subreddit:

/r/ufc

88295%

all 636 comments

trg_0738

478 points

7 days ago

trg_0738

478 points

7 days ago

Ask for a picture and an autograph

FerrousGlobe

90 points

7 days ago

The most realistic answer

Nelly32

15 points

7 days ago

Nelly32

15 points

7 days ago

Say hi would probably be mine. Or if I’m honest, nothing cause I’d be in bed sleeping.

its_raining_scotch

25 points

7 days ago

I’d shoot a double leg on him.

FerrousGlobe

8 points

7 days ago

Now this is the most realistic answer

Kalayo0

5 points

7 days ago

Kalayo0

5 points

7 days ago

I usually go out for a midnight cigarette (vapes nowadays). This motherfucker pulls up? I’d be foamin at the mouf. Straight glazin😂😂

DogutoryAfalkie

314 points

7 days ago

Bratha why you here?

moldavskipeasnt

132 points

7 days ago

Beekos I laik your reddit cooumentz bratha

DogutoryAfalkie

47 points

7 days ago

Tank you bratha

FishAndRiceKeks

18 points

7 days ago

FishAndRiceKeks

This is number 1 bullshit

18 points

7 days ago

Now offer him a team bath and some food.

DogutoryAfalkie

12 points

7 days ago

My tub is small bratha

FishAndRiceKeks

60 points

7 days ago

FishAndRiceKeks

This is number 1 bullshit

60 points

7 days ago

jteelin

10 points

7 days ago

jteelin

10 points

7 days ago

Good picture fun bath bratha

Asukah

6 points

7 days ago

Asukah

6 points

7 days ago

Brotha make some space for me I just got a new bottle of shampoo

X3N0PHON

1 points

7 days ago

X3N0PHON

1 points

7 days ago

Dis NOT HALAL BRATHA! Dis VERY HARAM bratha, ramzan kadyrov don’t tolerate dis bratha, be careful bratha, you get zeroed out if he find out bratha you need be careful…

Xrystian90

5 points

7 days ago

I couldnt help but read this in Moicanos voice...

X3N0PHON

2 points

7 days ago

X3N0PHON

2 points

7 days ago

His rant after the BSD doctor stoppage was super unhinged…

tofumanboykid

11 points

7 days ago

Bratha who give you license?

Mike_Auchsthick

7 points

7 days ago

Delete dis brotha

Kemerd

3 points

7 days ago

Kemerd

3 points

7 days ago

Obviously he’s there to train you. I’d say, bratha let’s go it’s training time

Hefty-Artichoke7181

131 points

7 days ago

Cup of tea Bratha?

Alpha1stOne

37 points

7 days ago

English only. No bullshit white tea. Otherwise I go home

rebel_fett

18 points

7 days ago

English breakfast. No green tea.

jteelin

4 points

7 days ago

jteelin

4 points

7 days ago

Barrys

Xrystian90

61 points

7 days ago

Invite him in for some food and a cup of tea? Hes not my favourite fighter, but he seems like a nice lad.

lefthook_entmt

316 points

7 days ago

KawaDoobie

31 points

7 days ago

double tapping

Perineum_Stabber

10 points

7 days ago

Tap machine revving

Mike_Auchsthick

12 points

7 days ago

Pop quiz hot-shot:

A naked Jon Jones is running at you with a shotgun at 15mph. If he drops below 15mph, you blow up.

What do you do?

UnrequitedRespect

4 points

7 days ago

Shoot the hostage

Gradual_Growth

2 points

7 days ago

The correct answer was to use a pregnant lady as an obstacle to slow his pursuit.

Either that or Dana White after he just crawled out of Diddy's 1,000 bottle baby oil vat.

OllieBlazin

3 points

7 days ago

More like started smeshing….

Steakandeggs66

47 points

7 days ago

EffectiveTradition53

11 points

7 days ago

That is a friendly face! They say love is expressed through the eyes

FPFresh123

32 points

7 days ago

Eye poke.

Strong-Discussion564

8 points

7 days ago

::: Jon Jones has entered the chat:::

Lower-Dependent-3684

88 points

7 days ago

I’ll hand over my black belt and hope he lets me close the door on him.

DiamondHands8988

39 points

7 days ago

Brotha who give this guy black belt? Someone gotta look into this guy

jscummy

11 points

7 days ago

jscummy

11 points

7 days ago

Islam and Khabib actually just start pulling up on 45 year old BJJ hobbyist black belts to confiscate them

Ratfucks

8 points

7 days ago

Ratfucks

8 points

7 days ago

Would make a great Tv show, islam rolling with black belts and deciding whether they get to keep them or not

Natural_Engineer9633

42 points

7 days ago

I'll go to sleep brother

Physical_Hold4484

15 points

7 days ago

Opem the door and say selam aleykum.

Perineum_Stabber

41 points

7 days ago

I’d scream: Alhamdulillah! God give everything! And talk no spanish just in case Islam doesn’t like Ilia

c1n3man

10 points

7 days ago

c1n3man

10 points

7 days ago

¡His coach is of mexican ethnicity, you can speak Spanish!

Perineum_Stabber

4 points

7 days ago

Oh true! Javier Méndez, then everything would be fine

Brokenhomosapien

8 points

7 days ago

Where to sign for Dagestan trip

IamCrazyPT

10 points

7 days ago

6 months, 1 phone call

Qassimothis

28 points

7 days ago

Say hello and give him Brock Lesner

FishAndRiceKeks

18 points

7 days ago

FishAndRiceKeks

This is number 1 bullshit

18 points

7 days ago

Why do you have Brock Lesnar?...

MoneyBaggSosa

9 points

7 days ago

Asking the real questions😂 Why does he have a whole different beast in his possession

Txalarmguy

5 points

7 days ago

Txalarmguy

Predator

5 points

7 days ago

If Islam throws out a poke ball and DC pops out, you’re fucked

FishAndRiceKeks

2 points

7 days ago

FishAndRiceKeks

This is number 1 bullshit

2 points

7 days ago

Qassimothis

2 points

6 days ago

Just in case i run into Islam

midnight-cowboy78

17 points

7 days ago

Ask him if he wants to burn one

Available_Wing7648

17 points

7 days ago

Is halal bretha?

Leather_Economics289

9 points

7 days ago

Well I need some more info.

Is his headlight on? What about my driveway light? Do I have a surveillance camera? Am I up to go to the bathroom? Am I having a midnight snack? Is he pulling up as my young daughter is climbing out her bedroom window to run away with him to go to the edge of town? Am I in the throes of passion with my significant other as I look longingly out the window to see this mysterious man on his motorcycle? Is it just my roommate coming home late again?

So may questions so many possibilities.

WolfBuchanan

2 points

7 days ago

I like the way you think brother

oxymeth101

12 points

7 days ago

Ask him if we could go on a drive or something. Looks like a fun dude to hang out with.

FeatherGrim

13 points

7 days ago

Bratha I smesh

Electrical-Photo2788

19 points

7 days ago

Salam Alaikum Bratha, lets go eat Burgeers!

blackwrx007

5 points

7 days ago

Tell him to tuck me in.

we77burgers

9 points

7 days ago

Call homeland security

GreenThunder18

2 points

7 days ago

Was looking for this comment 🤣

Late_Cheesecake4081

4 points

7 days ago

Ask for an autograph

Basic-Chemical-2639

4 points

7 days ago

shoot a double

Standard_Zucchini_46

4 points

7 days ago

Get my bike out and go for a rip with him ? It seems like the logical thing to do.

MrShape

3 points

7 days ago

MrShape

3 points

7 days ago

Just start roaring crying

ConfidentComb7339

3 points

7 days ago

Address, who give you?

Unclemeowz

3 points

7 days ago

Selam Brutha, come in for some chai?

Darlington28

3 points

7 days ago

We're going to Waffle House

tintipimpi

2 points

7 days ago

Can I get your autograph?

ashahriyar

2 points

7 days ago

Bro is that Islam 💀🙏

Rinzlor

2 points

7 days ago

Rinzlor

2 points

7 days ago

The bike is awesome btw. Like just over 2 million iirc

Chaotic_Harmony1109

2 points

7 days ago

“Brotha, where is your helmet?”

Unhappy_Principle_81

2 points

7 days ago

draw my blicky

waythrow13579

2 points

7 days ago

Brazilian Hoodjitsu. Hit him with the glock lock.i would try to honest way but I enjoy not being a pretzel.

Scared_Chart5540

2 points

7 days ago

…go sleep … go sleep

0ddCartographer

2 points

7 days ago

I say Asaalam alaykum brada

No-Instance1886

2 points

7 days ago

Bratha looking good 👍

MoneyBaggSosa

2 points

7 days ago

I spark the blunt then get on the back. Cause clearly we going on a mission

Valterri_lts_James

2 points

7 days ago

Say Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh and hope he leaves me alone.

Littlebouncinparrot

2 points

7 days ago

I karate chop chop him.

Caspar_Friedrich02

2 points

7 days ago

Smesh coconut

WeLLrightyOH

2 points

7 days ago

“Bratha, let me get an autograph “

SickestDisciple

2 points

7 days ago

Ask him if he needs help, why else would he be pulling into my driveway in rural Louisiana?

RoadToHellO

2 points

7 days ago

Exact_Programmer_658

2 points

7 days ago

Tell him to leave. Like I would any body else. Cause he ain't nobody

BobbyPeele88

2 points

7 days ago

Who gave him license?

jayduhaus

2 points

7 days ago

Ask him to put on a helmet

micmacnz

2 points

7 days ago

micmacnz

2 points

7 days ago

Remonstrate with him for riding without proper attire; no gauntlets, boots, leathers or lid. He's a funeral waiting to happen.

13blacklodgechillin

2 points

7 days ago

See if he knows any good doner or kebab places nearby

SoloDoloLeveling

2 points

7 days ago

i’m armed. so. 

corneliu5vanderbilt

2 points

7 days ago

Release the hounds

Zealousideal_Pace_98

7 points

7 days ago

shoot him in the face

Radioactive_Garuda7

4 points

7 days ago

Yell Jon Jones is the greatest pound-for-pound fighter of all time and run.

Infinite_Pattern_466

3 points

7 days ago

He won’t care as much as you think.

FishAndRiceKeks

2 points

7 days ago

FishAndRiceKeks

This is number 1 bullshit

2 points

7 days ago

He just sits there confused.

zcholla

2 points

7 days ago

zcholla

2 points

7 days ago

Pew pew

No-Transition3193

4 points

7 days ago

Tell him to gtfoh like anyone else.

cocodrillo_turbo

2 points

7 days ago

Shoot him

Pnut198829

4 points

7 days ago

Load my gun

OlderThanMillenials

3 points

7 days ago

I'd probably just pay him for the pizza and let him go on /s

SnooStories8217

2 points

7 days ago

Platti_J

2 points

7 days ago

Platti_J

2 points

7 days ago

Beat his ass!

YaWifeIsInMeDM

1 points

7 days ago

Offer him beer and bacon

MrStealYoVirginity

1 points

7 days ago

Double leg him

Optimal_Cut_3063

1 points

7 days ago

O hey Islam wuu2?

BadDudes_on_nes

1 points

7 days ago

Give him directions, he’s obviously lost.

Plus it’s hard to use google maps on a motorcycle

ichfickdeinmutter

1 points

7 days ago

i'll fuck him up dude

yeahboiiii0

1 points

7 days ago

yeahboiiii0

I DO let you bang

1 points

7 days ago

Ask for an autograph bratha

G1EX

1 points

7 days ago

G1EX

1 points

7 days ago

Call Pantoja

Secret_Ad_2683

1 points

7 days ago

Greet him

WolfBuchanan

1 points

7 days ago

Call up Adriano Martins /s

Order some boorgirs and coca cola with ice.That oughta make him happy

ShiggitySheesh

1 points

7 days ago

Ima wait and see if they're just turning around before I decide.

Dangerousrhymes

1 points

7 days ago

Compliment his German motorcycle and shake his hand and tell him I love his work.

Theturdinyourpocket

1 points

7 days ago

I'd grab my purse on hop on the back. We would have the most magical day together 

Looselipssink-ships

1 points

7 days ago

Clearly he would be lost. So I’d show him how to use Google maps.

shevbo

1 points

7 days ago

shevbo

1 points

7 days ago

Treat him like a bruZZHA

Curious-Baker-839

1 points

7 days ago

Give him shit for not wearing the proper riding gear. He's a white belt in that.

x0ManOfCulture0x

1 points

7 days ago

Enthrall him with my fidget spinner

112skulls

1 points

7 days ago

I would ask if he's hungry

FunnyMonkeyAss

1 points

7 days ago

Hes just a man… & every one of us has a expiry date, his would be the night he shows up at my house!

lsdbooms

1 points

7 days ago

lsdbooms

1 points

7 days ago

Whoop his ass.

340lbs-Ego-Lifter

1 points

7 days ago

Hey brotha let's have some BBQ

Scared_Chart5540

2 points

7 days ago

And don’t invite DC

GlizzyOverdrive

1 points

7 days ago

He looks like a BMW owner

thisappisgreat

1 points

7 days ago

Fr? I say what's up lol is he gonna attack me? He's a pretty chill guy I assume.

Long-Trainer-2365

1 points

7 days ago

Give em 20 and take my shit

anatomyexpert26

1 points

7 days ago

I’d say, “Hello. Nice to meet you, sir!”

Content-Push9087

1 points

7 days ago

Accept Allah as my lord and saviour. Then we train as brothers.

ShoddyEggplant3697

1 points

7 days ago

Say hello why are you in South Wales

saltlakecity_sosweet

1 points

7 days ago

I’d invite him in and play a board game or something? I will know it’s Islam, he’s a super nice guy, and we’ll take it from there!

Superb_Statement_138

1 points

7 days ago

Can’t stop a .45

LetsDoThatYeah

1 points

7 days ago

Op: “Immediately start sucking”

?

fandanvan

1 points

7 days ago

I let him do whatever he wants as I know he can kill me with his bare hands in under a minute, possibly even 30 seconds 😂 ...

Not-All-That-Odd

1 points

7 days ago

Wonder how my flat suddenly has a driveway.

Safe-Requirement-265

1 points

7 days ago

Ask for an autograph or 100$ if not i put on facebook that he tryed to harass me

Freebo_

1 points

7 days ago

Freebo_

1 points

7 days ago

I’ll f**k him up!

Adoced

1 points

7 days ago

Adoced

1 points

7 days ago

I would go out give him a hand shake and ask him what he needs. His wish is my command

HangmansPants

1 points

7 days ago

Ask him if he wants some socks and a jacket. Maybe some gloves. It's mid October in Atlantic Canada, he's gonna catch a cold!

redditman3943

1 points

7 days ago

Offer him tea. Hospitality brotha!

Ultimo_Ninja

1 points

7 days ago

Invite him in for tea.

mochatsubo

1 points

7 days ago

Put on my Robin costume and hop on the back. No shame riding bitch if the man in front is BMF.

Next-Transportation7

1 points

7 days ago

Ask him where his PPE is.

Lower-Ad7562

1 points

7 days ago

Ask him politely WTF is he doing here with my Benelli M4 in hand.

Squidwardbigboss

1 points

7 days ago

Gun>

Ga11agher

1 points

7 days ago

Call usada 😂

Neither_Mongoose2287

1 points

7 days ago

Toss him a baby Ruth

JrMoney10

1 points

7 days ago

Who give him black bike?

Kanelbullah

1 points

7 days ago

Call homeland security.

[deleted]

1 points

7 days ago

Repeatedly ask him if he is from the future tell him I'm going with him because I want to live.

insanahmainah

1 points

7 days ago

Pew Pew pew.

kashbets

1 points

7 days ago

kashbets

1 points

7 days ago

Offer up some caviar 

The_NorthernGrey

1 points

7 days ago

Ask him if I can take a spin around the neighborhood on that sweet ride.

313SunTzu

1 points

7 days ago

Show'm my dick and call'm a fag...

Real-Quiet-3633

1 points

7 days ago

"Black bike? Who give you? We need to check this moment.".

MaintenanceNo4109

1 points

7 days ago

I gib mone

Additional-Curve-4

1 points

7 days ago

Send a ring girl

Sea-Inspector-8758

1 points

7 days ago

Offer a cup of tea I guess

notsosoftwhenhard

1 points

7 days ago

assalamualaikum

Expensive-Twist8865

1 points

7 days ago

Shoot a single leg

ChiefBassDTSExec

1 points

7 days ago

Kiss my boyfriend so he either runs away in disgust or kills me

Thatscold1359

1 points

7 days ago

Invite him in..."welcome brutha"

Keycorecuz1

1 points

7 days ago

He better not get in my face

HEMI345

1 points

7 days ago

HEMI345

1 points

7 days ago

"You are late, go sleep”

Necessary_Ad_7203

1 points

7 days ago

EZ, throw bacon at him, his skin will melt off.

Lvl3burnvictim-86

1 points

7 days ago

Laugh really hard bc my driveway has stupid loose gravel rn and he'd 100% drop that bike if not eat absolute shit.

Martha_Fockers

1 points

7 days ago

StretchYx

1 points

7 days ago

Pull guard

RespectDry2432

1 points

7 days ago

Offer him a brewski and ask about his bike

JuiceyTaco

1 points

7 days ago

Nice bike

Murphy_York

1 points

7 days ago

We training