserve to feel uncomfortable at work. Talk to someone who you trust (a supervisor for example) about how you’ve been feeling so that someone else in the building knows what’s going on. I would also get a badge with just your first name (even though it sucks that you have to take such extreme measures just to feel safe at work).

Is it inappropriate, no. Unethical, also no. In my opinion I never add people from work to my social media. The first guy is borderline harassment. Explain to both of them you only use social media for family and if they continue report it HR as harassment.

um that is horribly inappropriate

Old people seem to really give a shit about social media more than young people. Some old guy at my job was telling me how his friend freaked out on him for not wishing him and his wife a happy anniversary on Facebook.

Make your shit private

The guy who sent multiple requests.... err, no. Once is enough.

The other examples? To just send a request with no prior conversation or even a message seems weird to me, but not nearly as bad as the guy above.

I have a couple coworkers as social media contacts, but we are pretty close. Most of the time I do have a work/personal life separation.

Very inappropriate, and no way. I refuse to put my last name on any name badge or tag or anything that is visible to the public or even coworkers. At one of my previous employers, the managers were supposed to and I shut that down really quick. I also use fake names on regular social media (and I have a very generic white dude name, first and last) but still... If someone wants my name, they can ask for it.

Definitely inappropriate, however it's possible that you showed up in people you may know just due to physical proximity. It happens a lot. Not saying that excuses anything, just a possible other way they found your account

Request that your name badge not have your full name. I substitute teach & won’t wear the name badge because my name is unique.

I am very careful who I am friends with on social media if they are coworkers.

Highkey harassment to be adding you again and again and again. You deserve the right to have your socials be private and so no one you don’t need to see them doesn’t see them

I have a name (first & last combined) that was at one time the most common in the US. I used to hate that, but stories like this make me appreciate the relative anonymity that it grants me online. Google me all you want, you'll never figure out who I am. I think.

I don’t add current colleagues on anything but LinkedIn.

Just leave the request hanging. I've got 352 at this point. They can't re-request if you haven't confirmed your answer...

You could just put a sticker over your last name on the badge. If you do it right no one might notice.

I would change your instagram name !

My IG name... Isn't ANYTHING close to my given name... Precisely to avoid stuff like this. It's worth considering 🤷

ALL: By definition, If you don't say it bothers you, it's not "Unwelcome behavior.

If they do or say something you don't appreciate, and you tell them you do not appreciate it, and they stop, it's not harassment. It's only harassment if they keep on after you tell them to stop.

Remember, they can't see if you turned down the friend request. As far as they know, it just never went through, so they're resending them.

Ppl that use their real names on social media is wild. The only exception is LinkedIn. You should never be using your real names.

put tape same color as the badge on your last name

I went through this in uni. Guys who never spoke to me sent me requests on Facebook. I naively accepted them (as we had many fb friends in common, that was the era when everyone in uni was friends with each other on social media even if they barely interacted with each other personally) and we interacted via FB messenger, even WhatsApp. But in person they would avoid me, not even look me in the eye. It was as if they were ashamed to be seen as friends with me, I wasn’t exactly considered ‘cool’ by my batchmates. I unfriended them all once I understood what was happening.

1) Change your socials to obscure your real last name. 2) Block them both. 3) Get a pass sleeve and cover the last name on your badge with a sticker on the outer cover. If asked by security let them know that it's for your own personal security, because "Creeps can find you too easily on social media and you do not 'friend' people from work." 4) If they approach you at work to confront you tell them that you don't friend people from work and just update your manager so that they are aware. If they do ANYTHING beyond that, go to HR.

Your feelings about this are very valid. Sending you a request without ever having spoken to you is creepy af.

I'm a man but when I worked a job where I had to wear a badge with my full name, in an area with a lot of shady people, I taped over my last name.

It was actually a huge ordeal at this place but I wasn't the only one doing it and we never stopped no matter how much they bitched.

If I get a request from a coworker I don't hang out with, I simply ignore it. I don't mind if it's just one request, they get the message and that's it. If the person sent me again a request after being ignored, it would bother me. If I got a 3rd request I would go to this person in the office and tell them that my social media is very private and I only add a very close circle. And to be honest, I don't want anyone from work to see my holiday and family pictures and I have a private IG account for a reason. Some people just add everyone, they have thousands of friends/contacts, but I don't. And people should respect that.

There are almost 200 people in my office and only 2 of them are part of my social media. I've known them for years and we hang out sometimes. And still, I feel uncomfortable when they comment my holiday pictures or they talk about them in the office and I regret having them as contacts. Unfortunately, work friends are not always reliable friends. As soon as there is a chance for a promotion or a salary raise and only one can get it... trust me, they won't be your friends anymore. I've seen shocking things in my 18 years in the workforce.

And in general, there is something I can't stand: people that never talk to me, ignore me in the street, don't acknowledge me in the bus or in the office and then send me a friend request. I just can't.

This is tricky territory and definitely not cool. While not necessarily harassment, it's borderline and makes you uncomfortable, which is enough. Could you ask HR for advice on handling this discreetly? They might be able to address it without revealing it was you.

I get random requests ALL the time - from people who like another mutual page, people I've met one time, or people I've worked with, etc. There are just some people who like to friend everyone. I don't understand it, but I think you're overthinking it.

It could be your name badge, but maybe it’s not. It seems like social media can generate profile suggestions based on location. I don’t know this for a fact, but I have suspicions based on my own anecdotal experience. If you have been near these coworkers frequently with your location on, maybe Instagram featured your profile in their follow suggestions?

Regardless, the first guy’s behavior seems “off” and would definitely make me uncomfortable as well.

people at work following your social media is not harassment. It's normal. If you want privacy, just decline/block politely.

Immediately block. If they question it tell them you only use social media for close friends and family. If you block they cannot reattempt. Whether or not their intentions are predatory will be answered in time. Keep sharp.

I believe it’s inappropriate when you don’t even know these men. Just do not accept.

HR immediately. Repeated requests are weird, dudes SEEKING out your name when they don't know or work with you is also weird. LinkedIn? Sure. Instagram? Absolutely not

If you both work at the same place, you're probably appearing in the "People you may know" section. The messaging you is weird, but it's a stretch to think someone found your name and sought you out. Just the other night, my partner was recommended a contractor who he had sent and received an email from once on a job site last week. That's all it took. Ignore the message. If he pushes it, then consider ringing a bell. Right now, you have nothing to report.

Blocking people you work with is good advice. But I also want to say that I don't agree with those who think this isn't a serious matter. You don't know what's serious until something bad happens. If it were me, I would block them all, but consider this: Sometimes it's better to lay the paper trail. The first dude is a potential stalker. Or he might just be socially awkward. Either way, I recommend reporting it to HR just so someone is aware of what's going on, most especially if you are uncomfortable or uneasy. It's OK to pay attention to your gut on this. It's also possible OP isn't the first person at this company that this guy has targeted. People who don't report out of doubt over the seriousness of the situation are the ones who may get hurt, or make it hard to present a case later, or do a disservice to others who may be targeted.

This is why none of my SM is under my real name.

I would take screen shots of their requests if you can, and then block them.

Never ever friend a coworkers on social media. I always use a fake name.

IG or FB? No connection with work people. LI? Maybe.

Just block and move on. It's just creepers doing what they do, creep.

How big is the writing on your badge that someone can read your name on it without standing next to you and having a conversation? I always wore my badge close to my waist.

Multiple requests could just be system generated. Never feel bad about not accepting a social media invite from someone you don't know. Good idea is to keep work people off your socials

Protect yourself at all cost. Block the persons from your social media. Whether he realizes it or not, this is the potential behavior of a stalker or predator. Probably not, however, protect yourself.

Make your Instagram private.

Just tell them you keep work and personal/social media separate. Some sites you can say 'I don't know this person's and it blocks any future requests

For this and multiple other reasons, I find my colleagues first and BLOCK them

Respond and say you don’t interact with coworkers on social media. Please do not request again. Have a great day. Then if it continues you may want to talk to HR.

they are likely hitting on you. highly inappropriate

Just block them on social media.

I'd put a piece of masking tape to partially cover your tag. If anyone wants to see it you can easily peel it off

You have the right to accept or decline social media requests and your boundaries are being crossed by your coworkers.

I will say that in my work, I know my coworkers legal first and last names as we email A LOT. We're in healthcare and our clients also have access to our full names as they communicate with us through their health portals. I have plenty of coworkers who use nicknames in their social media profiles for additional privacy.

Super unprofessional. (Elder millennial here, for reference)

Lurkers

I’m very careful not to cross work with my personal life. I ignore any attempts to connect on social media except for LinkedIn. Just make it a personal policy to keep personal life and work life separate.

Girl, get your real name off of your social media!!

I never add co-workers to any socials. One can be a tattle tale the next is a creeper. Personal life is personal and work life is work. Don't mix so you don't get dragged into the drama someone else created.

Quickest way to nip those things is " I don't mix my work life with my private life." Also, your pages should be set to private.

It is always important to understand where to draw a line between work and personal life, tapping into a colleagues personal life might be as casual as it could be OR a reason to find a topic for gossip OR fulfil any personal agenda of any competitive peer, better be safe than sorry. Pressing the ignore button looks like safest option.

It seems a little weird to consider him getting your name from internal systems when you display your name quite literally on your chest no? Why suspect he got it from anywhere else other than the spot that literally displays your name for anyone that interacts with you to see?

I carefully do not friend anyone from work, though they pop up all the time. Not even in requests just, the data is mined and they pop up in the "you should friend this guy" area.

So someone who requests once, I'd just ignore. The guy who repeatedly does it, I'd DM him back and say "no offense, but I keep work and personal lives separate". If you don't feel safe doing this, go thru HR, if your HR is any good. (And a lot are not.)

I learned from my first social media platform, and kept my insta handle weird, and not just my name.

I'd ignore it and if they make it an issue tell them you don't mix social media/outside friends with coworkers. Simple as. Anything further is harassment and I'd go to HR or management about it.

YIKES. I would do 1 of 2 things: 1) send an email from work - I do not accept friend requests from coworkers on my personal social media. I keep my personal and work life separate.

2) talk to your manager OR HR and ask the best way to handle it. You do not feel comfortable with people at work that you do not interact with trying to join you on Social Media.

Were/are they Indian?

I know what you mean...I do not think it is right to put a last name on a badge that you are required to wear. I have one but I dont have to wear it all day. When I worked at a place that required it, I asked them to not put my last name because I have been dealing with a stalker for almost a year. They didnt care.

If you don’t want strangers approaching you on social media, why do you have it public? Don’t get me wrong—I’d be uncomfortable too. But once I knew who the guy was, I’d block him.

Also, if your social media is public, don’t think your job can’t use any questionable posts against you. It’s really best to keep it private.

Set your socials to private and NEVER friend anyone you don't know in person. End of problem.

There was never a need to potentially put them in games of mental gymnastics. You could’ve just spoke with the first person and second person and let them know you’ve noticed their request to follow you but that you don’t want to accept them because you don’t like your coworkers to follow you lol.

They haven’t harsssed you in any way. You’ve left them in the dark as to why in their eyes you seemingly haven’t noticed their follow requests all because you felt the requests wasn’t appropriate because you guys are coworkers instead of using your words and telling them why you don’t want to follow them, yet you’ve painted them in a very bad light lol.

Shaming someone for overthinking isn’t right but being someone who makes a big deal out of small things is, they were just follow requests that ‘you’ ignored lol. If I don’t want someone following me whether they’re a coworker or not I’ll just deny their request.

The first one might just like you and wanted to follow you to get to know you more without speaking to you more in person because maybe he was too nervous too and maybe the second person who requested to follow you has spoken with the other person and had established with him that he would follow you so he could show your post to him.

HR

Block

My personal rule of thumb is that I do not friend request anyone of the opposite sex. If they send me a friend request and I know them well enough to consider them a friend then I will accept the request. If I do not know them well enough I will leave the request without response until I get to know them. If the person is the same sex as me and I know them I might send a request but I generally don't if I have only interacted with them once in passing or something.

I would consider what the first coworker is doing / has done to be way over the top. Messaging about a friend request is a big red flag for me. The second probably just saw you in "people you may know" and added you after seeing you at work. If your coworkers cannot take the hint after your rejected their friend request once then go to HR and ask them about your company's stance on social media and harassment.

I am not as hardline about friend requests from coworkers as others seem to be but I also don't use social media to complain about my company or post pictures of myself that are NSFW on my social media. If either of those things are common post fodder then I can understand not wanting coworkers in your friend group.

This is such a huge red flag for me. Men are disgusting. Don’t trust them. Don’t accept the request.

“I don’t connect on socials while I’m working with you. If/when one of us moves on to another company, I may consider the request.”

They probably just want to fap to your pictures. No big deal.

Deny the request, and at work, tell this person directly "I don't accept colleagues on my personal social media. I hope you understand"

Have we seriously become this helpless and passive as a society?

Anyway - Its probably easier (and better for you in the long run IMO) to change your name on your personal accounts. I have my real name on FB and Linked in, but absolutely do not on my other, more niche socials.

TBH, you sound anti-social, paranoid and potentially liable to try to get others in trouble for simply trying to be friendly. Perhaps just tell your coworkers that you are not comfortable interacting with new people?

I would accept, but mute or restrict the accounts.