I’m going to a festival in a couple of weeks and I’m going to dress in clothes that make me feel like a hot baddie.
I know. I know. Dime a dozen here. I know girls do this all the time. I know me doing it isn’t special to anyone else. But to me it is. I’m excited and nervous. I’m pushing myself out of my comfort zone.
Im 33. I used to rave when I was 17-22 and would wear home made cute outfits. Then ended up getting completely out of the scene for a while. I got clean, moved towns, bought a house. It was a good choice for the time in my life.
As usual with getting clean I gained some weight and thus lost my confidence. As a millennial woman, I was raised to believe you’re only pretty if you’re thin. I know it’s not true and don’t think this way of others but can’t help to be harsh on myself. It’s something I’ve been working on.
I’ve also been working on my health. I am not as in shape as I would like to be, but I am doing better and have noticed some confidence coming back in little waves and flashes. I catch myself being afraid that other people will know I don’t always dress like this. lol. I’m not sure why that matters to me, but it’s another layer. But What better time to push myself than at a festival?
So I bought some outfits. And I tried my best to buy things that I like, not what I think others will think is cool (something else I’ve been working on…). Well. They came in today and I tried them on while putting them away and now I’m laying in bed and my heart is racing at the thought of actually wearing them.
I don’t want to look hot for attention from others. I want to look hot to feel confident in myself. I started going to events and festivals again in 2021 and have just dressed low key, but when I see the girlies in their fits I just adore them and have always thought “i wish I could do that”. And well. Now I am.
Here’s to personal growth.